by Annie Jocoby
Somehow, someway, Nick managed to follow the story, even with my stuttering and stumbling around. “So, cray-cray Andrew came in, thought you were his ex-wife, threatened you because he thought that you were cheating on him with somebody, and Ryan came in and posed as that somebody so that Andrew would kill him and not you?”
I nodded. “You managed to understand perfectly.” Nick was apparently no dummy.
Nick just shook his head. “He said that he would give his life for you. I guess that he meant it.”
I just nodded my head, then reacted to his statement several minutes later. “Uh, he said he would give his life for me?”
“Several times. It’s probably 10% his guilt over putting you in those situations and 90% that boy’s overwhelming love for you.” He shook his head. “I’ve never met a woman that I felt that strongly for. Ever. I couldn’t imagine taking a bullet for Rielle or Alexis. For my kids, sure, definitely. Would take 100 bullets for them. But the women in my life? Not a chance.”
I felt badly for him, never experiencing that kind of unconditional love. Then I looked at my glass again. “I’d give my life for him as well. I love him so much, Nick. I’m still so scared about what might happen with him. He’s not out of the woods yet. And he might be paralyzed. How will he deal with that?”
Nick just shook his head. “Listen, Iris, I don’t think that you know Ryan as well as you might think. How much he has been through. You know the surface stuff about what happened, but you don’t know the deeper stuff about him. How he thinks. What he has seen and done. Trust, he has been through far worse than not being able to have the use of his legs for a few months. Hell, he’s been through far worse than not being able to have the use of his legs permanently. He’s a tough guy. He’ll get through this, like he has gotten through everything before.”
I wondered what he meant by his words. That I didn’t know the whole story of his life before me. I guess that I only knew the “highlights” – or low-lights, really. Nick had known Ryan virtually Ryan’s entire life, so he knew Ryan better than anyone.
“I guess I don’t understand,” I said. “What do you mean that I don’t know everything about Ryan’s past?”
“You do,” he said. “In a sense. It’s like this – you like a certain band because of what you hear on the radio. Like Muse – you like them, right? Or the Silver Sun Pickups?”
“Yes, yes, of course,” I said. Those were two of my favorite bands.
“What if all you knew about the Silver Sun Pickups was Lazy Eye? Or all you knew about Muse was Uprising or Resistance? Or, for that matter, all you knew about any band was their hits? You may think that you love Bruno Mars, but if you don’t listen to him cover to cover, then you don’t really know him.”
“So, basically, I’ve gotten to know Ryan through his greatest hits, so to speak?”
“Yeah, something like that. All those other songs, the B sides and the unreleased, they all go into an artist’s repertoire, but most people only know the bands by what they hear on the radio. Sometimes the deeper cuts are the most important ones of all.”
“Well, we’re here, talking. Maybe you can clue me in on some of the deeper cuts, so to speak.”
Nick shook his head. “I’m not sure how much Ryan wants you to know. He’s a complex guy. He has a dark side that he has managed to control for many years, and it doesn’t entirely have to do with his drug use.”
I nodded, encouraging him to go on.
“You might think that, because he’s rich, he would just have access to whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Which is generally true, but there were times when he went off the grid, just like you did. I mean, not for weeks at a time, but he would hang out with some rough characters for days. Drug dealers, underworld guys, wrong-track junkies. He stayed in school through a combination of Alexis’ charms and his father’s money - otherwise he would’ve been thrown out for missing too many classes. Still, he always managed to get straight As. A lot of guys hated him for that reason alone.”
“Alexis’ charms?”
“Yeah. She’s pretty talented in certain ways. She managed to wrap most of the Deans around her little finger. Professors, too. Ryan’s absences were largely overlooked. Didn’t hurt that Benjamin was one of the college’s greatest benefactors.”
“Why did he hang out with those types of guys? I mean, he’s rich, he could just get his drugs through some kind of safe connection, right?”
“Yeah,” Nick said. “But the guy had a death wish. Besides, Nate and I were constantly on his ass about quitting. Interventions, rehab, more interventions. I even restrained him for a three day period, like in that movie The Basketball Diaries. Had a puke bucket by the side of the bed, and I handcuffed him while he detoxed. I never had seen him so enraged as he was for those three days, then, when that was over, he disappeared for several days and ended up getting shot.”
I examined my eggs and said little. I somehow knew all of what Nick was telling me about his friend.
“That shot, and another time he was shot weren’t life-threatening – these shots were in the shoulder and the leg. He used to get involved with turf wars, so he was locked in a car trunk for two days, while the dealers threatened to set the car on fire. As I said,” Nick said, shaking his head, “you may have an image of a rich kid getting his drugs the Upper West Side pristine way, but that’s not how it was.”
“How did he get away from all that?” I knew Ryan so well, yet I still didn’t know the answer to this question of how he finally walked away from his drug addiction after being so heavily involved in it for so many years.
“It was him being locked in a car trunk that did it. He suddenly realized that he wanted to live, because he was so close to dying, with those thugs outside the trunk, threatening to douse the car in gasoline and light a match. They tormented him like that the whole time he was in there, but they really weren’t serious. They just wanted to scare him. After all, the trunk had air holes in it, so they really didn’t want to kill him. After he got out of that, he decided to seek intensive therapy. It took years for him to feel somewhat normal, but he finally started to come out of his dark place.”
“So, he’s survived some pretty tough situations, even more than I even knew about.”
“Yeah. And he’ll survive this, come what may. I honestly think that he’s so happy to be alive, after all he went through, that, whatever his life throws at him, he takes it, because he’s still above ground, instead of below it.”
“That’s certainly a good way to approach life.”
“What about you? How will you handle it if Ryan is confined to a wheelchair, with a catheter and colostomy bag?”
“In sickness and in health, remember? No way I would cut and run. No.way.”
Nick shook his head. “Easier said than done. There’s going to be an emotional fallout. He might survive it, but that doesn’t mean that he won’t return to a dark place. He’s difficult to handle when he gets severely depressed. Fair warning.”
“We’ll get through it. As you said, as long as he’s breathing and not pushing daisies, then there isn’t a thing that we can’t handle together. Besides, look at all we’ve been through already. God knows that we’ve been tested, but we always come out stronger.”
We ate a little bit more, then got a dessert to share. A fudge brownie sundae.
“Let’s change the subject, shall we?” I asked. “There’s no point in speculating about how much of a basket case Ryan will be, or myself, for that matter. Let’s talk about you. What’s going on with you and Alexis?”
“I thought we wanted to avoid depressing subjects,” Nick said, his eyebrow raised. “Anyhow, she’s in a treatment facility again. A familiar place for her. She’s lost her job, and, I might as well tell you, because Ryan will at some point, but, Ryan’s going to have to financially support her for the time being.”
“The time being?”
“Yeah. As in, probably for the rest of Alexis’ life.”
<
br /> “I see,” I said. “Why is that?”
“Alexis has become unemployable.”
“What does that mean?”
“She’s done so much crazy shit that she probably won’t be able to find another job. And, since she’s broke, Ryan is the only game in town for her.”
“How is she broke? I thought she was rich?”
“Her family is loaded. She, herself, was doing well because her job paid her anywhere from a half million to three-quarters of a million a year – it depended upon her bonuses year to year. Her family has long since cut her off, her job has fired her, and she has so many debts that any severance package she gets is going to be gone. Ryan has to support her.”
I felt my mouth flatten out in a grimace, but I shrugged my shoulders. “Oh, well,” I said. “If the worst thing that happens to us is that Ryan supports his mentally ill ex-wife, then I’d say we’re doing pretty damned good.”
Nick smiled. “I knew you would say something like that.”
“Bi-polar disorder sucks,” I said. “I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Ryan is a great guy for doing that for her, to tell you the truth.”
I noticed something different flashing in Nick’s eyes, and it made feel uncomfortable. There was a hint of the feelings that I got from Ryan. When I drowned in the depths of Ryan’s eyes, and there was a look of overwhelming love for me, I saw, just a split flicker, of the same look in Nick’s eyes.
I drew a breath, hoping that I only imagined it.
I tapped my glass impatiently and looked at my watch. “Uh, do you have to be somewhere today? I mean, it is a work day.”
“No, I’m ok. I’m a partner, I can take off when I want, as long as I get my work done. As long as there are no meetings or anything going on.”
“Must be nice,” I said, still feeling that I needed to be somewhere. My entire life, I always had to be somewhere during the day, it seemed. It was still strange trying to adjust to the feeling that I literally didn’t have to be anywhere at all. Except, of course, I had to pick up Dalilah.
“Listen, Iris,” Nick said. “You’re going to have to be at the hospital a lot. I don’t have any major meetings coming up this month, so I can work from home. I need a breather from the Alexis situation. Maybe I could come and stay at your house and take care of Dalilah while you stay with Ryan?”
I looked at him, feeling my mouth gape open. This was arrogant, insensitive Nick? Sacrificing his time to watch my daughter while I tended to my husband in the hospital?
I suddenly started to understand why Ryan felt so strongly for the guy.
“That’s wonderful for you to offer,” I started. “But I can’t ask you-“
“Don’t be stupid. I want to do it. Somebody’s going to have to watch her, because she can’t be hanging around the hospital with you. I’m pretty good with kids, and she trusts me. This is going to be a weird enough time for her without her having to be the in the care of a stranger.”
“If you’re sure…”
“Done.”
“Well, ok, then. There is one thing, though.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m not at all sure I can return home. I mean, last I knew, the place was marked as a crime scene. I think…” Then I shuddered, not wanting to remember the fact that there was a dead body in the living room, the last I knew.
At least, I assumed that Andrew died.
That was my hope, anyhow.
Nick seemed to know the dilemma. “Of course. Andrew died in that house, presumably. And Ryan almost died. Not sure how that works, as far as how long the house will be inaccessible. You and Dalilah might have to stay with me.”
I sighed. It looked like Ryan and I would be moving again. That was our lives – going from one new house to another, trying to escape the vestige of Andrew. It didn’t seem right that one 5’7” man could wreak so much havoc, but he somehow managed to.
I blinked. “Well, thank you. You’re a godsend. I also have to get ready for Rochelle’s trial, although I would imagine that will be postponed once again, as Ryan is the star witness there.”
I felt uncomfortable, though. I knew that Nick’s house was, no doubt, gorgeous and spacious. There would be plenty of room for Dalilah and me to stay there while Ryan was in the ICU. Then, when Ryan moved into a regular room, I could probably just stay at the hospital with him. At least I hoped. But I might be staying with Nick for at least a little while, and I was getting a strange vibe from him that was definitely different than before.
My gut told me that the guy was developing feelings for me.
Chapter Four
After breakfast, I went and got Dalilah from Daniel’s house. As I was picking her up, I asked Daniel about mine and Ryan’s home.
“Were the police still there when you went to the house?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “It still had yellow crime scene tape around it. They hassled me, but I finally managed to convince them to let me in to get Dalilah’s things. I guess because Dalilah’s room wasn’t involved.”
I went into the spare bedroom, where Dalilah was sitting in her playpen, busily working a puzzle. She had graduated from the simple infant puzzles to more complex ones with smaller pieces, and she delighted in them.
I had to remind myself that she was just over eight months old.
“Momma!” she shouted excitedly, her little hands going up and down. “We go home?”
“Baby,” I said. “Uncle Nick is here, in the car. He’s going to take you to his home for a little while.” At that, I heard Nick come in the door with some boxes for Dalilah’s things.
Nick, Daniel and I worked on loading Ryan’s Escalade with her things, then went back over to the house, where the police were still working, and, after some convincing, we were able to get more of Dalilah’s things, and about a month’s worth of clothing for myself and Ryan. We then loaded up Maximus and Brutus in two enormous carriers, and Maddy in a small carrier, and put them all into the car.
Then we headed back over to Nick’s to set up Dalilah’s room in one of Nick’s spare bedrooms.
Nick’s home was a Provincial French style mansion, with a brick façade and enormous pitched roofs. It had several wings, a private drive, and was set several hundred feet behind brick gates. Inside was a marble foyer, with an elegant marble staircase that wound its way to the second story. Off to the side was a formal dining room, an enormous kitchen, and an entrance to the next wing, where there was a formal living room, den and movie theater.
Nick led me upstairs, motioning to one of the spare bedrooms. The bedroom had its own enormous bathroom with a sunken Jacuzzi tub in blue granite, with a matching sink and brass fixtures. As with my house with Ryan, most of the rooms had a fireplace. This room was no exception.
“Thanks,” I said, putting down my bag of clothing, and heading to the enormous walk-in closet to hang everything up. Then we set up Dalilah’s room right next to mine. The two rooms were actually connected, which made it very convenient. “We put the kids in these rooms when they were young,” Nick explained. “They wanted connecting rooms, so we had it retrofitted that way.”
“This is very nice,” I said, setting up the baby monitor in my room. “I think that I could live here just fine, at least for awhile,” I said with a smile. There was no reason not to smile right then – Ryan was out of surgery, so life was good.
Nick nodded, then motioned to Sheila, who was the live-in housekeeper, to help him bring in Dalilah’s furniture. Then the three of us worked together to assemble everything while Dalilah watched us from the playpen.
By then, it was five o’clock, and the ICU visiting hours were starting again. “Uh, thanks Nick, for putting us up. We might be staying here for awhile, until we can get another house. I’d imagine that Ryan has no desire to return to that other house. I don’t, either.”
“You guys can stay here as long as you need. To tell you the truth, I’m jazzed about you guys being here. It was getting pretty lon
ely, which is part of the reason why I had Alexis move in. That obviously isn’t gonna work out anymore, so I’m happy to have you guys here.”
“You’re ok with Dalilah?” I asked. I had already given him the bottles to feed her, and she was now sitting in her swing reading. She had already outgrown the most basic books, and had graduated to slightly harder children’s books.
I thought about Ryan, who read The Wind in the Willows by his second birthday, realizing that Dalilah might even surpass that. Her progress was scary.
“Of course,” he said. “I’m an old pro. Besides, I can have Sheila help me out if I get into trouble. She’s certainly changed her share of diapers, even if she’s not exactly considered to be a nanny.”
“Well, thanks again,” I said, heading out the door to go and see my husband.
Chapter Five
I approached the ICU with a certain dread, as well as a certain lightness. Just being around Ryan comforted me. At the same time, it devastated me to see him the way that he was, helpless in a bed. I stopped in the chapel in the hospital to pray a bit before going to see him.
The chapel was lit up with candles, and there was a statue of the Virgin Mary at the altar. I genuflected as I walked into the pew, a habit formed during my Catholic upbringing. I wasn’t Catholic anymore, though. I wasn’t really anything, but I still believed in a higher power and angels. And I still prayed when I really needed to.
“God? Uh, I know that I don’t talk to you much. It probably seems that I only talk to you when I really need you. Sorry about that. Anyhow, I really need you now. The sweetest, most generous and kind-hearted man is lying in a bed in this hospital, and it’s going to be a struggle to recover. I just want you to watch over him and make sure he’s safe.” Then I thought about making a bargain with God, that if He allowed Ryan to recover, then I would gladly give my life in return. But I wasn’t certain if that would accomplish much of anything, really. I didn’t think that God worked like that. Trading lives, as if people were fungible.
