“It’s you or nothing. A death sentence,” she said, blocking Roman’s path. She shoved the child at him so violently that he had to grab the wall to keep his balance. The boy’s high-pitched wail joined the woman’s incessant demands.
“Driscoll?” the official asked me. The real Driscoll must have found a way to pull some strings behind the scenes if they were already coming for us.
“Yes,” I agreed.
“Just one?” he asked.
“No,” Roman said, shoving forward from behind me. He had the sobbing boy clutched to his chest. “Three.”
Chapter Twenty Five
“Come this way,” the official said. He looked worn and tired, and the look he shot Ryu showed his lack of pity for the people ground down to nothing in the chaos.
I followed him out of the house and into the street, Roman was right on our heels and he spoke quietly to Ryu, trying to get him to calm down. He was a father now.
I’m happy to carry him for you, I offered, as we pushed into the grasping hands of the crowd around us. In the wails, yells and steady undertone of angry voices, the cries of the little boy were lost.
No response, although Roman continued whispering to the boy and a stab of affection surged through our channel. At least he had someone to love.
In that case, let me carry your crutch, I offered. He wasn’t using it. Dr. Hofstad had been right about how quickly he would heal and adapt to the prosthetic.
Perhaps our link was severed. Was that possible? I could still feel him, but maybe he couldn’t hear me in his head anymore...
I can hear you just fine.
The pain of that was almost more than I could bear.
I turned my attention back to following and blinking back tears and away from the black ulcer in my heart and its silent cause.
After an hour of shoving through crowds and dodging down one alley and up another we were getting closer to the docks. Our guide was beginning to look tense, his shoulders stiff and his gait stilted. There were fewer families here and people seemed angry. They pushed in on our guide and on other guides in front of us. I found myself having to elbow my way through and even the silent guardian behind me leaned into my back to protect his tiny charge from the press of bodies.
Ryu had quieted now, but I heard a small whimper, and that was when I realized how quiet this crowd was. It took me a moment to realize that the crowd was all shadows. Some were only partially shadow, like Kitsano, but as I looked more carefully, other were almost completely shadow and towards the back of the crowd there were figures that were not human anymore at all. Silently, they pressed on all sides like quicksand.
“What’s happening?” I asked our guide.
“Only full humans get through to the ships,” he said.
“Who are these people?” I asked.
“They’ve been screened out from evacuation,” he replied.
“You mean that when their families and friends were put on transportation they were left here?”
“Quiet!” he said, looking nervously at the silent figures around us.
Around us the shadows scowled or spat at their feet, their faces and limbs flickering slightly and their anger was harder to see as they faded in and out. What would I do if they turned and attacked us? Given my history, I knew exactly what an army of shadows was capable of.
Our path narrowed and the crowd of shadows grew thicker as a press of bodies met us coming from the other direction.
“Kitsano!” I exclaimed, recognizing her as she bumped square into me.
“They won’t let me through,” she said, fear painting her face. Driscoll was with her and he looked quickly from one side to the other before he leaned in close.
“Your cousin has made an army of shadows, just as I told you he would, and he needs them to stay here to defend Nighshade in the coming attack,” he whispered.
“They don’t look willing to fight anyone but us,” I said.
“They won’t have a choice. Something about VX-7 allows him to control their minds.”
I shivered.
“Who is vulnerable to that?” Roman asked, and my heart leapt at his voice.
“Anyone who has ingested the drug,” Driscoll said. “Their consciousness is added to a collective he controls. We don’t know what the minimum threshold is, but Kitsano cannot disobey the order to stay here.”
My gaze met hers, sympathy widening my eyes, and she nodded and screwed up her mouth in a sour expression.
“You can’t leave with us?” I asked.
“I’ll be fine here,” she said, tossing her head with a hint of bravado.
I nodded, and compressed my own lips. I could not stay. She could not go.
“So if they’ve eaten only a little?” Roman asked.
I glanced back. As far as I knew he’d eaten none. He was clinging to Ryu, one hand wrapped protectively around the tiny boy’s shoulders. Of course.
“We’ll get him on a ship,” I promised, pitching my voice low and firm.
He avoided my gaze.
“Move from our path! I say again, move!” Our official yelled from in front of us, and I turned my attention to him again.
The press of bodies was too much to push through anymore. One shadow human shoved him, and another pressed up to one side, forcing him back and to the right, directly into me.
“We’re running out of time!” the official said, glancing back at me. “If we don’t leave soon we’ll miss the transport.”
“We’ll catch the next one,” I assured him.
“It’s the last one available,” he said, pitching his voice only for my ears.
I hissed. All those people. Families. They needed to get off this place. They needed to be rescued. Did I dare take their place? It seemed like the ultimate selfish act.
“If you don’t take your place, it will just be empty. They’ll leave with it empty,” Driscoll said desperately, as if he could read my thoughts.
I glanced back at Roman and Ryu. He cradled the boy close, tenderness smoothing out his anxious features. I’d promised.
Feel like seeing how your shadows measure up to the Nightshade ones? I asked Zeta.
Is it time? she replied.
Time to prove your shadow army is better than theirs. Try not to kill anyone.
You’re no fun at all. Besides, you don’t really mean that.
They spewed from my shadow as soon as I relaxed my grip, popping up like soap bubbles on top of one another and forcing back the crowd of shadows ahead of us. I guess the Baldric shadow army had more experience with cohesion than the newly formed shadow army before us.
“I’m not entirely happy to see that my cousin has a shadow army of his own,” I told Driscoll, as we shoved forward in the wake of our own shadow army.
“Really? Because I thought you’d be over the moon about it,” he replied.
I glanced over my shoulder and through the masses of shadows I saw a group of officials angling towards us. They were in the same Fleet uniform as our guide.
“Remember those people with an interest in us?” I asked Driscoll in an undertone.
He looked back and frowned but said nothing. Our shadows kicked and fought their way forward and we jammed in wherever they left a gap.
“Let’s pick up the pace,” I said.
Can you keep those officials back from us? Cut them off or something? I asked Zeta.
We live to serve, she replied.
Driscoll shoved in front of me, using his taller figure to press ahead. Kitsano clung to his hand like a lover instead of an ally and my brow furrowed as I wondered if I’d missed something there.
The transport loomed before us, sleek and deadly-looking despite the fact that she was nothing but a freight hauler. I kept glancing back at the men in Fleet uniform, but they hadn’t gained any ground. We might make it off Nighshade yet.
A murmur was beginning in the shadows, rising slowly in volume. It made the hair on my arms stand on end.
“Fl
ash your ID here,” someone said to Driscoll as we finally gained the ramp to the ship.
“She’s with me,” he said, indicating Kitsano.
“We’ve already denied her passage, sir.”
Vera!
I whipped my head around, a surge of joy at the feeling of my name in Roman’s thoughts. Where was he? I thought he’d been right behind me. I spun in a circle, my eyes flicking right and then left, scanning, scanning, and then I saw him, being borne away on a sea of shadows, tiny Ryu in his arms crying.
What do you think you’re doing, Zeta? I said, and then quickly shifted channels to, Roman, hang on!
He gets in your way and he doesn’t want you anyways, Zeta said. And now he has a son. He’s worthless as a guardian to you, because that little boy will always come first. You need to go on your own.
I wouldn’t have released you at all if not for him. Don’t you get that? Without him none of this means anything to me!
Idiot. Flaming, black-hole-taken idiot! No wonder she made such a terrible mother. No wonder she made such a terrible human.
I launched into a run before I had formed a cohesive thought, striking straight towards Roman, even as he still was carried away by the shadows. He’d retreated back into his silence, but I didn’t care. There would never be a time that he could call my name and I wouldn’t answer.
I pushed through the crush of shadows, booting up the Tactical Interface and launching them out of my way with martial arts moves that would have made me grin with excitement if the situation wasn’t dire. Still, it wasn’t enough. Still they bore my Roman away. And then I realized it wasn’t just that Zeta had stopped protecting him. It was my own shadow army pushing him further from the ship.
He’s your Achilles Heel. You can’t afford to keep him.
I can’t afford not to. Go back where you came from! I said, forcing her back into her mental cage.
“VERA!” I heard Driscoll shout from behind me, “WE ARE LEAVING....NOW!”
With every shred of mental power I still retained I stopped dead and SUCKED the shadows back into my mind, wrapping them down in the tightest lock I could imagine. Their absence laid the ground between us clear, and without thought or word I charged to Roman’s side. He was on the ground, his crutch sprawled beside him and a weeping child in his arms. I snatched the boy up, clamping him against my ribs with one arm as he flailed. I yanked Roman up to his feet, threw a shoulder under his arm, and hauled them back towards the ship. Hoping that the path between the shadows wouldn’t close up completely before we ran through it.
They were heavy, so heavy, and my arm with Ryu felt like it would give out any moment. Roman seemed stunned. He’d still said nothing, simply stumbling at my side. Maybe he’d been hit or hurt.
A full minute felt like an eternity and we were still only halfway there. The hatch to the ship was closing slowly, with the inevitability of death. After all we’d been through, we would be trapped on Nightshade. Sometimes it just wasn’t worth getting out of bed in the morning.
I was a moment from collapse, when the weight of Roman lifted. I must have squeezed my eyes shut, but I snapped them open, ready to scream and drag him back. Beside me, Driscoll dragged my guardian along.
“Shadows did a number on him. He was protecting the little fellow. I saw it all go down when you were tossing them around like batons. If you ever run for Miss Universe I guess we’ll know what your talent will be.”
“Nice,” I managed, running beside him with renewed energy now that I had two hands to battle little Ryu. Who knew toddlers could be so powerful?
“Calm down. We’re taking you somewhere safe,” I said through his howling. I certainly wasn’t cut out to be a mother. When my rational argument failed I gritted my teeth and tried to think of what was worse than a high pitched shriek a centimeter from your ear. Nigel. Matsumotos. Death. Turning into a shadow...and I’m out.
We reached the hatch just in time to leap the distance from the ramp and through the slowly closing doors. If I wasn’t so exhausted I’d be proud of myself for that. Phys Ed was never my thing.
Chapter Twenty Six
Our trip from Nightshade to New Greenland was fraught with nervous terror, limited supplies, overcrowded facilities and long periods of boredom. Someone had tried to set out government-issue cots, but there were only enough for a few people, and everyone else was just sitting or lying down in the empty cargo hold. There was barely enough room to move without touching someone and although the ship lights were dimmed to keep us calm and the temperature was left intentionally cool, the murmur of voices was constant, punctuated only by sobs or the cries of small children. Fear painted every face that wasn’t already awash with hopelessness.
The scarf had fallen from my face when we jumped to the ship, so I spent the first few hours worrying I’d been recognized. I kept my head low, tucked under my hood, and curled my shoulders forward so that no one would notice me. I hated Nigel for this. One more reason to hate the man who had ruined my life by showing me what our Empire was really like. I hated him for the fatherless children and the destitute families. This was all his fault.
We were all huddled in a tiny circle. Kitsano had produced a pair of blankets from her bag and Roman was using one to try to convince Ryu to sleep.
“It’s okay, Ryu. Shhhhh,” Roman crooned to his tiny charge once. “Let me sing to you.”
Maybe with Ryu he would finally find peace in a life apart from me. He seemed custom made to be a father. His lullaby was haunting and foreign. I listened to him sing his little friend to sleep.
I wanted to connect to the ship’s computer to monitor our progress, but now that we were in civilized areas again I was worried about detection. I sat on the floor with my back to Roman. His tender care for Ryu rubbed my wounded heart raw. Just as painful was the sweet look Kitsano shot Driscoll after we joined her. The two of them spoke in hushed voices as often as they could. Maybe I’d be getting a brand new step mother.
I was almost tempted to visit the shadows and see if they had ideas for future strategy, but my fury at Zeta was more than I could handle and I thought my best play would be to at least wait until I could control my temper around her. Clear thinking was necessary to keep them from running me instead of me guiding them.
Eventually I dug the old journal out of my pocket. It was really all I had. My thoughts wandered, refusing to focus on the crabbed handwriting. I could feel happiness pulsing over my link with Roman as he sang to Ryu. I would give almost anything to be a part of that.
I stayed put, eyes wandering over the journal, for the rest of the day. As ‘night’ began on the ship the lights dimmed further and we all talked more quietly. There were line ups for using the facilities, people passed around what little food there was and then families settled in for sleep. Like me, everyone was grasping for artificial sanity. The rhythms of life helped conjure it up.
I propped myself up on an elbow. Driscoll and Kitsano were sleeping back to back with one of the blankets thrown over them.
Roman had little Ryu wrapped up against him. The boy had woken for a time and he was putting him back to sleep. I was getting flickers of the story he was whispering to him through thoughts he didn’t mean to send to me. It was about a small brown hare, and it was ridiculously sweet. Wouldn’t it be nice to cuddle up to someone who cared about you and be told a story about a hare that was loved more than anything? I had never experienced that. Maybe Roman had. Maybe his parents told him this very story before the Matsumotos blew them out of space.
They did, he said, as little Ryu’s breathing steadied into the rhythm of sleep. As always, sadness and love mingled bittersweet in his memories of his parents.
Are you talking to me again? I asked, too numb to know what I thought.
It’s not that I wasn’t talking to you. It’s that I wasn’t talking at all.
And now?
And now I feel like talking.
I risked a glance in his direction and warm cinnamon eye
s locked with mine.
Did you mean it when you told Zeta that it was for me and Ryu that you released the shadows?
You know I did, Roman. You can read my thoughts.
That doesn’t mean that I always understand them, he said silently and his mouth turned into a wry smile.
Even that much from him made my heart twist with sweet pain.
Is it because of your leg that you won’t talk to me? Because of everything that you’ve lost?
The silence dragged, and I panicked, thinking he was cutting me off again. Why did I ask? I should have left well enough alone!
Please, please, I begged, I understand if that’s what it is, but could you just tell me that you want me to leave you alone. Hope eats me like maggots.
Erg. That’s a terrible picture. Don’t say yucky things in my head.
Okay. I hid my face, even my eyes, in my scarf. I was afraid of what I’d see if I looked.
It is because of my leg, but not for the reason that you think.
I peeked and his mouth was twisted, like he was trying to say something but didn’t know how.
I’m supposed to be your guardian, Vera, but I can’t ever be that again- not with my leg gone. You don’t even need one now that you are super-shadow-girl. What’s my part in this?
You’ve been my friend and my rock. What else do I even have except you?
Driscoll. The Empire. A whole life ahead of you of conquest and victory.
Even if I succeed, none of it will mean anything without you.
You’d find other things that matter. Other people. I am not fit as a guardian, and now I have added responsibilities. His eyes drifted down to the little sleeping boy beside him.
You make a good father. I understood why he took Ryu. Who could have left him under the circumstances?
He needs one.
You make a good friend, too, I said, and I reached out to him with my mind.
I don’t know what I expected, but I must have broken down yet another barrier. Instead of just sending my love towards him, I felt like I had a torn a hole between us, and now I could see thoughts flying lightning fast through his mind like fluorescent yellow streaks., I barely caught the edges of love and confusion and then they wrapped into a ball like something had coalesced in his mind. Emotions swirled like the tide that the thoughts drifted through, and distinguishing the different strains in the tide seemed nearly impossible. I was left with impressions of fear, love, insecurity and anxiety, but no real understanding of where they were directed. If this was how he read my mind, then I could see why he was confused.
The Matsumoto (The Matsumoto Trilogy Book 3) Page 16
