“Working out is about the only thing that lets me sleep at night without seeing that body with the tarp over it. And when that doesn’t work” – he gives me a grin – “a little bit of Jack Daniels takes care of it.” He holds up a bottle I hadn’t noticed before.
“I tried to take that from him, but he’s taller than me,” Violet interjects from where she is.
Which is exactly what I can smell coming off his breath right now. “The problem, Caleb” – I shift him to my other side – “is that you’re not old enough to be drinking Jack Daniels.”
“Isn’t that somethin’?” He laughs hysterically. “The cop’s kid, doing something illegal. Guess I’m just a disappointment all the way around.” He takes another drink.
“Stop this shit now, Caleb.” My patience is thin and wearing thinner as I try to reason with him. There’s so many people who care about this kid, and he’s pretending like he’s stuck by himself with zero help.
“Nah.” He shakes his head. “Mom left when I was little, she hasn’t given a shit since. Dad can’t find a woman who wants to take on him and a kid. My buddy poisoned himself while I was getting a blow job not thirty feet away. Fucking girl won’t even call me back now. Like I don’t need somebody to talk to?” He points to his chest as he gets himself out of my arms and away from me. “Like I don’t need somebody to ask me if I’m okay? Like I don’t need a goddamn hug every once in a while.”
“Is that what you need?” Violet asks softly, speaking for the first time in long minutes. “Because I know what that feels like. And if you need a hug, you don’t even have to ask me, Caleb. Just open your arms up and let me give you one.”
I’m watching quietly, waiting to see how he’ll react, how she’ll react. The stubborn set of his jaw indicates he’s not going to take the bait, but right as I’m pretty sure he’s going to be a fucker, he puts the bottle down, sways, and opens his arms. Without any hesitation, Violet pushes herself toward him, circling her arms around his waist, because she’s so much smaller than he is. I watch these two, hugging it out in the parking lot of the community college, and I wonder…does Violet need this as much as he does?
“I don’t care if you don’t give a fuck.” I grab Caleb by the shoulder to steady him as he pulls away from the woman I’ve grown to care so much about. “I do. I don’t want to break your dad’s heart by taking you home like this.”
He’s hugged it out with Violet, and now he’s back to being belligerent, much like a drunk. “Maybe my dad should have thought about breaking my heart, ya know, by not having a mother in my life who cared about me. Or maybe he’d like to talk to me, really tell me what happened between them, instead of me speculating.”
I know nothing about what happened with Caleb’s parents. As far as I know, none of us do. Menace, for the most part, is a very private guy. “I’m not going to pretend like I know how you feel, Caleb, because I don’t, but what I can tell you is you’re on a path you don’t want to be on. None of us want to see you here. The danger of you doing something you can’t apologize for is high. You do remember the name Brooks Strather, right?”
He swivels his head to face me. “Now you all want to pretend like you care? Nobody has seen how destroyed I look? I don’t sleep, I don’t enjoy school anymore, half the time I show up for work drunk, and nobody even notices. The only thing I love is football because it hurts. When a big motherfucker hits me, I feel it. When I make a touchdown, it’s pure joy, but it leaves as soon as it comes. There’s nothing in my life I can find happiness in anymore.”
I put my palm against my neck and let out a deep sigh. I’m not equipped to handle this kid in the shape he’s in. He’s basically admitting to me he’s a depressed, functioning alcoholic at seventeen years old. The horrible truth? None of us noticed it. He’s gotten so good at hiding it, we literally didn’t notice it.
“Look, I’m not going to pretend like I understand exactly what you’re going through. I didn’t lose any friends when I was your age, but I lost a lot the year after my nineteenth birthday. Then even more after I turned twenty-one. Did I bury my guilt and sorrow in alcohol and pussy? Yes. No one is faulting you for that Caleb, but it’s going to destroy you from the inside out, my man. It will make you a shell of the person you were before and you’ll become a bitter guy who takes no pleasure in anything. That alcohol you enjoy now? It’ll take a whole lot more to get you drunk. That pussy you like burying yourself in? You won’t realize what’s truly love and not just ass. Don’t ruin the chance you have.”
“Fuck a chance.” He turns his dark eyes to me. They’re fierce with anger, and what looks to be frustration. “Nobody else got a chance. He should be the one making the trip to Tuscaloosa, not me. He was a better player than me, a better everything.”
Survivor’s guilt is a real thing with Caleb. Irritation grates at my nerves. And his attitude hits a sore spot with me. “You wanna fuck up your life? Go ahead, but I won’t be hiding it from your dad anymore after tonight. I’ll take you home this one time, but I see you drinking again, I’ll arrest you and we’ll call Mason to come get you.”
His eyes narrow, his face becomes hard, and Violet watches us quietly. The words, when he speaks them, are laced with the same attitude he’s had the entire time. “Yes sir.”
“Get your ass in the car.”
He throws the bottle of alcohol into a nearby trash can defiantly before climbing into the squad car. I sigh when he slams the door shut. I’m used to adults being assholes, but a kid who’s hurting emotionally? I’m not sure how to deal with that, and there’s a part of me that worries I didn’t handle it at all.
“Sorry you had to deal with that.” I hitch my thumb to him as I speak to Violet.
“Sorry I dragged you into it. For some reason I thought he might respond better to you than me. Seems like he’s an equal opportunity spoiled brat.” She offers me a grin.
“He’s hurting, and he’s surviving the only way he knows how.” I make excuses for him now that he can’t hear. He’s got to learn that leaning on others isn’t a weakness and nothing to be ashamed of.
“I’m gonna take him home – maybe we should take a raincheck on dinner. I have a feeling it’s going to take me a while to get him situated.”
There’s disappointment in her gaze, but right now Caleb needs someone to take care of him, and I’m stepping up to be that person – whether he wants me to or not.
I walk her over to her car, open the door, and lean in, giving her a kiss on the cheek. “See you tomorrow.” I watch as she gets in, buckles up, and starts the vehicle.
“See ya. Be careful with him, okay? He’s not as badass as he wants everyone to think he is.”
“I know.” My answer is accompanied by a nod. “He’s walking a tightrope right now that he may very well fall off of, if we don’t give him a net to catch himself.”
“I don’t want him to fall, abs of steel.”
“I don’t either, Vi, I don’t either.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Violet
Tonight has turned out to be super long. Rolling my neck around on my shoulders, I reach over to the bedside table and grab my cell phone, checking the time. A little after midnight. It’s a good thing I don’t have to work tomorrow, because I can’t get my brain to shut off. I wonder if Anthony’s having the same problem I’m having.
V: Abs of steel, you awake?
Immediately I see the three little dots on my phone, indicating he’s awake and typing a message.
A: Yeah, I can’t sleep after what went down with Caleb.
V: We’re in the same boat.
A: Come over, we can watch TV or something.
Those were the words I wanted to hear. Being stuck here by myself with nothing to distract my brain made me think of everything I could have done differently for the last ten years of my life. Things that have no bearing on my life today are all I can think about. Pushing the covers off my body, I get out of bed. Looking down at myself, I realize I need
a pair of sweatpants and a bra under the white shirt I’m wearing.
Too bad Anthony wasn’t just lying next to me and I couldn’t reach over, grasp his arm, and shake him awake. Those thoughts are coming more often now, even when maybe they shouldn’t be. Walking to my kitchen, I grab a plate of the cookies I made when I had been trying to take my mind off what happened. I balance them on my hand and look around for a pair of shoes to wear. Stuffing my feet into a pair of flip flops, I go out my side of the duplex and into his.
“Hey.” He yawns as he stands in the kitchen. “I’m fixing me a snack, you want anything?”
“I brought over some cookies I made earlier, if you want.”
“You know I’ve got a sweet tooth and you know I have soft spot for any of the sweets you make.”
I do know this; it’s one of the things I’ve learned about him since I moved in next door. Kicking my flip flops off, I collapse onto one end of his couch. He collapses onto the other, laying out a blanket for us to share. This is normal for us, the epitome of how we spend our time together.
Sometimes we talk, sometimes we don’t. Over the past few months we’ve settled into a respectful friendship. A part of me knows that one day it’ll go further. We’ve been on that collision course with each other since we started, I’m just not sure when it will be. What will be the situation that makes us finally stop tip-toeing around one another?
“Do you care what we watch?” he asks as he leans his head back against the arm of the couch.
“No, I just need something to take my mind off Caleb.”
He nods, starts something, and we’re both quiet for a long time. Even though there’s a show playing in the background, I think about why I married Brent. A friend of mine died my senior year of high school too, one of my best friends. Marissa was someone I spent most every weekend with – we went on vacation together, even worked at the same fast food joint. We had plans to go to the same college and room together, but when she passed away in a car accident, my whole life changed. I lost the will to do amazing things with my life. Dropping into a seriously deep depression, it wasn’t until I met Brent, who told me everything I wanted to hear, that I came out of it. By then he was my saving grace, the one person who seemed to love me above all others. How stupid was that?
“You’re thinking awful hard over there.” Anthony rubs my leg as he speaks. The touch goes straight through my body, and I’m re-thinking what I told him about waiting until my divorce is final.
“Just remembering what made me turn to Brent in the first place. One of my best friends passed away in a car accident and I floundered. Depression gripped me hardcore, and the person to bring me out of it was Brent. I clung to him like a lifeline. What if the same thing happens to Caleb? What if he’s clinging to drinking to save him? To numb the pain so he doesn’t have to feel anymore. You see what kind of a road it took me down, I don’t want that for him.”
“Then maybe you should be honest with him, treat him like an adult and share what you went through. He can listen to us all day long, he can ignore us and back talk, but until he sees something tangible, it’s not going to sink in. I can promise you that.”
I pull my leg away from his fingers, sitting up on the couch. “You think he’ll respond to it? He might just see it as me being an adult trying to tell him how to live his life.”
“If you could prevent him from making a dumb decision does it even matter?” he questions, and I know he’s right.
Ace
In the glow of the TV, Violet is more beautiful than she’s ever been. This is when I like her the most. Relaxed, hair all crazy, free of makeup, and being herself. She’s worried about Caleb – we all are, but the way she’s pulled her lip in between her teeth has my eyes zoning in on her mouth. I’ve thought of nothing but our kiss since it happened, and I’ve wanted nothing more than to take another. What’s held me back is her asking to wait until the divorce is final.
There are times, though, times when I look at her and I can almost believe she’s undressing me with her eyes. She’s imagining what I look like with no clothes on, and she’s holding herself back.
Tonight I’m tired, I’m frustrated and I’m tired. I don’t want to keep my hands off her, and to be honest, I just want a little bit of pleasure to go with this crazy-ass life I live. Reaching in, I test the water’s slightly. I leave the palm of my hand on her cheek for longer than necessary. When she doesn’t make a move to retreat from my touch, I lean in with my body. Giving her ample time to back away, I tilt my head and slowly take her lips with mine.
Nipping at her bottom lip, I tease along the edge, wondering if she’ll let me in, or if she’ll stop me. I’ll respect either decision she makes, but when she wraps her arms around my neck and pushes her body against mine, I’m more than surprised.
Pulling back slightly, both of us are breathing deeply. “Are you sure?”
“I shouldn’t be, but Ace, I want you.”
Ace. She never calls me Ace. The unexpected declaration from her does crazy things to me. Instant fucking hard-on.
“I want you too,” I smear my lips down the side of her neck before moving back up to her ear. “Wanted you since the first day I walked into The Café and saw you.”
She giggles, tilting her head to the side, giving me permission to suction my mouth to her neck. “Even when I spilled coffee on you.”
I chuckle against her skin. “Especially when you spilled coffee on me.”
Tunneling my fingers through her hair, I pull her closer to me, capturing her lips with mine. Her balance is shaky. To keep it, I lie down with my back against the arm, pulling her over top of me. There’s a low growl in my throat when I feel her fingers play with the edge of my shirt, pushing up against the cotton, but inadvertently brushing against my erection. Twisting her hair in my grip, I disengage our lips. “Watch those hands, honey. It won’t take much. It’s been a long time.”
Her brown eyes are almost black with desire. “How long?”
“What?” My brain is not firing on all cylinders. I can’t comprehend exactly what she’s asking.
“How long has it been for you?”
It dawns on me what she’s asking. She settles against me, her body cradled in mine. Pushing her hair back from her face, I lick my lips, close my eyes, and inhale the clean scent that is Violet. “Not since you spilled coffee on me at The Café.”
“You’re kidding.” She pushes up, pressing her lips against mine.
“No.” I frame her face with my hands. “If we want to get technical, about a month before I met you. But the day I saw you, looking so beautifully sad, I knew I had to make you happy again.”
“Nobody’s ever wanted to make me happy,” she whispers as she tucks her face into my neck.
Curling my arm around her neck, I press her tightly against me. “I do, I’ve always wanted to.”
Her lips tentatively work against the tendons of my neck. Opening widely against my skin, she suckles, nips, and then soothes with a soft touch of her tongue. Leaning up, her breath is hot against my ear. “I want to make you happy, too.”
Turning my head, I capture a kiss from her again. We’re straining against each other’s body and there’s no doubt how much I want her. The sweatpants I wear do nothing to hide my desire. Reaching down, I hook her thigh in my hand, pulling her tighter against me. My other hand trails up under her shirt, stopping when I feel the smooth material of her bra. Palming the flesh, I feel the stab of her nipple. Lightly squeezing, I deepen the kiss and push my body further against her. At some point we’ve started grinding against one another, and her hand has snuck beneath the waistband of my sweat pants, searching for what I have down below.
As her palm caresses my length, I’m reminded of what she told me before.
“Vi, baby.” I pull back from her, holding her chin with my had. “You aren’t divorced yet. That was an important point to you when we almost did this before.”
She leans her forehead against my c
hin, seeming to try to calm her breathing, the pounding of her heart. I can feel the hot air rushing against my chest as she tries to regulate herself. “You’re right. I wanted to be yours freely before we did this. I’m sorry,” she apologizes as she drops a chaste kiss on my chin.
“No reason to be sorry,” I assure her.
Glancing down in between us at the tented front of my sweatpants, she licks her lips. My eyes follow her pink tongue as she collects the moisture. “We’re just both going to be very frustrated people, huh?”
“Yeah, I’ll definitely be taking a cold shower after you leave,” I groan, throwing my head back against the couch. “Ninety-nine percent sure I’ll be jerking one out, too.”
She giggles against me. “This isn’t what I had planned on when I came here, I promise.”
“I know, Vi, I know. It wasn’t even on my radar, and regardless of how frustrated I am right now, I love kissing you.” I tilt her head back against my hand at her neck. “I love hearing you moan, feeling you strain against me – it was totally worth it. All totally and completely worth it.”
Her voice is husky when she speaks again. “It was worth it for me, too. If nothing, I know now that when we are able to be together freely, it’ll be combustive.”
“Baby, like a five-alarm fire.” I grasp her around the ass again.
“I better go.” She kisses me on the cheek.
I’m reluctant to let her up from the couch, but I know she has to leave. To keep our sanity, she’s gotta go.
Ace Page 9
