by Lauren Wood
Finally, the ballroom double doors opened. Everyone sat up with rapt attention and whipped around to see Maya standing there. She was still shrouded in the darkness of the main hall, but she was there. My hands were wrapped tightly in front of me, turning red from how hard I had been squeezing them together. My heart was pounding, and my mouth was dry. All of that should have been relieved by seeing her finally appear in the doorway, but something told me I couldn’t breathe easy yet.
She stepped forward once very slowly, and then again. As the ballroom lights hit her face, my shoulders finally dropped. She was walking towards me. She was going to make it down the aisle. We could get this over with, and then I’d decide how long I could keep my real feelings for her a secret.
She was finally in full view, and the bridesmaids began their slow, steady march in front of her. They smiled at the audience as they walked by and joined us at the altar, but my eyes were glued on Maya. She was breathtakingly beautiful in her gown, even if she did look like she had just seen a ghost.
I could see how afraid and uncertain she was. Everything in me was attempting to urge her, telepathically, to come to me. If I could just have her in front of me, with her hands in mine, I would find some way to assure her everything would be okay. I was scared, too. We would figure this out. She just had to make it down the aisle.
Tara, Vanna, Liz, and Margo were finally all lined up across from us. Jason’s three kids stood in front of them. Bailey and Caitlyn had sprinkled flower petals down the red carpet and were still holding little baskets of the leftovers, while Christopher nervously gripped his ring bearer’s pillow. Everything was in place but the bride. The music changed, and we all watched with bated breath, but Maya did not move.
She seemed to be paralyzed there on the other side of the ballroom, but even from where I was standing, I could see her chest heaving up and down. Her bouquet was shaking in her hands, and she was fighting back tearful panic. The longer she hesitated, the more certain I was that she wouldn’t make her way to me.
“Maya!” I finally called out to her. I didn’t know why I did it. I just wanted her to look at me and somehow know everything would be okay. I don’t know how I expected her to know it when I wasn’t even sure it would be.
Her eyes stilled on me, and I could see her mouthing something. I couldn’t make it out at first. Then, it dawned on me. She was saying she was sorry. By the time I made out her silent apology, she was gone. It happened so fast. One minute she was standing there with all of us staring at her, and the next, she was gone, vanishing back into the dark hall from which she had started to emerge.
The audience erupted in whispers and groans of pity for me while Margo took off running towards Maya. Christopher, Bailey, and Caitlyn laughed a little to themselves, not knowing what was going on. Eric planted his hand firmly on my shoulder, trying to tell me it would be okay.
It wouldn’t be okay. Maya was gone. I didn’t even care what was going through my poor grandparents’ heads at that moment. All that mattered was that she was gone.
24
Maya
Since I couldn’t make up my mind about the right thing to do, my body decided to take over and make the choice for me. I didn’t have a plan. I didn’t know what I was doing. My legs just started moving, carrying me as far away from Jesse and that ceremony as I could get, as fast as I could go.
The moment I saw Jesse standing there at the end of the aisle, waiting for me, I knew I couldn’t go through with it. The feelings I had for him were real, and they had been sneaking up on me this entire time. I couldn’t commit to faking something that I really wanted. I wanted a real relationship with him. I wanted to be with him. I didn’t want to pretend, and I certainly couldn’t go through with it while knowing that I now had millions to my name to afford me a way out.
The beautiful gown weighed on my body as I bolted out of the luxurious historic mansion we had rented for the whole facade. The grandeur of the wedding, combined with the pull of the expensive dress, all seemed ridiculous as I tried to outrun it. My big white gown was catching on everything as I rushed by, ripping and tearing all along the bottom. I nearly rolled my ankle on my stupid heels and soon had to stop to chuck them off, deciding it was better to take the risk of whatever I might cut my feet on along the road, so long as I got away from there as fast as possible.
I didn’t know how long I ran for, just that it was far enough for me to no longer have any clue of where I was, and my legs were aching with electric pains that shot from my ankles all the way up to my groin. My chest burned as I gasped for air without slowing down, and my eyes were stinging from the chill of the night air setting in against my tears.
It wasn’t until I reached a small, secluded bridge overlooking a lake that I stopped. It was dark by then, and something about the way the moonlight caught on the water’s surface lured me in. It was the first thing that had managed to calm me down all day. I didn’t even know if it was private property, but I didn’t care. Surely, if someone came out to yell at me to leave, they’d see me crying in my soiled wedding gown and have mercy on me.
I finally slowed my run to an exhausted walk and took long, heavy steps across the little wooden planks of the bridge. I walked all the way to the edge and collapsed on the ground, curling my legs to my chest. After a while, my breathing finally slowed back to normal, and my tears stopped. But my heart was still filled with an enormous ache.
I was tired of asking myself what I could have done differently or what the right thing was. None of it was right because people weren’t supposed to buy fake brides and arrange a sham of a marriage. We had it wrong from the beginning. The only thing that felt right about it was Jesse. And that fact was why I couldn’t walk down that aisle.
With nothing but the choppy sounds of the water gently splashing against the pillars beneath me and the crickets chirping in the distance, I looked up at the stars and reminded myself of everything I had to be grateful for. My life was still wonderful, even more so than before. Money was no longer an issue. I could have anything and everything I wanted. I could disappear somewhere and make whatever art I wanted to for the rest of my life, never having to worry again.
It wasn’t so long ago that I didn’t even know Jesse existed. I could find my way back to that place, couldn’t I? I thought about his smile and the way his eyes sparkled at me. The sound of his voice always made my chest tighten up with giddiness, and he could make me laugh harder than anyone had in a long time. Being around him was easy, effortless. Being in bed with him was the same, but with earth-shattering effects. That part seemed like it would be especially hard to let go of and forget.
Somehow, I had evaded all of these feelings for so long, maybe because I knew he would be around. We were contractually obligated to put up with each other for years. He wasn’t going anywhere, so I could just sit back and let things flow. I could enjoy it without asking myself all the questions that managed to catch up to me. It was like Pandora’s box. As soon as I realized how I felt for him, it changed everything, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make things go back to the way they were before. It used to be so simple. It had seemed clear-cut.
I longed for anything to feel so simple again, even if just for a moment. I looked up at the twinkling stars and wished for just that. Like a little child, I wished with all my might that my heart would stop breaking. I felt like I would never see Jesse again, and part of me thought that was for the best after what I did. I just wanted things to feel okay again.
“Maya!” A voice called out from far away. I thought I must have been losing it. I wished so fervently in all my distress that I was making up some voice from the heavens, imagining it was calling out to me.
Then it came again. “Maya!” And again and again. I stood up, and as the voice got closer, I realized it was Jesse. I considered running away to hide, but I was stranded on the end of the pier, and he was already closing in on the only way out.
“Jeez, you run fast,” he hea
ved as he ran out onto the deck.
I was glad he needed a moment to catch his breath because I needed a moment to prepare myself to face him. He buckled over, resting his hands across his knees. He was sweaty, and his tux looked about as ruined as my dress.
“Why did you chase after me?” I asked finally, afraid of the answer. “Did you come to yell at me? Or were you just trying to escape everyone back there?”
I started crying all over again with the thought. I did care about him, and I had left him all alone and embarrassed in front of all those people, including his poor grandparents.
“I’m so sorry,” I sobbed, burying my face in my hands.
I couldn’t look, but I felt the warmth of his body close in around me. He took me into his arms and let me cry on his shoulder. It only made me feel worse.
“Don’t console me!” I shouted, pushing him away. “You can’t feel sorry for me after what I just did to you. That makes me feel like an even shittier person.”
“You’re not a shitty person,” he smiled. “Not at all. Quite the opposite, actually. You are maybe the least shitty person I have ever met in my life.”
“How can you possibly say that?”
“Because I love you,” he shot back without hesitation.
My mouth dropped open, and little beginning sounds of words came out, but nothing fully formed. I was in complete and utter stunned silence. How? Why? When? I wanted to ask it all at once. I had only just stopped asking myself the same kinds of things. I could barely handle wrapping my head around his feeling the same so soon.
“You…you do?” I spat out, finally.
“Oh, yes. I do. I definitely do.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at how defeated he sounded. It was as if he had been fighting off the idea just as hard as I had. If only either of us could have managed to spit those words out before we took off running from our wedding.
25
Jesse
Maya’s big eyes were wider than ever, and she looked completely overwhelmed with confusion as she stared back at me. My heart was about to pound right out of my chest. I had just confessed the thing I never thought I would genuinely feel for anyone. I didn’t know what was scarier, that I had just blurted it out to her with such certainty, or that she still hadn’t responded.
“Just say something,” I begged. “Please. Anything. We’ve already left a big, giant mess back there. Things can’t get any worse. You might as well go ahead and speak your mind.”
“They can’t?” she asked.
“What?”
“Things can’t get any worse?” she said again. “What if I don’t feel the same way?”
“Well, okay. Yeah. That would definitely be worse.” I hung my head, awkwardly pawing at my back of my neck as I prepared for the blow.
“I love you, too,” she stated softly.
A big gush of air blew out from my mouth. “Oh, thank god. I was positive you ran off because you didn’t.”
“No! The opposite.” She laughed through her tears. “I couldn’t rush into all this while knowing I really loved you. And Jesse? There’s something else.”
“Please don’t tell me you’re pregnant,” I blurted. “I mean, I guess I shouldn’t say that. If you are, that’s great. Or, we’ll figure it out if you are. Are you?”
Her familiar warm smile returned as she shook her head. “No. No, I’m not pregnant. That’s not it.”
I exhaled again. “Okay, good. One thing at a time. So, what is it? I’ve known something has been up with you for the past couple of weeks, but I guess I was afraid to ask. Seems like a horrible strategy now.”
“I inherited money. Like, a lot of money.”
My brain shorted out for a moment, trying to gather what this meant or why it mattered. I was born and raised in a billionaire family. Wealth was so commonplace to me that I almost forgot that not everyone lived the same way. Then, all the pieces started falling into place. Maya was broke when we met. That was the whole reason she was doing any of this. She needed the money.
“When?”
“Two weeks ago. That’s what was bothering me.”
“That’s why you didn’t move in,” I realized as I said it, remembering her sudden change of plans. “But wait. So, you didn’t need the money anymore, and you still stayed with me? You went to the hospital for Liz and Eric. You were going to go through with the arrangement anyway?”
“I tried. I really tried,” she explained, her voice breaking with remorse. “I wanted to do that for you. I agreed to it, after all. I wanted you to be able to make your family happy because, truthfully, I care for them, too. They’re amazing.” She took my hands in hers. “You’re amazing. Even if you are a little immature and wild and you have no clue what you actually want.”
“That’s not entirely true,” I argued. “Not anymore. I know I want you.”
I ran my hands up her arms and wanted so badly to kiss her, but she seemed torn with regret.
“I wish I could have made it down the aisle and kept up my end of the deal. Now, all this money was wasted on this stupid, fake wedding. I know you must be angry with me.”
I couldn’t wait any longer. The only way I knew to make her understand just how little I cared about any of that or how I couldn’t be angry with her, even if I wanted to be, was to show her.
I lunged forward and crashed my lips into hers. My heart swelled with the relief of her tongue moving across mine in slow, steady sweeps. We hadn’t had a real kiss since the last time we accidentally slept together, and suddenly, it felt like I had been without water ever since. She was the only thing that could quench my need.
We were both breathless by the time our lips parted. I kept my hand pressed firmly to the back of her head, never wanting to let her get so far away from me again.
“I understand why you didn’t say anything,” I told her. “At least, I think I do. It doesn’t really matter. None of that matters anymore. As long as you love me.”
“I do love you,” she smiled, kissing me again.
“I would want to marry you even if this whole thing had never happened. If we had met at an art exhibit or I had seen you walking down the street. What I feel for you is real, and it has nothing to do with my family or some stupid contract. You’re the one, Maya.”
She cried under her breath and threw herself into my arms again. I had never felt anything so satisfying as holding her close to me, knowing we both felt the same way. Everything about her— her eyes, her skin, her scent, her voice—all felt like home.
We stayed wrapped up in each other a long time underneath the moonlight, and we probably could have stayed like that for forever if it weren’t for things like food and sleep.
“One of us should have been smart enough to steal some alcohol from the bar before we took off,” she joked after a while. “I could really use a drink right now.”
“We could always go back. See if anyone is still hanging around. There’s no reason to let the party go to waste.”
She threw her head back with that laugh that I loved so dearly. “Is that what you would have done if you hadn’t come after me? Move everyone to the reception hall and have a big party, anyway?”
“It’s only a party if you’re there.”
“Oh, I’m sure a few of your bimbo exes were hanging around, just waiting for something like this to happen. They would have consoled you.” She was teasing, but I could see the faintest hint of real insecurity showing through her expression.
I leaned back in to look deeply into her eyes and let her know I meant everything I was about to say. “Those days are long gone. All those women were just place-holders for when you came along. I’ve never been more sure of anything. When I said you’re the one, I meant the one and only.”
She let out a big contented sigh and melted her lips back into mine. We were hungry and tired and in need of a drink, but we wanted each other more. We could stay a little longer here, wherever we were. We had finally found each other, and eve
rything was out in the open. I wanted to cling to peace and certainty for as long as I could, but I had a feeling that was something I wouldn’t be so starved for anymore, as long as she was by my side.
When we were finally as ready as we would ever be to give up our little safe haven of being alone and quiet together, I called a car to come to pick us up. We had traveled far enough on foot for the evening.
Maya eyed me curiously when she heard me giving the driver the address. “That’s not your place. Where are we going?”
“Honeymoon suite,” I shrugged.
“What? You booked a honeymoon suite? But how did you know I would want to share a room with you, even if we did go through with everything?”
“Hey, a guy can hope,” I defended.
She grinned and shook her head with a sort of look in her eye that said some things never change.
“I still have a playboy’s sexual appetite, okay? The difference is, now I only want you. I hope you’re up to the challenge,” I quipped, drifting towards her in the backseat of the car like a moth to a flame.
Her eyes lit up with a mischievous gleam. “Oh, I think you will be pleasantly surprised at just how well I satisfy that appetite of yours.”
She rolled her tongue into my mouth, running her fingers through my hair as the driver took us to the honeymoon suite, which I now felt like a genius for taking the chance of booking.
