by Amy Deason
She was aware of both Nikolas and the Bishop staring at her, regarding her anxiously as though she might fall apart or blow up or something. But she wasn’t going to. She couldn’t. Whatever was in this letter wouldn’t bring her dad back to her but it may just save her life. And the lives of many others. She had to open it. But not here. Not with an audience. She needed to be somewhere away from prying eyes. Throughout this entire trip, she’d been strong and tough for the most part, holding back as much as she could. But once she opened this letter, the damn would bust and every emotion would come rushing through like a tidal wave. No one needed to see that.
Lifting her head, she offered the Bishop a weak smile. “Thank you. For everything.”
Taking a deep breath, she turned to Nikolas, her own dark angel. “I know you’re anxious to see what’s inside. But please, let me read this alone.” She couldn’t stop the tremble in her voice.
Dark eyes bored into hers, weighing her words. Time stood still as she waited for him to answer. She prayed he would give her this small request. Not only because she wanted it but because it would tell her everything she needed to know about the man standing in front of her. If he denied her this one thing, she would know just what a heartless bastard he was. But if he didn’t . . .
“Go ahead,” he murmured, never taking his eyes from hers. “I’ll come to the room later.”
So he did have a heart.
Something in her own heart shifted and she could have sworn she actually heard it click into place. Like a puzzle piece finding its way home.
Casting the thought aside, she nodded and turned away, leaving the Bishop’s quarters. With a lump in her throat and her legs shaking with every step she took, she somehow made it back to the room. Shutting the door behind her, she dropped down onto the bed, the mattress sagging softly with her weight. She looked down at the envelope. This was the last bit of her dad. Right here in her hands. The sentimental part of her wanted to keep it just the way it was. Intact, unopened, just as he’d left it. But another part of her knew she had to open it eventually. But she was scared. What if it didn’t have the answers Nikolas was looking for? What would happen to them then? There was only one way to find out.
Gathering her courage, she dug her teeth into her bottom lip and flipped the envelope over. Carefully so not to rip the paper, she slid her finger underneath the edge, breaking the seal.
This was it. The moment of truth.
Cadence withdrew the folded paper, two sheets in all, and set the hollow envelope on the bed beside her. With trembling fingers and a heavy heart, she began to read.
My Dearest Daughter,
If you’re reading this, then I was right. I was being followed. And most likely, I am not able to be with you anymore.
I never meant for any of this to happen. I should have never come to Russia. Because now, my darling daughter, you are left alone. And for that, I am so sorry.
I want you to know how much I love you. You are a joy to both me and your mother. I know she would be so proud of you for the woman you’ve become. And I am proud of the woman you will be. I just wish I could be there to see it. To see you graduate Julliard. To play on the stage at Carnegie Hall. To fall in love and get married. To have children.
Tear drops slipped down her cheeks and fell, striking the paper, darkening the ink. Absently, she wiped them away and continued to read, hearing her dad’s voice with every word.
I loved your mother very much. I still do. And I know she loved me just as much. But you, you were our greatest joy, our greatest treasure. Once you were born, our world was complete and we were never happier.
I know how hard her death was for you. I saw you struggle, even as a child, to not let her see how broken hearted you were as she continued to get sicker with each passing day. I saw you stand by her bedside, holding her hand as she took the drugs and treatments that were supposed to help her but didn’t. I remember how you would lift your little chin and smile at her, telling her it would be okay. Then you would sit down at your piano and play the most beautiful songs for her. God, she loved that so. That was what made the end bearable for her you know. Not the doctors or nurses, not the painkillers, and not me. You. You were what helped her the most. I want to thank you for that dear daughter. Without you, her death would have been unbearable for her. And for me.
After she was gone, I did my best to raise you. But I was a single dad and I didn’t have a clue what I was doing. I’m sure someone else could have done a better job. Perhaps if I had remarried . . .
But there was no one that could compare to your mother. So I didn’t really see the point. Once you’ve had perfection, going with anything else is simply settling. And it would not have been fair to you, me, or whomever I might have married.
But it was okay. I was fine with it being just you and me. I hope you were too although you never said otherwise. And you, with the kindest heart, would never have told me if you weren’t, would you?
Cadence, as soon as you read this, I want you to leave Russia. Immediately. Please be careful. I am not sure who is behind this madness but whoever they are, they mean serious business. And they will stop at nothing to get what they want. And what they want is the formula I have been working on for the last year.
As bright as you are, I know the details of my work were never your thing and most of it will never make sense to you. Perhaps it’s for the best. What you don’t know, you can’t give them. Although, even that may not stop them from coming after you. Do you understand? THEY WILL KILL YOU.
I am not going to write out the entire formula here because it will not make sense to you and God forbid this letter ends up in the wrong hands. But I will tell you the secret to it. Only you must destroy this letter after you’ve read it. I know how sentimental you are and you will want to keep it but don’t. Rip it up, burn it, I don’t care but get rid of it.
You’ve had the answer to my research all of this time. You just didn’t know it.
Remember the locket I gave you before I left? The one with notes inscribed on the front? I know you thought they were just random notes or maybe part of a song. I remember you even tried to play them once on the piano at home. It sounded horrible. I may not have a musical bone in my body but I chose those notes for a reason.
Those notes are the key. Inside and out. Each one corresponds with the main elements of my formula. I know this is way over your head so I don’t expect you to understand it. But there is one person who will. He is the only person you can trust.
Henry is not really your uncle but he might as well be. He helped me so much after your mother passed away and he’s been there for us both. He’s watched you grow up into the beautiful young lady you are and I know he will be there for you whenever you need him. If things are as bad as I think they are, you are in serious danger. Henry will be able to get you out of Russia safely. Call him. Tell him what is going on.
Cadence, I am so sorry you were pulled into this mess. I would give anything to go back and change it if I could. But I can’t. The only thing I can do is to tell you how sorry I am. And I know it’s not enough. It never will be. But I love you. Never forget that. I may not be by your side anymore but I will always be in your heart. And you will be in mine no matter where I am.
Love Always,
Your dad
Henry’s name and number were written carefully at the bottom but Cadence barely registered it as the onslaught of grief overtook her. Holding the letter tightly to her chest, she curled up in a ball on the bed and cried. Really wailed, not caring who heard. Her dad was dead, murdered by some crazy Russian bastards who didn’t care about anything but some fucking formula. She would never again get to see his face, hear his laughter, give him a hug. He was gone and he was never coming back.
Anger collided with her grief, building inside of her, becoming a wild th
ing full of venom and everything dark. It was volatile and dangerous and she could feel herself trembling with the explosive force of it. She wanted to strike out at something, at someone. She wanted to make God take it back, to make God bring him back. It wasn’t fair and she hated it. Hated it.
Never in her life had she felt so furious, so explosive. It was as if her body were a powder keg and she was surrounded by sparks of fire. If one of those flying embers so much as touched her, she would ignite. A part of her wanted to do just that. To say the hell with everything and just blow up. To lose all control and quit. But another part of her, the stronger side, refused to let her do it.
She couldn’t give up. If she did, then her dad’s death would be for nothing. And if she accomplished nothing else in this life, she would not let her dad die in vain.
Cold, hard steel stabbed through the black cloud of pain and anger, ripping through it with a razor’s edge. Her tears began to taper off as she re-read her dad’s words.
The locket? That was the key?
Placing the letter on the bed, she reached behind her and carefully unhooked the snap on the golden chain. With the golden heart nestled in her palm, she studied the notes, hearing them play in her head. They still sounded horrific. But what did he mean, inside and out? There were no notes on the inside, only pictures.
Lightning flashed in her brain and then she understood.
With trembling fingers, she split the two sides of the heart, opening it. For a moment, she gazed at the miniature photos on either side. Her mom and her dad. The two most loving and important people of her life. It wasn’t fair that she should be without them. Grief tried to raise its head again but she shoved it away. There was no time for tears right now. She had to know what her dad was talking about.
Slipping her fingernail underneath edge of her dad’s picture, she carefully peeled it away from the heart shaped pocket it was in. Beneath it was a music note. She repeated the action with the photo of her mom, revealing another note.
It was true. This is what the Russians wanted. And what they must never get. She would make sure of it.
Cadence replaced the pictures inside the heart and closed it. Refastening the chain around her neck, she grabbed the letter and stood. She needed to destroy it. Her dad had been right, she wanted to keep it. But she wouldn’t. It was too dangerous. She had to get rid of it.
But how? She didn’t have a lighter or even a book of matches.
Suddenly, she had an idea.
Leaving the room, she walked down the narrow hall to the communal bathroom. Unbelievable. A huge place like this and there was only one bathroom. She hoped there was no one else in there.
For once, luck was on her side and the bathroom was empty. She immediately went to the middle stall and stood over the toilet, the letter clutched in her hand. All she had to do was rip it up. Tear it to shreds and flush the remains.
Tightening her fingers around the paper, she tore it neatly in half when another thought hit her. Holding the two sections, she paused, the torn paper hanging precariously over the white porcelain bowl.
Nikolas.
He would want to see this letter. But her dad had said not to trust anyone and to destroy it. The problem was she already trusted Nikolas. Mostly anyway. He hadn’t let anyone get to her. He could keep her safe. Couldn’t he?
“What am I going to do?” Her voice was nothing more than a whisper but in the empty room, it sounded much louder.
Before she could make up her mind, the bathroom door opened and someone came in. Shoving the ripped letter deep into the pocket of her pants, she flushed the toilet and practically ran from the room.
Chapter 21
Holy hell. She was gone.
Slapping the door frame in frustration, Nikolas spun on his heel, leaving the empty bedroom behind. He should have known better than to let Cadence out of his sight. Especially with something so important.
He should have taken the letter from her right then and there. The information in it was most likely more valuable to him than to her. Entire countries rested on it.
On the other hand, it was one of the last things she’d gotten from Phillip Montgomery and knowing Cadence as he was beginning to, the letter might as well have been made of gold to her.
Damn, Nikolas thought. He must be getting soft. What other reason could he have for giving into those pleading blue eyes?
Out of nowhere, he remembered Johnny’s words. There’s no falling in love with her. You’re already there.
The words hit Nikolas like a tidal wave, making him pause in his tracks. Johnny was an asshole and he was wrong. He didn’t love Cadence. He couldn’t.
How would it even be possible? The incident with Jenika had been a major mistake. One which nearly wrecked him. Watching her die had been horrendous and afterwards, he’d felt himself teetering on the edge of disappearing completely. From The Perfect Order, from life, from everything. But Charlie hadn’t let him. She was the only one that knew how close he’d come to walking away and the only one that had been able to draw him out of his self-indulgent grief. He supposed he owed her.
After all, she was the closest thing to a real mother he’d ever had. Which wasn’t saying much. One mother had tossed him out onto the street to do whatever it took to keep food in their mouths. The other put a gun in his hand and trained him to kill. And to fuck. Geez, no wonder he was so screwed up. Both matronly figures in his life, Anya and Charlie, were two sides of the same coin it seemed. Using him to get what they needed. The only difference was Charlie had saved him from ending up in prison. Or worse.
After he had gotten his head on straight, he swore never to feel again. For anything or anyone. It was just too painful and it was nothing but trouble. And he’d kept that promise. Until now. And now here he was again, in the same damn boat. Stuck on a mission with a woman he was beginning to feel something for. How stupid could he be?
“Der-mo.” When cussing didn’t help, he cursed again. And again. Spewing profanities in a house of God, no matter how quietly, was a new low for him. Which was saying a lot.
Nikolas ran his fingers through his hair, closed his eyes, and counted to ten. Nope, it didn’t help. Nothing was going to help until he found Cadence, got possession of the letter, and got her the hell away from him. Back to her nice, safe home. In her nice, safe life.
But where could she have gone?
Room by room, hallway by hallway, he looked everywhere. It was if she had simply disappeared into thin air. The longer he searched, the more anxious he became. He tried to tell himself it was only because of the letter but even he didn’t believe that lie. It was because of her. The damn Texas woman had gotten under his skin and now he was worried. If she somehow managed to escape him, she would be in for a world of hurt if Dmitry’s goons got their nasty hands on her. The thought of what they would do to her, what Dmitry would do to her, made his stomach roll.
He had to find her.
Shoving at the heavy door in front of him, Nikolas stepped into yet another room. Painted a pale blue, it was empty. The only decoration was an enormous alabaster cross. Stretching from ceiling to floor, it took up the greater part of the front wall.
A prayer room.
Well God help him, he could use a prayer right now. He had to find Cadence and had no idea where to look next.
Spying a set of French-style doors directly across from him, he crossed the room and yanked them open. Stepping out onto the balcony, he was astounded by the sight below him.
The courtyard was a forest of flowers and trees.
Brick pathways wound themselves through the colorful garden, past ancient sculptures, and serene backyard ponds. Standing directly in the center of it all was the largest fountain he’d ever seen in his life. The wings of the angel were opened halfway as she knelt with hands uplifted to
the sky, a look of rapture on her stony face and crystal-clear drops of water dancing around her gown.
But it wasn’t the concrete angel that caught his attention. It was the one made of flesh and blood sitting on the bench below. With her head bowed and hands in her lap, she stole every breath from his body. His heart lurched with a powerful emotion he’d rather not give a name to. It was one which had disappeared completely. Or so he’d thought.
“Thank God,” he whispered. The relief of finding Cadence was overwhelming, stronger than he had imagined. He gripped the iron railing, barely feeling it’s solidity underneath the palms of his hands.
As if she’d heard him, Cadence raised her head, her eyes connecting with his.
For a moment, he was frozen in place. Like a sniper staring through the end of a sight, every detail of her face swam into focus. Eyes like deep blue lagoons, delicate cheekbones, a pixie-like nose, and that rose-colored mouth. As he watched, her teeth clamped down on the plump bottom lip, catching it like a prisoner of war.
Get a grip, Kozlov. She’s just a girl. Nothing special. And definitely nothing you can’t live without. Now go down there and get the letter. Make the necessary arrangements and get her the hell out of Russia.
Sucking in a deep breath, Nikolas dropped his eyes and nodded to himself.
It was time to do this.
~ ~ ~
