by Dale Mayer
He grinned. “You do that. I brought you extra pillows so you could prop up your arm and maybe sleep on an angle, depending on how the pain level will be.”
“Thank you,” she said warmly, then made a sudden decision. “There is just one thing about this room.”
“Oh?” Alfred leaned against the opposite side of the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest, that all too observant gaze of his fixed on her face. “What is that?”
Knowing she shouldn’t say anything about it but too tired to care, and with her walls completely decimated with the pain and events of the last couple days, she said, “I live here alone. I should be in Levi’s room.”
An awkward silence passed as he contemplated her words. He looked at the bed, at her, then across the hall to where Levi’s room was. “You know something? I think you’re correct. And that just might be the best thing to do right now.” He grinned. “You shouldn’t be alone anyway. So how about I help you into bed, then I will just move your stuff. We won’t even tell him.”
She dropped her gaze to the floor and then shook her head. “No, that wouldn’t be fair. He has to have a choice in the matter.”
“Really? And how much have you actually given him already?”
“Lots,” she said with spirit. “But he never takes me up on it.”
“So then maybe it’s time to take things in hand yourself.”
She watched his eyes twinkle with sly understanding but also realized he was serious. She glanced at her room and across the hall. And then with gleaming eyes she looked back at him—and nodded. “Lead the way.”
*
Levi watched the monitors. Outside of journeying into the kitchen to grab coffee and a fresh bran muffin, he’d been sitting here in the control room for the last couple hours, wondering if the danger level was low enough that they could go back to their normal routine.
However, with the loss of innocence, it meant they could no longer ignore they were targets. If they had to do four-hour shifts until Rodriguez was captured, well, it was a small price to pay to have no one else hurt.
Thinking about that, he decided it was time to check up on Logan and Ice in the sick bay. With any luck they were awake. He’d been in earlier, but they’d both been asleep.
Stone walked in at that time. He looked more rested.
“How are you doing?” Levi asked.
“Better.” Stone sat down heavily in the chair. His massive girth—all hard disciplined muscle—made the chair look so damn small. “Had a decent sleep. Could use some food though. Just have to find Alfred for that.”
“I swung by the kitchen and grabbed two muffins and a cup of coffee. Life is good, but I’m ready to eat steak, baked potatoes, Caesar salad, and half a chocolate cake, and that’s just the appetizers,” Levi said with a grin. “What about you?”
“As I’m no longer stuck with office duty, I’m good,” Stone said cheerfully. “I’m happy to say, Sienna appears to be whipping that place into shape just fine without me.”
Levi laughed. “It looks like she can handle it nicely. I’d like to give her a job if she’s a good fit. Jarrod can’t come see her for a bit yet, and I’d hate to leave her to her own devices again. She hasn’t given us any of her backstory, and I’d like her to feel safe enough to do so.”
“Good,” Stone said. “Because I’m not going back in the office. So what was that about food?”
“Well, I’ll get right on that. But first I need to swing by the sick bay and check on the patients, then I’ll find Alfred and see what we have for real meat. A couple of steaks would be a good start.”
With a fat grin, Stone added, “With a half-dozen baked potatoes too.” He motioned Levi out of the room. “Go find the master of the meals and see that we are fed properly.”
With a bark of laughter Levi walked out. This was one thing he never intended to short the men on—real food. It was way too important for all of them.
In the sick bay he stopped in the middle of the room. Both beds were empty, yet the place was dirty with bedding to be changed, so they hadn’t been gone long. It surprised him as he didn’t think they were in any shape to leave. But it was a really good sign.
Then his heart sank. It was a good sign as long as they left of their own free will, with Bullard’s permission. It was not a good one if somebody kidnapped them. He marched to the security logs and brought up the monitors, checking the feed from the sick bay doors. It was the only way intruders could manage to come in. He swung back to the last couple hours and, with relief, saw he had nothing to worry about. So where the hell were they?
As he shut down the monitor, Bullard walked back into the room, his arms full with clean sheets and bedding.
“There you are,” Levi said. “I’m surprised to see both of them gone.”
Bullard dropped his armload on the closest table and efficiently stripped the sheets off both beds. “I sent them to their rooms on the condition they go to bed and stay there and let me check up on them every four hours. They’re not to leave their rooms to do anything that’ll cause any further injury.”
That news also made Levi feel a lot better. It meant the pair of them were on the mend. And that lightened his mood. “I’ll check on them in a few minutes. I’m tracking down Alfred, seeing if we can get some decent meals set up for the next couple days.”
“Last I saw him, he was talking to Dave. I think they were planning just that. Dave said he was bored and was looking for a feast. So—”
“It’s hardly the right time for a feast, considering we still haven’t caught Rodriguez, but the men are looking for some real food.”
“Oh my. If Dave’s up for a feast, you don’t want to be turning him down.” The two exchanged smiles. Dave was a wizard in the kitchen.
“You need a hand here or are you okay if I go and talk to the chefs?”
Bullard shrugged. “Go take care of the food. I’ve got this. There’s not much left to do anyway.”
Reassured and feeling better on all fronts, Levi headed into the kitchen and found Bullard was right. Dave and Alfred had a notepad out, concocting a dozen dishes.
Levi heard just enough to make his mouth water. He filled his coffee cup, stepped out into the R&D room, as Ice called it, realizing he was avoiding seeing her. There were any number of reasons—she could be sleeping, and she needed to heal. But in reality all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms. She might be better off with Bullard, but, now that Levi had had time to think, he’d be damned if he could let her go that easily. She’d given him an ultimatum and had promptly gotten shot. The time frame didn’t matter. She was his. And he’d do everything he could to keep her.
He turned, snagged a second cup of coffee, and walked to her room.
Chapter 15
She’d never loved anybody but Levi. However, the stalemate hurt so badly.
When she’d been in the military if a woman had come to her with this problem, Ice would have told her exactly what she should do.
It had taken Alfred to help her see this clearly. Well, that was good enough for her.
She sat on the edge of Levi’s bed, shaking as Alfred quickly moved over the pillows from her room and helped her get in and lean back against the mahogany headboard. She’d switched out of her bloodied clothes and into her bathrobe.
Then Alfred returned with some of her clothing. Being in the military as long as she had, she’d kept her possessions neat and minimal. It wasn’t difficult to pack her up and move her over. With the next load, Alfred brought her toiletries. Then came her PJs. She stared at them. She’d be so much more comfortable in them… but the thought of changing—well, that was too much effort.
She glanced up to see Alfred carrying her empty bags. He stashed them in the closet.
“I think your room is clear.” He gave her a conspiratorial smile, then left, gently closing the door behind him.
Alone, she studied the room. Levi’s bed was set slightly back from the main area so he’d have to co
me all the way in before he’d see her.
And then he’d have to face her, because she wasn’t leaving until they settled this. Only she was in no shape to fight.
Maybe it wouldn’t be required.
She no longer knew what she wanted. No, that was a lie. She knew exactly what she wanted and that was what Levi and she’d had before their devastating argument about children. A hot passionate relationship, a sense of knowing all was well between them. A need to know she was one half of the same special twosome she’d made with him before.
What the hell had happened?
They’d argued over having children. That was before he was injured. Then, when she’d pulled back in the relationship with Levi, Bullard had stepped up. And she’d let him, as a friend.
She’d been confused because Levi hadn’t explained why he was so adamant, so against ever having a family. She might have understood if it’d been something to do with the fact that one day he may not come home. That’s why so few SEALs were married. Most of them made lousy husbands anyway.
It had all started as a minor argument, something to settle later. But somehow it had become a big deal. Although she’d never thought it would be the end of them. Only then they’d had bigger fights building on that little argument.
Before they had time to fix it, he’d been hurt. And that had changed the relationship even more. Bringing something new into the equation. Something she didn’t understand and he wouldn’t talk about.
Now the chasm had become too great to easily cross.
Just like that, tears welled up inside and the dam broke. It seemed like she could do nothing to stop it. She curled up on the bed with just her bathrobe wrapped around her and cried. The tears were for the children she’d never know, for the ache in her heart she could already feel.
She barely heard the door open and didn’t hear anybody approach. But when warm, caring arms wrapped around her, picked her up carefully, and held her close, she knew it was Levi.
And she cried that much harder. This was so not her. This was the opposite of how she wanted Levi to see her. But it seemed like she no longer had the same walls nor barriers up. She was broken.
Something inside her screamed for so much more.
But she couldn’t stop blubbering. She didn’t think she had ever broken down like this before. A lifetime of pain, hurt, and sorrow was just waiting to be free, and, now that the dam was open, it was like she had no control. This was not what he wanted from her. She was Ice. Inside and out—cold, restrained during the day, and fiery in bed but immediately donning the mantle of control afterward.
Surely the pain and drugs were the reason she’d lost control.
Of course there was another trigger too … Bullard had reminded her of his offer to take her away from all this. She appreciated it, a chance to build a life and be happy but she didn’t know that she could leave Levi.
And she knew it was still open, which meant it was an option … and that hurt. She hadn’t thought it would come to this.
Because it was Levi who held her, she bawled even harder.
“Easy, honey, please don’t cry. You’ll make yourself sick.”
His hands gently stroked up and down her back, but the way his fingers seemed to hit every rib bone and every vertebrae just reminded her of what she’d lost when she left the military. She thought it would be the opposite. The training had been grueling and maintaining her position stressful. But she’d been in charge. Since walking away to join Levi, it was like her life had spun out of control. She didn’t know who she was or where she belonged. And the pounds, never easy to hang on to, just completely fell away. She was a rack of bones now. The problem was, she didn’t give a damn. Too much else was going on.
“Easy, baby. Take it easy. Whatever’s wrong, we can fix it.”
“Fix it?” she cried. “How is that possible when we have no relationship left to even fix?”
“Don’t say that.” Levi stared down at her, his eyes full of hurt. “Please don’t say that. You’re my life.”
She recognized the note of desperation in his voice. Abruptly she said, “Bullard still wants me to leave with him.”
Levi froze, shock rendering his body still. And the look in his eyes … it damn-near broke her heart.
His voice came out in a gasp of pain as he asked, “Are you leaving?”
“I moved into your room instead,” she whispered.
She was instantly crushed against his chest. And it felt so damn good that she ignored the pain.
“I don’t think I would survive if you left,” he whispered. “You’re the reason I come home from every mission.”
“We have always had problems,” she said, her voice steadying. “We’ve had them for years.”
“Those don’t matter. You’re the one who left my bed, but it’s like you stepped out of my life and built these walls, putting distance between us. Not the way I wanted it. I don’t like this.”
She stared into his face. “I need more. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but down the road, I will need more.”
“Children?” he asked, his voice gritty with pain. “The doctor said I might not be able to have any.”
She reached out to smooth the lines off his face. It wasn’t something they’d discussed before. It was, however, something close to his heart. She also knew it made him feel less than a man, and that was not what she was doing here.
“I understand the fear. But even before your accident you didn’t want them.” She sat up and settled herself on his thighs, holding her injured arm close to her chest. “Now you might not be able to, so you’re relieved not to face that burden.” She shrugged and looked at him. “It’s different for me. I want children. There are no guarantees that either of us can have them, but there are other avenues open to us if we want to take them.”
“We had a hell of an argument about children before,” he admitted. “And then came the accident… We haven’t made love since.”
“And why is that?”
He turned his gaze to stare at the window. Then he took a stuttering breath. “Maybe you should leave with Bullard.”
Shocked, she reared back to look at him. Her eyes filled once again with tears and she shook her head. “No. I would give up a lifetime with Bullard if I could just sleep in your arms. But you cut me out. You wouldn’t let me hold you during your recovery. Yes, I want children.” When she saw him open his mouth to protest, she added, “But you weren’t even open to the concept. Before, when you were off on missions all the time, I understood. You didn’t want to risk dying and leaving me alone. But it’s a chance I would be willing to take. Especially now.”
“Why now?” he asked. “What’s different about now?”
“Because I almost lost you.”
“I might be a horrible father.” His voice was dark with pain. “But what I’ve come to understand is, I’m no longer 100 percent against the idea. You know my childhood was horrific. I’d do anything to avoid another going through what I did.”
She reached up and smiled. “No child of yours could ever go through something like that because you would not be your father. No matter how afraid you are of becoming him, it won’t happen.”
His smile twisted and the vulnerable look deepened. “Are you sure?”
She nodded. “I’m positive. Besides, I’ll be there. I’d kick your ass.”
He gave a great shout of laughter and wrapped her up in the gentlest of hugs.
*
Levi hated to see Ice break down.
He hated to see her hurting. But what he really didn’t like was to think he was the cause of it. He tilted her chin up gently with his thumb, stroking her cheeks and pulling the last of the wet streaks off her soft skin, then lowered his face and gave her a gentle kiss.
Trust her to take matters in her own hands. If only she’d done it months ago.
It would have saved them a ton of pain, when he hadn’t been strong enough to fix this himself.
He g
ently turned her until she lay on her back. He hated her small cry when he jolted her arm. As she lay there, blonde hair spilling across the pillow, he knew he’d never seen anyone more beautiful. He lowered his head. “You are my world. I don’t want you to leave with him. I love you. I always have. You know that.”
She pulled his head down for a deep kiss, her good arm wrapping around his neck. The heat burst forth, not just passion, but longing so intense it seemed to swell between the two of them, filling them before cascading through and over them. God, he wanted her. She was the best thing to ever happen to him, and she just proved it yet again tonight. He reached up, sliding his fingers through her hair, massaging her scalp as he kissed away the longing, and the pain and the tears. When she held him close, he knew he was the luckiest man ever.
He slid his hands up under her thin robe to cup her breasts, always a perfect fit for his hands. He shuddered, feeling the nipples harden under his palm, her bare thigh wrapping around his hips. She’d always been hot in bed. He’d never met another woman like her, nor ever wanted another one since.
Even injured she drove him crazy. And somehow she had lost the sling.
She kissed him frantically, her fingers sliding under his shirt, searching for and finding his skin, the scars, and the damaged muscles which she skimmed over as if they didn’t bother her.
And why would they? She’d never been concerned with appearances. He was the fool, though a damned grateful one.
As her fingertips slipped inside his belt, reaching for him below, his body was already shuddering, nerve endings warning him this session would be over faster than he’d like.
He rolled to his back and gently helped her straddle his lap—and an alarm shattered their moment.
Ice tumbled to the bed, crying out as she jarred her arm. After a quick glance to make sure she was all right, he sprang for the door.
Damn it. Talk about shitty timing.
Chapter 16
