by Marie James
“You need to eat. It’s late afternoon and we didn’t eat anything when we woke up.”
Unable to refuse him, especially today, I wipe my eyes one last time and flip down the visor, accessing the mirror to get a quick glance at myself. Red, swollen eyes stare back at me, empty but somehow full of staggering grief at the same time.
“Hey,” he says, tucking a finger under my chin and directing my gaze to him. “You’re beautiful. I’m so fucking lucky to have you on my arm.”
“I love you,” I whisper.
He shakes his head and squeezes his eyes tight, rejecting my words.
“Don’t, please.”
My lip quivers again, but I can’t regret the truth that slipped out. The urge to say them before we destroy each other is too great. He needs to know how I feel before he breaks my heart. I could feel him pulling away from me the second we climbed inside the cab of this truck and I refuse to make it easy on him.
“I do,” I insist.
“You pity me. You want me to feel better, that’s it.” I shake my head, but he can’t see since his eyes are still closed. A tear rolls down the left side of his face and my heart clenches at how broken he is. The desire to kiss it away barrels to the forefront of my mind, but I tamp it down as his eyes pop open, bloodshot and so void of emotion.
“No one can love me.” He swallows, shaking his head. “You can’t love me, Fallyn. I’ll hurt you. I’ll ruin every amazing thing about you.”
“I know.”
The sense of self-preservation I felt the first time I saw him at the party is even stronger today. My gut wills me to cut my losses and leave, but my heart clenches at the thought of walking away from him. I know he’s going to shred every ounce of faith I have in humanity, but for now, I love him and want to feel every lick of the raging fire until it consumes me. I’ll worry about the dusty embers I’ll become when I begin to spread across the desert, propelled into nothingness on the wind.
Chapter 14
Blaze
“I need a shower,” Fallyn says the second we walk into her apartment.
I bet she feels the need to wash off the funeral. I can sense the microscopic filth on my own skin that settles every time I’m around my family.
I expected the way my father acted. Honestly, it was milder than I anticipated. I shouldn’t have been surprised with the way my grandmother acted, but there was always that hope that she’d eventually decide she loved me and wanted me in her life. No doubt about where she stands now.
Alone.
Except for Fallyn.
“Want to join me?” I freeze mid-removal of my jacket, checking her face for sincerity and finding a sensual edge to the glint in her eyes. “Charity isn’t here.”
Her friend has made herself scarce since we had to pick her up from the party a few weeks ago, and I think we’ve both been grateful for the reprieve. I can’t imagine she’s going to be around much after the argument her and Fallyn had last night. It’s not my place to say, but the girl should just move out and find another place to stay.
“You’re wounding my ego here,” Fallyn says playfully, interrupting my thoughts.
“I want nothing more than to run my hands all over your wet body.” My cock thickens in anticipation. I’d love nothing more than to spend the rest of the night exploring her luscious body, and the glint in her eye as she walks backward down the hall makes me believe she’s right there with me.
I kick my shoes off in her room before joining her in the cramped bathroom. We may not be able to take things very far in here, but it’s the perfect way to begin the evening.
Like mine, her eyes watch as we shed our clothes. Expectant need thrums through my body, and I don’t even try to hide the erection that’s been unwavering since she suggested I join her. My mouth waters at the sight of her tightened nipples when she pulls the lace of her bra from her body. The layer of gooseflesh covering every inch of her amazing skin makes my tongue tingle with a barely controlled urgency. My cock jerks in her direction when she bends at the waist and frees the scrap of fabric from between her delicate thighs.
“You first,” I offer, holding the shower curtain back for her.
I groan when her thigh brushes against my erection as she steps over the lip of the tub and climbs in. The devious smirk she gives me over her shoulder betrays her brazenness.
We both shrink away from the cold spray when she turns the knob, but the water heats quickly and my hands find her hips. The pain from today’s task fades away, along with the embarrassment over my family’s behavior. All I see is her. She’s the only thing that exists in the moment.
I watch, entranced, as she leans her head back under the water. My eyes follow the trickle flowing down her neck and in between her breasts. Unable to resist, I trail my tongue in the groove, catching the warm water.
Her lips quirk up in a smile, but her eyes remain closed. Stepping into her, my hands roam up her back until they tangle in her hair. My lips find hers in a bruising kiss and I hiss against her lips when her tiny hand wraps around my cock. Thrumming with desire, my mouth nips and bites a path down her neck to the tips of her breasts.
“You’re gonna make me come,” I complain, but do nothing to stop the perfect stroke of her hand.
“I owe you one,” she insists as she squeezes a little harder.
“I like knowing you owe me,” I say as my fingers find the apex of her thighs, working in intricate circles against her clit.
The once smooth glide of her hand falters, becoming jerkier at my attention to her body.
“I’ll still owe you,” she moans. “If you keep that up, we won’t be even.”
I pinch her earlobe between my teeth and rub harder, knees going weak as her relentless tugging on my eager cock never ceases.
“Fuck,” I groan when my cock kicks twice before exploding in hot bursts against her stomach.
I look down at her, expecting the same mischievous smirk on her lips, but find her with her eyes clamped shut and teeth digging into her bottom lip.
She whimpers, her fingers reaching up and digging into the flesh of my shoulders as her body begins to convulse. She grows lax in my arms and I nearly lose my grip on her under the slick downpour.
Her cheek rests against my chest as we cling to each other, coming down from our mutual releases.
“I’m ruined,” she breathes.
“This isn’t what I had planned when I stepped in here with you.”
I feel her grin against my skin. “It’s exactly what I had in mind.”
Her head shakes slightly when I laugh. “Best shower I’ve ever had. Now, let’s get cleaned up so I can take care of you the right way.”
Pulling away a few inches, she hands me the bottle of shampoo. “And what way would that be?”
I pour the light pink gel into my hand and begin to massage it into her long brown hair. “With my cock buried deep inside you,” I whisper in her ear, getting bubbles on my lips.
“Mmmm, sounds like a great plan.”
Twenty minutes filled with exploring hands and greedy tongues later, I’m painfully hard as we towel off and run naked to her bedroom, tossing our clothes to the floor.
“I hope I meet your expectations,” I tease as I push her onto the bed. Her wet hair darkens the pillowcase the second it touches the fabric.
“You’ve blown every expectation I could’ve ever had away, Blaze Porter.”
I peer down at her, legs spread, the faintest sheen of water still left on her skin. My mouth slackens at the sight of her absolute perfection and my heart tightens in my chest knowing this amazing woman is here with me, giving me permission to join my body with hers. I fumble with my jeans, praying I have a condom in my wallet. It’s been so long since I hooked up with someone, I can’t remember if I replaced it the last time. When I find the gold wrapper tucked right where it belongs, I thank every holy entity. I didn’t intend for the shower to take such a naughty turn, but I’m extremely thankful it did or I’d em
barrass the shit out of myself in thirty seconds flat.
“Are you just going to stare at me?” She rolls her lip between her teeth. “Do I need to take charge?”
My cock jumps at her suggestion, but the first time I sink inside her has to be with me in control or the release we shared in the shower won’t even matter.
I roll the latex down my length and climb on the bed.
“Bare,” I whisper as my thumb grazes her clit. “I love you bare.”
Her back arches beautifully, seeking more attention.
“I thought you were going to be buried inside me, not teasing me,” she pants.
“So impatient,” I complain with a swipe of my tongue. Her taste lights every one of my senses on fire.
“Oh God,” she groans. “Please don’t stop. Damn, Blaze, that feels so good.”
And I don’t, not until she’s gripping my fingers in rapid succession and her body stops trembling.
My mouth finds her nipples on the way back to her mouth. I lick and nip at each one, until she grabs my hair and tugs me up. I grin against her mouth, knowing if I keep toying with her she’s going to roll me over on my back and take over.
My eyes find hers, and I do my best to say the words I can’t seem to get past my lips with a look. The almost imperceptible nod of her head says she seems to understand the gravity of the situation.
“Last first time,” she says, reminding me of the words I had said before I received that horrible call from my grandmother.
“Fuck, I hope so,” I say, but the cold chill that runs down my spine at the declaration has more to do with gloomy premonition than the cool air along my spine.
“I love you,” she rasps as I slide into her.
I clamp my eyes shut, in part from the pleasure at the first warm grasps of her body, but more because of the sincerity of her words.
Words are useless when her hands find my shoulders and her legs wrap around my waist. My mouth seeks out hers, hips pumping in long, smooth glides, until she begs for harder, deeper. My body obliges before my brain can even process her request, responding on animal instinct.
There’s good sex, there’s great sex, and then there’s phenomenal sex. The way she clings to me and the ravenous clench of her body around mine takes that a step further. Last first time is right, because I can’t imagine anything feeling as good as she does.
Her needy whimper pulls me from my own pleasure and my lazy eyes find hers.
“Tell me what you need.” Her inner muscles hold me tighter as she directs my hand to her nipple.
Her head pushes farther into the pillow when I tug it to a point and pinch. I close my eyes, knowing if I keep watching her reactions I’m going to blow.
I hold my hips still as she rolls, rotates, and fucks her body up and down.
“Don’t,” I beg, putting more of my weight against hers and pinning her to the bed. “You’re going to make me come. Make it last, Fallyn.”
She clutches me even harder. “We can always go again. I need to come. Please make me come.”
This woman is going to be the death of me. I situate my weight onto my elbows and begin to thrust, hitting the end of her each time, reveling in the tiny whimpers escaping her panting lips.
Her groan is husky and deeper than anything I’ve heard from her yet. Her short fingernails cut into my skin and I welcome the pain—her passion.
Tiny inner muscles dance up and down my length as her orgasm crashes in waves. Her release forces mine, sneaking up my spine and exploding out of me in uncontrollable pulses until I’m coming so hard, the room spins. I fall to her side before the pulses completely subside, afraid I’m going to collapse and crush her.
Panting breaths and jolting aftershocks are the only sounds and movements for what feels like hours. She breaks the silence first, her soft, “Holy shit,” putting the biggest smile on my face.
I close my eyes and revel in the moment until I feel her body shift next to mine. She lays her hand on my chest, and I place my hand over hers.
“The rumors were all wrong,” she says.
I open one eye and look down at her.
The mischievous tilt of her lips make me smile too. “I didn’t believe them anyway. I knew you could make a girl come.”
I shake my head, unable to decide whether I find her playfulness funny or annoying.
“I knew you could,” she repeats. “Because sometimes I can look at you and nearly come.”
“You make me happy,” I confide, ignoring her need to bring up arguments and banter that have no place in this moment.
She settles as she brings our joined hands from my chest and brushes her lips against my knuckles. I have to hold on to her. I’ll make any sacrifice required to ensure Fallyn is part of my life, for the rest of my life. Losing her would be detrimental.
“Marry me,” I urge when she looks up at me, love shining in her eyes.
My stomach falls when she tenses and that look of devotion I was so sure I read falls away, replaced by sheer terror.
Chapter 15
Fallyn
My heart pounds in my chest. Just a few hours ago, he insisted I can’t love him, and now he’s asking me to take the ultimate step, just short of deciding to create another human together. I do the only thing I can think of in the moment: I laugh. This entire situation is beyond ridiculous.
When hurt fills his eyes, I realize he’s not joking.
“I’m sorry,” I say with a brief shake of my head. “What?”
He turns so he’s laying more over me than beside me. The small power play isn’t lost on me.
“Marry me,” he commands again.
My lower lip quivers, not in indecision, because I want to do nothing more than say yes. It shakes in fear, dreading how our worlds are colliding and nothing but the remnants of our souls will remain. The sinking trepidation I feel hovers over us like a cloud, an unexplained sense of foreboding I get when things begin to look up in my life.
Or, my mind argues, our lives will be the perfect mix of you and him.
“You’re serious?”
He gives a slow nod, as if he knows any sudden movements could alter my response.
“More serious than the last sixty seconds in a tied championship game.” I don’t really speak football, but his comparison seems pretty important.
“We’ve only been dating for a month,” I reason.
“You love me,” he insists.
“Yet, you’ve never said—”
“I have,” he interrupts, nodding. “Do you think I was so drunk last night I don’t remember pouring my heart out to you?”
My brow furrows. “Actually, yes. I can never tell if people are serious when they’ve drank that much.”
The corners of his eyes crinkle when he smiles. “Not even married yet and you’re already nagging me.”
I scrunch my nose at his playful chastisement. “So, that means you change your mind?”
“You’re not getting out of it that easy. But, Fallyn, if you don’t want to, nothing will change. It’s still you and me—or, at least, I hope it will be.” I hate the tension in his shoulders as he waits for me to respond. I fight the compulsion to immediately assure him he’s reading all the right clues from me.
“Tell me,” I urge.
His thumb moves the hair from my forehead so there’s nothing separating us.
“I love you, Fallyn. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life making love to you and being the man you need, the man you want to come home to every night.”
“I want that too,” I insist.
“Marry me,” he says for the third time.
“Of course,” I answer, expecting my heart to explode with anticipation, but saying the words has a sense of calm settling over my body. I don’t know whether it’s because every cell inside me knows I’ve made the right decision or I’ve sealed my fate.
His grin spreads as he looks down at me processing what we’ve agreed to. Seconds later, he nudges ag
ainst my entrance and glides into me in one sure lunge.
***
“That was impulsive,” I complain. “It can’t ever happen again.”
“You weren’t complaining a couple hours ago.”
My cheeks heat at the memory of the incredible sex we had after I agreed to marry him. On top with his hands guiding my hips was beyond amazing, but we didn’t use protection.
“I’m clean,” he says.
I shake my head, both at his words and my own stupidity. Sexually transmitted diseases were the last thing on my mind, and it should’ve been in the forefront, especially with his reputation.
“I’m not on birth control,” I admit, and wait for his eyes to widen and for him to freak out, but the small smile that plays on his lips makes me narrow my eyes.
He schools his features almost immediately, but I didn’t miss his reaction.
“I assumed every girl in college was on birth control.” I tense at his words.
“I tried in high school,” I explain. “It gave me horrible headaches.”
He nods in understanding, even though I’m pretty sure he has no clue how birth control can affect a woman.
“You have sex with a lot of girls without protection?”
“Never,” he assures me. “Well, never until today.”
“We need to go to the pharmacy,” I insist. “I can grab a morning after pill and we’ll be in the clear.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t have to. I want you to have my babies.”
I sit down on the edge of the bed and pull socks on my chilly feet, trying but unable to ignore his ridiculous words.
“Ummm,” I begin, but can’t find the words to calm the stage five clinger alert going off in my head.
“I want you connected to me for the rest of your life,” he says, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me.
“I agreed to marry you, Blaze. A baby is more than just about us, and not even something I’d discuss with you until we’ve both finished school and have jobs.”
“Let’s go,” he says, bounding off the bed and reaching for his jeans.
“Go where?” I ask, dropping my yoga pants and grabbing a pair of jeans instead. “The pharmacy?”
