by Annie Jocoby
Nick nodded. “You don’t have to tell me this, Ryan. I understand everything. I realize that near-death experiences make people take stock of their lives, and I figured that was what you were doing”
“Yes,” Ryan said. “But I realized something. I never apologized to you for how I treated you all those years. We just kinda swept it under the rug, and kept going like nothing ever happened. But I wanted to tell you, from the depths of my soul, how sorry I am for how I was to you. I don’t know why you remained my friend, but I’m really glad that you did.”
“Please. That was years ago. You’re so different now. You’ve been different since you’ve been clean. It was always the drugs that made you the jerk that you were. I know that.”
“Just stop making excuses for me, please. I need to own what I did, and how I treated you. It wasn’t right. I really don’t know how to make amends to you, though. I can only tell you how sorry I am.”
“Apology accepted,” Nick said. “Sincerely.”
We all drank our wine a bit after that in an awkward silence. The tension was such that it could be cut with a knife. While it was good that Ryan finally apologized for treating Nick like shit, there was still a vibe that was lingering in the air. And things needed to be addressed.
Ryan then said to Nick “And my behavior today was pretty uncalled for. I’m sorry for the things I said to you about the bimbos and how you don’t care about anybody but yourself. That’s so not true, and I hope that you don’t think that I really believe that about you.”
“Ryan, it is true,” Nick said. “I don’t generally care about anybody but myself. And you, of course. I’ve always cared about you. And your wife.”
Uh oh. Are we going to go there?
Ryan shook his head. “I don’t want to talk about this right now.”
“Ok, then when? I thought that you had this great epiphany, which would mean that you aren’t going to keep sweeping things under the rug. This is definitely not something that should be swept under the rug. We all need to clear the air and figure out a way to deal with it.”
Ryan took a deep sigh. Then he addressed me. “Uh, Nick has told me about his feelings for you. How much do you know about that?”
I felt myself shrinking, and wanting to disappear into the floor. I hung my head, and I could see my glass shaking in my hand. Tears started spilling down my cheeks. I felt ashamed, although I didn’t really know why I felt that way. I did nothing wrong. Even in that kiss, it was him kissing me.
But I kissed him back. I didn’t push him away from me. In fact, I wrapped my arms around Nick’s neck when he was kissing me. He pulled away from me. Would I have pulled away from him eventually, or would I have just gotten lost in Nick’s kiss if he would have kept on going? I didn’t know the answer to this, and the fact that I didn’t know the answer made me feel tremendously guilty and ashamed.
Ryan immediately put his arm around me. “Beautiful, please don’t cry. Nick told me that he’s in love with you, but I know that you did nothing wrong.”
“But, I did do something wrong. I did.”
Ryan looked at me, his expression changed. “What do you mean?”
“Nick, he kissed me. And I…didn’t pull away.”
Ryan immediately looked at Nick. “Huh. You didn’t tell me this pertinent piece of information.”
Alexis finally spoke. “Oh, boy. I think maybe I need to leave the room now. I’ll be in the theater room if you need me.”
“No, Alexis, it’s ok,” Ryan said. “I’m not going to get angry. I blame myself, completely, for this. Iris would’ve never kissed Nick back if I wasn’t being such a shit to her.”
“Well, that’s true,” I said. “I felt that you were shutting me out, and I was very vulnerable. But I should be stronger than that.”
“Beautiful,” he said, putting his hand in my hair. “You’re one of the strongest people I know. So, you had a moment of weakness. We all do sometimes.” Then he turned to Nick. “But, you, Nick, are another story. You knew that Iris was vulnerable, and you apparently took advantage of this.”
“Well, the kiss is a part of why we all need to clear the air and find a path forward,” Nick said.
“What do you propose?” Ryan asked.
“I don’t want either of you angry with me,” Nick said. “I can’t help how I feel. I, uh, think that maybe if I could get Iris, uh, out of my system, I would be able to ignore my feelings.”
Out of his system? What, exactly, did he mean by that?
I just looked at the two of them. “What do you mean, Nick?”
Nick and Ryan just exchanged knowing glances.
Oh, Christ. Not that. “Hamptons?” I asked.
Ryan nodded. “Don’t be angry, Iris. Nick and I have talked about this before. I didn’t think that you would be into it, though.”
“I, I, I, don’t know. I, uh, I need to think about it.” I blushed, not wanting to admit that the idea intrigued me more than I could ever let on. I couldn’t deny my attraction to Nick. I was never attracted to him before, simply because I found his arrogance off-putting. But I found, over the course of the period of time that Ryan was recovering, Nick’s soft side. And Nick was undeniably beautiful, much like Ryan. He was chiseled and smooth, and his face was unbelievably handsome. Piercing blue eyes, sensuous mouth, strong jawline, thick hair. I never really allowed myself to take in his beauty before, especially during the times that he and I bonded. I denied that I even found him attractive.
“You can think about it, Iris. That’s really all that I can ask,” Ryan said to me.
That night, after Nick and Alexis went to bed, Ryan and I stayed up in our room. He laid me down on the bed, and then he kissed me, long, slowly, deeply and passionately. All my muscles turned to jelly at his touch. I took a deep breath as his hands worked down to my breast, touching me lightly underneath my top. “Mmmm,” he said, as he gently took off my top, and his lips made their way to where his hands had been. He slowly licked my nipples as his hands made their way down my navel and on to my nether regions. “You taste so good,” he said, between long and slow licks to my now-hard nipples. He was fingering me gently, while his other hand was caressing my thigh lightly. Then his lips were, once again, on mine. All the while, he was fingering me. Then, he started to gently lick my clavicle, and his hands were exploring the length of my body. He was nibbling on my ear, his breath coming in more forcefully with every passing moment.
I would never get tired of him. Ever. He was such a sensual lover, and every touch was something that conveyed how he felt about me.
He entered me slowly, slowly, filling me up with every additional inch that leisurely made its way inside of me. I threw back my head in absolute ecstasy. Lovemaking with Ryan was always something that was almost cleansing for me. Cleansing because it was a way for me to forget all the bad that was happening in my life and concentrate on the good that was happening right at that very moment. I always orgasmed with him inside of me, because he always knew just how to touch me in just the right areas.
After we leisurely made love like that, exploring each other’s bodies with our tongues, for hours, I laid on my stomach and Ryan gently massaged my back and shoulders. There was nothing else that mattered in the world except for his touch.
“Oh, that feels so good,” I said, as he laid on top of my back and gently kissed the back of my neck. “Don’t stop that.”
He didn’t stop that, but continued to massage my shoulders and tongue my back and neck. Then I felt his hardness again, and he gently entered me. I immediately orgasmed again. I couldn’t get enough of his touch, and feeling him so close to me. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, and thrust hungrily. “I want to be in your ass,” he said, and I couldn’t think of anything that I wanted more than that right at that moment. I just nodded my head, and I heard him pour some lube on his hand.
He gently put the lube around the opening. It had been a long time since we had done this, but I remembered how muc
h I enjoyed it before. So, I was really looking forward to it this time as well. Then I felt his enormous shaft enter me in my back door, and I felt the feeling of excruciating pain, then the feeling of excruciating pleasure. The feeling of having him in my ass was so pleasurable that it was almost painful in itself. Every nerve in the body was standing on end, and every synapse was firing at once. It was one of the most pleasurable sensory experiences I had ever had, and I started screaming in ecstasy, begging him not to stop anytime soon.
Unfortunately, it all did come to an end, and he pulled out and laid down beside me on the bed. “Mmmm,” he said, stroking my back. “The sex was just as good as I remembered it. You know, you may not have suspected this, but all those weeks that I was lying in bed – I thought about sex with you constantly. I have always enjoyed making love to you more than I have ever enjoyed anything in my life. Nothing has even come close. Not even heroin, believe it or not, and, as you know, that rush is one of the most powerful known to man. No, the rush with you is even more amazing than that, and it always has been. Always.”
I looked at him, thinking about the afterglow that I was experiencing. And how I was feeling the same way about him. That nothing ever came close to the feeling that I got when he was inside of me. Nothing.
I also started thinking, for the first time in awhile, about how truly lucky I really was to have a guy like him in love with me. Yes, there had been enormous challenges, none of which would’ve occurred if I had never known him. If I had never known him, I would probably still have the life I had before – plugging away at a two-bit law office, dating jerks and having it go nowhere, and watching a lot of bad television while I ate Duncan Hines frosting straight out of a can. I wouldn’t have been raped, I wouldn’t have been threatened, I wouldn’t have been in a coma, I wouldn’t have had my private life splashed to the entire world, and I wouldn’t have ended up in a drug house.
I also wouldn’t have been with him. And he was the greatest reward. I would gladly experience everything all over again, just to be with him for a split second more. When I almost lost him, I realized this. It was like before, when I thought that I was going to lose my sister – I made a deal with her that if she survived, I would do anything for her. I think that I kept that promise. With Ryan, I would not only do anything for him, but I would experience every tragedy that life could throw at me, as long as I had him by my side to help me through.
I realized that I was just staring at him. He cocked his head at me a little. “What are you thinking, beautiful?”
I just shook my head, as I felt the familiar tears coming to my eyes again. “Just that I love you. And I would do absolutely anything in this world for you. Just that I’m so damned happy to have you back with me. You almost died, and I thought for a few weeks that you would never return to me. Those were the blackest weeks of my life, to tell you the truth. But now you’re here. With me. And I never want to experience the feeling that I have had these past few months. Never. I would rather die than live without you. And I would do everything all over again, exactly as what actually happened, if it meant that I got to stay with you forever.”
He said nothing, just kissed me again, and I felt his hardness once more. He entered me again, and I once again felt complete and whole. I wanted that feeling to last forever.
It didn’t quite last forever, but it did last for the rest of the night.
Chapter Thirty
Several days went by, and there was no more talk of the possible threesome that was proposed to me the other night. And I didn’t much want to bring it up.
What was brought up was the possibility that Ryan and I would soon be purchasing yet another house. We started looking at the homes in the Hallbrook area. The homes that we were looking at were $3 million and up.
I just shook my head. No matter how many years I was with Ryan, I still wouldn’t get used to this kind of lifestyle. These homes were the homes that I used to drive around and gawk at, knowing that I could never afford one, but knowing that they were damned fun to look at. Now I was the one who people were gawking at, as I walked the dogs around our posh neighborhoods. I was sure that I didn’t look the part of somebody who would live there, so I figured that the people who drove around in that neighborhood and saw me would assume that I was a nanny or visiting from out of town.
Nick didn’t seem to mind us being there. He was nicer to me these days, probably because Ryan was around. Or maybe it was because he was getting laid again, as I noticed that he and Alexis had started back up.
I worried about Alexis, though. Nick didn’t realize how vulnerable she really was, even though she often tried to put on a tough girl act. He was using her, like he used all the women in his life, and I had no idea how Alexis thought about that.
And Nick still stared at me. I would notice it when I would be swimming in the pool. I would come out of the pool to see that he was looking at me. I noticed it when all of us were eating dinner. I’d look over at him, and he would always be looking at me, not saying a word. He didn’t try to look away, either. He just kept staring at me. I felt self-conscious about it, not wanting to admit my attraction to him that was still buried deep inside of me.
Maybe I needed to get him out of my system, too.
But Ryan and I were still going at it like teenagers every chance we got. Thank god Dalilah was a baby who always slept through the night. The problem was that I wasn’t getting much sleep, because Ryan and I could never get enough of each other, especially now. We’d make love, then say good night to each other. Then I would feel Ryan’s hands on my breasts, and, before I knew it, he was kissing me and thrusting into me again. This happened all through the night, it seemed, and we both were getting precious little sleep.
It was all worth it for me, even though I was starting to become dead tired during the day. But Ryan had to return to work, and I wondered how he was able to do complicated financial transactions while running on little to no sleep.
“It’s ok, beautiful. Sleep isn’t as important to me as making up for lost time with you,” Ryan said, as he made love to me for the fourth time of the night.
Even though Ryan and I were going gangbusters again, though, I still felt tension coming from Nick. I could feel his eyes boring into me as I walked around the house, even when I had Dalilah in my arms. And Alexis told me that, even though she and Nick were having sex again, Nick talked of little else than me.
“It’s me he’s fucking, but wishing it was you,” she said sadly.
I just shook my head. The threeway scenario was still on the table, I knew, even though none of us had spoken a word about it since it was proposed. I was too nervous to bring it up again, and Ryan and Nick didn’t either. But the possibility of it was there, and it was like the elephant in the room that nobody would talk about.
Finally, one day, I told Ryan “Ok.”
“Ok?”
“Ok. You, me and Nick. Hamptons. One night only.”
Ryan smiled. Then he kissed me. “I love you. You don’t have to do this.”
“I know,” I said, not wanting to tell him that my attraction to Nick was strong and I, too, wanted to have him out of my system. “But I’m intrigued.”
“You won’t be disappointed,” he said.
I somehow knew that to be the absolute truth.
Chapter Thirty-One
Ryan, Nick and I found ourselves, the very next night, having drinks out on the terrace. Alexis was gone, as she actually had a date with some guy she met on the Internet. Dalilah was spending the evening with Sheila. Sheila was taking her to Baby Gap, then to see a double feature cartoon at the drive-in movies. She had all of Dalilah’s things – her favorite blankets and toys, and a bassinet for her SUV. She figured that Dalilah was probably going to fall asleep in the car, and she anticipated that possibility by making sure that Dalilah would be as comfortable as possible.
So, that night was the perfect night.
I couldn’t be more nervous, though.
I looked at Ryan and took a deep breath. “So, how does this all work?” I asked.
He just looked at me for a second. “Uh, beautiful, are you familiar with the concept of a safe word?”
I nodded. “Sure. I had a client who was involved in the BDSM lifestyle, so I learned a lot about that.”
“Well, we aren’t going to be torturing each other or causing pain or anything like that tonight. Of course. But we are going to be exploring uncharted territory. I want to make sure that all of us are completely comfortable with everything that is about to happen. This kind of thing can be very damaging sometimes if everybody is not on the same level. I mean, it’s all very erotic and titillating in theory, but who knows how you’re going to feel when you see Nick and I going at it, or how I’m going to feel to see you and Nick going at it. So, we need a safe word that we need to call out if things go too far.”
I nodded. “Ok. How about mango?”
I looked at Nick and Ryan, and they both nodded their ascent. “Mango it is,” Ryan said.
“Mango it is,” said Nick.
“So, how does this get started?” I asked. God, I was nervous, but so aroused at the same time. I was definitely going out of my comfort zone, and I also knew that this was going to be a risk for my relationship with Ryan. What if things change between us because of this?
Then I thought that my relationship with Ryan was strong enough to handle much, much bigger challenges than this. We had weathered every storm that life could throw at us – from the tiny rainstorms to the Category 5 tornadoes - and still we were desperately and hopelessly in love with each other.
