by Kip Nelson
“Yes, she would have,” he said, “but the thing is, Annabelle, I'm not saying you can't do this. I think you're quite capable, and you probably could, but just because you can do something doesn't mean you should. I don't want you to go on this mission because I don't think you can’t do it, I don't want you to go because I'm afraid of what it will do to you. Have you killed anyone before?”
“No,” Annabelle said softly.
“It's not something you can do lightly. It's one thing to think about it, but when you're actually there, standing in front of someone, it's different. It changes you as well. It's not something anyone should do willingly. This world has taken so much away from us already. I don't want it to take away that, too. Do you understand?”
“I think so,” she said. Stan wasn't sure if she did or not, but he hoped something he said had gotten through to her.
“Will you promise me that you won't go, and that you'll put up with being a kid again for a little while longer?”
“I guess so.”
“Don't worry, soon enough you'll be an adult, and you'll get to make you own decisions, and trust me, you'll be wising you could go back to these days,” he said, smiling.
Being with Annabelle gave him hope for the future. As long as there were kids around he knew the human race could survive. The adults were just caretakers for the planet. It was the young people who were going to feel the full effects of the apocalypse. But that was a discussion for another day. The tension had been broken between Stan and Annabelle and they were in a better place. There still was a way to go, but it was progress.
They stayed by the well and talked about their old lives, and caught up on their new ones. Stan was impressed to hear about everything Annabelle had been through, and all that Diana had done for her. Annabelle spoke of Diana like a surrogate mother, and Stan was pleased that she'd had someone like that. Stan began to cry again, but not out of sadness this time, out of happiness that he had part of his family back. He had lost so much in this world and he was sure he would lose more, but as long as he had Annabelle with him he could endure anything.
Chapter Four
After some time apart for all of them to clear their heads and start thinking clearly again they reconvened in the church. Adam had been greatly affected by his time spent in this new camp. He had hoped the longer they stayed there the better it would get, but his mind still was filled with awful thoughts about the night he had come and attacked these people. The agonizing screams of the people he helped kill echoed in his mind, and the smoky smell of the fire lingered inside him. At the time he thought he had lost things too, but Diana hadn't been killed.
It felt so unfair that he should escape without losing anything when these people, who had done no wrong, had so little left. When he had been waiting to be executed he thought in some ways it was poetic justice, that maybe it was a way for the universe to catch up with him and correct an error that had occurred on the night when the world went dark. He couldn't shake the feeling that he was not supposed to have made it this far, that he was supposed to have died with countless others on that first night.
How was he supposed to be happy when he had caused so much misery for so many people? There were times when it seemed as though there was no way back. He didn't know if he could forgive himself, especially since he never received any forgiveness from the other people.
He had been wracking his brain trying to think of a clever way to break back into the camp and deal with Lisa, but nothing had presented itself to him. He tried to be happy with his lot and take joy in Tara and the others, but it was difficult. He felt as though he wasn't allowed to be happy. Even the food he ate tasted bland and harsh. The water he drank was cold and bitter. Everything had changed inside him, and he wasn't sure how he ever was going to get back to who he had been. He looked at Stan, and wondered what that man had been like in the old world. At least he had Annabelle to remind him of what life used to be like.
When Adam turned his gaze to the past and looked back at the person he used to be, it was blurred and fading, like an old photograph. He was barely recognizable, sitting at his desk, losing himself in virtual worlds because he didn't know how to cope with the real one. At that point he'd never have believed he would be able to survive for so long in a world that had forsaken so many others. Sometimes he still didn't believe it, and had to pinch himself. He couldn't understand why. It didn't feel as though he had learned many things, and yet he had. He'd survived the wilderness with Peter and then had marched to war, among other things. Fortune had played its part, but Adam did himself a disservice if he thought he'd only survived due to blind chance.
Annabelle and Stan seemed to be getting along better now. Adam wondered what Stan had said to the young girl to dissuade her from the drastic course of action she had seemed so eager to follow. Probably some wise and fatherly advice. At certain points Adam had been thinking he would have to take over the role of Annabelle's guardian. There were times when he didn't think he would be up to the task, but other times when he actually relished the chance.
A family had been something that never really had been in the cards for him in his old life. He'd always been a loner, replacing bonds with real people with bonds with creatures of fiction, diving into strange new worlds instead of actually living his own life. It had been easier and comfortable. However, being around Annabelle had shown him another option, another way. He liked the idea of guiding someone and teaching them about the world, knowing that they trusted him, and he was responsible for their well-being. Now that Annabelle was reunited with her father that potential bond had been taken away from him. He wondered if he ever would have the chance to have something such as that again.
He looked over at Tara, at her light hair and her soft complexion, and the way she looked so beautiful, so perfect in the face of all the ugliness that surrounded them. It still was early in their relationship, if you even could call it that. Still, Adam knew his feelings for her ran deep. It was as though he could be the man he always wanted to be with Tara. She opened up a number of possibilities for him, ones that had been denied to him when he had shunned society. When the future flashed through his mind he often wondered if he and Tara ever would have children. Then he chastised himself for thinking so far ahead. That was a conversation long into the future, and even then, he didn't know if he had the right to curse another life to be brought into this broken world.
Sometimes it all seemed so big, with so many problems and issues to work through, it was hard to know where to begin. He was glad he wasn't in Matthew's position, having to worry not only about his own problems, but the problems of an entire community. He stood at the front of the church while Stan, Diana, and Annabelle sat directly in front of him, the young girl in between the two adults. Adam, Tara, and Peter sat on the other side. It looked for all the world like Matthew was a preacher conducting some sort of religious ceremony. But Adam knew that although they were in the house of God they were sinning, planning on crimes that violated the commandments, all to bring down a wicked woman.
Matthew had brought with him some old, torn paper and a pencil, and they set about drawing the camp, which took a little while. Tara was the biggest help here as she was most familiar with it. She pointed out where Lisa was likely to be, and all the other areas of interest, such as the armory, and where the guards tended to patrol. Once that was mapped out Matthew addressed them. He stroked his beard and seemed pensive. Adam thought he always looked as though he had much on his mind.
“I've been thinking about this Lisa situation, and I've even taken on board what Annabelle said,” he began, and Annabelle smiled, pleased that she had been listened to.
Stan gave his daughter a proud squeeze. “And I've been thinking a lot about what I want this place to be. I don't know if any of you are religious, but I have been all of my life, even though I have had my doubts here and there, especially in the face of such hell on Earth. I've tried living my life in the right way, and I don
't want to let go of that now. I think God always tests us, and we must do our best to pass those tests. It's easy to fall into sin, especially in such trying circumstances, but I do not want to be that man. I know you all want to kill Lisa, and maybe that's what she deserves. I know a lot of people out there want to kill her too, but I don't think that's the right thing to do.
“We're still trying to figure out what kind of morality we want in this new world, but I don't ever want to live in a world where killing is easy, or where it's the first option we turn to. There is no government anymore. To a certain extent we are living in the truest democracy the world ever has known. But there are certain freedoms I think we should stick to, and we should remember that even though Lisa is not a nice person at all, she still has rights. We must respect that if we want to rebuild the world. I don't want to let things slip into anarchy. We must hold onto our humanity. So, I think it's best if we try bringing Lisa back and having her answer for her crimes.”
“You mean put her on trial?” Diana asked, a confused look on her face.
“Something like that, yes. There is a lawyer who lives here. If we can put her on trial, perhaps in front of the people she has misled, everyone will see her for what she truly is. We can make sure we don't let anyone like her win again. The people can act as a jury, and she can answer properly for her crimes.”
“And what if she doesn't want to? What if she puts up a fight? I wouldn't trust her at all,” Tara said. “She's too good at convincing people. She'll find a way to get free.”
“No, she won't,” Matthew said.
“Believe me, just because I'm suggesting we do not kill her does not mean I'm giving her a chance. She never will go free. She will answer for her crimes, but in a way that befits us as humans. We are not going to descend into the law of the jungle. The world has stripped us of so much, but I will not let it take away our humanity.” There was a quiet rage behind his voice, and although Adam and the others weren't quite convinced of his plan, they were not prepared to argue with him.
“There is still one problem,” Peter said, “and that's capturing her in the first place. It's one thing to go and assassinate her, quite another to capture her and bring her back here. She'll slow us down and she's not going to make it easy.”
“And it's going to be hard enough to get in, let alone get out,” Adam added.
“I know, but it doesn't seem as though there's going to be any other choice than to go there and directly assault that place. I don't want to sit here and wait for her to build up her army, ready for another attack. We don't have the resources she does, and we're barely hanging on here as it is. They took a lot of weapons from us, and we're running low on ammo. If they come here again, it's going to be a slaughter, and I am not going to let that happen. Lisa needs to be punished. We are going to come up with a plan right here and now. Then we are going to execute that plan. All I need to know now is who is going with our warriors.”
Adam looked around at the others. He was the first one to volunteer. “I have a score to settle, so I'm coming with you,” he said, thinking about Lee.
There was so much bad blood between them that there was only one way their story could end, with one of them dead. They had been dancing around it enough, and Adam was tired of it. He wanted Lee to know that his actions had consequences, and he couldn't just do what he wanted and get away with it. There had to be some form of justice in this world. Adam didn't know if he was the best qualified person to dispense it, but if he had the chance he was not going to hesitate.
“I hope you don't mind, but I think we're going to sit this one out,” Stan said. Annabelle didn't look as though she agreed with the decision, but she wasn't about to argue with her father. Adam was glad Annabelle wasn't going, though. He'd seen the horrors first hand. A war zone was no place for a child. He looked across at Tara.
“Are you sure you want to come?” he said in a low voice. Tara nodded.
“There are a lot of people I know there, people I thought of as friends, but I can't stand by and let other people put their lives at risk. I made the mistake of going along with Lisa when I should have spoken up before. I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make sure she is defeated.”
Adam reached out and took her hand, squeezing it. He was proud of her. He only hoped they both returned, because he had a lot he wanted to talk about with her. Peter and Diana nodded, too. Once again Peter was forced to go into battle and break the vow he had made a long time ago. He was impressive on the battlefield, but there was a weary aura about him as well. Adam wondered what a burden it must have been to be so skilled at something so abhorrent.
“I wish I could go with you, but I need to stay here and plan for your return,” Matthew said.
Adam knew it was more than that as well. He was the leader of the camp. If he left and was killed, then everything could fall apart. No wonder he was tired, because Matthew was the one holding everything together, and he was their fellow soldier as well. If Matthew died, then who knew who would replace him, perhaps someone who didn't look favorably upon Adam and his friends.
With that decided they got ready and armed, and fell into step with the others who were making the journey to Lisa's camp. Adam, Tara, Diana, and Peter stayed together, while the rest of the small force talked and seemed like one unit. Once again Adam was going into battle, but this time he felt as though he was doing it for a righteous cause. Lisa had to be stopped and they were the only ones who could do it. Perhaps this was one way he could start making up for all the sorrow he had brought onto these people. As they began their march he felt the anger rise in him as he thought about Lee. But there was fear in his heart as well. He looked at the people around him, both those he knew and those who were strangers to him. He knew not all of them would return, and he couldn't help but ask himself if this was the time when his luck was going to run out.
“Once more unto the breach...” Diana said. Adam hoped it was the last time. He was tired of this. Tired of fighting. He just wanted it to be over, and to actually start building a new world.
Chapter Five
It was a walk Adam had made too often recently. Their footsteps thudded against the sidewalk, and the tracks along the muddied grass still were present, to and fro. The city had changed since everything had gone dark. The streets had no names any longer. The night they had marched from Lisa's camp, Adam had noted how many of his fellow soldiers were shaking and quaking with fright. The same problem did not seem to strike the people with whom he was marching now. They were eager for battle, eager to get revenge for the loved ones who had been taken from them.
Adam tried making conversation with some of them, wanting to form a bond so that in the heat of battle they all could look out for each other, but they met his words with derision. Adam wasn't getting anywhere with them. They began talking about their loved ones, pointedly, making Adam and the others feel horrid. Adam glanced at his friends. It was all they could do to hold their tongues, until one of the other soldiers came up to Adam.
The entire procession stopped. The man was large, with windswept hair and a darkness in his sunken eyes. His beard was a thick forest of black hair, and crooked yellow teeth broke through. Adam was filled with fear by this man, who had a dark heart. The last thing Adam wanted was a fight.
“I've been thinking a lot, and I don't like these traitors. I'm sure that if we lose this battle, they'll just go to the other side again. That's not the kind of people we want fighting for us, people so concerned with their own survival that they'll just turn to the other side. I don't trust you, little man, or your little friends. If I had my way, we'd have strung you up as soon as you came back.”
“If we wanted to win, we would have stayed with Lisa,” Adam said, regretting the words as soon as they left his mouth.
The brute's face twisted into a snarl and before Adam could do anything he felt a fist thrust into his stomach, doubling him over. The brute let his gun fall to the ground and pushed Adam, who staggere
d off-balance and had to reach down to the ground to steady himself. Adam just about had caught his breath when the brute came forward and swung a right hook across Adam's jaw, sending his head snapping to the side. Adam felt his teeth rattle in his mouth, and he could taste the blood seeping over his lips. Groggy, he tried to get his bearings. He raised his fists, but he'd lost control. He was vaguely aware of shouting in the background before he felt the air driven from his lungs again. He fell to the ground, blood dripping out of his mouth. Everything was hazy, and he groaned in anticipation of the next blow. He couldn't fight back, though. Maybe this is just what had been coming to him. Maybe this is what he deserved. He was tired of all of this, and part of him was regretting volunteering for this mission. There had been so much killing, and he was tired of it. Maybe it wasn't the answer. Maybe he had to just give up on his pursuit of Lee and admit that sometimes people didn't get what they deserved.
The final blow never came, though. Adam looked up to see Tara standing in between him and the brute, who was seething with anger. Every sinew in his powerful body bristled, but he was cowed by the slim and slender teacher, who was practically half his size.
“Is this what we're really going to be doing? Come on, I know you don't trust us or like us and I get that, but we're all on the same side now and we all have the same mission. We've lived with Lisa, for goodness' sake. We were about to be killed. She lined us up to be executed. Do you really think you should question our motivation? We know what she's been doing is wrong. She's the one we're after here, not each other. If we can bring her back, we can end this threat once and for all. I don't know about you, but I want to actually make a home in this world and feel safe. I don't want to lie awake at night wondering when Lisa is going to get her revenge. If you have problems with us, then fine, but don't let that interfere with the mission. Wait until we all come back. And don't forget that none of you know this camp, and none of you know what Lisa looks like. Let's just keep moving and get this over with.”
