“What’s that?” the proprietor scowled.
“Are you Garbelton?” Aahz asked, turning his attention on the proprietor.
“Well ... yes.”
“Your reputation precedes you, sir,” my mentor intoned loftily, “and is devastatingly accurate. Come, Master Skeeve, we’ll take our business elsewhere.”
“But, gentlemen!” Garbelton called desperately. “If you’ll only reconsider ...”
The rest was lost as Aahz gathered me up and strode off into the rain.
“What was that all about?” I demanded, breaking stride to jump a puddle. Aahz stepped squarely in it, splashing maroon mud all over my legs. Terrific.
“That? Oh, just a little smokescreen to save face. It isn’t good for your reputation to get thrown out of places ... particularly for not buying.”
“You mean you hadn’t heard of him before? Then how did you know his name?”
“It was right there on the stall’s placard,” Aahz grinned. “Sure gave him a turn, though, didn’t I? There’s nothing a Deveel hates as much as losing a potential customer ... except for giving a refund.”
As much as I care for Aahz and appreciate the guidance he’s given me, he can be a bit stomach-turning when he starts gloating.
“We’re still out in the rain,” I pointed out.
“Ah, but now we know where we’re going.”
“We do?”
Aahz groaned, swerving to avoid a little old lady who was squatting in the middle of the thoroughfare chortling over a cauldron. As we passed, a large hairy paw emerged from the cauldron’s depth, but the lady whacked it with her wooden spoon and it retreated out of sight. Aahz ignored the entire proceedings.
“Look, kid,” he explained, “we’re looking for two things here. First, we need to recruit some players for our team.”
“How can we recruit for the team when we don’t know the first thing about the game?” I interrupted.
“Second,” my mentor continued tersely, “we have to find someone who can fill us in on the details of the game.”
“Oh.”
Properly mollified, I plodded along beside him in silence for several moments, sneaking covert glances at the displays we were passing. Then something occurred to me.
“Say ... ummmm, Aahz?”
“Yea, kid?”
“You never answered my question. Where are we going?”
“To the Yellow Crescent Inn.”
“The Yellow Crescent Inn?” I echoed, brightening slightly. “Are we going to see Gus?”
“That’s right,” Aahz grinned. “Gus is a heavy better. He should be able to put us in touch with a reliable bookie. Besides he owes us a favor. Maybe we can get him for the team.”
“Good,” I said, and meant it.
Gus is a gargoyle. He was part of the crew we used to stop Big Julie’s army and I trust him as much as I do Aahz ... maybe a little more. Anyone who’s used the expression “heart of stone” to mean insensitive has never met Gus. I assume his heart is stone, the rest of him is, but he’s one of the warmest, most sympathetic beings I’ve ever met. He’s also without a doubt the most stable being that I’ve met through Aahz. If Gus joined our team, I’d worry a lot less ... well, a little less. Then again, he might be too sensible to get involved in this madcap scheme. And as for the bookies ...
“Hey, Aahz,” I blinked. “What do we need a bookie for?”
“To brief us on the game, of course.”
“A bookie from Deva is going to tell us how to play the game on Jahk?”
“It’s the best we can do,” Aahz shrugged. “You heard Griffin. Nobody on Jahk will give us the time of day, much less help us put a team together. Cheer up, though. Bookies are very knowledgeable in spectator sports, and the ones here on Deva are the best.”
I pondered this for several moments, then decided to ask the question that had been bothering me since the meeting.
“Aahz? When you issued the challenge, did you really expect to play the game?”
My mentor stopped dead in his tracks and whirled to face me. “Do you think I’d issue a challenge without intending to fight?” he demanded. “Do you think I’m a big-mouthed bluffer who’d rather talk his way out of trouble than fight?”
“It had crossed my mind,” I admitted.
“Well, you’re right,” he grinned, resuming his stride. “You’re learning pretty fast—for a Klahd. No, I really thought they’d back down when we dropped our disguises. That and I didn’t think Quigley would see through the ploy and call our hand.”
“He’s learning fast, too,” I commented. “I’m afraid he could become a real problem.”
“Not a chance,” my mentor snorted. “You’ve got him beat cold in the magik department.”
“Except I’ve promised not to move against him,” I observed glumly.
“Don’t let it get you down,” Aahz insisted, draping an arm around my shoulders. “We’ve both made some stupid calls on this one. All we can do is play the cards we’re dealt.”
“Bite the bullet, eh?” I grimaced.
“That’s right. Say, you really are learning quickly.”
I still didn’t know what a bullet was, but I was picking up some of Aahz’s pet phrases. At least now I could give the illusion of intelligence.
The Yellow Crescent Inn was in sight now. I expected Aahz to quicken his pace ... I mean, it was raining. Instead, however, my mentor slowed slightly, peering at a mixed group of beings huddled under a tent-flap.
“Hel-lo!” he exclaimed. “What have we here?”
“It looks like a mixed group of beings huddled under a tent flap.” I observed dryly, or as dryly as I could manage while dripping wet.
“It’s a crap game,” Aahz declared. “I can hear the dice.”
Trust a Pervert to hear the sound of dice on mud at a hundred paces.
“So?” I urged.
“So I think we’ve found our bookie. The tall fellow, there at the back of the crowd. I’ve dealt with him before.”
“Are we going to talk to him now?” I asked eagerly.
“Not ‘we,’” Aahz corrected. “Me. You get in enough trouble in clean-cut crowds without my taking you into a crap game. You’re going to wait for me in the Inn. Gus should be able to keep an eye on you.”
“Oh, all right.”
I was disappointed, but willing to get out of the rain.
“And don’t stop to talk to anyone between here and there. Do you hear me?”
“Yes, Aahz,” I nodded, starting off at a trot.
“And whatever you do, don’t eat the food!”
“Are you kidding?” I laughed. “I’ve been here before.”
The food at the Yellow Crescent Inn is dubious at best. Even after dimension hopping with Tananda and seeing what was accepted as food elsewhere, I wouldn’t put anything from that place in my mouth voluntarily.
As I approached, I could see through the door that the place was empty. This usually surprised me. I mean, from my prior experience, there was actually a good-sized crowd in there, and I would have expected the rain to increase the number of loiterers.
Gus wasn’t in sight either, but the door was open, so I pushed my way in, relieved to be somewhere dry again. I shouldn’t have been.
No sooner had I gained entry when something like a large hand closed over the top of my head and I was hoisted bodily from my feet.
“Little person!” a booming voice declared. “Crunch likes little persons. Crunch likes little persons better than Big Macs. How do you taste, little person?”
With this last, I was rotated until I was hanging face to face with my assailant. In this case, I use the term ‘back’ loosely. It had felt like I was being picked up by a big hand because I was being picked up by a big hand. At the other end of the big hand was the f
irst and only Troll it had been my misfortune to meet ... and he looked hungry.
WHILE I HAD never seen a troll before, I knew that this was one. I mean, he fit the description: tall, scraggly hair in patches, long rubbery limbs, and misshapen face with runny eyes of unequal size. If it wasn’t a troll, it would do until something better worse—came along.
I should have been scared, but strangely I wasn’t. For some time now I had been ducking and weaving through some tight situations trying to avoid trouble. Now, Big Ugly here wanted to hassle me. This time, I wasn’t buying.
“Why little person not answer Crunch?” the troll demanded, shaking me slightly.
“You want an answer?” I snarled. “Try this!”
Levitation is one of my oldest spells, and I used it now. Reaching out with my mind, I picked up a chair and slammed it into his face.
He didn’t even blink.
Then I got scared.
“What’s going on out here!” Gus bellowed, charging out of the kitchen. “Any fights, and I’ll ... Skeeve!!”
“Tell your customer here to put me down before I tear off his arm and feed it to him!” I called, my confidence returning with the arrival of reinforcements.
I needn’t have said anything. The effect of Gus’s words on the troll was nothing short of miraculous.
“Skeeve?” my assailant gaped, setting me gently on my feet. “I say. Bloody good to make your acquaintance. I’ve heard so much about you, you know. Chumly here.”
The hand which had so recently fastened on my head now seized my hand and began pumping it gently with each adjective.
“Ummm ... a pleasure, I’m sure,” I stammered, trying vainly to retrieve my hand. “Say, weren’t you talking differently before?”
“Oh, you mean Crunch?” Chumly laughed. “Beastly fellow. Still, he serves his purpose. Keeps the riff-raff at a distance, you know.”
“What he’s trying to say,” Gus supplied, “is that it’s an act he puts on to scare people. It’s lousy for business when he drops in for a visit, but it does mean we can talk uninterrupted. That’s about the only way you can talk to Chumly. He’s terribly shy.”
“Oh, tosh,” the troll proclaimed, digging at the floor with his toe. “I’m only giving the public what it wants. Not much work for a vegetarian troll, you know.”
“A vegetarian troll?” I asked incredulously. “Weren’t you about to eat me a minute ago?”
“Perish the thought,” Chumly shuddered. “Presently I would have allowed you to squirm free and run ... except, of course, you wouldn’t. Quite a spirited lad, isn’t he?”
“You don’t know the half of it,” the gargoyle answered through his perma-grin. “Why, when we took on Big Julie’s army ...”
“Chumly!” Aahz exclaimed, bursting through the door.
“Aahz,” the troll answered. “I say, this is a spot of all right. What brings you ...” He broke off suddenly, eyeing the Deveel who had followed Aahz into the inn.
“Oh, don’t mind the Geek here,” my mentor waved. “He’s helping us with some trouble we’re having.”
“The Geek?” I frowned.
“It’s a nickname,” the Deveel shrugged.
“I knew it,” Gus proclaimed, sinking into a chair. “Or I should have known it when I saw Skeeve. The only time you come to visit is when there’s trouble.”
“If you blokes are going to have a war council, perhaps I’d better amble along,” Chumly suggested.
“Stick around,” Aahz instructed. “It involves Tananda.”
“Tananda?” the troll frowned. “What has that bit of fluff gone and gotten herself into now?”
“You know Tananda?” I asked.
“Oh quite,” Chumly smiled. “She’s my little sister.”
“Your sister?” I gaped.
“Rather. Didn’t you notice the family resemblance?”
“Well ... I, ah ...” I fumbled.
“Don’t let him kid you,” my mentor grinned. “Tananda and Chumly are from Trollia, where the men are Trolls and the women are Trollops. With men like this back home, you can understand why Tananda spends as much time as she does dimension hopping.”
“That’s quite enough of that,” Chumly instructed firmly. “I want to hear what’s happened to little sister.”
“In a bit,” Aahz waved. “First let’s see what information the Geek here has for us.”
“I can’t believe I let you pull me out of a hot crap game to meet with this zoo,” the Deveel grumbled.
“Zoo?” echoed Gus. He was still smiling, but then, he always smiled. Personally, I didn’t like the tone of his voice.
Apparently Aahz didn’t either, as he hastened to move the conversation along.
“You should thank me for getting you out,” he observed, “before the rest of them figured out that you’d switched the dice.”
“You spotted that?” the Geek asked, visibly impressed. “Then maybe it’s just as well I bailed out. When a Pervert can spot me ...”
“That’s Pervect!” Aahz corrected, showing all his teeth.
“Oh! Yes ... of course,” the Deveel amended, pinking visibly. For his sake, I hoped he had some good information for us. In an amazingly short time he had managed to rub everyone wrong. Then again, Deveels have never been noted for their personable ways.
“So what can you tell us about the game on Jahk,” I prompted.
“How much are you paying me?” the Geek yawned.
“As much as the information’s worth,” Aahz supplied grimly. “Probably more.”
The Deveel studied him for a moment, then shrugged.
“Fair enough,” he declared. “You’ve always made good on your debts, Aahz. I suppose I can trust you on this one.”
“So what can you tell us?” I insisted.
Now it was my turn to undergo close scrutiny, but the gaze turned on me was noticeably colder than the one Aahz had suffered. With a lazy motion, the Geek reached down and pulled a dagger from his boot and tossed it aloft with a twirl. Catching it with his other hand, he sent it up again, forming a glittering arch from hand to hand, never taking his eyes from mine.
“You’re pretty mouthy for a punk Klahd,” he observed. “Are you this mouthy when you don’t have a pack of goons around to back your move?”
“Usually,” I admitted. “And they aren’t goons, they’re my friends.”
As I spoke, I reached out once more with my mind, caught the knife, gave it an extra twirl, then stopped it dead in the air, its point hovering bare inches from the Deveel’s throat. Like I said, I was getting a little tired of people throwing their weight around.
The Geek didn’t move a muscle, but now he was watching the knife instead of me.
“In case you missed it the first time around,” Gus supplied, still smiling, “this ‘punk Klahd’s’ name is Skeeve. The Skeeve.” The Deveel pinked again. I was starting to enjoy having a reputation.
“Why don’t you sit down, Geek,” Aahz suggested, “and tell the k ... Skeeve ... what he wants to know?”
The Deveel obeyed, apparently eager to move away from the knife. That being the case, I naturally let it follow him.
Once he was seated, I gave it one last twirl and set it lightly on the table in front of him. That reassured him somewhat, but he still kept glancing at it nervously as he spoke.
“I ... um ... I really don’t have that much information,” he began uncomfortably. “They only play one game a year, and the odds are usually even.”
“How is the game played?” Aahz urged.
“Never seen it, myself,” the Geek shrugged. “It’s one of those get-the-ball-in-the-net games. I’m more familiar with the positions than the actual play.”
“Then what are the positions?” I asked.
“It’s a five-man team,” the Deveel explai
ned. “Two forwards, or Fangs, chosen for their speed and agility; one guard or Interceptor, for power; a goal-tender or Castle, who is usually the strongest man on the team; and a Rider, a mounted player who is used both for attack and defense.”
“Sounds straightforward enough,” my mentor commented.
“Can’t you tell us anything at all about the play?” I pressed.
“Well, I’m not up on the Strategies,” the Geek frowned. “But I have a general idea of the action. The team in possession of the ball has four tries to score a goal. They can move the ball by running, kicking, or throwing. Once the ball is immobilized, the try is over and they line up for their next try. Of course, the defense tries to stop them.”
“Run, kick, or throw,” Aahz murmured. “Hmmm ... Sounds like defense could be a problem. What are the rules regarding conduct on the field?”
“Players can’t use edged weapons on each other,” the Deveel recited. “Any offenders will be shot down on the spot.”
“Sensible rule,” I said, swallowing hard. “What else?”
“That’s it,” the Geek shrugged.
“That’s it?” Aahz exclaimed. “No edged weapons? That’s it?”
“Both for the rules and my knowledge of the game,” the Deveel confirmed. “Now, if we can settle accounts, I’ll be on my way.”
I wanted to cross-examine him, but Aahz caught my eye and shook his head.
“Would you settle for a good tip?” he asked.
“Only if it was a really good tip,” the Geek responded dourly.
“Have you heard about the new game on Jahk? The three-way brawl that’s coming up?”
“Of course,” the Deveel shrugged.
“You have?” I blinked. I mean we had only just set it up!
“I have a professional stake in keeping up on these things.”
“Uh-huh!” my mentor commented judiciously. “How are the odds running?”
“Even up for Ta-hoe and Veygus. This new team is throwing everyone for a loop, though. Since no one can get a line on them, they’re heavy underdogs.”
“If we could give you an inside track on this dark-horse team,” Aahz said, looking at the ceiling, “would that square our account?”
MA03 Myth Directions Page 12
