by Kaira Rouda
Even so, ever since she and Tom had felt the sparks fly between them at the Potts’s Halloween party, they’d been inseparable. And now, as she set the table for dinner—blissfully only for herself, Ashley, Dane, and Melanie—she felt a profound sense of relief that Tom would not be around. That was a sign she needed to acknowledge, pointing her to an action she needed to take. No more passive Sarah. She needed to become the action figure in her own life.
That’s when Tom walked in the door. Sarah had a butter knife in her hand, but envisioned it as a steak knife that she hurled at his heart.
“I thought you ladies, and Dane, would enjoy some fresh flowers for the table,” he said, pulling a big bunch of white hydrangeas from behind his back. She did love a good bunch of perfect white hydrangeas, she had to admit, especially if they were wrapped in butcher paper, fresh from the flower market.
“They’re beautiful,” Sarah said, placing the butter knife on the table next to the butter dish, exactly where it belonged. Sarah smiled and pulled her hair back into a tie as she crossed the room to take the flowers.
“You’re beautiful,” Tom said, pulling her in for a hug. “I can’t believe I’m not invited tonight.”
“We’ve been over this. It’s a mom-and-child-only dinner,” Sarah said. He was starting to annoy her again so she pulled away and carried the flowers to the kitchen. Of course, he followed her. “I’ve got it from here. I’ll talk to you in the morning.” She kept her voice light and bright, hoping he’d turn around and walk out the door. She placed the flowers in their brown wrapper on the island and untied the bow. Opening the cabinet below the island where she kept her vases, she was surprised to find mixing bowls.
“I rearranged the kitchen a bit, for functionality,” Tom said. “Here are the vases.”
He reached up and opened a cabinet above the refrigerator, a cabinet Sarah would never be able to access without a step-ladder. That was it. “Which one do you want?”
“The one in the middle and then I want you to go. You were not invited here tonight. Do you understand that? Please do not come over again without an invitation.”
He looked like a kid who’d just discovered his parents had eaten all of his Halloween candy. Sarah felt guilty, but she needed to practice speaking her truth, asking for what she wanted. Tough love.
“Tom, don’t pout. Let’s talk tomorrow,” she said, softening her tone as she took the vase from his hands and placed it on the counter. “Thank you for the flowers. They’re beautiful. Good night.” She kissed his cheek with the softest pressure possible, a friendly peck, a light breeze.
“Um, well, I’ll just be going then,” Tom said. His cheeks were flushed and he turned and hurried out of the kitchen.
Sarah took a deep breath and turned her attention to the flowers. They were fresh and full, clean and bright. They’d look beautiful on the table, sparkling in the votive candlelight. After arranging the flowers, she pulled the cheese plate out of the refrigerator and carried it into the family room, lighting the fireplace.
“Everything looks beautiful, Mom,” Ashley said, breezing into the room, her hair wet and her face makeup-free. She was dressed in jeans and an oversized gray sweatshirt.
“Thanks, honey. Do you think you should dress up a little? I mean, maybe dry your hair?” Sarah said. She saw Ashley’s expression and started to laugh.
“You wouldn’t give Dane’s mom the time of day when they moved here, and now look at you. Trying to impress?” Ashley said, as the stab of truth cut into Sarah. Ashley gave her a sweet hug. “You look pretty, Mom. I like the white cashmere. Plus, it hides all the hair falling off your head.”
Sarah had finally talked to her dermatologist about the persistent hair loss. Her doctor examined one of the strands of hair that had leapt off her head under a microscope. She returned and pronounced the follicles healthy.
“That means your hair is falling out due to stress, not an underlying disease. It’s all in your head, so to speak,” the doctor had said. That was when she was still trying to stay together with Jud, still in denial of what her life had become, about who he was. It had to be getting better now. She’d noticed less hair in the drain when she showered.
“My hair loss is slowing. It was stress-related,” Sarah said. “And you’re right. I wasn’t welcoming to new people. I was too caught up in our status, too worried about holding on to what we had.”
“Mom, you’ve been through a lot. I’m so proud of you and the way you’re dealing with everything,” Ashley said, curling up on the white leather sectional that constituted most of the furniture in their huge family room.
“Knock, knock,” Dane said, walking in the door, his mom a few steps behind.
“Melanie, so good to see you,” Sarah said, hugging her friend, knowing she needed to reach out to the woman more often.
“You too,” Melanie said, returning the hug. Sarah thought she looked great, clear eyed and happy. “Here, this is for you. Did you know sparkling water actually tastes good? It’s become an important part of my next phase of life.”
“Ah yes, the dreaded next phase,” Sarah said, self-consciously reaching back and tugging at her ponytail, extracting a few strands. Better, not healed, but better, she thought. “I’m studying for my real estate license.”
“That’s brilliant. You’ll be fabulous,” Melanie said, twisting the lid off of the bubbly water. “I bet I already have three leads for you. So many people are making moves these days. Cheers.”
“I don’t want to be the divorcée realtor,” Sarah said, leading Melanie back into the family room. The teens had vanished. Ashley and Dane must be in Ashley’s suite of rooms, Sarah thought. Jud would have freaked out, but Sarah knew it was normal, healthy even.
“Well, everybody needs a specialty niche. And there seems to be a lot of opportunity for you there, if you know what I mean,” Melanie said, sitting down next to her. “How have you been since Jud moved out? I’m not trying to pry.”
Sarah had heard all the rumors. Most concluded that Jud had a girlfriend in Florida and had moved there to be with her. She told Melanie the same thing she told everyone, “The marriage is over and I’m selling the house, hopefully myself, with my shiny new real estate license.”
“Okay, sounds good. Where are our kids?” Melanie asked, her signature eyebrow lift causing Sarah to smile.
CHAPTER NINE
Christmas Eve, Wednesday, December 24
WILL
I had the perfect wife, Will thought as he reflected on his trial. He could still envision each and every member of the jury, as if it had been yesterday not last week. But more than those twelve people, who had decided his fate, he remembered watching Carol and thinking about how perfect she was for him. She had loved him so much.
Will had become confused, he decided. He’d thought he was entitled to so much more. Whatever he wanted. Whenever he wanted. Because of Lauren, he had recast their marriage as a living hell, something he needed to escape from, when really Carol had provided the structure that helped him live his life as an adult. Who knew that what you resented was what you needed the most? And now, he faced the prospect of six years away from his family. Actually, his attorney had told him he could be sentenced to up to thirty years. But Will didn’t believe that. He knew he’d receive the minimum. He was a great guy, a guy’s guy. Who would he hurt in the world?
Even though Will sort of knew how everything would shake out from here, six years in a minimum-security facility, he still harbored a little ray of hope deep inside that he’d be set free. Even with the famous attorney and jury consultant Keith Bronson helping the local cops and prosecutor’s office and Lauren’s testimony against him.
Sure, his wife’s day on the stand was horrible for him. Carol had everyone in tears as she had recalled waking up with a pillow over her face, pinned to the bed, unable to breathe. She thought her life was over. She had no idea it was her husband who was trying to kill her. She simply fought off her attacker with all her
strength, hoping to survive to save her daughters. Even Will cried as he listened to her testimony because of course he never meant to hurt her. His defense was he’d gone crazy, completely insane, and he had.
“Who tries to kill his own spouse by suffocation?” he pleaded to his attorney. It was insane. He needed help and rest, not ten to twenty. But the jury had found him guilty and now he was back in court, awaiting his sentencing.
The judge, who reminded Will of a standard poodle wearing a black robe, took the bench. Without any pomp or circumstance he looked down at Will and said, “You are a manipulator and a con man. You lie and cheat to serve your own personal interests, and you could care less who you hurt. You are a menace.”
Will couldn’t take that sitting down. He smiled broadly, stood up, and said, “Your honor, do you really think I’m a danger to society?”
“Counselor, control your client,” the judge bellowed. Then he grabbed a stack of papers in front of him and raised them in the air. “And while you are getting yourself under control, Sir, I will remind you that your wife is not on trial here. You are. The fact that you’ve asked all of these people to send letters to the court makes me ill. Where did you find these people? How did you con them, too? These letters singing your virtues and discrediting your wife are without merit. You, Sir, are morally bankrupt.”
“Your honor, may I approach the bench?” Will’s attorney asked, although Will himself would rather be doing the talking.
“No you may not. Your client is a self-centered monster who had no concern whatsoever for his two children who have been fundamentally impacted by his act and the resulting nasty divorce. You, Sir, will spend thirteen years in prison for the attempted murder of your wife, Carol Parker.”
“No, Sir, I’ve been under great emotional stress,” Will said, leaping up from his chair and trying to walk toward the poodle-judge. He was tackled by a huge bailiff and placed in handcuffs.
The judge was still talking. “Your emotional upset does not excuse or justify your criminal conduct. Take him away.”
Will couldn’t believe he was being dragged across the courtroom, his new Italian suit being manhandled by bailiffs. He turned his face toward the gallery and saw his wife and girls crying uncontrollably. And then, ten rows behind them, he saw her. Lauren, his true love. He tried to wave, but forgot his wrists were shackled. So instead, he gave her his best, most winning smile.
And that smile would be on the front page of newspapers across the country. That smile would cost him everything, and would assure that he was in prison twelve of his thirteen years.
DANE
Dane couldn’t believe how crazy life was this year and it was only Christmastime. On the last day of class, he got the best surprise of his entire high school career. He’d sauntered into the quad, running late as usual, when he noticed a huge crowd in the vicinity of his locker. His heart dropped. All he could imagine was that Blake, or someone sent by Blake, had done something to his locker. He walked slowly over as kids began to part to let him through.
And that’s when he saw it, the hand-painted sign hanging above his locker, complete with glitter and big gold letters: Will you go to Winter Formal with me? Love, Ashley. She’d attached red magnetic hearts and a bunch of gold balloons to the handle of his locker. And his lock was open, numbers facing him.
Ashley stood by the locker, smiling her perfect smile. He felt his face flush and he didn’t care. He grabbed her and pulled her to him, kissing her in front of the whole crowd like they were in a movie or something. His head was a mess of happiness the rest of the day and then it was winter break. He was glad Ashley would be spending the holiday at home. They’d have a lot of time together.
Just yesterday, when Collin’s mom had called him and asked him to come over, he’d asked Ashley to come with him. She’d been right when she’d told him to go alone. When he arrived, Collin’s house was empty, a moving van idling out front.
“I’m out of here,” Zoe had said, wearing a long, flowing brown dress, with a haunted look in her dark eyes, the look she’d had since the day Collin was arrested. When Dane saw her, he absorbed the look, too. They were both zombies, remembering that day.
“Okay,” Dane had said, his hands at his side, not knowing what to do, what to say.
“I wanted to say good-bye, to thank you for being such a great friend to my son. He was going to be a great man.”
“He will still be a great man,” Dane had said, brushing a tear off his cheek. Be strong, he told himself. “He’ll get out in a year. Two max. NYU will honor the commitment, you’ll see.”
“Do you know what he wrote in his essay? The common app essay? They deleted it, they said. Wouldn’t let me read it. But Collin was going to read it to me. Before he was incarcerated,” she said, the word hanging in the air between them.
Dane thought if Zoe lost any more weight she’d blow away during the next strong Santa Anas. He thought it was good she was moving, starting over.
“He wrote about how awesome you were as a single mom. How he respects everything you gave up for him. How proud he is of you and your career,” Dane had said, as tears flowed down his cheeks.
“Oh God, I can’t do this,” Zoe said, dropping to her knees in the middle of her empty home. “Why? My boy, why did this happen to him, only him?”
Dane wasn’t able to answer her bigger question, so he simply sat on the floor next to her until the moving van driver walked in and told her it was time to go. He helped her stand up, worried about her ability to drive to wherever she was headed.
“Okay. Off I go. I actually own a great house in Malibu that I’ve never had a chance to live in. I have a pool and a great guesthouse. You and Collin can visit someday. I’m close enough to visit Collin in prison, all the time. I’m going to be fine, right? He’s going to be fine, right?” she asked, looking up into Dane’s face.
“Are you driving?” Dane asked, because he had to, because Collin would want him to ask.
“No, son, she’s riding in the cab with me. Sent her car up on another truck,” the driver said.
Dane smiled and gave Zoe a final hug. They walked out the front door together, and Zoe dropped the house key into the fake rock in the garden. It was so sad that Dane couldn’t think of anything else to say. He simply walked to his car and drove away. When he got home his mom was there, wearing her favorite Santa T-shirt, the one she wore every year. That made him smile, until she gave him a strange look.
“What?” he said, planning to head to his music room and jam.
“What’s wrong, honey?” she asked, touching his shoulder in a way that wasn’t annoying. In fact, he realized she hadn’t annoyed him at all lately. They’d actually had a blast traveling together for all of his auditions and performances. She was a cool mom again. He didn’t know whether it was her reinvention stuff or his newfound appreciation for how life could change in a flash.
He decided to stay and talk to her. “I just said good-bye to Collin’s mom; she’s moving to Malibu. It was like saying goodbye to Collin again. He was my first friend here. I miss him.”
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry,” she said and then she did the look, that caring heart-wrenching look that made Dane’s eyes fill with tears again. Dammit.
“Don’t,” he said, using the back of his sleeve to wipe his eyes. “The look.”
“Right, sorry,” she said.
“Mom, I’m fine. He was my best friend, and it just sucks. It could’ve been anybody. Those undercover operations should be illegal,” he said.
“I know one of the kids has the ACLU involved,” Melanie said. “Unfortunately, Collin is considered an adult. At least they reassigned Doug so we don’t have to see him around.”
After too much harassment from the community, the officer who had pretended to be a high school senior had left the area. It was a little victory, but not enough to change things much. “All things considered, I’m good,” he said, and walked over to the Christmas tree sparkling in the co
rner of the family room. “Hey, where’s Seth?”
His older brother had been amazing since the drug raid. He’d dropped everything at school to come home and support him, staying through the Thanksgiving holiday to talk to him, hang with him. He’d been the perfect big brother that he’d always been. He even walked in the rally they’d organized against unfair police tactics in Crystal Beach. But instead of comparing himself to Seth, Dane just thought his brother was a great guy. He’d gone back to college to take his midterms, but he came back home as soon as school was out for the holidays.
Dane held an ornament in his hand. It was a picture of him and his brother as towheaded toddlers, sitting on the beach on some family vacation each holding a bright blue shovel. They’d had a great childhood, he thought. He felt his mom behind him and turned around. He was lucky.
“He and Dad are grocery shopping for me, believe it or not,” Melanie said. “They should be home any minute.”
“Great. It’ll be good to be together, just the four of us, for Christmas, and a little bit of Ashley,” Dane said, blushing. And from the look on his mom’s face, he knew she agreed.
MARNI
Christmas Eve was just like any other night at the joyful Parker residence.
Take her mom for example, laptop open, staring out the window waiting for what? Santa? Marni’s disdain for the woman grew daily, in direct proportion to her mom’s lockdown on her girls. The monthly calendar—the color green removed from the rotation permanently—had grown into a mass of scribbles and instructions, orders and chores.
Marni wondered if anyone at work noticed her mom was losing it, but decided probably not. They all felt so sorry for her, the almost-murder victim, that they’d forgive her any odd behavior. The fact that both her parents had been stuck in middle school, literally and figuratively, did not escape Marni. She was dealing with seventh graders as parents. One was in prison because he cheated on his wife, the other one was a mean girl in a prison of her own making, consumed by making lists, writing in her diary, and controlling the other girls.
