by Amy Deason
Pain lanced through Cadence, shredding her heart.
The truth was simple as black and white. Nikolas didn’t love her. He didn’t even like her. The only thing he cared about was getting what he wanted and doing whatever he had to to get it. She had been nothing more than a pawn in his sick, twisted game. He’d won and she’d lost. Oh Lord, how she’d lost.
How could she have been so stupid? So ignorant?
With tears streaming down her face, she spun around, racing down the hallway as fast as she could. Away from Nikolas, away from the impossibly beautiful woman by his side, away from the heartbreak surging through her soul.
Reaching the lobby, Cadence stopped with her hand on the reception desk, out of breath and sobbing. She lowered her head to the wooden top, bawling like a baby. The pain seared through her, obliterating everything in its path. Never had she felt so torn apart, so destroyed. How could she have let herself fall for him? For him? He’d told her who he was, what he was, but still she had fallen in love with him.
“Stupid, stupid, stupid,” she whispered, her voice roughened by the tears that continued to slip over her cheeks.
For a couple of minutes, she simply stood there, with her forehead pressing against her wrist, letting the tears come, trying to gain some control of herself.
Henry. She needed to call Henry. By now he should be close enough to come and get her. To take her away from this God awful country with this godawful man who had broken her heart.
Wiping the wetness from her face, she sniffed good and loud before standing up. Not exactly straight but at least it was a start. Reaching for the phone behind the counter, she dialed Henry’s number, listening to it ring.
“Hello?”
“Henry?” she croaked. In the background, a loud whooping noise echoed, making it difficult to hear and she found herself yelling into the phone.
“Cadence? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”
The concern in his voice nearly kick-started her tears again but she held them back. “Yes, I’m okay. I just . . . I’m just ready to leave. How soon can you be here?”
“We’re landing on the helipad now.”
“Helipad?” If there was a helipad, why in the world hadn’t she and Nikolas taken a helicopter instead of that damned boat? It would have saved a lot of time. And a lot of emotional turmoil.
“Yes, it’s the fastest way to get there. You’re at the monastery, right?”
“Yes.”
“Good. I’ll meet you in the lobby in ten minutes.”
“Ten minutes? Okay.”
Replacing the phone to the cradle, Cadence closed her eyes in relief. Ten minutes, and she would be out of here.
Thank God.
“Cadence.”
Whirling around, she came face to face with Nikolas, his black eyes making her breath seize in her lungs. Her eyes flickered from the hickey on his neck to the lipstick smear on his now mostly buttoned shirt. Returning her eyes to his, she swallowed painfully and took a step backward, the counter digging into her spine.
“What do you want?” Her words came out in a whisper, not at all like she’d intended.
Nikolas shoved his hands into the front pockets of his slacks but didn’t make a move toward her. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Like you care.”
“Cadence,” he said with a sigh, “I do care. I . . .”
“No you don’t.” The anger and pain lancing through her lent her a strength she didn’t know she possessed. She stepped toward him, her hands balled up in fists at her thighs. She wished she could deck him. “You don’t give a fuck about me. All you care about is my dad’s formula. Well now you have it, so leave me the hell alone.”
“You know I can’t do that. I have to make sure you are going to be safe.”
“Henry is on his way so I will be just fine. Why don’t you go back and play? You obviously had a good time.”
For the first time since she’d met him, Nikolas appeared to be at a loss for words. A part of her wanted to be pleased by the fact she’d finally managed to strike him speechless but that part of her was lost under the agony she was feeling.
As he stood there, momentarily inarticulate, something flashed in his eyes, disappearing before she could register what it was. But it didn’t matter. She knew what she’d seen. The man she’d fallen in love with had left her bed and immediately went to the bed of another woman, intentionally hurting her. What could he possibly say?
It didn’t take her long to find out. “I did have a good time. But then I always do.” He gave her a crooked grin. A grin she used to find boyishly charming. Now it rolled her stomach.
“You cold, murdering bastard,” she said, seething.
“I told you that from the beginning. Why are you acting so surprised?”
Now it was her turn to be struck dumb.
The callous asshole was back. And just when she’d thought he’d disappeared forever. A deep sadness settled over her. Not for herself, although the particular ache was still very much alive, but for Nikolas. For the lost, little boy he used to be and for the poor, lost man standing in front of her now. She’d wanted him to be more than he was. She wanted him to be someone with a heart and a soul. Someone who had real emotions. She wanted him to be worth forgiving.
But he wasn’t. No matter how much she wanted it, the truth was shining in his dark, unfathomable eyes.
She’d lost him. But then again, she supposed she’d never really had him.
Dropping her eyes against the surge of tears, she swallowed thickly. “Goodbye, Nikolas,” she whispered, her voice full of sorrow. Stepping past him, she walked away and never looked back.
Chapter 28
Nikolas watched Cadence turn her back on him, feeling his heart break. No, not just break but implode, incinerating everything inside of him. But it was for the best. She didn’t need him and he sure as hell didn’t need her. He didn’t need anything, never did, never would. But need and want were two different things and right now he wanted nothing more than to go to her, explain how things were, and pray she would understand.
Don’t be stupid, Kozlov. You know you can’t do that. It goes against everything you know, everything you’ve been trained to do.
He knew this. But the urge to talk to her lingered, overshadowing every rational thought. He wanted her damn it.
Stepping forward, he paused at the door, the memory of Jenika burning to death shoving itself front and center in his mind. The screams, the cries, the pain. She was dead because he was weak. Because he let his guard down and had cared about her. Her death was his fault. Cadence’s would not be.
Nikolas opened the door and slipped outside. There, before him on the front steps, Cadence huddled, her arms locked around her legs and her chin on her knees. Although she must have heard the door open, she didn’t turn around. His eyes followed the soft waves of her hair as it cascaded down her back. So soft and silky. His fingertips ached with the memory.
“What are you doing out here? I told you to leave me alone.” The strain in her voice twisted through him like barbed wire, leaving searing cuts along his soul.
“I can’t. Not until I know you’re safe.”
“I told you I’ll be fine. Henry is on his way.”
He didn’t have to see her face to know she spoke through clenched teeth. He knew she wanted him gone and away from her. But he couldn’t. If she was leaving, he had to see her off safely.
“I heard you the first time. But I need to make sure you are safe. And if that means standing out here at five o’clock in the morning until Henry arrives, then so be it.”
Whirling around with eyes blazing, Cadence stood, hands fisted at her thighs. “Don’t you get it? I don’t want you here. I don’t want you anywhere around me. I hate y
ou. I. Absolutely. Hate. You.”
The anger and pain in her voice struck him like a poison dart to the heart. He’d done this to her. He’d fucked up and now she was broken. But she’d broken him as well. She just didn’t know it. And he was not about to show her. If he did, she would come back to him. She would never leave him. And she would end up dead.
“Finally,” he said in a mock sigh of relief. “I was beginning to wonder what it would take for you to feel that way.” Each word felt like a knife, slicing his throat, his tongue. The pain was immense but it would be nothing compared to her death. In a twisted way, he was saving her as well as himself. If only she could see it.
Her lips trembled and though there were tears in her eyes, she didn’t let them fall. Instead, she gave him a grim smile. “Well then, I’m glad I could accommodate you, Mr. Kozlov.”
A shadow among shadows moved just outside of the first gate. Reaching behind him, Nikolas lay his hand on the gun at his back, ready to draw if necessary. The man, an American by the sound of his voice, was not making any pretense of secrecy as he spoke to the monk guarding the entrance. Cadence heard it too.
Turning away from him, she watched as the man passed under the first arch before continuing on to the second. Right before his eyes, her entire demeanor changed. The tension bled from her shoulders and even her breathing slowed.
Henry.
Tall and lanky with a million-dollar haircut and a face to match, Henry Collins was dressed in a custom-made suit of charcoal silk. Climbing the steps, hazel eyes flickered to him for a moment before enveloping Cadence in a strong bear hug.
“Cadence, thank God.” The relief in Henry’s voice was nearly as thick as his accent.
Annoyance flared white hot through Nikolas, flooding his system. Henry had no right to touch her. It didn’t matter that he didn’t want anything else to do with her. He just didn’t want anyone else touching her, comforting her. Not even this old family friend. Clenching his jaw, he managed to stop himself before he did or said anything stupid like yanking Cadence from Henry’s embrace.
“Henry,” Cadence replied, stepping back, “this is Mr. . . . Aleksander, my guide.”
Nikolas heard the brief pause before she introduced him to Henry.
Mr. Aleksander?
Oh, the lie. She was still going to lie for him. And even more, she’d remembered the story he’d told of his childhood. Unbelievable. He’d hurt her, tore her heart to shreds, and still she was going to protect him.
God, I’m such a piece of shit.
“Mr. Collins.” Nikolas had to force himself from glaring back at the only man Cadence trusted and hopefully the man that would keep her safe.
Brown eyes as dark as Cadence’s hair met his, holding them. “Mr. Aleksander. I can’t thank you enough for helping Cadence. I imagine a personal tour guide would be rather expensive. I certainly hope his services didn’t cost you too much, Cadence,” he said, turning his attention briefly to her.
“It cost more than you know,” Cadence mumbled, looking away from both men.
Nikolas felt the stab of regret again but pushed it away. The emotion was not going to do either of them any good right now.
“I don’t know if she told you,” Henry continued, “but her father and I were like brothers. Losing him was a devastating blow but losing her would have been disastrous.”
“Yes, she told me. I’m sorry for your loss. Both of you.” Nikolas risked a glance at Cadence but she refused to meet his eyes.
“Thank you. It’s going to be difficult for a while but we’ll get through it. Won’t we, Cadence?” Henry asked, pulling her to him.
Biting back the surge of anger he felt as Henry touched Cadence again, Nikolas forced a smile. “I’m sure you will.”
“I know you must have more important things to do so Cadence and I will be leaving now. I think the sooner I get her back home, the better it will be for her.”
She’s leaving! Stop her! Now’s your last chance!
“Yes, of course.”
Yes, of course? What is wrong with you? Stop her. Tell her how you really feel!
“Cadence, do you need to grab your bags?”
“My bags?” Cadence appeared to be startled by the question. “Oh, I, uh, no. I just want to get out of here.”
“It’s fine, we can always send for them later.” Henry thrust his hand out. “Mr. Aleksander, thank you again for everything you’ve done.”
Nikolas slipped his hand into Henry’s, shaking it while resisting the urge to shove the man to the ground. Instead, he remained tight lipped, swallowing the words trying to escape his throat. With a final nod Henry’s way, he watched him lead Cadence down the steps.
Look back, Cadence. Look back just once and I’ll say something to stop you from leaving. I swear I will. I won’t have a choice.
His silent plea went unanswered as she slipped through the gates without so much as a second glance in his direction.
A heavy wave of anguish rolled through his body from head to toe before coming back to rest in his stomach. Cadence was gone. He would never see her again. But at least she was safe. And alive.
Quiet as a puff of smoke, Phoenix stepped up beside him, linking her arm casually through his. Even without looking, he could feel her eyes slide over him, regarding him carefully.
“She’s gone?”
“Yes.”
Stepping back, she crossed her arms over her chest, her study of him becoming more pensive, more honed. “Are you all right?”
Nikolas looked up, startled from the memory of Cadence’s blue eyes, and met Phoenix’s green ones. “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”
One narrow shoulder lifted and dropped carelessly. “I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you look like your best friend died, if you had one. Or maybe the fact that despite me offering you the most incredible, commitment free sex you’ll ever have, you turned me down.”
“I’m fine,” Nikolas replied through gritted teeth.
What else could he say? He knew just how good Phoenix was. They had fucked many times. Sometimes while posing as man and wife for a mission, sometimes just because. And it was just as she said. Commitment free sex. There were no strings, no feelings, nothing but two people screwing their brains out. But back in the room, he hadn’t been able to go through with it. No matter what Phoenix had done or said, he just couldn’t do it. All he’d been able to see was
Cadence. Her blue eyes, her soft smile, her tender heart.
“I need a drink,” he growled.
“You don’t drink,” Phoenix reminded him, tipping her head to the side.
Turning away, Nikolas opened the door and stepped inside. “I do now.”
~ ~ ~
Walking away from Nikolas had been the hardest thing Cadence had done so far. Harder than reading her dad’s letter, harder than turning her beloved locket over. She’d wanted to look back at him one last time but she hadn’t. It would have destroyed the last little bit of her heart she had left. So she had dug down deep, deeper than she had ever imagined and walked away.
She should be relieved she was going home. And she was. In part. But a larger part dreaded stepping into an empty house full of nothing but memories of a life she could never return to. A life she no longer fit into. Her parents had managed to keep her safe and loved. They had created a world where she was a part of something precious. But now they were gone. So where did that leave her?
Nowhere. Drifting along, all alone in a massive ocean on a tiny raft full of pinholes. Sooner or later, her raft would lose the ability to keep her afloat and she would sink under the ripples of the waves.
Lord, how morbid can I get?
She knew she was being dramatic but it was how she was feeling. Completely lost and alone with no one to turn to.
That’s not true. I have Henry.
Somehow it wasn’t the same. But she supposed he was better than nothing.
“Henry, I am so glad you’re here,” she said with a sigh, staring at the ground as she walked side by side with him. He’d had enough insight to allow her to walk in silence from the monastery. Something she appreciated to no end. She knew he had questions, tons of them and she would answer them. Only not all of her answers would be true.
Nikolas had asked her to lie for him, for his organization and she’d promised she would. There was no reason she couldn’t break the promise and tell Henry everything. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. Because no matter how she was feeling, there were more lives on the line other than hers.
She wasn’t like Nikolas and his secret band of vigilantes. She had feelings and a heart. She had a soul and to contaminate it with the deaths of others was just something she was not about to do.
A sleek, black sedan waited for them on the pier. At the sight of it, her heart skipped a beat. The last time she’d seen a car like that, she’d been shoved into the trunk of it.
Quit being stupid. This is Henry, not those goons back at the hotel. You’re safe now.
Of course she was safe. But her emotions were all over the place. Riding high one minute, sinking low the next. It was no wonder she was overreacting to something as plain as a black sedan. There must be thousands of them around Russia.
“I’m glad I found you. I don’t know what would have happened if I hadn’t. Now let’s get to the helipad.”
Stopping at the car, Henry opened the door for her, smiling broadly. Something about the smile seemed off but she chalked it up to her over stressed senses.
Calm down. There is nothing odd about Henry or his smile. You’re just overreacting. Hell, everything is out of whack right now. From the sedan to the smile. If you don’t relax, you’ll be jumping at your own shadow next.
