“Irish isn’t a bad word, Grandmother.” Sarabeth’s voice was thin, and Lucinda waved it away like a fly.
“Maybe not to you,” she said with a chuckle.
Gavin decided not to weigh in, but instead answered, “Yes, Owen and his wife, Lindy, are friends of mine. They thought I might be able to help.”
“Ah, I see that you’re some kind of…foreign, too.”
“Grandmother,” Sarabeth protested, but he wasn’t bothered by the assumption. Based on everything else the woman had done from the time he’d set foot in the house, it was clear that this must have been her attempt at politeness.
“Scots, ma’am,” he said.
“Yes, well, better than Welsh, I suppose. I do wish that we would have been left to handle this ourselves. But as it seems we had no choice, how much do we owe you for your services?” She reached for a tiny quilted bag on the table beside her, but Gavin shook his head, fighting the urge to grab Sarabeth’s hand and drag her bodily from this miserable house with this miserable woman.
“It’s quite all right, ma’am. Thank you,” he managed stiffly.
“Gavin—” Sarabeth started, but her grandmother cut her off.
“All right then, even better. Thank you for your service.” She snapped the clasp of the purse closed and looked at him expectantly. It was a dismissal, clear as day.
He clenched his jaw and rolled to his feet. “I’m sorry for the disruption to your life.” He bit back the rest of the words trying to claw their way out of his throat.
I’m sorry you don’t value what you have. I’m sorry I don’t meet your blue-blood standards. I’m sorry Sarabeth doesn’t have the kind of family she deserves.
What little remaining respect he had for the woman who’d raised such an incredible person died away, and the only thing holding him back was the thought of how uncomfortable Sarabeth would have been if he’d said all that was on his mind.
He turned to say good-bye to her, and she looked so perfectly matched with her surroundings that it was almost impossible to breathe. Not only was it so stuffy in the place that regular humans would get nosebleeds if they turned their noses up as far as these people, but it was obvious that she was cast into this mold. Her clothes were perfectly pressed, and she was wearing the suit she’d worn the first day they met. The light gray of her skirt and shirt, the tiny ruffles…that girl in those commando clothes was someone else entirely. Someone born of a wild, adrenaline-filled episode in her life, but that wasn’t who she was. Even now, although her lips were pursed tight and her face was pale, she stayed quiet as her grandmother shat on all she surveyed.
Another few weeks away from him, and Sarabeth’s hair would be growing out and blond again, her suits as neat and clean. And she’d be the woman who was still too good for the likes of him.
He ignored the twinge of pain that came with her continued silence. She’d treated him with nothing but respect, and she’d taught him so much. He was a better person for having known her, and even if he could take back what they’d shared, he wouldn’t do it.
She’d made him a better man, and that would have to be enough to last him the rest of his life.
…
Gavin nodded to her and turned on his heel without another word. Not even an “it’s been fun.” She made a quick excuse to her grandmother and followed him, dashing through the archway and catching him right as he was opening the driver’s side door of his car.
“So this is it, then?” she called, and he turned, holding a hand over his eyes to block out the sun.
“It is.” He nodded.
“Did you keep those receipts? I owe you. I’ll…I’ll have to pay you back.” Her entire body was shaking, but she held her voice steady. It was the least she could do to speak, and it was almost impossible to hear her voice over the screaming of her thoughts.
Ask me to stay. Ask me to come home with you. Ask me something. Anything. Please.
He smiled. “Like I told you, I think I can manage, Doc. Owen and Lindy got the rest. That’s what they hired me for, so. Yeah.” He stuffed his hands in his pockets and leaned against the car. She took it as a sign to approach and made quick work of the stairs, still choking back the tears in her throat.
It was exactly as she’d feared. She was a pleasant distraction during an unpleasant job that he’d never wanted to take. For days, she’d been running it through her mind—what she would do when they separated—but she never thought he’d be so aloof. She’d been open with him, shared her body and her life, and it was only now that she realized it had all been nothing to him. Her fantasies were a pipe dream, blown away like the fragments of her car.
“I’ll thank them, then.” She swallowed the tears clogging her throat and forced a smile.
“Yeah, do.” He nodded. The silence lengthened, a weight pressing on her as her mind vacillated between escaping and telling him everything that was on her mind. It seemed that no matter what choice she made, she would be crushed by him. His actions had already told her what she needed to know.
“I think I’d probably best be going, then,” he said, tapping on the hood of his car.
“Yeah, I guess.” She turned to leave, and she could hear him climbing into the vehicle, but as the engine revved, she turned back and rushed to his side, motioning for him to roll the window down.
“Hey…” Her mind hadn’t worked past that moment. It was all too much to handle. Still, she had to say something. “Thank you. For everything.” She floundered for something else to say to fill the space, but in the end, stayed silent. It didn’t matter because it was going to end the same no matter what. She was going to let him go. She had to. No matter how wrong and hopeless it felt.
After all, he’d already made his decision.
“Hey, uh, no problem.” He nodded before revving the engine again. “Take care, okay? Be safe.”
He backed out of the driveway and sped down the road. She watched the car until it had turned the corner, and she could only see the pinpricks of his taillights as he went.
She needed a minute. One whole minute before she could even think about walking back into that house. Now that Gavin was gone, there was nothing to stop her from laying out the family business and letting her grandmother know exactly what she thought of how she’d treated the man who had risked his own neck to protect her. Old habits died hard, and while she would be forever grateful that her grandparents had taken her in when no one else wanted her, it was high time for a change. She took three deep, cleansing breaths, repeating the mantra she had on that first mission with him.
I am a warrior. I am strong.
And that was when she bent over, hot, jagged sobs racking her until she couldn’t see straight.
Chapter Fifteen
The week since Gavin left her with her grandparents had easily been the most exhausting week of her life. As he’d said, the media frenzy had died off relatively quickly—since she didn’t bleed, she couldn’t lead, and that was something she was eternally grateful for. Still, spending days alone with Lucinda had her wishing on more than one occasion that someone would make her bleed and put her out of her misery. Especially since things between them had gone from chilly to ice cold after she’d ripped her grandmother a new one over the way she treated Gavin.
In seven days within their sterile, gilded insane asylum, she’d been witness to two DAR meetings in which tea was denied to Mitsy Taylor because her son had been spotted buying marijuana on High Street. She’d also seen three different cooks fired for various injustices, one of which included serving veal on shellfish night. The one thing she hadn’t seen was her grandfather’s face unobscured by a newspaper or business report.
When her grandmother wasn’t lecturing her over what she deemed a “tawdry” shade of eye shadow, harping on her new, less formal style of clothes, or trying to prod her into going out with that nice Abbott boy who’d recently come into his trust fund, she was left entirely to her own devices. Without work to keep her busy until
the last of the furor regarding her ordeal died down, she was bored out of her gourd. She slipped out occasionally to pick up the newest romance novels in the grocery store and secretly read them in her bedroom, but that was the full extent of her excitement.
Most of the time, she could barely focus on the words, her mind filling with memories of how she’d spent her time at Gavin’s house. She wondered what he was doing and where he was almost constantly. Every time her grandfather brushed past her with newspaper in hand, she stared hard at the front page, convinced that she’d catch a glimpse of Gavin carrying someone out of a burning building or laying waste to some crime ring.
He was never there, and somehow it made her feel even more alone every time she bothered to look.
Around noon, the doorbell rang, and the maid rang the intercom in Sarabeth’s quarters, telling her she had visitors. She’d been lying in her bed, not bothering to dress before delving back into her book.
Her heart thrummed, and she rushed to her bedroom door, opening it a crack and yelling down the stairs that she’d be with them in a minute.
She ignored the light-pink dress her grandmother’s maid had laid out for her in favor of a pair of jeans and a sweater, then ran her fingers through her hair, taking calming, deep breaths as she examined herself in the mirror. She was a damned mess. After three weeks, her blond roots were finally starting to show, and she hadn’t bothered to cover them with dye again, still not sure what to do with her new style. She flipped open the container of eye shadow Gavin had given to her and brushed it over her lids, blending until the color made her eyes pop.
She lifted her chin and turned to each side. Respectable. Better.
If Gavin was at the door, and there was no reason to think after a week he’d show up, but if he was…if he was, she’d tell him what she’d come to realize for certain over the past seven days. In every moment, she wanted him by her side. She wanted to listen to him laugh or make fun of her. She wanted to be a part of his crazy-ass life, with brazen waitresses who may—or probably weren’t—trying to poison them, and his wild-haired friend Maddy and his giant castle of a house.
She loved him.
Heart in her throat, she opened her bedroom door and glided down the stairs, finding only Martina in the foyer. “Miss Lucinda invited them into the parlor.” She nodded and trotted off to the kitchen, calling behind her that lunch would be prepared shortly.
Miss Lucinda invited them in? Weird…
When she crossed the entryway and stepped through the arch of the living room, her heart dropped. Owen and Lindy were sitting opposite her grandmother, nodding politely as Lucinda yammered on about how the caterers at her last event had had the nerve to put pigs in a blanket on their menu or something of the kind.
At the sound of her footsteps, Lindy turned and greeted her with a bright smile. “Hey, stranger. How are you?”
“Great, it’s so nice to see you.” And it was. Seeing her friends was a wonderful reminder that her life was more than the nightmare she’d been trapped in for the past week, but the gnawing ache in the pit of her stomach wouldn’t let her forget what she’d been expecting. And rather than the surly Scottish brute she wanted to see, Lindy’s tall Irish millionaire was on her couch.
“And you.” Owen smiled. “Glad you made it out. Even if you had to put up with Gavin.” Owen barked a laugh, but Lindy looked thoughtful as she studied Sarabeth’s face. Sarabeth hoped against hope the practiced smile hadn’t faltered.
“Yes, well, he did a great job,” she said. Desperate to change the subject before Lindy saw too much, she added, “Would you like to stay for lunch? I’m sure we have more than enough.”
Lucinda sniffed disapprovingly, but the two people on the couch ignored her.
“That would be great,” Lindy said.
“Excellent.” Sarabeth slid next to her grandmother on the couch and Rochester, resting as ever beneath the elder woman’s feet, let out a low growl of disapproval.
They chatted for a while before Martina called them in for lunch, leaving Lucinda behind in the parlor. As they tucked in to their meal, the couple filled Sarabeth in on what their life had been like while she was away. They skated carefully around details of The Healing Place cases, but they did tell her that Vito DeSalvo had been brought up on charges of racketeering the day before.
“You didn’t see it? It’s been all over the news.” Lindy chewed on the crust of her caprese sandwich.
“I guess not. Is it a big trial?”
“It’s enormous. CNN, ABC, NBC, the whole alphabet was practically covering it.”
“Wow.” Sarabeth felt a real smile tugging at her lips for the first time in over a week. More than anything, she’d been afraid that Vito would get off scot-free for this whole mess, but it seemed like he might pay after all.
“You’d think Gavin would be happier about the whole thing,” Owen said before crunching into his sandwich.
“Owen,” Lindy said softly, eyeing him. He wasn’t the sort to heed her warning, though, so he continued.
“What? He’s the star witness in the case. Apparently, when Vito was released on bail for the whole shootout at the warehouse, there were rumblings that the DA didn’t have enough evidence to win a trial. Gavin worked with police to set up a sting operation. There was another firefight and everything, but he doesn’t seem to care about any of it. Solemn and miserable as a bear.” He shook his head.
“Wait. There was a what?” Sarabeth nearly choked on her tomato, and the acidic taste merged with the rancid bile biting at the back of her throat.
“It was very minor. I guess there was some sort of something…well, I couldn’t understand most of the technical stuff the two of them say.” She nodded toward her husband. “But he was only grazed by the bullet. It was a very slight wound on his arm. Nothing to be upset over.” She nibbled on a piece of lettuce.
“Except he’s been moping about for days. Will barely take any calls. He sits in his house and works alone, sends Maddy on all the active-duty stuff. It’s not like him,” Owen said.
No, that was true. If the scars covering him from head to toe were any indication, he’d lost any tendency toward being gun-shy a long time ago. It hardly seemed possible that he would be so sullen over a negligible firefight, especially if it was integral in taking down one of the city’s biggest crime conglomerates. So…that only left one major difference as far as she could tell.
Maybe it was self-absorbed to think it. Maybe it was only wishful thinking. But she had to hope that deep down he was missing her as much as she was missing him.
And she was going to do her damnedest to put it right.
She tried to prod more information out of the pair, but every time Gavin’s name was mentioned, Lindy leveled a glare at her husband, and the topic of conversation would switch, sometimes without any kind of logical transition. By the end of the meal, it was absolutely clear to her that they knew something she didn’t, something Gavin didn’t want her to know, and she’d be darned if she wasn’t going to figure it out.
She ushered her friends out the door with speedy hugs and good-byes, making a mental note to spend more time with them when she could actually focus. As soon as the locks snapped themselves closed, the clicking of her grandmother’s heels sounded like a warning bell. The chime before the start of a boxing match.
“How was the Irishman?” She was holding her martini glass aloft like it was a trophy. And considering the fact that it was two in the afternoon, it was a bit of an achievement that the crystal was already half-empty.
“Owen was fine.” Sarabeth started up the stairs, but her grandmother called her back with a loud clearing of her throat.
“You know, I’ve been meaning to talk to you for some time now.”
“Oh?” She tried her hardest to mask her growing contempt, but it became more of a struggle every day. She knew whatever was about to come next was not going to be a congratulations on making it through the most enormous failure of her life or
the greatest heartbreak she’d ever felt. No, if anything, the woman was about to throw another giant log onto the crackling bonfire of Sarabeth’s regrets.
“Yes. Please, come join me in the sitting room.” The silver heels clicked off and Sarabeth followed, taking long, deep breaths as she went. It was always such a production, these come-to-Jesus meetings that usually turned into something more like a come-to-bridge-club.
“Your twenty-ninth birthday is in three months.” Her grandmother sipped from her martini glass as if to wash down the bitter taste of her own words. “I’ve been speaking with Trinket Abbot, you know Trinket? Darling woman.”
“Darling woman” was typically code for “single son” in the dictionary of Lucinda Lucking. She leaned back in the cushions. So far she’d been hopping around, trying to exhaust Sarabeth’s mind before she delivered the kidney punch.
Hit me with your best shot.
“Well, her boys have lovely prospects. Neville is even starting his own accounting firm.” She smiled. A white, pearly omen of doom.
“Good for him.” Sarabeth bit the inside of her cheek.
“Yes, it really is. So, I’ve arranged for you to meet him on Saturday for dinner. Martina will lay out your outfit, and you’ll go to my hairdresser on Friday to handle”—she waved a hand lazily at Sarabeth’s locks—“that. The following Saturday you’ve a date scheduled with Bethany’s son. I’m hoping that maybe by your birthday, I’ll find you someone suitable to bring to the party.”
“Party?”
“Well, of course. The DAR fund-raiser has to take place somewhere. What better time than your birthday? Maybe if you had a man with you, then everyone would be willing to ignore your latest…incident. And the one before that. And the one before that.” She tilted her head back to take in the rest of her drink.
So she hadn’t meant to throw a log onto Sarabeth’s regret fire. Her grandmother had intended to toss an entire tree in there and start a bonfire. How else would she get what she wanted?
But it was enough. The tree hadn’t built the fire, it had smothered it, crushing it until she realized exactly what it had been before—carefully stoked so that other people could feed from it. A way to keep her down. But no more.
She took a deep breath, getting to her feet. “Let me get this straight. By my latest incident, you mean the Mafia attempt on my life? And the one before, you mean the opportunity to work in the field of my choice and provide for myself instead of having every moment of my life micromanaged by you and your do-nothing friends? And I’m assuming that the incident before that would be my birth. I’m so sorry, I know that one was definitely my fault. You’re so right.”
“Who do you think you’re—?”
She straightened her spine and jabbed a finger in the older woman’s direction. “No, who do you think you’re talking to? I’m a grown woman. I started my own practice. I’ve made mistakes, but I don’t glom on to other people to support myself. You’re right, I’m almost thirty. I know!” She threw her hands in the air wildly. “Grab another gin martini because the very thought of having a thirty-year-old unmarried granddaughter is too much to handle sober, but those are the facts. I’m going home, and I don’t care how many reporters are waiting for me when I get there. I know you don’t either, so let’s drop the charade.”
The thoughts that had been trapped inside her head came pouring out like hot, fresh tears. Soothing and necessary. She ignored her grandmother’s exaggerated gasps of horror, grabbed her purse, and barreled out of the house to her waiting rental car. It was time to start fresh and to take action.
She swiped at the tears of anger filling her eyes and jammed the keys into the ignition. Now that she’d made her mind up, even the fury she felt toward her grandmother took a backseat. She was going to see Gavin again, and as scary as that was, it also marked the first moment she felt truly alive since he’d driven away.
She dodged the single remaining local news van, headed for the mall, and quickly made the rounds to several stores before finding what she needed. She slipped into the ladies’ room to change. It had been nothing short of a miracle, but she’d found sleek black leather leggings and a matching top. She pulled on high-top combat boots as a finishing touch, though she couldn’t resist grabbing the pair that had light rhinestone patterns etched on the heel. After all, what was the point in going all out if she wasn’t going to do it right?
Stepping out of the stall, she examined herself in the opposite mirror, pulling on a top that exposed her abdomen. She blew hair from her face and bit her bottom lip. Add a bad perm, and she would have looked like she’d stolen Sandy’s getup from Grease. That was okay, though. Almost better.
She made a few more stops, picking up a piece of carpet, wire cutters, the whole arsenal of things she could remember being in Gavin’s car. After a quick visit to the perfume and makeup counter, night had fallen, and she was ready to strike.
When she pulled onto his street, it was after ten. She parked around the corner and jogged toward the huge, touch-me-not gates, taking a deep breath and laying out the plan in her mind one last time. At this time of night, Gavin was usually sequestered in his office, poring over files and being a general shut-in. Soon, he’d trudge off to bed, making her mission that much easier.
She’d have to get past each of the defense systems, and that should be easy enough. He wouldn’t be watching the cameras embedded in the shrubs in his yard, so that wouldn’t be much of a problem. The only real issue was the fingerprint scanner. One wrong response and the thing was bound to go off. She didn’t have the equipment to figure a way around it. Still, that was a bridge she’d have to cross when she got to it.
She squared her shoulders, shimmying over the first fence the way she had the night they’d broken into that house. The wrought iron, so much more difficult to surpass than the chain link, proved a challenge, but she’d worn easy-grip black gloves to avoid the abrasive metal rubbing on her bare skin. When she got to the top, her hand slipped, and she toppled to the ground on the opposite side, knocking the wind from her lungs as her tailbone tried to convince her that she should turn back and forget that she’d ever devised such a cockamamy scheme.
She wasn’t about to let anything stop her from getting to Gavin tonight, though. After years of taking the cautious route, she was through with that.
The second and third gates went more easily, and when she came to the fourth gate, she was already summoning all of her mental fortitude, trying to think up a way through the only obstacle that seemed insurmountable. But when she’d finally got there, the gate was wide open, swaying back and forth with the light evening breeze.
“What the…” she whispered to herself. Not willing to look a gift horse in the mouth, she stepped through the entrance, wincing as she anticipated an electric shock or for spikes to come flying at her from all directions. It was too easy, far too easy. Something was wrong.
Someone had been here before her. Were they trying to avenge Vito? Trying to
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