by Marie James
“I’m no martyr,” I confess. “I fuck my hand every night when I get home—sometimes twice, depending on how many times I catch your eyes on my mouth.”
Sighing loudly, she holds the new toy to her chest and looks up at the ceiling. “I miss sex.”
Three words, out of the blue, unprompted, and my cock thickens immediately.
“It was the one thing we couldn’t seem to mess up,” I say, my tone husky.
Her long beat of silence begins to make me nervous. “You seem to remember things differently than I do.”
“How so?” I set aside the completed basketball goal and ignore the pile of other toys needing to be assembled.
“After you got out of jail, you only made love to me once, the first night you came back. Five, including the one time three months ago, is the total number of times we’ve been together.”
I shake my head, refusing to believe it, but I know she’d know better than I would. Her mind has never been clouded by addiction.
“The pills pretty much disabled my cock,” I admit.
“I read that online.” She looks over at me.
“If it’s any consolation,” I say, getting to my knees and inching closer to her, “I’ve fucked you a million times in my head. Half of those times in the last three months.”
I haven’t made a move on her since she said we needed to take things slower. She hasn’t touched me even though I’ve caught her watching me, studying my every move as if she were seconds away from attacking me and taking what she needs.
“My cock works just fine now,” I say. “If you have an itch you need to scratch…”
Her eyes wander down my chest, stopping when they land on the bulge threatening to bust the zipper on my jeans.
“Just sex?” she barters. “No expectations?”
I shake my head, refusing to lie just to give each other what we so desperately need in the moment. “I love you, Fallyn. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I don’t see you as just sex. But I fully understand if you want to use me.”
Her eyes soften. “I don’t want to use you. I just can’t get lost in it. Keeping a level head isn’t possible.”
“Can you ever see us back together? A family?” I regret the words the second they leave my mouth. Christmas Eve would be a shitty time to have my heart and hopes crushed.
My blood thrums when she nods her head. “Just not yet.”
“I understand.” I honestly do. I’ve caused more heartbreak than any woman should have to go through. I know it takes time, and it’s something I’m willing to give, no matter how long it takes.
Her eyes dart down to the toy sitting on her chest and I reach for it, placing it on the couch next to her.
“You have needs.” She nods. “I want to take care of them for you.”
When she nods again, I know it will take the force of an F5 tornado to pull me away from her.
My hand grips the back of her neck as I guide her mouth down to mine, licking into her with greed and a built-up desire that crests with the slightest look in my direction. She gives as good as she gets, moaning into my mouth as I spread her legs and tug her to the edge of the couch.
“Take me to my room,” she pants when my lips nip at her neck.
“Right here,” I insist, not wanting to ruin the moment by telling her the next time we’re in that bed and I’m inside her, it will be because we’re finally together, not scratching an itch from months of sexual frustration.
“I don’t want Phoenix to find us,” she breathes in a rough groan as my hand toys with her nipple over her t-shirt.
“You hung the Santa bell on his doorknob. We’ll hear him if he gets up.” I thought the idea was silly when she did it, but it works in my favor now.
I push a rough hand against her back and grind her harder against my straining cock.
“For fuck’s sake,” she mumbles. “Get me naked already.”
Standing, I pull her up with me and her hands find the button and zipper on my jeans as I shove her athletic pants over the spectacular curve of her ass. My jeans fall to the ground as I tug her panties down and off one leg. On my way up her body, I allow one quick lick of her seam, but I’m too far gone to spend much time that way. Gripping her ass, I force her legs around my waist and turn to sit on the couch. I sink inside her a second later, rendered almost blind at the sensation of her body encapsulating mine.
“Oh God,” she whimpers, biting my shoulder as her body acclimates to mine.
My mouth wraps around one taut nipple as she finds the perfect rhythm.
“Fuck, that’s perfect.” I hold on to her hips, but allow her to have the control until her lips meet mine and she loses the momentum. I grip her tighter, urging her deeper, thrusting my hips on each downward slide.
“I’m coming,” she pants against my mouth, and I drive into her harder, deeper, only slowing when the clench of her core begins to wane.
“More,” I insist when she finally calms. With both hands on her back, I urge her to lie on the couch.
Never pulling out of her amazing body, I ease back on my heels and sweep my thumb over her sensitive clit.
“No.” She smacks at my hand. “I can’t handle that.”
Her reaction only feeds the fire burning inside me. I press harder with my thumb. “I’ll tie your hands if you don’t quit.”
Her mouth gapes, but she moves her arm and throws it over her eyes. I toy with her, giving myself a moment to get my own body under control. I have no idea how long it will be before she’s had enough and decides she needs me again, so I’m not going to squander it.
Shifting my knees to a more comfortable position, the cold plastic of the vibrator rubs against my shin. A mischievous grin spreads across my face as I turn it on and press it against her body. She nearly bolts off the couch at the first press against her clit, but I push all the way into her. Her need to escape the vibrations is halted by her desire to feel me inside her.
“So powerful,” she confesses as my hips find a rhythm I know I won’t be able to maintain.
The vibrations from the toy ricochet into my balls and what started out as a way to draw another orgasm from her turns into my undoing.
“Fuck, beautiful. Come for me.” My sac, taking my words to her as gospel to do the same, draws up and nearly explodes at the force of my orgasm.
Tossing the still vibrating toy to the floor, I lean over and swallow the cries of her orgasm with my mouth. My hips continue to thrust and I curl my body around the motion, dragging the moment out for as long as I can.
“Jesus,” she says as I pull my mouth from hers and we both take gasping breaths.
“Merry Christmas,” I whisper into the crook of her neck.
Her laughter washes over me, also causing her core to squeeze my softening dick, which thickens in response.
“Again?”
I slowly pull out and slide back in, my only answer to her question.
Chapter 45
Fallyn
“Five more minutes, Phoenix, then we need to get ready for bed,” I tell my son as I walk through the living room gathering up strewn toys.
I drop them in his toy box inside his room when the doorbell echoes through the house.
“Daddy!” Phoenix squeals, running toward the front door.
“It’s not your daddy, baby. He has to work tonight.”
I look through the peephole, a smirk lifting one side of my mouth as I tug the door open and cross my arms over my chest. Blaze stands on the front porch with a small, wrapped gift in his hands, making me a liar.
“You’re supposed to be at work,” I say as I step back and let him enter.
“It’s New Year’s Eve,” he explains when I frown as he hands the present to Phoenix.
“You’re spoiling him,” I chastise as our son sits right in the entryway and tears off the wrapping paper.
“He deserves to be spoiled,” Blaze counters.
I huff an incredulous laugh. “Says the
man who didn’t have to refold all the clothes he pulled out of his dresser this morning.”
“I would’ve,” he says with a sad smile. “You could’ve called.”
“You were sleeping.” I know he worked another long shift yesterday and didn’t get home until after eight this morning.
“I wouldn’t have minded.” He smiles down at Phoenix, who is going crazy over the digital piggy bank even though he has no idea what it is.
“A piggy bank? He has no real concept of money,” I say.
Blaze shrugs. “He can learn. Never too early to learn how to manage his money.”
I watch as Blaze sits on the floor with his son and explains, in the simplest terms, the change he pulls from his pocket, each word lost on Phoenix, who’s only concerned with the way the coins roll through the machine and deposit into their respective slots.
“More money!” Phoenix urges with his little hand out.
Blaze dumps another handful of coins into his hands and stands from the floor.
“He doesn’t need any more money.”
He shrugs. “You won’t take my money, so I might as well give it to him.”
He’s offered to pay the bills, buy the groceries, and maintain the lawn. I’ve declined all but the lawn service, and that’s only because I watch him from the comfort of air conditioning while he’s shirtless and sweating.
“You give him more than he needs,” I challenge, referring to the bank account he set up for him and deposits money into every week when he gets paid.
“The money I put into his account is for college, or a really fast sports car when he turns sixteen.” He winks at me.
“Over my dead body,” I mutter.
“It won’t come to that,” he whispers. “He’s a truck man, all the way.”
We watch as Phoenix feeds the last of the coins into the machine and turns his expectant eyes back up to his dad.
“Now, take it to your room and find a safe place to keep it. I’ll bring you more change tomorrow.”
Phoenix scrambles to his feet and heads to his room.
“Phoenix,” Blaze calls out after him. When he turns to look back at us, he continues. “If you make another mess for Mama to pick up, you’ll have to take your money out of the bank and pay her.”
His grin turns into a frown as his eyes cut to mine.
“What do I always tell you?”
“Mama works hard.”
“And?”
I roll my lips between my teeth to keep from smiling.
My son sighs as if this conversation is the hardest one he’s ever had. “We don’t make things harder for her.”
“That’s right,” Blaze says. Crouching down once again, he holds his arms out. “Come give me a hug. Daddy has to go to work.”
My incredible son places the new piggy bank on the floor with gentle care and runs into Blaze’s arms. Lifting him up, he kisses the soft curls on the side of his head. “I love you, buddy. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Love you too, Daddy.” Once his feet hit the floor, he’s off like a shot, scooping up his bank and disappearing into his room.
“You could’ve brought that over tomorrow. He doesn’t know it’s a pseudo holiday.” I turn my gaze from where Phoenix vanished back to Blaze.
“He’s only half the reason I stopped by,” he admits, taking a step closer to me.
“Is that so?” The tension and urge to touch him that’s been almost unbearable since Christmas Eve hums in my blood.
“I won’t be here at midnight.” He advances a few steps until our bodies are nearly touching. “I wanted to kiss you.”
“Is that so?” I say again, already anticipating the warmth of his lips on mine.
I melt into his embrace when one arm rounds my back and his other clasps the back of my neck. He hasn’t made a move since our night on the couch, and I know he’s waiting for me to say the words. He’s got more strength than I’ve ever given him credit for. He knows I’d cave if he pushed, but he’s respecting what I told him.
My mouth closes the last inch of distance when he hovers, seeking permission. Unlike the last time we came together, this kiss is more gentle, passionate, and soft. There’s no expectancy of taking it further. These are the types of kisses I know I’ll get lost in, just like I did five years ago.
He pulls away too soon, and my neck strains forward to prevent the inevitable break of our lips.
“I love you, Fallyn Porter,” he says with a quick kiss on my forehead.
“You’re going to be late for work,” I whisper.
He nods, presses a quick peck on my lips, and heads to the front door. “See you tomorrow, beautiful. Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year,” I return as I watch him, not closing the door until he’s inside his truck and pulling away.
I should’ve told him how I felt, returned his “I love you”. He’s asked me several times if I still love him, and I answer him honestly, but I haven’t said the words. When I do, he knows it’s the acceptance of us moving forward together. I think I’m ready for that, but the idea of giving him one hundred percent of my trust terrifies me.
The last time I did that… I shake my head, clearing the thought. Over the last seven months, he hasn’t shown one sign of drug abuse and has taken steps to prove his sobriety, but there’s still that inkling of doubt that rears its ugly head every now and then. I walk through the house, finding Phoenix hiding his new bank behind his hoard of plush toys.
“Is it safe now?” I ask from the doorway.
He startles at my voice, throwing a soft Spider-Man on the pile before turning to me with a clever smile on his lips, so sure he’s hidden his spoils well.
“Bedtime,” I tell him, clicking on the noise machine he got for Christmas. Crashing waves are his favorite, and I figure if it helps him sleep, I can’t really complain about the gift being too expensive for a three-year-old. Blaze has one at his house. He says it helps to clear his mind and got one for Phoenix when he showed interest while visiting him one evening when I had to work late.
I tuck my little guy into his big boy bed and kiss him on the forehead before turning off the overhead light. “Night, buddy.”
“Night, Mama,” he says on a yawn.
I pull the door, leaving it open just a crack, and finish cleaning up the living room. Blaze distracted us with his impromptu visit, so Mom is once again left picking up the toys Phoenix was responsible for. I don’t complain or let it bother me for long because the smile on my son’s face every time his dad shows up off schedule is worth the extra time picking up Legos, Transformers, and toy cars.
I hate the time Blaze and I were apart. I hate every second he missed with his son, even though he seems to be making it up in spades. I abhor the idea that he could’ve been with other women while we were apart. Even though he told me he doesn’t remember sleeping with anyone else, he didn’t deny the possibility. He swore he never used drugs that required needles, which I knew would’ve increased his chances of HIV. He assured me, after we had sex the first time, he was tested in drug treatment and everything came back clean. The thought of catching something from him is one of the main reasons I pulled away after the birthday party.
He’s insisted more than once he hasn’t been with anyone but me since getting clean, and I have no reason to doubt him. I have no reason to doubt him on any front. He’s passed every drug test I’ve asked him to take and doesn’t get frustrated when I ask, though he requires I watch. I think he enjoys the way I look at his cock during the test.
Hell, I asked him to take one three days ago, just so I could see it again, needing fodder for my spank bank when he left for the night, and the toy he got me for Christmas has gotten quite a workout.
I shake my head, pulling my mind from the gutter. He’s more than just an incredibly sexy man with the sexual skills of a seasoned porn star. He’s been an incredible father, the perfect sounding board when I have a rough day at work, and he’s asked for nothing in return
except the chance to spend time with Phoenix and me.
Looking around the room one more time before turning off the lights and heading to bed, I regret not telling him how much I want him to move in and for us to be a real family…
A plan of pure genius hits me and I know exactly when I’ll tell him. Unfortunately, it won’t happen for another month. Mr. Blue is going to get a lot more attention now that my mind has been made up.
Chapter 46
Blaze
I drum my fingers on the coffee table as the phone rings for the third time in my ear.
“Hey,” Fallyn says when she picks up. “What’s up?”
I lose my breath at the sound of her voice, just like every other time I’ve spoken to her since we met.
“Think you can come over here this evening, rather than me go there?”
I know it’s an unusual request, but I have plans tonight that can’t be accomplished at her house.
The long pause before she answers only adds to my nervousness.
“Yeah,” she finally answers. “Everything okay?”
“Of course,” I say with a smile she can’t see. “I just wanted to switch things up a little. Plus, I’m washing all the curtains. I still have like three loads left and need them hung back up before we go back to the zoo tomorrow.”
She laughs. “So domesticated.”
“See you about six then?” I hate that our time together is so limited with my schedule, but she insists I sleep at least seven hours after I get off work before coming over. I don’t tell her I only need about five and a half to function, but it works in my favor today because I’ve cleaned the house from top to bottom and have dinner in the oven.
“We’ll be there,” she says, her voice turning away from the phone as she talks to Phoenix. “I have to go before your son destroys the room we just spent the last hour cleaning.”
“Bye, beautiful.”
I spend the next forty-five minutes hanging the clean curtains I wasn’t lying about and making sure everything is perfect as I wait for the two most important people in my life.
