She sat, and he scooted himself on the sofa right next to her. In a way, she wished he had chosen a different chair. Being this close to him played havoc with her emotions, and especially the feelings she thought had been put to rest.
He reached over and caressed the ringlet by her ear. “You still have no color in your face.”
“Yes, well…when receiving such news that another man was killed the exact same way as Ludlow, it’s no wonder I’m rattled.”
“Very true.”
She fidgeted on the sofa, uncomfortable with the awkward silence. “So Tristan, yesterday you had mentioned remembering something.”
“I did.”
“Will you please tell me what it was?”
“Remarkably enough, it was what happened the night before the duel.”
“The night before? Pray, what could have happened that night?”
He arched an eyebrow. “I believe I already know the answer, but I need to ask you nonetheless… Did you send me a letter to meet you at Henry’s Cliffs the night before?”
She creased her brow and shook her head. “Of course not. My parents had me heavily guarded for fear I was going to sneak out and meet you someplace so we could run away to Gretna Green.”
“Just as I expected.”
“Why, Tristan? What happened?”
“I had received a letter with your name on it. In the letter you stated that you wanted me to meet you at the glade. When Trey and I arrived and didn’t see you, we felt that it had been a trap. And we were correct.”
Surprise flooded through her. “Hollingsworth met you the night before?”
“Yes. He was a coward and didn’t want to meet me for the duel and have the crowd watch him die.” He reached his hand over his shoulder and brushed his fingers across a section on his back. “Last night I had remembered exactly what happened at those cliffs, but it wasn’t the bullet that had pushed me over as I had originally thought.”
She furrowed her brow. “Did you…jump?”
He hitched a breath and stared at her with wide eyes. “Jumped? Are you jesting? You thought I had jumped off the cliff?”
She shrugged. “Well, there were so many rumors going around, I didn’t know which ones to believe.”
He studied her through hooded eyes, scratching his chin. “Will you tell me what Hollingsworth told you had happened?”
She sighed heavily. “He didn’t say much. He rarely ever did, but when he showed up the next morning at the house and said you were a coward and didn’t come to the duel, I feared the worst. But many people had gone to the cliffs that morning and they all had the same story…that you were not there.” She swallowed hard. “Other rumors started spreading a week or so after it had all happened about you going to the cliffs before anyone else had gotten there to try and talk Ludlow out of the duel. When he wouldn’t relent, you had tried to shoot him, but missed. When he got his weapon out, you fled…and jumped over the cliffs.”
Tristan cursed under his breath. “And you believed him?”
The tone of his voice accused her of something she should have known already. Before marrying Ludlow, all she knew about him was that he was a domineering man who took advantage of people—her father being one of them. After she married Ludlow she learned quickly enough that he was a deceiver. He’d hinted about her family having some deep dark secret, and all he was talking about was that her father had gambled away her dowry and left the family in financial ruins.
“It wasn’t just him that told me, and I didn’t want to believe, but others were there and could see you had not shown up for the duel. Then when you were found alive, Ludlow tried to convince me that you had faked your death because you owed him money. By that time, I was so confused about everything.” She choked back a sob. “If only your brother had said something to me—or anyone—I would have believed. But he said nothing.”
He huffed and leaned forward, loosening his cravat. “I want to show you something.”
She held her breath. Why was he undressing?
Once he’d removed his cravat, he lifted his shirt over his head, and turned his back toward her. “Do you see that large scar on my shoulder?”
The scar was still puckered and slightly red. Reaching out to touch it, she stopped herself before her fingers could make contact. “Yes.”
“This is where your husband shot me.” He turned back to her and pulled the shirt back over his head.
She frowned, chiding herself for even believing that story in the first place. Yet, there was a part of her that hadn’t believed at all. She’d just been waiting for Trey to tell her what really happened. “I’m sorry, Tristan,” she whispered.
“What other rumors were going around?”
“Some say you jumped off the cliff while Ludlow was aiming to shoot you again.” She shrugged. “There were even rumors that Ludlow and his second weren’t even there—that you and your brother had been traveling abroad and came upon bandits that were being chased by the local military regiment and you were caught in the crossfire. They said you were close to the cliffs and when the bullet hit you, that’s when you fell over the edge.”
“I like that story better.” He shook his head. “Nevertheless, Lord Hollingsworth and his second were the ones hiding within the shadows of the trees the night I received the letter. Trey had told me he didn’t feel right about things, and urged me to get back on my horse. Just as I had turned to do that very thing, Lord Hollingsworth shot me. I couldn’t even return a shot because I had no weapon on me at the time. Then we fought, and I fell over the cliff.”
Tears burned her eyes and she blinked to keep from crying. “Forgive me for thinking you jumped…or that you were a coward and didn’t show.” Without wanting it to, a tear slipped down her cheek. “I didn’t want to believe that about you. I hadn’t known you for very long, but the kind of man I’d come to know during that short time wasn’t the kind of man who would jump—or run away.” She cleared her throat when it began to crack. “Ludlow had also tried to convince me that you were a rogue just like your younger brother. Ludlow told me the only reason you were so determined to win me was because, because…” She took a deep breath, trying to steady her emotions.
“Because?” he asked softly as he brushed his thumb on her cheek, removing a few more tears that had slipped free.
“Because you wanted to bed me. You were not used to giving up on a woman until after you had claimed your prize.”
His jaw hardened. After a few moments of awkward silence, he exhaled slowly and withdrew his touch. “Why did you believe him?”
“I didn’t believe him, but over the next couple of weeks the servants talked of this as well. People in town were also discussing your rakish behavior, especially because you had singled me out at your mother’s party.” She took a breath and continued, “After a while, I just finally accepted it as the truth. If only Trey had said something to me—or anyone—I would have believed. Why had your brother not come to tell me? Didn’t he think I cared?”
Releasing a ragged sigh, Tristan pushed his fingers through his hair. “I had heard that Trey blamed himself for my death because he couldn’t save me. Because he didn’t try to stop the duel in the first place. I heard he was half mad with remorse that he kept to his room for months. The thought probably never crossed his mind to tell you. However, I do believe after Trey had tried to move on with his life, he blamed you.”
She inhaled sharply. “Me? But why?”
“Because he figured you should have tried to stop the duel. He felt that you had encouraged the duel in the first place. Trey also felt that you should have confessed to being a compromised woman and possibly being with child.”
His words vibrated through her so hard, it nearly shook her off the sofa. She jumped to her feet and stared at him. “What? You think I was in the motherly way?” She took a deep breath. “Why in heaven’s name would you believe that?”
He held up his hand in surrender. “Wait a moment before yo
u get yourself in a dither, let me finish explaining.”
“Oh! Please do.”
He patted the empty space on the cushion next to him. “Sit back down, please.”
Anger, hurt, and humiliation raged through her. Tears fell from her eyes for different reasons this time. Bunching her hands by her side, she glared at him. “You thought that just because I had allowed you to kiss me in the greenhouse, I had given other men the same privilege—and more?”
“Diana, please. Just sit down and let me explain.”
She couldn’t sit. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t even scream at the top of her voice how unfair life was. All she could do was…was… A sob tore from her throat and she covered her hands over her face. Diana didn’t need to ask why he and his brother had thought this. Ludlow had ruined her reputation—and her life—in more ways than one.
Sobbing that she could not contain rushed forth. The palms of her hands dampened quickly from her tears. Frustration and helplessness had always been part of her life, especially after being forced to marry Ludlow, and she was tired of it. Tired of everything!
Strong arms wrapped around her shoulders and Tristan pulled her against his body. Warmth spread through her, comforting her more than she could have imagined. Gently, he urged her back to the sofa, where she obediently followed.
For years she’d been holding back her feelings, convincing herself there was no use in crying since it never solved a thing. Yet now as she sobbed against Tristan’s chest, relief made her chest lighter…and that confused her. She couldn’t understand the peace flowing through her, either.
He kissed her forehead and tightened his arms around her. “Please don’t cry,” he said softly. “It’s tearing me up inside.”
“Since your return from being um…dead, I have noticed you held bitter feelings for me.” She sniffed. “Those times we had attended the same dinner parties, or the same balls, or saw you in town, you glared at me.” She lifted her head and looked at him. “I could never understand what I had done.”
He ran the pads of his thumbs under her eyes, wiping away the tears. “When I returned to civilization, I had no memory of the duel. I remembered the days we’d spent together—and the time at the greenhouse—but not much after that. However, whenever I saw you, I did have a feeling of loathing…of hatred, but I couldn’t make sense of those emotions. It wasn’t until last night while I was dreaming that my memory opened up and led me through what really happened and what I had felt during those moments.” Tristan leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Hollingsworth had told me after he’d shot me that he’d forced himself on you earlier that evening and you were probably carrying his heir. He also mentioned that he had paid off your father’s debts, and that you had known about it the whole time. Trey heard the same thing as I did, and I was never able to talk to my brother about Hollingsworth’s accusations before I fell over the cliff.” He caressed her cheek.
She sniffed back another sob. The pain in her heart made her chest feel as if a house was resting upon it. “Ludlow lied when he told you he’d compromised me. He didn’t even touch me until after our wedding.” She took a deep breath. “But he did pay my father’s debts. I had known this, but I was too embarrassed to say anything to you. My father and I both thought that if you paid Ludlow back he’d change his mind and break the engagement.”
Tristan nodded. “I think that was why I held so much anger and betrayal in my heart for you after my accident. I didn’t know what it was, but now I feel that’s what drove me to drink and turned me into a bitter man.”
She wiped a tear sliding down her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Tristan. Ludlow had lied to both of us, and was determined to keep us apart no matter what the cost.”
“So true. I just wish I could have stopped him. If I hadn’t have gone to the cliffs that night to find you—”
“Shhh,” she placed a finger to his lips. “We cannot relive the past. We must start over right now and move forward from here.”
He shrugged. “You are correct, of course. I had wallowed in my heartache for too long. I had lost you, and I couldn’t bear the thought of not being with you. Whenever I saw you in town, it hurt too much to look at you.”
“Oh, Tristan.” More tears poured down her face. “I never wanted to marry him. I hated him. He was cruel and always threatened me if I didn’t do his bidding. It didn’t take long for me to become bitter toward you for not…not…” She took a deep breath, releasing it slowly as she tried to control her emotions. “I had hoped that the rumors about you were false, and that you were somehow still alive so you could rescue me from my miserable life. I suffered so much abuse from that man. When I couldn’t get pregnant, he beat me. When I disagreed with him over anything, he struck me and locked me in my room for days. Living with him was pure hell, and the whole time I kept imagining what might have happened if we were married.”
“Oh, my sweet Diana.” He kissed her forehead again and pulled her tighter as he brought her head to rest against his chest. “If I had known he treated you so terribly…” His voice broke. “I’m so sorry for everything. I had wanted to rescue you and marry you. We would have been very happy together, I know it.” He stroked her hair. “And I would have never lifted a hand to you in anger like he had.” He buried his face in her hair. “Oh, Diana, if I had known sooner what he’d done, I would have killed him by now.” He kissed her head. “I promise you no man will ever lay a hand on you now that I’m here.”
Slowly, the tears stopped and she wanted nothing more than to cuddle next to this strong man for the rest of her life. As she rubbed her cheek against his shirt, peace filled her. Soon her heart would mend, but it would take time. The best thing for both of them now was to heal—emotionally. Then, and only then, would they be able to trust each other and fall in love all over again.
“Tristan, indeed you are a wonderful man, just as I’d realized when we first met.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and snuggled closer.
He relaxed back against the sofa, seeming content just to hold her. She’d waited for this kind of comforting feeling for too long. Needless to say, it would be impossible to let him go now. But she must. There were still too many obstacles in their way, and until those were resolved, she and Tristan could never be together…and since that wasn’t an option, she realized she must do all she can to right the wrong.
Being without Tristan was like a flower without sunlight. She would not be put through that torture again.
Chapter Eleven
Tristan awoke, feeling more alive than he’d been for a very long time. As he blinked, he realized he was still holding Diana while they slept on the sofa.
Smiling, he closed his eyes again and caressed her back and arm. Happiness spread through him. Having their talk made his heart light once again, and yet knowing how her husband had treated her, broke Tristan’s heart. He’d always blame himself for not being able to save her. But as she’d mentioned before—they couldn’t change the past now. All they could do was move forward, and he was definitely going to move forward…with her. They were both on the road to recovery, and soon, she would be back in his life forever.
A thought struck him, making him open his eyes. As long as they stayed in this cottage—their haven—out in the middle of nowhere, they were safe. But he needed to think of his family and to let them know all was well. Unfortunately, he had to talk to Jane to tell her and her controlling father, that there would never be a marriage between Tristan and Jane.
He didn’t think his mother would be too unhappy about the news, especially when he explained that there was another lady in his life…one that he’d loved for three years now.
Looking toward the window, he tried to gauge the time of day by the sunlight. If his calculations were correct, it was mid-afternoon. He needed to return home before night fell upon them.
“Sweet Diana,” he whispered and kissed her head. “Wake up, my dear.”
A soft moan escaped her throat as she
stirred against him. Slowly, her hand rubbed across his chest, and a smile gradually stretched across her face. Adorable!
“My dear, we have to wake up.” He kissed her forehead again, letting his lips linger on her skin a smidgen longer this time. Inhaling, he breathed in her lilac scent, recalling now why he had always enjoyed walking through his mother’s flower garden to the lilac bushes since he’d returned to civilization.
Diana’s eyelids fluttered open. When she looked at him, her smile widened.
“Tristan.”
He caressed her cheek. “Did you sleep well?”
“Remarkably well, thank you.” She sat up and stretched.
He loved seeing her so relaxed and content.
“I don’t think I have slept so well in a very long time,” she said.
He winked. “Me, either. I have struggled to remember my past, which kept me depressed and drinking entirely too much. It was a nice little break for my mind to finally have undisturbed sleep.”
He stood and stretched. Strange how his body wasn’t even cramped for lying crooked on the sofa. Yet, she had been in his arms, which meant everything was as it should be.
“Diana, I hope you don’t mind, but I really need to return home.” A frown marred her expression, so he quickly explained. “I have no other clothes here. Besides that, my mother is probably very worried about me.” He leaned over, grasped Diana’s hands and pulled her up to stand by him. “There’s something I have to do as well. I need to talk with Lady Fairbourne and her father to let them know there is not going to be a wedding. Ever.”
Finally, Diana’s smile returned which made her eyes sparkle. “That is a very good reason to return home.”
Chuckling, he wrapped her in his arms. “Are you going to remain here or come back and live closer to me?”
“Ludlow left nothing to me in his will. Although my grandmother’s cottage isn’t legally mine, it’s my brother’s, and he allowed me to stay here without question. Returning to Ludlow’s manor is the last thing I want to do, but I suppose it won’t hurt to go back at least until his cousin comes to claim the property.”
The Sweetest Love (Sons of Worthington Series) Page 12
