by Kaira Rouda
“Really? An attractive girl like you, home alone all the time because of a neglectful spouse. I’m sure you’ve got your admirers, dear,” Jud said.
She didn’t know whether he was threatening her or teasing her. Either way, it seemed he hadn’t caught on to her investigation, she realized with relief. The undercurrents of their relationship were surprisingly dark and would come on like class-four rapids at a moment’s notice, even while the smile remained affixed to his face. “Come on, Sarah, I know there have been others.”
She gripped the edge of the bathroom counter. “Again, Jud, you know you are the only one I’ve ever been with.” It was almost as if he wanted to force her to admit to something, anything, to make himself feel better for what he had done, for who he was.
But even with all he had forced on her, changing her inside and out, when Sarah looked at him in the mirror, she could still see the man she fell in love with. And maybe, she thought, they could recapture that magic again. He needed to stop accusing her of things she hadn’t done, though. That had to stop tonight.
“Jud, if you accuse me of having other lovers again, I don’t think I can stay married to you. I’ve told you you’re the only one I’ve ever been with. Can you say that to me in return?” She’d placed her wineglass down on the bathroom counter and was looking at him, hope and love in her eyes for the man she had married.
“You are the only woman I’ve been with since we married,” Jud said, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her head down on his shoulder.
He felt so strong, so solid, and she felt so loved. She had to believe him, she thought. He loved her and everything would be fine. They’d travel the world and grow old together. The text was just a crazy mistake. Maybe he hadn’t even sent it in the first place. It could have been from someone else. And the doctor said herpes could be dormant for years, popping up when your immune system is down. And she’d been so stressed lately. That explained it.
“I love you,” she said, looking into his brilliant blue eyes.
“Well, that’s always such a relief, to hear you say that,” Jud said, placing his hand on her shoulder. “Almost ready for our date, darling?”
Sarah took a deep breath and smiled. She loved Halloween parties. She’d consider this the start of their new relationship. They’d be a united force for the rest of Ashley’s senior year. Graduation was just around the corner, and now she’d have someone by her side.
“Yes, I’m ready,” she said.
As they walked through the house, Jud behind her, Sarah allowed her eyes to scan the happy family portraits she’d framed so carefully along the hallway. The three of them through the years, smiling and perfect, stage by stage.
“Mom, you look great,” Ashley said as they entered the kitchen.
“No costume, Mr. Nelson?” Blake asked. Sarah fought the urge to announce that Jud was dressed as a bastard, but she’d had him change.
“No, just being me,” Jud said, clapping the young man on the back in a too-hard move. “You two behave. We won’t be late.”
Ashley rolled her eyes as Blake dropped his head.
“Thanks for handling the trick-or-treaters. The candy is by the front door,” Sarah said, giving Ashley a quick hug.
“We’ve got it, Mom. Try to have fun,” Ashley whispered.
“I’ll be in the car,” Jud said, hurrying out of the room.
“Thanks, honey. The roast should be ready any minute. Enjoy,” Sarah said, heading out of the kitchen and out to the garage where Jud sat inside his Tesla, face glowing in the large display of the car. He hopped out and opened her door for her.
“This will be so fun,” Jud said as soon as he climbed back into the car. “I haven’t been to a party in town in ages.”
“I know. Your fans will be very happy to see you,” Sarah said, reaching for his hand.
They rode the rest of the way in silence until Jud pulled into the Potts’s driveway. Theirs was the biggest house in South Crystal Beach, and the widest yard where the block party inevitably ended up centering. But no one was rude enough or felt entitled enough to park in the winding driveway. That space was used as part of the party.
“You can’t park here. This is part of the party. Find something on the street,” Sarah said, mortified.
“I’m not parking this car just anywhere,” Jud said. “I’m sure they won’t mind. What’s his name? David or something? They’re car dealers. They get it.”
“They don’t have a Tesla dealership,” Sarah said. “Jud, please, just park somewhere in the neighborhood. This is so embarrassing. Just let me out and go park, please, these angel shoes are killing my feet,” she said.
She watched his face, the angry twitch in his cheek. “Fine. Whatever you say, dear,” he said.
Sarah climbed out of the car and watched as he reversed out of the driveway. Finally, she could breathe again. Off to the side of the Potts’s grand house she spotted a group of costume-clad adults and hurried across the lawn. As she came closer, she noticed Lauren Potts, dressed as a sexy French maid, as usual, and hurried over to her. As she approached, Lauren ended a phone call, slipping her phone inside her impossibly short skirt. A marvel.
“Lauren, thank you so much for hosting the party again,” Sarah said, kissing the younger woman on the cheek. She had to admit, the outfit looked very sexy. Sarah wondered if Jud would like to see it on her? Maybe she’d buy one. They still hadn’t had sex, and that was beginning to worry Sarah. Still, she felt sexy in her fitted white dress and small sparkly wings, maybe almost as sexy as Lauren. Maybe her costume would be enough to spark some romance tonight.
“Hey, Sarah, so great to have you here. Was that Jud?”
“Yes, that was,” Sarah said. “Just dropping me off and then finding a place to park.”
“How sweet,” Lauren said. “Drink?”
“Yes, please,” Sarah said, following her hostess to a full bar staffed with uniformed bartenders. The Pottses did a party right.
“So who is Ashley trick-or-treating with tonight?” Lauren asked as Sarah ordered a chardonnay from the handsome boy behind the bar.
“Oh, she’s staying home, doing homework, handing out candy,” Sarah said.
“Of course she is,” Lauren said. “Meanwhile, Kiley is out on the town, dressed as a whore, causing trouble.”
“Oh, I doubt that. Kiley is adorable,” Sarah said, trying to hide her shock at the tone Lauren was using to describe her only child. Sure, Kiley dressed sort of Goth, with black lipstick, four earrings per side, and, it was rumored, a tattoo in the tramp-stamp spot. Truth be told, Sarah would die if Ashley came home with even one tattoo. Kiley was a little overweight, not much, maybe a size ten or twelve. Sarah wasn’t a huge fan of Lauren’s, blaming her as most of the women in town did for breaking up David’s first marriage, but they had bonded over the fact that each of them had only one child, a girl. And truthfully, Sarah didn’t see Lauren all that often, as they were relatively new to the school.
“Kiley’s a pain in the ass, actually,” Lauren said, taking a big gulp from her glass. “You have the perfect child. Everyone knows it. There can only be one homecoming queen I suppose, so my daughter had to pick a different path. Probably doesn’t help that she has me for a mother.”
Sarah stared at Lauren. “You’re a great mom. What’s wrong?”
“Oh, I’m afraid I’ve really messed things up,” Lauren said, and for the first time, Sarah noticed the woman was slurring her words.
“What is going on? Can I help?” Sarah asked, reaching out and touching Lauren’s arm. Everybody has something, Sarah thought, realizing it’s hard to remember that when you’re in the middle of your own mess. As she looked up at the grand oceanfront home behind them, she realized wealth didn’t make you immune from heartache. In fact, it could be one of the leading factors in all of the troubles Crystal Beach couples and families faced. We no longer have to struggle to survive, she thought suddenly. Now we’re fighting to live ever-bigger
lives. It needed to stop.
“No, sorry, I’ve said enough, I’ve got to go check on the rest of the guests. I’ll switch to coffee soon,” Lauren said, kissing Sarah’s cheek and disappearing into the crowd.
Sarah stood there trying to decide whether to follow Lauren when someone grabbed her gently from behind.
“How’s my favorite angel?” Jud asked, holding her around the waist. “You look gorgeous tonight, Sarah.”
Inside, she felt the sadness lift a little. Her husband was coming back to her and he was wonderful.
“Did you have to park very far away?” she asked, kissing him on the lips, pressing into him to deepen the kiss.
“Hey, we’re in public here,” Jud said, breaking the kiss. “I found a spot close by. We can head home whenever you feel like it.”
“Is now too soon?” she said. She wanted to make love, to have him hold her and tell her everything was okay. They were going to make it, together.
“Let’s get a drink, shall we?” he said, keeping his arm around her waist, holding her tight against him as they walked up to the bar.
The cute bartender smiled at her. “Another one for the angel?”
“Please,” she said, smiling.
“And for you?” the boy asked Jud.
“This is my wife. Isn’t she beautiful?” Jud said.
“Jud,” Sarah said, embarrassed but flattered. He used to always ask strangers to validate her beauty, pleasing them both.
“Dude, I’m just serving drinks. Do you want one or not?”
“Red wine. Do you know who I am, son?” Jud asked. Sarah was trying to pat his hand, keep him calm. She could feel the tension building between Jud and the cocky bartender.
“Um, no, I don’t recognize the costume.”
“Very funny. I am Dr. Jud Nelson, inventor of the Nelson Procedure and plastic surgeon to everyone who is everyone. These hands are magic,” Jud said, putting one hand in the air while keeping his other around Sarah’s waist.
The bartender didn’t say anything, but he looked like he wanted to punch Jud as he handed him the red wine.
Jud smiled at the young man.
“They don’t all need to like us, honey,” Sarah said softly, as Jud seemed to be calming down.
“I know. It’s just that I’m proud of you, of us,” Jud said. Orange twinkle lights lit up a small tree in front of them as they talked. “We are good together, aren’t we? It is important. It’s right. We belong together.”
“Yes, we do. Can we go home now and, well, reconnect?” Sarah asked. Inside, she felt the hole of sadness squeeze shut a tiny bit.
“Of course. Let me use the restroom and we’ll go. Be right back,” Jud said.
“Sarah, what are you doing over here alone?” asked a man dressed in a ninja costume. She was surprised anybody approached. Typically, in this town, the men seemed to give her a wide berth, watching her from afar like an exotic and endangered game animal. “You okay? Sorry, it’s Tom, Ashley’s assistant volleyball coach,” he added, pulling off his hood. He was her favorite of the coaching staff. He had kind blue eyes.
“Um, oh, nothing, just waiting for my husband,” Sarah said. “Story of my life.”
“At least you’re close to the bar,” he said, extending his hand in greeting. Sarah shook his hand but when she tried to pull her hand away, he kept holding it, sending electricity zipping through her.
“I told Jud, Ashley’s dad, I’d wait here,” she said, smiling, flustered to be holding hands with Ashley’s coach, wondering why she liked it so much. She could tell he had been drinking and that he was flirting with her. She knew he was single, but he also was at least five years younger than she was. She managed to pull her hand from his, surprised she’d enjoyed his touch.
“He’s over there, the other side of the yard, holding court. He’ll figure out where you went. You can’t stand over here in the dark. Let’s go look at the ocean. It’s a gorgeous view from the cliff,” Tom said, elbow still extended.
And even though she knew it would be trouble, and even though Jud had told her not to move, that they’d go home and make love, he had stopped and was entertaining a crowd. She could stand here alone and frustrated or she could take Tom up on his offer, allow Jud to find her. And so for the first time in a long time, Sarah smiled and took a step forward, threading her arm through Tom’s.
MELANIE
Melanie opened her left eye and looked around. It was dark outside the windows beside her. She was lying on the couch in their family room. That was evident because her dog, Tucker—a gray, seven-pound cuddler—was snuggled beside her and her favorite comfy blanket was draped over her. Slowly her brain reminded her that somebody had summoned Keith to the Halloween decorating party at the park. He must have had to leave work early to come pick her up. She could just imagine him telling the guys, “Hey, I have to go because my wife got drunk setting up for a kids’ party.” She was mortified.
“Hey,” Keith said, leaning against the doorway of the room. Her knight in shining armor, she supposed, although she didn’t remember his arrival at the park or their departure. She hoped she hadn’t embarrassed herself further.
“Hey,” she said, closing her left eye. The darkness was comforting. She was hiding like a toddler. She couldn’t see her husband, but she knew he could see her all too well. She felt Keith sit down next to her on the couch. Tucker grumbled under his breath, his usual sign of protection. Keith patted her hand.
“So honey, what’s going on? Can I help you with anything?”
Melanie felt the clutch of emotions deep in her stomach as tears sprang to her closed eyes. Keith’s hand brushed the hair from her forehead, a gentle touch that brought a sob as he pulled her into his arms.
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” Melanie said through her tears. “I guess it’s Dane leaving, me not being a mom anymore. I’m already bored and incredibly scared, and I just don’t know what’s next.”
“You’ve got me, honey. You’ve always got me. That is, if you still want me,” Keith said, patting her back.
“It’s not you. I don’t know why I get so angry with you. It’s not your fault. It’s this,” Melanie said, sweeping her hand to encompass the room, their life, their future. “Is this all there is?”
“We have a good life, Melanie. Great kids.”
“A great kid, and another moderately great kid,” Melanie said, meeting Keith’s eye. “I’m kidding.”
Keith shook his head. “A guy at work was telling me about how hard it was for his wife when their youngest left for college. She became depressed. She started drinking too much, became more irritable, even took it out on her kids, blaming them for not coming home often enough. It sounded rough,” Keith said. “I know you read about empty-nest syndrome and it really is a thing. We need to get you some help, get rid of some of the tension around here. He gave me the name of the program that helped save her and their marriage.”
“Oh my God, you aren’t suggesting I need a twelve-step program,” Melanie said, pulling Tucker into her lap and crossing her arms.
“It’s not that. It’s more about reinvention,” Keith said. His eyes were kind, his face was knit with worry and something even more important, love.
Melanie took a breath and looked up to the corner of the ceiling, remembering years ago when she’d had to use a ladder to clean it when the boys had shaken their Cokes and didn’t realize the consequences. Or did they, and they just convinced her otherwise? She had smart boys, she knew. Both of them. And a great husband.
“Reinvention, huh?”
“I’ll even do it with you,” Keith said.
“You’re not having a midlife crisis.”
“I’m bound to at some point, why not head it off at the pass,” he said.
Melanie smiled, managed to sit up, and leaned forward, kissing Keith on the cheek. “You’re such a good guy. How did I get so lucky?”
“The feeling is mutual. Hungry?” he asked.
; Melanie didn’t even know what time it was. How long had she been passed out, blacked out? She did know she needed a glass of water and an aspirin. “I’m a little hungry. My head is pounding. What time is it?”
“Almost 10 p.m. Dane should be home soon with a huge bag of candy,” Keith said, walking into the kitchen. She could hear him open the freezer and drop ice cubes into a glass, followed by the sound of running water. He’d bring her an aspirin, too, she thought. But she needed to get up. Dane would be home any minute. She stood slowly, holding Tucker in her left arm. Dane would want her to do the program, she knew, starting to wonder if her anger with him was misplaced. She was disappointed in herself, bored, and looking to blame it on her youngest son. She’d need to apologize, to make things right.
“Here you go,” Keith said, handing her the glass of ice water along with the aspirin. “Maybe you should go wash your face, brush your teeth, and I’ll make us a late-night snack we can share with Dane.”
“What did you do about the trick-or-treaters?” Melanie asked before gulping down the entire glass of water. “Did kids ring the bell? I didn’t hear a thing.”
“I just left the candy outside with a note not to ring the bell,” Keith said. “It’s fine. The candy is all gone.”
“Of course it is.” Then she asked the question she’d been dreading the answer to, the question she had to ask. “Did Dane see me like that?”
“I told him you had a bad headache, a migraine,” Keith said, looking down at his feet.
Melanie dropped her gaze too as she turned to walk down the hallway to their bedroom. She’d ruined everything. Dane hated her, Keith was embarrassed by her. And her friends? She’d gotten wasted at sushi with Sarah, and now at the park with her too. How would she be able to show her face around town?
She turned on the water at her sink and grabbed the toothbrush out of the medicine cabinet, careful not to look herself in the eye. Anybody who wasn’t her would tell her how blessed she was: living at the beach in the best community, two healthy boys, a husband who loved her. But she didn’t feel right, she felt out of place in her life. Why can’t I appreciate this life, my life? she wondered.
