by LJ Swallow
I press myself into the warmth and safety of Heath's arms. "I don't know what happened. I think everything became too much."
Heath's next words are muffled by his lips in my hair, but strike at the heart of my fears. "I'm worried you're more human than we realised."
"I lived as one for years, involved in everyday life without knowing who I was. I'm more connected to human emotions and the world than you four are, Heath. You always knew. You guys always kept a distance."
"I guess." He shifts away and rests his head against the wall.
"What? You want to say something. Go on."
"Maybe you should stop trying to hold onto that human side as tightly. I think it's clouding your judgement over Seth too."
I tense at his name. "And how do I let go of my human?"
"By making your relationship with us all more complete."
"I already have," I protest. "I've given everything to my relationship with each of you."
Heath screws his face up. "Yes, but only with two of us."
"Two of you?" His expression answers my question. "Oh. Are you suggesting I need to have sex with you all?”
Heath falls silent. His words surprise me because I swore he wanted the human Vee to remind him he could be human too.
"I don't know, Vee. We're not sure what it takes to make you wholly like us, but what happened when we connected—that must mean something. I feel more bonded to you now. Not physically, but deeper inside myself. Does that make sense? Do you feel that deeper bond with Ewan too?"
"Ewan?” Oh. He thinks I had sex with Ewan? He doesn't know about Xander and me?
"No?" he asks.
I take Heath's hand and squeeze. "I'm tired. I've had a shit few days. Can we talk about something else?”
Heath places his thumb beneath my chin and pushes my face upwards so his lips meet mine. We kiss in a way becoming familiar, Heath’s gentleness and understanding pouring from his lips and soothing me.
The door clicks closed and I turn my head. Joss stands in the doorway with a mug in his hand, and an expression I rarely see. This isn't jovial Joss, and I sense worry in his aura.
"Don't tell me, you brought a cup of tea to fix me," I say.
My words prompt the smile he's missing.
"Is Xander back?" asks Heath.
"Not yet. He called to say there's no sign of anybody at Seth's. They didn't find many personal documents. A few bills mostly addressed to Casey. No computers either. They did find Nova Pharm payslips, so at least we know they both definitely worked there. He's heading back, and we can decide what to do next."
Joss sits on the opposite side of the bed to Heath and strokes my hair. Joss did this before, when the reaction to the scene in the hall poured out as the rain poured on my head. If Joss hadn't taken some of my anguish into himself, the screaming inside my mind would've filled the hall. His ability to absorb my extreme reactions and emotions pulled me away from the Vee who experiences them too harshly.
He can starve others of emotions; can he starve mine?
I prop myself up in bed and take the mug, cradling the welcome warmth in my hands. Both guys shuffle either side on the bed next to me, and the protectiveness I normally hate shrouds me. Where we touch, I sense their affection, which wipes away the remains of this morning's horrors.
Are they as aware as I am that I'm almost naked beneath this blanket?
It's a bloody good thing we didn't encounter a situation where I used my powers this morning. If my usual response had been triggered, the stirring arousal and suggestive thoughts drifting into my mind wouldn't stay contained.
I glance at Joss, and the smile he fights tells me he's aware what I'm thinking, even if Heath isn't.
Instead, I hold onto the other emotion running through my mind right now
Anger at my weakness.
Heath’s right. The old, human Vee needs to go.
The files with burnt corners rest on the table, alongside singed papers and the photos Xander collected from the wall. The guys are as quiet as the day we found the body at the house. Are they staying calm for me? Treading around my feelings because I suffered? I don't want to see the photographs. I hardly knew Casey, but thanks to the images, my two worlds finally collided and my mind exploded.
Xander explains to me that he ran through yesterday's and this morning's events with Heath and Ewan while I rested. I nod, annoyed with how dismissive he is. Xander obviously hasn't told them everything.
How far are they with figuring out the information in front of them? Avoiding looking at the images, I pick up a readable sheet.
"We have to consider why only one of the pair is in these photos," says Xander in a low voice as he taps one. "We don't know whether Seth was attacked or walked away."
Heath's eyes widen as Xander decides not to mince words.
"You think Seth did this, don't you?" I ask. "That he killed all those people?"
"We have to consider it's a possibility," says Joss quietly. "We can't rule anything out."
I don't know Seth, but I bristle at their instant conclusion. "I think Seth will get in touch."
Heath gestures at the folders. "Seth owned all the files, and knows what all this is about. He holds the key to something, whether it's leading us to murders or explaining what he's been doing."
"That's the problem," says Xander. "He's a mystery, and we don't know his motives."
"I expect his current motive is to stay alive," I reply.
Ewan looks at me. "I don't understand what the delay is. Vee's correct, we find the guy. He said he would come back for Vee. One way or another, he will."
"If someone's playing games with us, Seth will appear eventually," says Joss.
Alive or dead?
Xander takes another image and studies it. "Joss told you we drew a blank at Seth and Casey's house. I want to head back to the hall next. We didn't have enough time to look over the place earlier."
I don't miss the undertone. Because Vee freaked out and had to be taken home.
"Do you really think Seth will return to where his friend was murdered? I don't. He thought you were responsible for the deaths. I imagine he'll hide from anywhere you might find him."
"Okay, if it wasn't him, Seth must've seen who attacked him and Casey. He knows we're not the people who murdered his friends."
"So we need to help Seth when we do find him," I protest.
Silence.
Have they made their minds up about Seth already?
"Whether he's involved with Casey's death, or is about to become the next victim, we need to find him. The longer we wait, the more likely we never will."
"Which is exactly what I'm suggesting, Vee," growls Xander. "Let me plan where to go. We have done this kind of thing before. I know what I'm doing."
I look to Ewan. "CCTV footage from near the hall?"
He shakes his head. "Someone's erased or hidden it."
"Of course," I mutter.
Xander sweeps the papers into a file. "I'll take Heath and we'll check out the hall, maybe hang around and see if anybody appears."
"I want to go too," I announce.
Xander closes his eyes and inhales sharply. "I don't think that's a good idea after what happened earlier, is it?"
I squeeze my hands together beneath the table. "That's the reason I need to go back."
"What if you freak out again?"
The green eyes that looked into mine with darkened passion last night are filled with doubt. Is he worried about me, or his investigation?
"I won't. Besides, if we do find Seth I'd like to be there."
"Heath?" Xander asks.
Heath blows air into his cheeks. "I think if Vee wants to go, she should. The more exposure she has to this shit, the sooner she'll assimilate."
Assimilate.
I chew my lip and wait for Xander's response. He's outvoted.
3
VEE
By the time we arrive at the town where Casey and Seth were based, t
he night and cold have set in. I suggested we wait until the morning, but Xander's eager to check the place out as soon as possible. We left Ewan to work through the information we gathered earlier today, and Joss stayed with him. Determined to prove my freak-out performance earlier was a blip, I pushed to come here.
Now I'm unsure. The hall no longer looks like a nondescript council building to me, but a horrific crime scene I don't want to approach.
The car park is empty and the place untouched. I expected police tape—something—but there's no evidence this has become a crime scene.
"Didn't you contact the police about what you found?" I ask.
Xander opens the car door to climb out. "We don't involve ourselves in police investigations."
"You could contact them anonymously?" I suggest as I step into the gloomy November evening.
Heath rests his arms on the car roof as he looks across at me. "The demon Order are everywhere, and that includes the police. We had to search past a false report to find John's death, remember? Someone hid that. We don't want anyone else to know until we've made our own investigation."
"Right." I stare out at the street and away from the hall. Rain trickles onto my hood, and onto the people passing in their humdrum lives. "This hall is in the middle of a town. It's a public facility and not a derelict building. If Casey and Seth hired it, how long for? When do they need to return the keys? Someone will find this soon."
"And we'll be long gone," replies Xander. "Don't stress."
Don't stress? Is he serious?
"Then let's not hang around," I reply. "I'm not comfortable here."
I splash through a puddle as I walk away from the guys and the car. I have a point to prove; I can go back in there and cope this time.
Xander hurries to catch up and Heath walks along side, the pair flanking me. The closer I get, the harder the human Vee attempts to push her emotions through.
I can do this.
I'm strong.
The door is closed but not locked, and Xander examines the door, close to the base. "Nobody's been back here."
"How do you know?" I ask.
He points. "I taped aluminium wire to the door, which breaks easily. It's intact." He pulls at the door and the wire snaps. "So Seth hasn't been back, unless he somehow has the exact same wire as me and attached it."
"Doubtful." Heath looks at me. "Okay?"
"Stop fussing," I say through gritted teeth and stride inside after Xander.
I spent the journey here re-imagining everything I witnessed in preparation for what I might see next. Little has changed in the scene greeting me—the same upturned furniture and message on the wall; the burnt-paper smell still lingers. Xander and Heath set about rummaging through everything. Heath tips a waste bin filled with burnt papers onto the table, but there's little salvageable in the ash. Xander crouches on the floor close to the blood and message, and I search beneath the sofa and in the small kitchen area.
Nothing.
I perch on the sofa and watch Xander who stands in the middle of the room pulling on his bottom lip. The frustration on his face grows, and a glance at Heath shows he's not much happier.
"I told you we found everything already," says Heath.
"Yeah, I just needed to know whether he came back, or if anybody had been here since we left."
"I told you, I doubt he will." I pick at the rug across the sofa. "What do we do now?"
"I want to watch the place," Xander replies. "See if anybody is waiting until dark. Maybe we can check out some other places in town."
"Like where? The pub?" I say sarcastically.
I groan when the guys glance at each other and nod. "Don't forget you're driving, Heath.”
"I'm bloody hungry too. Aren't you?" he replies.
"Yeah, let's go."
As Xander strides from the hall, Heath hangs back and says in a low voice. "At least we can regroup and Xander can take some time to mull things over. The longer we go with finding nothing, the more determined he'll be to keep going."
And the worse his temper will get.
Gold lettering on a sign above the opposite building reads "The Lions Inn,” and I follow the boys through the green door into the pub. Tables and chairs are crammed into the small space between the doorway and bar; three men at the table closest to us don't register our arrival, eyes fixed on the TV screen above the short bar. The smell of stale beer accompanies my walk across the dirty carpet to a small round table surrounded by low stools. Xander's smile grows when he discovers it's positioned in a small window facing out onto the street. Heavy burgundy curtains obscure part of the view, but the car park and old hall are visible.
The pub is half-full, and judging by their careful scrutiny, most customers are locals. The town doesn't have any features to attract tourists, another commuter settlement that absorbed the original settlement. A few here look like the original residents too; elderly men play dominos at a table close to ours.
Xander orders food, and I watch as the young barmaid flirts with him. He switches on his brighter persona, all smiles and well-rehearsed smoulder, which causes a twinge in my chest. I'm not upset he's flirting, I never expected that behaviour to stop, but he's being nice. Me, the girl he had sex with yesterday, enjoys the sullen Xander, and this one is graced with the man who has girls eating out of his hand.
I have to fight him for everything.
"You okay?" asks Heath and laces his fingers through mine. "Was it too much for you to come back here?"
"No. I'm tired. Life's non-stop."
Heath pulls me to him in a hug and kisses the top of my head.
"Yeah. You'll get used to it."
I'm glad he can't see my expression anymore because I'm not feeling great right now.
Xander returns with two pint glasses and an orange juice between his hands. He sets them on the table and pulls out the opposite stool.
"What?" he asks "Why are you looking at me like that?”
"Were you flirting with her or getting information?"
Xander picks up his glass and drinks slowly, watching me from over the edge. His expression annoys me because I can't read his eyes or what he's thinking.
"Information," he says and places his glass down. "Ever considered we look the way we do for a reason? It's sure as hell easier to talk people around when you can charm them."
"And you're such a charmer, Xan," says Heath with a laugh.
"Yeah, I guess the Four Middle-aged, Overweight Horsemen of the Apocalypse wouldn't have the same success with charming the female population into helping them," I reply. "Fortunate."
Xander breaks into a smile. "Hence your alluring self."
"Huh?"
"Because you have a piece of each of us inside you of course you're attractive too."
"This is a bizarre conversation, Xander," replies Heath. "Have you been brooding over who we all are, again?"
"I don't brood, that’s your job, emo guy."
"I should do it your way, huh? Hold everything in until I explode?"
"He sure does explode," I reply, and fix my eyes on Xander.
Xander runs his tongue along his teeth. I'm pissed off he hasn't spoken to me about what happened in the hotel. Not just the room-shattering sex but the affection afterwards. He's withdrawn again. Has he returned to distrusting me?
But why compare him to the open and affectionate guy holding my hand? Our relationship is nothing like mine with Xander. Or any of the others. Isn't that what I like? That they are all different—that we complement each other in different ways?
"So what did you question her about?" I ask.
"Whether anybody who looks like Seth or Casey have visited. No, apparently. 'Other people don't come here' were her words."
Heath smirks and sips his beer. "Beware of the locals."
Following Xander's words, the other patrons’ scrutiny unnerves me further. Bloody ridiculous I'm worried about what these people think after my recent experiences.
The
guys fill themselves with the usual junk: pies, chips, beer. My appetite isn't great, and I'm touched by their fussing when I choose pumpkin soup.
"I hope we don't need to chase anyone," I say as Heath pushes his plate to one side. "You'll get a stitch."
He shakes his head with an amused smile. "I'm sure I'll be fine."
Xander's attention is drawn to the window through most of the meal, and he misses my comment to Heath. I look over as Xander straightens again and cranes his neck, as a guy walks by. The man keeps walking and doesn't cross over to the hall; Xander’s shoulders slump again.
"If you're done here, maybe we can switch our focus elsewhere?" I suggest. "It's late, we've had a hell of a day, and maybe things will be clearer tomorrow? Ewan could have more info."
Xander taps the beer mat on the table. "I want to stay. And I don't mean for more beer."
"We haven't seen anyone go inside," I reply.
"Another half an hour?" suggests Heath. "Compromise."
"Fine." Xander places his elbows on the table, hands beneath his chin as he switches his attention back to the window.
4
VEE
Xander's smug triumph joins his words. "Look! Told you!"
Heath shifts his stool closer to Xander, and I lean over to join them in looking through the grimy window. A tall figure in a short, dark jacket climbs from a motorcycle in the car park outside the hall. He pulls off his helmet and leaves it on the bike before hunching against the rain and walking towards the hall.
"Score!" Xander's eyes shine as he looks to us. "I told you waiting was the right thing to do."
Draining his beer, Xander stands and grabs his coat. "Let's go."
I hurry after them outside into the drizzle, and we splash across the road to Heath’s car. Xander opens the car boot and sorts through the items permanently stashed inside. A long bowie knife gleams in the light cast by a nearby streetlight as he holds it up.
"What if he's human, Xander? You can't kill him," I say.
He hands it to me. "You can be the judge of that."
