Hettie asked Bobby if he might want to help carry the coffin, but her request seemed half-hearted, and Bobby felt – wrongly in Joseph’s opinion – that it would be the height of hypocrisy to step forward for a man he barely knew, and a sister with whom his reaquaintance remained fragile. Joseph argued that he’d be doing it solely for Hettie, not Pete, but it seemed to make little difference. So Joseph Miller takes his place as cord number five. Joseph has his own historically strained relationship with Pete D’Oliveira, but carrying him for this last mile seems like the best way to lay this to rest, along with the body of the man he unfairly and unreasonably envied.
It is fine, eventually. Hettie understands her brother well. There is no malice; he just has no stomach or sensitivity for these things. It would have been infuriating, had they not accommodated their relationship to acknowledge their respective faults.
The small group of mourners head back to a quaint country pub on the edge of Loch Lomond. It was one of Pete’s most favourite places to think, to work and to relax. It is cold but beautifully serene and crisp. Bobby, Joseph and Hammy sit outside. Hammy lights a cigarette. His habit has grown substantially from the odd social puff, back up to the level it once was when they were all at school. He puts this down to the stress of a second near-drowning, but Bobby knows Esta Soler brought him six cartons when she surprised him with a visit in hospital during that first week when the story of his rescue became worldwide news. Esta only stayed for a day. The Blood Oranges had planned a short break away to London in order to reassess their charter; opportune given that it coincided with The Big Bang weekend.
‘They things’ll kill ye,’ says Joseph.
‘Well, somethin’s got tae. Might as well be the Marlboro Man.’
‘Ye should try the vapin’. Wean yerself off the nicotine,’ offers Bobby.
‘Away an’ shite,’ says Hammy. ‘Vapin’? Fuck that! It looks like yer playin’ a tiny wee flute. That kinda thing can still get ye a swift kickin’ in the west ae Scotland, ken? No’ good for an aul’ geezer like me wi’ ginger hair an’ nae legs, is it?’
‘Naw … ah suppose not,’ says Joseph.
Hammy was naturally thrilled to see Esta Soler but he is now over her. There will be no extensive pining. Life was too short for that. As Heatwave Promotions’ main social media co-ordinator, Hammy has now discovered Tinder. He’s swiped right and now has irons in the fire, especially since his profile includes being involved with The Big Bang experience.
‘Would you three like a drink?’ It is Hettie. They hadn’t even noticed her approaching.
‘Ach, you sit down. Ah’ll get them,’ says Joseph.
She begins to insist and then gives up. The exhaustion is writ large in the furrowed ridges around eyes that look like they are carrying sacks of coal.
‘Four gin and tonics, right?’
They nod.
‘Ye alright now, Hammy?’ she asks, reaching for one of his cigarettes.
‘Aye, hen,’ he replies. ‘A bit scunnered wi’ aw the interviews but ah suppose it wis necessary, ken?’
‘How’s Eddie?’ she asks.
‘Jesus, man, that daft bastard’s in his glory. He’s got about three hundred followers now, every one ae them as mad as him. Simon’s sayin’ that he’s been offered this telly show on the God Channel.’
They all laugh at the lunacy of this.
‘He’s got a new slogan,’ says Bobby. ‘“The world’s about tae end … but fear not, ah’m here tae save it!”’
‘Sylvester saves … but Dalglish scores fae the rebound!’
They laugh loudly.
‘When’s the trial?’ asks Hettie.
‘Ah’m no’ sure,’ says Bobby. ‘Don’t really care much either, now that we’re out the firin’ line.’
‘Thought ye’d both be called as witnesses?’ she asks.
‘Aye, probably. But the phone recording Max made cleared us, and him. He definitely edited it, though. Christ knows how he did it, mind. Made it sound like Crockett was blackmailin’ us. The Councillor admits that the words are his … but his defence was that he didnae say them in that order. When ye add in aw the other cases, though, he looks fucked aw ways up.’
‘Where is Max?’ Hettie asks.
‘Who kens?’ says Hammy. ‘He’s like fuckin’ Batman, that yin.’
The subject of Max Mojo’s apparent disappearance has vexed commentators everywhere since the night of The Big Bang, the journalist Steven Dent most especially. Dent claims he was shot by Max, assaulted, drugged with Rohypnol and then photographed indulging in lewd, graphic sexual practices at an underground sex club involving three magistrates and a member of the Scottish Parliament.
Washer Wishart’s reputation has endured long after his death, it seems, and Max tapped into it for some very specific favours. Mobile-phone footage of the last of these incidents has surfaced at the Daily Mail. It suggests his involvement was anything but coerced. Steven Dent narrowly escaped jail following the enquiry into phone hacking. The court of public opinion was never going to be on his side in respect of his new claims.
Grant Delgado and Maggie Abernethy have returned to the States, as unwitting co-directors of the newly formed Biscuit Tin Music Ltd, owners of the entire Miraculous Vespas back catalogue and administrators of the lucrative new sponsorship deals and contracts that Max Mojo put in place. A separate subsidiary company – Big Bang Leisure Ltd – has also been established, with Bobby and Joseph as co-directors. Bobby Cassidy and Joseph Miller are also non-executive directors of the parent company, and between them they are in the process of settling the invoiced accounts of all who participated in The Big Bang. Grant has made it clear that his only interest is in recovering the one-off gig fee agreed with Max for the band members to reform but, according to Bobby, he is currently in discussions with Island about a new record, as well as the raft of remastered, repackaged reissues that Chris Blackwell has planned. Grant likes Chris a lot and feels that he is someone that the whole band can trust completely. Max Mojo is a maverick, and it certainly seems that he has been operating to a grand but unlikely plan all along, but Grant knows deep down that, if it all turned to shit – if Cramond Crockett didn’t play ball and that if the expenditure accounts for Heatwave Promotions didn’t imply that blackmail was contributing to the substantial losses – then Max would’ve fucked them all over without a second thought. Nevertheless, he’s repaired the damage done all those years ago. Fuck knows where Max or his devoted old mum are now, but Maggie, Simon, Bobby, Joseph, Hammy and even Grant all hope he is happy. He at least seems to have earned it.
‘An’ how’s things wi’ Jennifer now, then?’ asks Hettie. She’s aware that all she has seemed to do this morning is ask questions of people, but so much seems to have happened to them all over the last month, and, typically of middle-aged west of Scotland males, she is having to drag it out of them.
‘Aye. It’s fine, ah suppose,’ says Joseph, half-heartedly. ‘Ach, it’s gonnae take time. She’s bitter about loads of things. To be fair, it’s no’ just wi’ me, it’s wi’ her mum tae.’
Hettie nods as if she understands.
‘To be fair tae Lucy, she disnae seem tae be blockin’ me fae seein’ her.’
‘Christ, Jennifer’s an adult,’ says Hammy. ‘She cannae fuckin’ stop the lassie!’
‘Aye, ah know. But still, her no’ bein’ a cow about it all makes it a wee bit easier,’ admits Joseph. ‘She’s comin’ down tae the Manse tae stay for a few days, so we’ll see what happens after that.’
‘Bloody hell, are you three still livin’ in that auld church?’ Hettie laughs. ‘The Hardy boys an’ Nancy there, on the Broo!’
‘Hey, ah might be on benefits, but still … fuck sake,’ moans Hammy.
‘…or Last ae the Summer Whinin’!’ adds Hettie.
‘We’re just lookin’ after it for Max. He left a few notes about doin’ it up, some ideas an’ that. We’re thinkin’ ae turnin’ it intae a museum an’ a recording st
udio an’ a bar an’ that,’ says Bobby with a fair degree of excitement.
Bobby and Joseph sailed over to the Ailsa Craig late on the Sunday afternoon, the day after The Big Bang. The clear-up operation was in full swing, but the two Scottish impresarios were still in shock at the anticipated costs. However, the stage had been lassoed and towed back to shore. The crowd had left the beach area in surprisingly good condition and the large containers intended for separating rubbish for recycling had been reasonably faithfully utilised. The returning power boats picking up the punters waited for their numbers to be called, then edged in slowly, two at a time. It was as organised a maritime withdrawal as the still-temperamental weather would allow, and astonishly, no craft was damaged in the whole exercise.
They were both devastated that they had missed the gig and part of the justification for going over to the island was to hunt Max Mojo down and confront him. But Max had never been on the island. No one had seen him since the eve-of-concert dinner at the church hall. In the weeks that followed, and with the dawning understanding of Max’s complex initiative, Bobby and Joseph considered future plans for the island. They had done the hard bit, after all … the Ailsa Craig was now on the world map. They just had to work out how to take advantage of it.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
June 2016. The Ailsa Craig
Joseph Miller stands back and shields his eyes. The sign looks very cool. Flat, cut letters, just like the New York Guggenheim, spread across the white-painted frontage of the new, two-storey structure:
THE GARY CASSIDY HOTEL
The design fits perfectly with the adjacent lighthouse tower. The hotel is nearly ready for its opening day in two weeks’ time. Channel 4’s Grand Designs programme will be featuring the build in the next series. Filming has wrapped, and although numerous construction issues emerged – the ongoing problem of maintaining services through the winter being the main one – the project has finally completed and guests are clamouring for bookings for the four months the hotel will be open. The culmination of the season will see another celebratory free concert, given on the eyelid stage, which has now been permanently fixed to properly driven timber piles. There is an outdoor table-tennis table: an in-joke in honour of Joseph’s dad, who told him that there used to be one on Rothesay – perhaps the windiest place in the entire country – when he was a kid. A comparative fortune has been spent, but the revenue from The Big Bang initiative has continued to roll in. Bobby Cassidy and Joseph Miller feel they are putting it to good use, and hope that Max Mojo will agree, if he ever returns.
Grant Delgado is part-funding a film of his novel, with Steve Buscemi directing and James Franco in the starring role. From the rushes and the Production Company’s PR machine, the film is being hotly tipped to win the Grand Jury Prize at the 2017 Sundance Film Festival in Utah next January.
Maggie now teaches photography. They still live in Portland, Oregon and Johnny and Angie Marr are their neighbours.
Simon Sylvester continues to work with disadvantaged incarcerated youngsters across Scotland, using music as a way to reach them. He is now regularly booked for conference speaking slots across the world.
The Reverend Doctor Edward Sylvester has built a new church in Prestwick. Its capacity is five hundred and it is regularly packed to its rafters. As well as his daytime slot on God FM, he writes a weekly newspaper column for the local Ayrshire Press. Eddie Sylvester – once a local figure of ridicule – is now a national, emerald-green-clad hero.
Hairy Doug is happily retired. There will be no comeback.
Bobby Cassidy and Lizzie King are now, once again, a couple. Bobby still lives in the Manse with Hammy, running the Biscuit Tin club, studios and museum, but Lizzie has chosen to keep her own flat in Troon, from which she runs a corporate cleaning business. The arrangement suits all three just fine.
Joseph Miller has moved out to Ailsa Craig to run the hotel. There is a skeleton staff here at present, although he is preparing to interview potential hotel personnel for the four months of the summer it will be open. There are ten rooms – all designed for quiet contemplation – a spa and a small fitness club. Big Bang Leisure Ltd has gifted the vast majority of the island to the National Trust and has put a number of environmental protections in place to secure the seabird colony and allow it to prosper harmoniously with the human population in return for the annual one-off gig at the end of the season. Despite a question being raised about its future in the Scottish Parliament at Holyrood, Ailsa Craig remains a part of Scotland … for the time being.
Joseph watches the small power launch get closer. It takes fifteen minutes from when he first sees it. There are two people on board. Normally it is only old Harvey, the boatman, bringing supplies and mail, and taking back any necessities or messages for Bobby. The lack of phone or network signals was a major issue to begin with, but Joseph Miller is slowly coming to terms with it. The other person is a woman. A young woman. She has blonde hair, which billows in the wind. He sighs and wipes away a tear. He walks along the jetty. It’s hard for him to take in that she has actually come. She said she would, but he didn’t fully believe her.
‘Hello,’ he says.
‘Hi,’ she replies.
He helps her out of the boat as if she was a Ming vase, and she hugs him.
She stands back and looks at him. ‘So, any vacancies for a Manager of Guest Relations?’
‘Aye, possibly.’
He takes her bags and she hands him various items of mail that Harvey has given her. Among them, he spots a postcard. It has a picture of a sun-drenched desert island. He turns it over. It has come from the Bahamas. The text reads:
‘To Bobby & Joey…
I lost track of my friends, I lost my kin. I cut them off as limbs.
I drove out over the flatland, hunting down you and him.
It’s a wide open road, my friends.’
M.M.
(Is This) The (Happy) End?
The Incidental Music: (or music that underscores these incidents)
‘Thick As Thieves’
The Jam
(written by Paul Weller)
Available on Polydor Records, 1979
‘Otis’
Durutti Column
(written by Vini Reilly)
Available on Factory Records, 1989
‘We’re All Going To Die’
Malcolm Middleton
(Written by Malcolm Middleton)
Available on Full Time Hobby Records, 2007
‘Love Letter’
Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds
(written by Nick Cave)
Available on Mute Records, 2002
‘The Adventures of Robinson Crusoe’
The City of Prague Philharmonic Orchestra
(Theme music composed by Robert Mellin and Gian-Piero Reverberi)
1964
‘Summer’
Calvin Harris
(written by Calvin Harris)
Available on Deconstruction Records, 2014
‘Last Night a DJ Saved My Life’
Indeep
(written by Michael Cleveland)
Available on Sound of New York/Beckett Records, 1982
‘(Are You Ready) Do The Bus Stop’
Fatback Band
(written by Bill Curtis and Johnny Flippin)
Available on Perception Records, 1975
‘Me, Myself & I’
De La Soul
(written by Clinton, Huston, Jolicouer, Mason, Mercer, Wynne)
Available on Tommy Boy Records, 1989
‘Dropping Bombs on the Whitehouse’
The Style Council
(written by Paul Weller, Mick Talbot)
Available on Polydor Records, 1984
‘Bigmouth Strikes Again’
The Smiths
(written by Morrissey and Marr)
Available on Rough Trade Records, 1985
‘Fine Time’
New Order
(written by Gilbert, Ho
ok, Morris, Sumner)
Available on Factory Records, 1988
‘Loaded’
Primal Scream
(written by Gillespie, Innes, Young)
Available on Creation Records, 1990
‘Fools Gold’
The Stone Roses
(written by Ian Brown and John Squire)
Available on Silvertone Records, 1989
‘La Ritournelle’
Sebastien Tellier
(written by Sebastien Tellier)
Available on Record Makers/Astralwerks, 2004
‘(Love Is Like A) Heat Wave’
Martha and The Vandellas
(written by Holland, Dozier, Holland)
Available on Gordy Records, 1963
‘Don’t Look Back’
Bettye Swann
(written by Robinson, White)
Available on Money Records, 1968
‘Ivo’
The Cocteau Twins
(written by Fraser, Guthrie, Raymonde)
Available on 4AD Records, 1984
‘Star Sign’
Teenage Fanclub
(written by Gerard Love)
Available on Creation Records, 1991
‘Presidential Suite’
Super Furry Animals
(written by Rhys, Bunford, Ciaran, Pryce, Ieuan)
The Man Who Loved Islands Page 30
