by Annie Jocoby
Again, my mind was thinking excruciatingly logically. I always wondered what kind of mindset I would have if something horrendous happened to me. I was proud of my equanimity.
“Goddamned bastard. I had him followed, you know.”
I nodded.
“Fucking asshole went to Tiffany’s yesterday. Fucking Tiffany’s! He bought you the biggest rock I’ve ever seen. Platinum setting, five carats. Perfect rock.” She was breathing heavily, almost hyperventilating. “That should be me! He loves me, not you, you little cunt.” Then she kicked me hard in my shins. I winced. She brought out a belt and wacked my thighs, which were bare. White-hot pain shot through me. I could feel tears coming to my eyes.
Then she had a knife, and she held it to my throat. “I could kill you. He doesn’t need to be with you. He’s not supposed to be with you. He was always supposed to be with me!” The knife was cold and sharp, the point of it digging into my skin, dangerously close to my jugular vein. At least I imagined it was my jugular vein that was beneath the point.
I sighed. My thoughts immediately went to my mother. She would be so devastated when I just never showed up anywhere, ever again. She’d never know what happened to me. I’d be like one of those missing women who were just never heard from again, whose families searched for for years, and never knew what happened to. Somehow, that thought dominated me. My mother. Of course, everybody else would be devastated as well, but none like my mother.
This would kill her.
Because I had no doubt that Rochelle would know how to get rid of my body.
“What do you want from me?” I decided it was time to bargain, to see if there was anything to say or do that would save me.
“Little cunt. I don’t want a thing from you.” Then, WAP, she sliced the belt on my thighs again, twice more. I screamed in pain. The woman took the knife, and sliced my forearm. Again, I screamed out in white hot pain. I could feel her run her fingers in my blood, then I heard her lick her fingers.
“Nobody knows that you’re here. Nobody can hear you scream.” At that, she beat me again with the belt. I started crying, the hot tears streaming down my cheeks. The survival instinct was inside of me, I just had to find it, and use it to try to get out of here.
“That mother fucker wants to marry you. Fucking Tiffany ring! Well, just wait until he finds out that you’re never coming home” She laughed. “Mother fucker will be devastated. He will feel just a fraction of the pain that I feel, that I felt when he left me.”
Of course, this is Rochelle. I knew now that it was definitely her, because she referred to him leaving her.
Then she was calmer. “He was a beautiful boy, you know. Absolutely the most perfect specimen of boy that I’d ever seen. Everybody wanted him. And I had him. Me.” She laughed. “God, how we could rock those sheets. We couldn’t get enough of each other.”
Then she said “Fucking every night. God, I couldn’t get enough of him.”
My mind searched. Ok, now you know that this is Rochelle, what can you do? I desperately thought of what Ryan had told me about her, in an effort to find something that I could say or do to get out of there. Think, Iris, think. Did he tell you anything at all that might trip her up, or soften her up, or bring her back to reality? I didn’t have a clue how I would physically get out of this, so I had to think about how I could mentally get out of it.
She went on. “When he started hanging out with you, I didn’t think that it would last. I mean, look at you. Not in his league, at all.” Then she laughed. “Little did I know that he would be more serious about you than anybody else. Go figure. I saw him with some real Victoria’s Secret model types, all the time. Yet he never liked them much. But you…” Then she wapped me again, hard, with the belt. “You! Of all fucking people, he chooses you! I mean, I could almost handle it if he was with somebody who looks right with him. But you! That’s an insult.”
“Uh, I agree. I don’t know why he's with me, either.” It was honest, but I also thought that agreeing with her might be the best course of action at this point.
At that, I heard her light up a cigarette. She took a long puff, then put the lit end on my arm, for a good 30 seconds. I screamed in pain, and writhed around.
Then, suddenly, I heard something else. It was Ryan! He was here! I had no idea how he figured out I was here, but he was here to rescue me!
“Rochelle! Oh, shit!” he screamed.
“Ryan. How did you know to come here?”
“Iris didn’t show up tonight. I called her assistant, and she remembered seeing somebody fitting your description hanging around the office today. It wasn’t hard to figure it out.”
“Ah, well, of course. You know, I lured you here. I knew that you would figure it out. Now, you’ll do whatever I tell you.” She grabbed my arm. “See this needle? Black tar. I plunge this into her, and she’ll not survive.” Then she laughed. “Oh, but what a way to go, huh? She’ll go to la la land like she’d never experienced before she dies.”
“What do you want? What can I do?” Ryan asked. His voice sounded desperate, pleading.
“Tell me about the ring, Ryan.”
“Uh, what do you want to know about it?”
“Describe it.”
He quickly responded “Five carats, perfect diamond, perfect cut, clarity, color. Princess cut. Platinum setting.”
“How boring. You really have no imagination, do you?”
“I-I-don’t know what you mean?”
“Oh, I don’t know. I figured you would go to the Smithsonian and buy the Hope Diamond itself.”
He didn’t respond to that.
“What do you need from me? I’ll do anything you want, just please let her go.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
“I can think of a lot of things that I want from you.”
“Ok. If you let her go, I’ll give you what you want.”
I had mixed emotions about this. I was happy that Ryan had come, and was apparently ready to sacrifice himself for me. But I knew what she wanted, and I wasn’t happy about the sacrifice.
But Rochelle surprised me. “I don’t want anything from you. Not like that. You have to want me.”
Then she said something that chilled me. “All I want is for you to suffer. And I can think of no better way to make you suffer than to make you helplessly watch your precious cunt die.”
I heard him scream “NO!” as I felt the plunger push something into my arm. Then an amazing feeling of euphoria like I’d never felt. I wondered if I was in heaven. It was like the moment in surgery, right before you’re unconscious. Like I was floating, and nothing could touch me.
Then everything went black again.
Chapter Thirty-One
Everything was dark. I was vaguely aware that I was in my body, but I couldn’t speak or open my eyes. I could hear everything, though.
“I went by your office today,” Ryan was saying. “Don’t worry, everything’s under control there. Melinda had your cases assigned to some guy named David. I even made sure that every judge was called, so they know why you’re not coming in.”
He paused for what seemed like forever.
“I want you to have a successful office to come back to. And you’re coming back. Do you hear me? You’re coming back.”
Then he grabbed my hand. I could feel his head on my stomach. I vaguely heard the steady beeping of a machine, which made me realize that I was in a hospital bed. He now had both his hands on my stomach, along with his head.
Why couldn’t I open my eyes? Again, I felt that I was dreaming, but I was in one of those dreams where you are halfway conscious and halfway unconscious. You know that you’re in a dream, but you simply cannot come out of it.
Then a female voice. “You’re still here? You haven’t gone home, I see.” Alexis.
“No. She’s in that bed because of me. If she never would’ve met me, she would be living her life somewhere, carefree. I should’ve never sucked her
into my crazy life.”
“And still blaming yourself. This is getting boring.”
“Well, then, if you’re bored, you can leave.”
“Hey, hey, now. Don’t get defensive. I care about her, too. That’s why I’m here.”
“I know, I’m sorry.” He sighed mightily. He put his head back down on my stomach.
“Well, here. I brought you a change of clothes.”
“Thanks.”
“I don’t know how your job puts up with your constant leaves.”
“They probably won’t much longer. That’s ok, it's run its course.”
“So, what’re you going to do, become a full-time trust fund baby?”
“I don’t know yet. That’s the furthest thing from my mind right now. The very furthest. It’s like I am on Tatooine and that concern is on the Alderaan System.”
“Star Wars? Really? Now I remember why we broke up,” she said, but I could tell that she was teasing.
Then “Hey, lighten up, I was teasing you.” Then she paused. “Ryan?”
I could hear him snoring.
“Well, now we have two unconscious people on this bed.” Then I could feel Ryan’s head being pulled off my stomach. “Come on, I’m going to arrange to have a cot for you so you can sleep. Poor guy, you must not have slept much for the past three days.”
Then she addressed me. “You better wake up, Iris. This guy needs you.” Then I heard her leave the room, but she was talking to a nurse outside the hallway. “Could we get a cot in there?”
“Certainly. We’ll bring it up in about five minutes.”
Then I heard my mom, dad and sister in the room. My mom said “I still don’t understand what happened to her. How could she overdose? She has never done drugs in her life.”
My sister talked next. “Well, maybe she had a secret life. I was addicted to crystal meth for years, and you never suspected a thing.”
My mother. “But it just isn’t like her. She’s always been a good girl.”
“Sometimes people just lead double lives. It happens,” my sister said.
I could hear chairs being pulled up around the bed. Then a male voice that I didn’t recognize. “Her vitals are stable. There really is not a reason why she can’t come out of this.” I could feel a blood pressure sleeve tightening over my arm, then loosen. “110 over 70. Pulse 65. Everything’s normal.”
My mother was crying. My dad was saying “dear, she’s going to be fine. She’s just going to wake up out of this and ask for a piece of pizza or a bar of chocolate.”
“You don’t know that!” Now she was really sobbing. Hearing her sobbing made me want to come out of this, to wake up, but somehow I just couldn’t. It was so frustrating, hearing everybody around me, and not being able to engage.
At this point, I heard Ryan’s voice. “Uh, Mrs. Snowe, Iris is not an addict. She isn’t on drugs. As far as I know she’s never done drugs in her life.”
“So what happened to her?” asked my mother.
At this Ryan said “I was involved with a woman years ago. She’s obsessed with me. She, uh, kidnapped Iris and shot her up with black tar heroin. Because Iris is not used to drugs, at all, let alone a large quantity at once, she overdosed.”
He paused. “I’m so sorry. I tried to save her, but I got there just a little bit too late. Rochelle already had her thumb on the plunger by the time I got there to try to save her. There wasn’t anything I could do. However, the second that Rochelle plunged the drugs into Iris’ arm, I tackled her to the ground and called 911.”
“Where’s Rochelle now?” asked my dad.
“She’s in custody. She was arrested and charged with kidnapping and assault.”
My mother was sobbing, and my dad was saying “Dear, she’s going to be ok, she’s going to be fine. Shhhhhh.”
Then the doctor’s voice “Visiting hours are coming to an end.”
I felt a bit of panic. I wanted somebody to stay there. I was scared, now, not being able to communicate or even open my eyes, and I didn’t want to be abandoned.
Ryan asked “Can I stay here? I have a cot to sleep on.”
“Who are you?”
“Her husband.”
“Oh, ok. Yes, sure, you can stay here as long as you like.”
“Thanks.”
My mother. “You lied about that, but that’s ok. I don’t want her to be here alone.”
To this, Ryan said “me neither. She needs to see a familiar face when she wakes up.” He paused. “Besides, I might be her husband sooner than you think.”
My sister. “I hope so. She needs somebody nice to take care of her.”
Ryan said “I take care of her, but she takes care of me, too.”
My mother. “She's a sweet girl. You take care of her. And don’t blame yourself for what happened. You can’t help what happened.”
I didn’t hear Ryan’s response, but I figured that he was nodding.
Then the rest were gone, and I heard Ryan’s voice. He was reading from my favorite book The Thornbirds, from page one. My heart soared. I love this book, and I loved him for reading this to me.
“Beautiful, I'm going to read to you from this book, and other books, too. Hopefully you’ll wake up before I end this book, though. It’s over 500 pages long.”
For the next few hours I heard the story about the Cleary family, their clashes with Mary Carson, and their friendship with Ralph De Bricassart. I thought about the first time I knew about this story, and was exposed to it – I saw it on a cable channel when I was little girl, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I must have read that book 100 times.
Ryan took a break, just as the action was heating up. Meggie had grown up, and she was about the embark on the romance of her life, with Ralph the priest. “We’ll pick this back up tomorrow. It’s getting pretty good.” Then I heard him sigh mightily. “Please come back to me. I need you in my life. Things aren’t the same without you.”
I tried to open my eyes. I tried mightily, but I just couldn’t.
Ryan picked the story back up again sometime later. It must have been morning, but was impossible to tell. Time had no meaning to me anymore.
I found myself involuntarily drifting away from the story, away from the book, away from the hospital, away from Ryan. I was in a city all at once, in the downtown area. I looked up and saw the Twin Towers, intact. Then I realized that I was in a large baby carriage being pushed down the street. There were little beads above my head, and I batted them while I restlessly punched the air and moved my hands and feet in the carriage. There were loud sounds all around me. My diaper was wet, and I started screaming.
There was a voice telling me that this was real, and this was an actual memory of mine. Then I remembered in my adult mind that when I was very small, my family lived in Rhode Island, and my mother had a cousin in New York City, and we visited often. This was one of those visits, and I realized that I had actually seen the Twin Towers in my lifetime. I just couldn’t remember it, because I was only a few months old. And I somehow felt at peace about this, because one my biggest regrets in life was never getting to see those towers.
Then, I was back at the hospital bed. Ryan was still there, and so were my friends, Richard and Debbie. I heard Debbie speak. “Any improvements?”
“None,” Ryan said.
“It’s been three weeks. Have you left for any period of time?”
“I pretty much stay here in case she wakes up.”
Then Richard spoke up. “She’ll wake up soon, so it’s a good thing that you’re here all the time.”
Three weeks? The last I knew, I was here for a matter of days. Where did I go? I still had my sense of smell, and I could smell Ryan's scent. He smelled like soap, aftershave and mouthwash.
The three of them were talking some about people in comas, and how they come out of it being no worse for the wear. “I knew this guy with meningitis who was in a coma for a year,” Richard was saying. “He said that was the best year of
his life, because he literally travelled the world in his head and it was like he actually was there at a Stones concert or in London or wherever it was that he was imagining.”
To this Debbie said “I wonder where Iris is traveling right now?”
Ryan said “I don’t know, but I am sure that I will hear all about it. Maybe she is in Amsterdam, sampling all the pot in the red light district.”
Ha, I wish!
But I did feel myself drifting away again. This time I was on a beach, and the water was warm. I was playing in the water, the waves crashing over me time and again. I leaped over the waves and swam under them. I looked on the shore and saw my cousin Terry picking up sea shells. She looked to be about 15 years old. I, myself, was extremely skinny, and I realized that this was another memory of a time that I went to the beach with Terry and my uncle Justin. We used to go to South Carolina every year.
I started to worry. Was I dying? My life seemed to be flashing before my eyes. It was like God was showing me some of my favorite memories, or at least memories that were previously lost to me, such as the Twin Towers. What if I couldn’t come out of the coma?
I was back at the hospital bed again. Ryan and Alexis were arguing.
“Ryan, it’s been two months. You have to come back and join the living. Everybody’s worried about you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean? I’m here in the living. In case you haven’t noticed, she isn’t dead.”
“I know, but every day that she’s like this makes it more unlikely that she’ll come back. You have to accept this.”
“I’ll do nothing of the sort. I’m not going to give up on her.”
“You may not have the choice.”
“Meaning?”
“You might have to say goodbye to her.”
“Oh, and wouldn’t that be convenient for you? Then you can have another chance, is that what you’re thinking?”
“Of course not! Number one, I like her too, if you didn’t forget. And number two, things are going pretty good with Todd.”
