Chapter 11
Outside on the door step, Katie took a deep breath. She could not believe the audacity of some people. There was no way she would ever forgive whoever had sent the letter. It was an unforgivable act as far as she was concerned.
Katie turned towards the park. She knew where she was going, but she just couldn’t get there as fast as she needed to. She had this overwhelming urge to just hug Jackson. She knew it wasn’t possible but she just needed to hug him one more time .The time they had together was not long enough.
As Katie crossed the road, she heard someone yell her name. She didn’t turn around to find out who it was, because at this point she really did not care. She just continued to walk, increasing the pace as she moved. She didn’t want anyone around her right now. She just wanted to be left alone with Jackson.
She walked up the hill, like she had every day since they buried Jackson. She walked down the row to Jacksons’ new home, sat down, wrapped her arms around the headstone, and just cried. She sat there so long that she lost track of time. She didn’t care who saw her at this point. She was hugging the closest thing to her brother that she had.
After a while, she wiped the tears from her face and just started talking about everything. She talked about how much she missed him, and how she wishes he were there to hug. She told him about the fight with mom, the letter and how she was busted in a lie. She even started talking about Jack, without even thinking about it.
As she talked she didn’t notice that someone was listening. She heard a slight movement behind her. Without looking Katie said “mom I just want to be alone. I already told you that.”
“Umm… I am sorry. I shouldn’t be here,” said a deep voice.
Katie turned so fast she almost fell over. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw Jack standing there with his hands stuffed in his jeans, looking at the ground as he kicked the dirt. “How long had he been there? Did he hear everything she said about him to Jackson? Did he see her crying?” Her mind was going so fast that she couldn’t think straight.
“How long have you been standing there?” Katie asked, completely embarrassed with everything he had probably just witnessed or heard.
“Not very long, I yelled your name when you were walking up here, but you didn’t turn around. You looked upset so I wanted to make sure you were okay. I didn’t mean to intrude on a private conversation,” he said instantly sorry that he had followed her.
“Well I obviously didn’t want to be around anyone. Or if I had of I would have turned around,” Katie said in a very hateful tone. The look on his face made her regret that she had been so mean. None of this was his fault, all he was just trying to be was a friend.
“I’m sorry that I came. I will go. See you later,” Jack replied in the same harsh tone that Katie had used towards him, as he turned to walk away.
Caught off guard by his tone, Katie couldn’t come up with a smart remark like she would have loved to do. “No its okay, you can stay. I am sorry that I was so mean. It has just been a very emotional day for me. Well after lunch it was emotional,” she said so that he wouldn’t think it had anything to do with him. She was so exhausted from all the emotions that she had felt in the last few hours that she could probably fall asleep if she wasn’t careful.
She scooted over so that Jack could sit down. She knew that he was probably wondering why she was sitting in a cemetery, hugging a headstone, but he never asked. And she was honestly grateful that he didn’t.
They sat there in silence for a while as Katie picked at the grass. She didn’t even try to look at Jack. She was embarrassed, not knowing exactly what Jack had or had not heard.
“You look like you had a rough day after our lunch,” he said breaking the silence.
“You could say that,” Katie replied without making eye contact. “You could say that for every day for the last two years,” she continued.
“Wow two years of rough days. That has to be a record, especially for a fifteen year old girl. I think that should earn you some ice cream or something,” he said trying to make her smile.
He could tell she was very upset about something, but didn’t feel like it was his place to ask. He was usually able to realize when someone wanted to talk and when they would rather be left alone. All he really wanted to do was give her a shoulder to cry on if she wanted it. Although at this point, he was quite sure that she was not about to tell him what was bothering her, and he was okay with just sitting there with her.
Katie cracked a slight smile knowing that is what Jack was trying to get her to do. She just couldn’t muster up anything more than that.
“I can leave if you want to be alone,” Jack said not really wanting to leave her alone, but he didn’t want to intrude either. He knew exactly how she was feeling. Well in a certain way he knew how she felt. He had never lost anyone but he had come so close to knowing what it felt like to lose someone close to him. He didn’t know for sure, but he was sure that whoever she was missing was someone that she was very close to.
“No it is okay. I was not very nice to you earlier. I’m sorry. It is just that… Katie stopped and just looked at Jack. She was certain that he did not want to hear about her problems, but she had the sudden urge to tell Jack about everything. She felt like she could talk to him about everything she had been through in her entire life. That was a new feeling to her since she had never been able to talk about anything with anyone except Jackson.
Interrupting her, Jack said “Look, I am only here if you want me to be. I am a good listener, and I do give pretty good advice depending on what the topic is.”
“Thanks,” Katie replied grateful that he wasn’t pushing her to talk about anything. “I don’t usually talk to anyone about my thoughts or feelings. I keep them to myself. It is easier that way,” she continued.
Jack knew exactly how Katie felt when it came to talking about feelings to someone else. He had dealt with that himself. “I used to be like that, but I have figured out that sometimes talking to someone makes all the difference. I didn’t start talking to anyone until I got myself arrested for getting out of the rain,” Jack said.
“Did it help? And I mean did it really help?” she asked him, actually surprised that he had any issue that he would need to talk about with someone. He didn’t look like he had any issues.
“Yes believe it or not it did help and I still talk to someone twice a week for one hour. It keeps me out of trouble. Otherwise I might be as bad as everyone keeps saying I am,” he said with a grin on his face.
Katie couldn’t help but laugh at his joke. She knew his reputation, although she wasn’t positive as to why exactly he had such a bad one. It felt good to laugh. She hadn’t really laughed since Jackson died. She was so comfortable with Jack that it was almost a scary thought to her. She told herself when Jackson died that she would not get close to anyone again, because they will eventually leave her. She couldn’t bear to deal with that again. Sometimes it was just a safer bet to be a loner, and she was going to stay that way no matter what her parents thought.
“I know that you may not believe it, but talking about it helps you deal with your feelings and it will make you feel better,” he said in the most concerned way.
Katie couldn’t believe how nice he was being. They had only really talked twice before this, and he was willing to make her feel safe and happy. “Thank you. I know it would probably help, but I just don’t think I am ready for that part yet. I think I am doing just fine talking to Jackson. It may not be what everyone else wants me to do but I know that I will talk to someone when I feel the need to.”
“When you need to talk, I am always here. Sometimes it is easier to talk to someone who can actually talk back to you,” he said, curious as to whom exactly Jackson was, but again didn’t want to pry.
“I don’t need anyone to talk to me when I need to talk. That should have been apparent to you when you saw me talking to a headstone by myself, in a cemetery,” Katie said sudd
enly finding herself getting mad at Jack for being so inconsiderate.
Jack was surprised by the response he got from Katie. He felt almost like he had overstayed his welcome. Just when he put his hand on the ground to push himself up, Katie said, “Look I didn’t ask you to come here and stay. I am not trying to be rude but I hear it all the time from my parents. If you came here to tell me that there is something wrong with me, you can leave now, but if you want to stick around and talk then I am ok with that. I am sorry that I just got nasty, but I am so sick of people trying to tell me what I need to do, when they do not know what it is like to lose someone so close to them.”
“There is a lot about me that you do not know, and eventually I might share it with you, but you need to understand one thing about me,” Jack said getting a little irritated with how much Katie liked to think that no one could possibly understand how she feels. “I may go talk to someone, but at least I do it. I know that holding it in is a bad thing. You on the other hand just keep letting it build up and eventually you are going to get yourself into trouble or worse,” Jack said as he stood up. When he was finished he stood there for another minute and when Katie didn’t say anything, much less look at him, he turned and walked away.
Katie could do nothing more than stare at him as he walked away. “What made him think he was so special, and knew what everyone needed?” Katie asked Jackson. “He just thinks he knows what I am in need of. I am so sick of everyone acting like they know what I need. You would never act like that to me.” Katie looked around the cemetery. It was very rare that she ever saw anyone other than herself. It was the same today. There was no one else there. She looked up and noticed the sun was setting. She knew she needed to get going.
“Well I need to get home to make dinner for mom and dad. I know mom is probably going to freak on me too for not telling the truth about the library, but at this point, I frankly don’t care what she has to say about it. She doesn’t understand either,” Katie said. She reached her fingers to her lips and then touched the headstone with her fingers. “I love you Jackson. I will be back tomorrow to see you again,” Katie said as she got up and walked away. The tears streamed down her cheeks and she wiped them away not wanting anyone else to see her upset.
She walked down the hill and took a left. She had not meant to be gone for so long. Hopefully mom and dad aren’t to mad at her. She walked at a brisk pace trying to get home in time to make dinner for her parents. Along the way she saw Jack walking up ahead. She suddenly felt horrible for how she had acted towards him at the cemetery. She wasn’t sure exactly what to say to him, but she did know she owed him an apology. She ran up the street towards him, and yelled “Jack” hoping he will stop walking.
Jack stopped and turned around. He was surprised when he saw Katie. He didn’t expect that she would talk to him so soon. He was still a little upset that she had been so rude when she had talked to him, but he understood where she was coming from. He was sure that soon she would understand where he was coming from as well.
“Jack, I am so sorry that I was so mean at the cemetery. I know you were just trying to help. I just get so tired of everyone talking to me about how I should feel. Let me just feel what I feel so that I can deal with this my way,” Katie said as steady as she could get her voice to go.
“It is ok Katie. I understand, just know that I am here if you need an ear,” Jack said in the sweetest voice.
“I know and I appreciate your willingness to listen if I need to talk,” Katie said. She really liked talking to him and loved being around him. “Are we okay?”
“Yes we are fine, but I have one question for you,” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
Katie started to blush and wanted to run away. She just knew what he was going to ask, and all she wanted to do was disappear.
Jack could see it in her face that she was petrified at the question he was going to ask her. It was actually really hard to not laugh at her. Instead he asked “Do you want to get lunch again sometime soon?”
Katie let out a breath of relief. It was as if she had stopped breathing. She thought he was going to ask about the things she said at the cemetery about him. Maybe he really didn’t hear her. She was so extremely ecstatic, that all she could do was smile.
“I guess that means yes,” Jack replied. “How about we go to lunch again tomorrow?”
“I think that is a great idea,” Katie replied. “But I think we should have a picnic. You pick the spot and I will bring the food.”
“That sounds great!” Jack said. He liked the sound of a picnic. It reminded him of all the time he spend with him mom when he was little. They would always go on picnics, even if it was just in the backyard it was always special.
“Well I have to get home to make dinner for my parents. I will see you tomorrow about eleven then?” Katie asked.
“Sure. I will meet you at your house if that is okay,” he said.
With that Katie turned and started towards her house, with a smile that she just couldn’t wipe off her face.
Chapter 12
When Katie returned home, she hurried into the kitchen to start dinner, just like she promised her mom she would. She took the chicken and put it in the pan after she put some oil in the bottom. She seasoned it with garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. After starting that on medium, she pulled out four pieces of bread and laid them on the counter top. She then went to the fridge and pulled out the lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, and the Italian dressing. She walked to the island in the center of the kitchen and pulled out the big salad bowl that she and Jackson had picked out for their mom for Mother’s Day. It was just a bowl that her dad had bought and then had her and Jackson, put their handprints all over it. She couldn’t remember what year it was but she did remember it was after Jackson got the diagnosis. She shook her thoughts away and checked on the chicken. It was coming along nicely.
She walked back to the island and started cutting up the lettuce and the tomato. She tossed it all into the bowl, and started to grate the cheese. Her mom never bought the shredded cheese. She always said that the shredded cheese tasted different than that of the block cheese. If you asked Katie, shredded cheese was a lot less work. After she was done shredding the cheese, she then checked the chicken again. It only needed about another ten or fifteen minutes and it would be done.
Katie felt like something was missing, so she walked over to the fridge again and looked at it trying to figure out what they were missing. She opened the fruit drawer and pulled out an avocado. She walked over and cut it into pieces. She put the pieces on a plate strategically. Dad didn’t like them, but she and mom have always had them with their salads.
Katie heard the chicken sizzling in the pan and decided that it might be done now. She took the chicken out of the pan and put it in a small bowl. She took some of the Italian dressing and poured in enough to cover the chicken. She put it to the side with a lid on it.
Now all she had to do was to make the croutons. She took the pan she made the chicken in and washed it. She then put it back on the burner, with a little bit of butter in it. When the butter had melted she took the bread slices she had laid out on the counter, cut it into small squares and put them in the pan. She added garlic powder to make the croutons a little tastier. She let them cook for about two minutes stirring them frequently. When they were done she took them out of the pan and laid them on a napkin on the counter.
She looked at the clock. Dad should be home anytime from what mom had said earlier. She put the garlic bread in the oven. As it cooked, she decided she would mix the dressing with the salad. She took the rest of the Italian dressing and poured it into the bowl on the lettuce. Taking the big salad serving set, she stirred it all together. She grabbed the chicken and mixed it in, adding the dressing that was left in the bowl. Then to top it all off she added the croutons. She then grabbed the garlic bread out of the oven.
She took three plates down from the cabinet and set the table. She put a glass
down for her dad and her mom, as well as for her. She knew that mom would drink her regular glass of water with dinner, and dad would probably have a glass of sweet tea like he had every night for as long as she could remember. She made a glass of lemonade for herself and put them all on the table.
She walked into the kitchen and grabbed three forks out of the drawer and sat them on the counter. She grabbed the other bottle of Italian dressing out of the pantry and put it and the silverware on the table. As she walked back into the kitchen she heard the front door open. She heard her dad say hi to her mom as he walked into the living room. She had not heard her mom go into the living room. She continued putting everything on the table and when everything looked perfect she walked into the living room and told them it was dinner time.
As they all walked into the dining room, Katie grabbed the dressing and shook it really good. She took the top off and gave it to her dad as he sat down.
“This looks very good,” he said to her mom.
“Katie did all of this,” her mom replied.
“Oh she did huh,” her dad said in a suspicious kind of tone. “What made you decide to make us dinner?”
“Oh I just thought it would be a nice change for mom to not have to do dinner. It isn’t anything big. It was simple and hopefully it will taste like it is supposed to. I haven’t tried this type of chicken salad recipe before,” she said hoping that would lead to dad eating and not asking a lot of questions. She just wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone really. All she really wanted to do was go upstairs and climb into her bed and sleep until next week. Today had been a stressful day. She couldn’t imagine having a day like this again.
“How was your day, dear?” she heard her mom ask her dad.
“It was slow today. It seems that no one needs to buy a car like they used to. Things have really slowed down since the economy slouched like it has. Just another day at the office,” he said with a little chuckle in his voice.
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