by Lauren Runow
19
HARPER
There’s a buzzing sound.
I reach for my phone, which is usually under my pillow but it’s not there.
The buzzing goes off again.
“Phone,” I grumble. My words are muffled by the steel of Tanner’s chest.
I twist my body and do my best to slide out of the grip of his arms. The buzzing is coming from the ground. His phone must still be in his pants pocket.
I’m rifling through our discarded clothes. The buzzing stops for a long pause and then starts up again. Whoever called is calling again.
I find the phone in Tanner’s jeans. Bryce Sexton’s name appears on the screen.
“Tanner, wake up. Your brother is calling you.”
He’s hard to wake. It makes sense, considering it’s the middle of the night and we just had a marathon of emotions from the long day with my parents and a fight with Aaron—oh, and a declaration of love and marriage in the future. We really know how to jam-pack a day.
I shake Tanner. “Bryce is calling. I think it’s important.”
He blinks a few times, coming to. When my words register, it’s like a bolt of electricity has hit him, and he jolts up in bed. He rubs a hand over his eyes while simultaneously grabbing the cell from my hand.
“What happened?” Tanner asks into the phone, fear obvious in his voice like this has happened before. He runs a hand through his hair, which is wild and unruly. “Fuck,” he snaps. “I’ll try to get on a plane, but I probably won’t be able to get out until late morning.”
My heart drops to my stomach. Late-night calls are never good news. My dad’s called before to say my mom was being rushed to the hospital because she had fallen and hit her head or broken a wrist. It’s a terrible feeling, finding out news when the world is asleep.
I slide my arms around him and feel the rigidness of his back as he talks to his brother. If he’s talking about leaving town in a few hours, this must be serious.
When I kiss the skin over his spine, he lets out a heavy breath. “Yeah. Definitely.”
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
He puts his hand over the phone and whispers to me, “Austin was in an accident.”
I bury my face into his back and close my eyes. If he has to be on a plane, this wasn’t a fender bender.
He turns to me, and I raise my head to see his face. He doesn’t look as nervous as I feel. He moves a hair out of my face and cups my chin.
When Tanner’s eyes meet mine, he tilts his head and smiles lightly as he speaks into the phone, “My muse.” The smile vanishes as Bryce continues to talk, and Tanner gets offended. “It’s not like that, man. This one is special. I’m bringing her with me.”
My brows rise. I swing my legs off the bed and start to put on my bra and panties. I toss on one of his T-shirts and walk over to his laptop on his desk. If he needs to book tickets, we should do it now.
Tanner’s place is just a large room with the only wall being the bathroom, so even though I can hear him, I try to give him privacy. I pull up a travel website and unplug the laptop. Tanner is hanging up the phone when I return.
“What happened?”
He sighs, running his fingers down his face and then back through his hair. “Austin is a street racer. It’s his vice and one we’ve all been begging him to quit. All Bryce said was, Austin’s in surgery. He didn’t tell me more. I have to get out of here.”
“Here.” I hand him the laptop, already open to a search for flights to San Francisco.
He scrolls through and finds a nonstop flight with two open seats, but it doesn’t leave until four o’clock this afternoon.
“I don’t have to go,” I say with hesitation, especially when I see the cost of the flights this close to departure.
He ignores my comment as he reaches for his wallet on the side table and pulls out a black Amex.
I place my hand on his. “That’s too much money. Besides, you can probably find an earlier flight if you go alone.”
The expression he’s giving me could cut diamonds. “Alone is not an option.” He raises his left hand and wiggles the finger holding the ring he made a vow with last night. “I meant what I said. You own me. I need you with me, and I want to introduce you to my family.”
My gaze softens as I stare at him. “I want to be there for you, but these flights are really expensive.”
He runs his hand down my cheek, cupping my face in his palm. “Money’s not important. I’ll even book a flight to have you on the red-eye tomorrow night, so you’re back for work. Sweet Harper, you are my everything. I need you by my side.”
I take a deep breath, falling into his touch. This man made a vow last night and I to him. If we’re in this thing, it’s feetfirst.
“Of course I’ll go with you. And don’t worry about Monday. I can take a few days off if that’s what you need.”
He leans over to give me a quick kiss before typing our names and his card info into the computer.
Tanner has been a burst of energy this morning. He couldn’t go back to sleep, so he started working out. First, he did push-ups and then right into an absurd amount of sit-ups. He was breathless and sweaty when he announced he was going for a run. I didn’t argue.
While he’s gone, I straighten up his apartment, making sure everything is okay for us to leave for a few days. By the time he’s back, I’m freshly showered, changed, and lacing up my boots.
He’s holding two Starbucks coffees, and he hands me one. I want to make a joke about him not needing the caffeine, but he doesn’t seem to be in the mindset for commentary. He takes his with him into the bathroom. The shower turns on, and he takes a longer than normal amount of time in there.
When he gets out, I tell him I need to stop at my place—April’s place— to pack a bag. He nods, and together, we head downtown on his motorcycle. While I get my things, he’s sitting on the futon, constantly checking his phone. It’s not until we get back to his place that he finally gets a text saying that Austin is going to be okay. Bryce also told him to cancel his flight.
“That’s great news.” I throw my arms around his neck.
He doesn’t seem as happy as one should be after learning his brother is going to live. He dials his brother’s number, and I step out to get something for lunch.
I’m disappointed and relieved that we aren’t going to San Francisco. Meeting his family, especially in this situation, would have been awkward and intense. But, while I feel like I’ve known Tanner for years, there is so much more I’d love to know. Meeting his brothers would have put all the pieces together.
When I get back, he’s sitting at the kitchen island with a sketchpad and a pencil running furiously over the paper. I put the bag of Chinese food on the counter and take in the fact that he’s no longer wearing a shirt or shoes.
“Are you okay?” I ask.
“I’m fine. Austin’s out of surgery. His girlfriend is going to take care of him, so he doesn’t need me. He told me to stay here since I’ll be home for good soon.”
And here I thought that New York was your home.
I ignore the pang and busy myself with taking the white cartons out of the paper bag.
“So, you talked to Austin?”
“No, I just got off the phone with Bryce. He was at the hospital all night.”
I lean forward and look at the image Tanner is sketching. It’s a woman sitting on a bench overlooking what I think is a lake. His hand is buried in his hair as he’s hovered over the paper, lost in the drawing.
I put the container back in the bag and walk around the counter. I turn his body on the barstool toward me and run my hand down the side of his face.
“Let’s take a time-out.”
He looks up at me at my suggestion. With his hand in mine, I pull him away from the kitchen and toward the sofa. I sit him down and then straddle him.
“You’re overthinking. It’s okay. You had a big night and very little sleep. Now that you know Austin’
s all right, I think it’s time you start to relax.”
He runs his hands up my thighs as he rolls his head back. His chest puffs out with a sharp breath and then calms with the longest exhale.
I smile. “There’s my guy. Now, tell me, what’s eating you up?”
“They don’t need me.”
“I’m sure it’s not an insult. It looks like you were right about Austin having a girlfriend. He’s probably happy to have her tend to him for a while. I know you’d want me to tend to your wounds if it were us.”
His Cheshire cat grin tells me I’m right.
“Tell me about your brothers. I was kinda excited to meet them. Nervous but excited.”
He sits up and gives me his full attention. “You’ll meet them soon. I promise. I still want to take you home with me. Show you around town and introduce you to everyone. Don’t get your hopes up about my brothers though. They can be … intense.” Tanner quirks a lip, and it’s obvious that thinking about his brothers brings a smile to his face.
“What makes them so intense?”
“Bryce is a hard-ass. He’s been known to be cold and abrupt. Work is his life, but that’s not what makes him intense. He’s this hopeless romantic at heart, and he tries to cover it up. I know he planned for a different life than the one he was dealt.” His hands rise inside my shirt as he runs his fingers up the sides of my ribs. “Austin is the playboy. He drinks too much and parades around town like he doesn’t care about a thing. Truth is, he’s a runner. Ever since Mom died, he’s been trying to get away. First, to college and then to the military. Now, he street races.” His hands stop as if he’s recalling something. “I always thought he raced because he needed an outlet away from his responsibilities at work. Now, I wonder if there’s more to Austin. Something else that makes him tick.”
“But he’s happy now. With the girl?”
“Yeah. Last time I spoke with him, he mentioned this girl, Jalynn. I knew she meant something.”
“That’s great.”
“She’s Bryce’s assistant, so we’ll see how great it is.”
My mouth opens up in surprise. “So, if Bryce is the hopeless romantic and Austin is a playboy, then what are you?” I smile as I eye him in question.
“I’m the baby,” he says, unhappy with the term. “Since I was so young when Mom died, everyone went out of their way to protect me. First, it was from the details of her death, then it was the business, and now, with Austin. I know Bryce is excited for me to come back and work beside him. I just have this feeling that, no matter how hard I perform, they’re always going to look at me like the baby of the family.”
There it is. The crux to Tanner Sexton’s life.
“You are the youngest brother. If they talk or act that way around you, it’s probably because they don’t know any other way. You’ll just have to show them you’ve grown up.”
“I guess. It just gets to me because they act like they have their shit together. Meanwhile, the two of them are so far off track that they need me to help them keep from losing their cool. Bryce is always angry about something, and apparently, he took a woman—the first in years, mind you—away for a weekend, but I bet he fucked it up. Because that’s what he does. He self-sabotages. And Austin can’t keep himself on the right side of the law with his racing. There’s still a lot of hurt in him—either from my mom’s death or what he saw when he fought in Afghanistan or both. And yet, when shit gets heavy, they baby-brother me.”
I smash my lips together and tilt my head to the side. “I love you, but you don’t exactly have your shit together. You’re an illegal graffiti artist who paints abandoned buildings by night, and you take college courses even though you could have graduated months ago just so you can stay in New York a little longer.”
The shock in his eyes is almost charming. “You caught on to that?”
“You’re not ready to go back home yet. And I’m glad because, if you’d left last spring, I wouldn’t have met you.” I kiss the corner of his self-deprecating smile. It’s the same one on the woman whose picture he was drawing. “Tell me about your mom.”
His eyes glisten. “She was the most amazing woman anyone had ever met. She loved us boys so fiercely and fairly; I honestly don’t know how she did it. She worked hard to provide for us and give us the life we have today. Her death was shocking for the entire community, but it hit the three of us differently.”
“How so?”
“Bryce was supposed to be a photojournalist, traveling the world with his girlfriend. He gave up his passion and the girl to stay in California and step into my mom’s role at the company. Austin went to college and chose to drink his four years away.”
“What about your dad?”
With the pinch of his brows and his lips pursed, he stares off into space a moment.
“I saw exactly just how affected he was by her death. He put on a good show for everyone in public, but in private, I knew quickly that something wasn’t right. He was more mad than sad. Annoyed even, like her dying was an inconvenience.” He shrugs, like he has no control over any of it. “When we went to the lawyer’s office to read my mother’s will, he was livid that my mom had updated her will. My father only got half of the company. It’s been a bone of contention in our family.”
“Who owns the other half?”
“Me and my brothers. When my mother died, we inherited her shares. My father recently gave half of his shares to Missy. Sorry, it’s confusing, I know.” His teeth skim his lip as he thinks. “Bryce and Austin are pissed.”
“Aren’t you?”
“I don’t know. It’s hard to really know what’s going on, being all the way over here. They’re more apt to tell me what to do. Not ask my advice.”
There’s a brief pause in the conversation as we sit in silence, and I take in everything I just learned. Being an only child, I don’t know what it’s like to have a sibling, let alone two of them.
“You’ve never actually told me what the family business is.”
“We own a media company. Some newspapers and online stuff,” he says nonchalantly.
That can’t be very beneficial. The newspaper business is dying. Even I get all the news I need from FoxNews.com and CNN.com. I mean, unless they own News of the World, but he’s obviously not Rupert Murdoch.
“What are you going to do there?”
“President of Marketing and Advertising, so it’s actually very creative, and I’ll be using a lot of my degree.” He turns his head, staring into my eyes, running through thoughts in his head.
“But?”
He inhales, slowly letting it out. “I wonder if it’s all worth it. My mom started this business as a small human-interest magazine, and building it became this immense accomplishment, a legacy for her sons. Growing up, we didn’t have a babysitter or nanny, so I spent hours every day sitting in the office with her. I did my homework and then watched her work. She had me doing mailers and working on advertisements when I was ten. You can only imagine how amazing I was at Photoshop. I was just a kid, and she was letting me make the creative decisions, letting me give her advice. Not because she wanted her kid to do work she didn’t want to do. It was because she was cultivating the businessman in me. She was honing in on my creative voice. That’s the kind of woman she was. She saw your talent, and she pulled it out and let it shine. This business was hers, but it was also her gift for her boys. She always made sure to tell us. I only knew her for fourteen short years. Austin had four more, and Bryce had four more than that. They have this notion of our family’s purpose ingrained in them so prominently that it’s become a mantra.”
“Then, why isn’t it worth it?”
“Because we’re all unhappy, and no one is saying it.”
I’m shocked at his admission. I pause for a second, taking in his words. “What does that mean?”
“When she died, something died in all of us, too. She wanted more for us. She always talked about love and relationships and the families we would
have one day. And, now, I don’t see any of that happening with them. I’m afraid that, when I go there, all that bitterness will eat its way into my soul, too.”
I interlace my fingers with his. I can’t believe the man sitting in front of me is only twenty-two. He’s such an old soul, truly wise beyond his years, and my heart aches to hear what’s been going through his mind.
I can’t imagine having to choose between what my mom wanted and what I want. My mom helped me become a teacher. She instilled my love of reading, learning, and nurturing.
“You think you won’t be happy there?”
His hesitation speaks volumes.
“But you said Austin has a girlfriend now, so that seems like they’re moving in the right direction,” I say, trying to give him some kind of hope in this depressing conversation.
“Yeah. And, if Bryce didn’t screw things up in Tahoe, I think he does, too.”
“So, both of them seem to be trying. Maybe this accident will help them see what’s important in life.”
Tanner closes his eyes, and I can see his lips start to tremble. He sits up and wraps his arms around my waist. I rub his back and hold him tightly. Suddenly, his body trembles. His head rests in the crook of my neck. I feel a slight dew, and I think he’s crying.
“Tanner …”
“I was so scared.” His words are muffled.
I try to lean back to look at his face, but he’s holding me so secure that I can’t move. I stop trying. Instead, I hold his head and grip his back. His trap muscles are tight. His forearms are digging into my sides, and his fists are grabbing on to my shirt.
“She was driving to an appointment,” he says through a shaky breath.
The words make me temporarily stop moving my hand. I quickly get my wits about me, realizing he’s talking about his mom, and continue to soothe him.
“The appointment was at six, but since it was winter, it was already dark and raining. She was actually on the phone with my dad when it happened. He heard her scream, the tires squeal, and then commotion. Later, he found out that her car had tumbled.”
