Natalie’s father was absent and had been for a long time. He went to work one day and never came home. Later Natalie’s mother, Carla Weston, discovered that he had not gone to work at all that day, and that their bank account was suddenly empty. Natalie and her mother, Carla, had to move back to Black Water where Carla could depend on the help of her own mother who was ailing, but still more help than a phantom of a husband. Mrs. Weston loved her daughter, but was never able to relate to her, which created a wedge between them that grew over the years until her mother could barely find words to say to Natalie that would not send her into an uproar. Recently, Carla Weston had been sick and looked a bit haggard in the summer heat as she gripped a Kleenex in her hand, coughing often.
Nikki’s mother, Fayleen, was beautiful, with brown shoulder-length hair. The year before she had been their cheerleading coach, but had given the position to a younger and much more eager replacement. Over the years, sadness had crept up on her, seeping in through the emotional cracks. She did her best to hide it and was actually quite successful in front of others, but not in the mornings or at full night. In the evenings when the sun began to set the feeling that came with the draining of light and the onset of the dark was more than she could bear and the shadows would take over. At the table she laughed and smiled occasionally, but had insisted that the barbecue be early in the day, for she knew what would come as the sun disappeared behind the hills.
Finally, Regina came to her own mother, funny but serious, stern but approachable. Everyone loved her mother, despite her reputation for being almost mean. Mrs. Dean was a delight to be around, she was the woman that the other women went to when they had a problem to which they needed solution. She would listen while drinking her coffee, staring into the cup intently, and then she would think for a long time before speaking, which made people uneasy when they first met her, but once they got to know her, she made them feel the security that came with advice from a person who actually listened and thought before speaking.
The girls were picking through the grass not far from the gathering of their families searching for rocks worthy of a good game of hopscotch. They talked as they prodded through the grass, keeping their eyes to the ground. Soon they were far from their parents, at the lip of the trees. Lola held up a smooth round rock.
“This is a good one,” she stated while still examining the rock carefully in the light.
“Yeah.” Natalie looked up and agreed after laying eyes on the perfect stone.
“Smooth, but not too smooth,” Nikki added. Regina put another rock candidate in her pocket and sat against a tree to rest.
Lola noticed her friend resting and took the opportunity to address her acolytes.
“I been thinkin’ …” Lola spoke, allowing her voice to trail off. Nikki looked up to hear the rest of Lola’s statement while Natalie continued to move dirt and sticks around on the ground in a focused search. Regina was comfortable against the tree throwing one of her stones up into the air and catching it again.
“About what?” Nikki asked. By this time, Natalie stopped her search and was listening intently, wanting to hear what Lola had been thinking that was so important that she had to make an announcement. Lola was nervous under the eyes of her best friends. It was apparent that she had to take a deep breath and swallow hard before she could speak the words that throbbed just inside of her throat.
“I can’t sleep anymore,” Lola said, still not revealing the subject matter of her dilemma, but all the girls had a pretty good idea.
Regina could still hear Lola’s squeaky voice as if it were replaying in stereo. Regina dared not delve any further into that day, preferring to shut down her memories before they were allowed to creep too far inside.
She took the picture off the clothesline and softly settled back onto the bed, the mattress squeaked jolting a childhood memory. Regina laid the foggy photo on the comforter and knelt by the bed, lifting the mattress high above her head. She smiled as she laid eyes on the object she had been seeking. Regina pulled the red velvet journal from the place where it was buried. Lola’s room had probably been searched, and surely, this journal had been given to one of the Handow boys as evidence. Most likely, Mrs. Rusher had asked for it back when they concluded that the journal was not evidence and Mrs. Rusher placed it back in the exact place that her daughter had left it, as it appeared Mrs. Rusher had done with everything else, just in case her little girl came home one day.
But of course, they found nothing in this journal because Lola kept it in the one place that she knew her mother would look. Regina’s eyes dazzled, and as she recalled the crafty charm of her friend, she flipped through the pages.
Dear Diary,
Trigonometry, I hate it!!!!!!! The worst class I have ever had to take in my life. My parents were really pissed after Mrs. Lincher called to let them know that I might fail if I don’t get passing grades on every assignment left in the class. What do I know about math? I’m a photographer. My mom won’t let me use her car until I pass the class and I am sure that I can just forget about a party for my birthday. This blows! But I am going to work as hard as I can to bring my grade up so that I can get the car back and because I hate disappointing my parents.
Sincerely,
Lo
Nothing too interesting in the “mom” diary, Regina thought with a sly smile as she turned and peered into the open closet upon a space where an imaginary X marked the spot. Lifting the mattress again, she replaced the diary with expert precision. Regina let the mattress fall, re-tucked and smoothed out the sheet and comforter. Back on her feet, Regina entered the extended gloomy closet cautiously and proceeded to the far back right corner. She picked up the empty clothes hamper and placed it behind her; she then pressed her foot down on the carpet in the exact spot, if she remembered correctly. The floor cried softly. Regina sat and dug her fingers into the floor at the edge between the carpet and the molding of the wall; the carpet came up with ease.
When the girls were freshmen in high school, Lola had to stay in the hospital to get her tonsils removed. For days before the scheduled surgery Lola had spoken about how terrified she was, she hated hospitals and begged her parents through wretched sore throat not make her go through with the operation. Mr. and Mrs. Rusher assured her that she was being silly and that there was virtually no risk in her routine surgery, but that did nothing to assuage Lola’s fear. Regina knew her best friend better than anyone, and when she saw the opportunity to alleviate her anxiety she did. The night before her surgery Regina gave her a green crystal that hung on a thin silver chain. The amulet had been a gift from Regina’s boyfriend and she had been told that it offered protection. Lola was a big believer in all of that meditation, artsy stuff and Regina knew that the necklace would soothe her and she was right. Lola was thrilled when she received the crystal that night and placed it in her sacred, secret hiding place for safekeeping until the next day when she would put it on just before heading to the hospital. The following morning at the hospital, she realized that she had forgotten the good luck charm and sent Regina to retrieve it from this very place.
Regina swept the dust off the damaged wood panels that lay under the carpet and slammed her fist down hard but quietly on one end of a particular panel, just the way Lola had instructed her to do years ago, the other end popped up just as expected and Regina gave a satisfied breath. There was a small treasure hidden just beneath the surface, a $100 bill, a best friend bracelet that all of the girls had made and exchanged.
Bingo. A violet cloth journal with flowers painted on the front.
Regina reached her hand into the unlit hole and lifted the book into the dim light of the closet. The book was thick and Regina held it up, causing a shower of white envelopes decorated with crimson hearts to flutter to the carpet.
“Regina,” she heard a sweet voice call from the hall. Surprise knocked the wind from her. Suddenly, the woman’s heart was pounding in her ears as she frantically swept the envelopes back into
the journal; she swept everything back into its tomb, replaced the wood panel and let the carpet fall back into its place. Regina tripped over the hamper that she had placed behind her as she tried to scramble through the cluttered space.
“Shit,” she cursed as she threw the hamper back into its proper place just in time to meet Leo at the threshold of the closet. The two greeted with a strong embrace. She sighed restfully, in the comfort that came with having a man wrap you in his arms lovingly; the same sigh half-filled with relief that she had not been caught in Lola’s secret place.
Why do I feel the need to hide it still? She wondered…still feel the need to keep Lola’s secret?
“What are you doing in here?” he asked.
“Just looking at some of her things; her clothes, I loved the way she dressed.” Regina gave a lie and the truth in the same sentence.
“This is just crazy, I know,” He said as if reading her mind.
“I know,” Regina commented. Leo released her from his grip and took her hand, leading her to the bed.
“How are you, Leo?” Regina asked. “I heard that you have a family of your own now,” She prodded sweetly.
“Yes, I do. They’re beautiful,” He said thoughtfully. “I’ll introduce you when we go down. The pair took a moment to smile at one another before having the conversation that was inevitable, but Regina was anxious to begin the conversation only because it meant being closer to the end of the conversation, her stomach was tumbling like a slinky.
“So what do you think happened?” Regina was anxious to know what he was thinking. Leo thought for a long time. He knew what he wanted to say, but he pondered what was appropriate before he spoke.
“Honestly, Regina, I loved my sister, but I just can’t do this again. She is dead, she’s been dead all of this time and despite her body being discovered and all the new uncertainties one thing is still unchanged.”
“She’s dead.” Regina finished his thought sorrowfully and he smiled a smile that lacked any kind of joy, but appreciation of her understanding.
“She’s dead.” He repeated dryly while nodding his head. Leo leaned over, placing his forearms on his legs and dove deeper into his private thought vault. Regina just sat being still in the moment, knowing it was best to leave him undisturbed. Moments later, he lifted and looked inside of her as if he was trying to determine something.
“Do you want to know another reason why I want this whole situation to be done and over with?” he asked. Regina studied his features trying to figure his puzzle.
“Why?” Her voice instinctively dropped to a whisper. She had no idea what Lola’s brother was going to say, but somehow knew that it called for no one outside of this room to hear.
“Because I lied,” he said. Regina’s eyes widened in suspense. “I lied to the police, to my mother, to everyone,” he finished sullenly. A terrified Regina began to pray that the boy who had always seemed like a loving older brother did not have some degenerate side that he was about to divulge.
“About what?” Regina was still speaking in a whisper.
The way Leo stared at Regina made her uncomfortable as if he were laying his eyes upon her body naked. He then looked down, wondering if this was a secret that he was ready to reveal or if it should ever be revealed at all.
“I did speak to her that night, after she left the library.”
“What? What did she say, Leo?” Regina could hear nothing now, but the sound of Leo’s voice as if the two of them were a million miles away from everyone and everything.
Regina could see the tension rising in Leo’s stern face. She teetered on a mental tight rope in fierce anticipation of his next words.
“She sent me a text message. I had gone to bed early that night and the phone woke me up. All she said was that she was going to be home late and to leave the back door unlocked for her. I figured that she was going to try to sneak off to that party. I was so tired I never even got up to unlock the door. I meant to but I fell back to sleep before I could get up. I was just so damned tired.” Leo’s face was beginning to streak with tears as he silently chastised himself.
“When she was not home in the morning, I knew something was wrong, I knew but I never said anything. I never…said…a…word. I was afraid that my parents would blame me, I was afraid that it was my fault, that maybe she had come home and when the door wasn’t open she went somewhere else and got hurt. I was so afraid. Why didn’t I just get up and open the door? I don’t know why I am still keeping this secret. Even now, I can’t tell my parents.”
“It’s not your fault, Leo. Your parents won’t blame you.” Regina assured him. He nodded slightly. Regina grasped his hand tight and pressed her head against his in a sincere gesture of platonic intimacy.
“The guilt just eats away at me. My wife was the first and only person I ever told. After a while, she was finally able to convince me that it wasn’t my fault, but I still don’t have the heart to tell my parents. I still can’t tell the truth.” Anguish was bubbling inside of him. “Does that make me a bad person, Regina?”
Regina was shocked by the question, she could barely speak. She had absolutely no answer for him because she was unsure herself.
Who else was keeping secrets? she wondered.
“No,” she told Lola’s brother. “No, it does not make you a bad person at all.” She consoled him.
“All I want to do is lay her to rest. Grieve this situation. Move on,” he stated as he swept his flat hand through the air swiftly, illustrating the simplicity with which he wanted to complete this chapter of life. Regina nodded in agreement as she looked over the unchanged room again and was not at all disturbed by his cold distance from the heart of the situation.
“It took my mother a year to stop pulling her covers down at night. Once, I talked about Lola in the past tense and she slapped me so hard. I will never forget the look on her face. For a long time, my mother was not my mother; she was the mother of a ghost. Before, we never used to keep the porch light on at night, but after Lola disappeared she started leaving the porch light on every night because it would make it easier for Lola to find her way home.” Leo snickered; he was no longer talking to Regina, but to himself, to his mother and maybe even his sister. “Lola was not coming home, ever and somehow everyone knew that but Mom.” Regina squeezed his hand tighter.
“I wanted to miss her too, you know? But with Mom, there was no room for anyone else to grieve because she took all of the sorrow for herself.” He looked at Regina. “So that’s why I’m here. Hopefully this funeral will lay all of our hearts to rest…finally,” he finished as they began to leave the room.
“Yeah, I hope so too.” Regina told him. They hugged again. “Everything will be OK, Leo. Whatever happened, she is in a much better place now.”
“Regina,” Leo began, but Regina could easily read the worry on his face.
“I won’t say anything,” Regina promised to keep his secret.
In Black Water it seemed that everyone knew something, but no one knew everything, which was the subterfuge that held it together and kept it sick at the same time.
Regina returned to Lola’s family and met Leo’s wife and son. Profusely, she refused dinner in response to their many invitations. The sun was beginning to set and Leo offered to walk her home, even tried to insist, but after assuring him that she needed the time alone, he understood her wishes and she was able to emerge from the home without any dinner and alone. The day had grown into evening and the sun was beginning to fade rapidly leaving the street dark under the added cover of the trees. She trotted down the steps of the porch and was on the street when she turned to see the front porch light of the Rusher home flash to life. She looked up and down the street waiting for Lola, but was strangely disappointed when she did not see the sixteen-year-old ghost bouncing up the sidewalk and just concluded that despite the fact that old habits die hard, once you die, you’re dead.
6
Lasagna was Regina’s favorite and she w
as overdoing it at her mother’s dinner table. After gorging herself on pasta and cheese and TV with the parents, Regina settled in for the night. She was tired but knew her body well enough to know that she would not sleep after the eventful day unless she unwound. Her workout clothes stared at her from her open suitcase on the floor, she undressed and slipped into a purple tank top and cotton leggings. Regina kicked her suitcase into the closet and found a wide-open space on the hardwood floor where she was comfortable. She stood erect and wiggled her toes, feeling them against the hardwood. Regina let her body weight sink into her feet, rooting her to the floor like a strong tree. With her focus on deep breaths in and out, she lifted her arms out to her sides, and then farther until they were pointing toward the ceiling. Regina exhaled deeply as her upper body took a swan dive toward the floor and her fingertips touched her toes. The young woman reveled in the release that she felt while stretching her muscles. Regina lifted her body gracefully, raising her upper body one vertebrae at a time until she was standing erect once again.
Regina coughed lightly noticing a chill in the room. Again, she lifted her arms from her sides with the grace of a ballerina, an angel spreading her worn wings. When her fingertips pointed toward the sky, she exhaled and let her body fall with methodical choreography to the floor until she was touching her painted toenails. Her mind cleared itself and again she began to lift herself from the yoga position when she felt a tremendous weight on her back, she gasped in discomfort, feeling herself being pushed down farther toward the floor. Discomfort gave way to pain as the tops of her palms were now touching the floor and her body was still being pushed lower. Trying to scream, the woman was stifled by a position that kept her from being able to eject a full breath through her throat for sound; instead, she managed only spontaneous awkward squawks. Something was pressing her down farther and farther into an unnatural position that would soon break her. Her palms were now completely on the floor and her upper body was steadily descending, threatening to collapse her upper body completely to her lower body. Regina’s forehead was touching her knees and getting lower with every second that passed. The torture was now excruciating. Regina had lost all control of her body and the only thing that she could give were involuntary gasps of pain. Her blood flow pulsed behind her eyes, she could hardly breathe at all and she heard a pop that initiated from somewhere in her lower back. Only moments away from losing consciousness, suddenly her body released itself, unlocking all of her joints and muscles, and her limp frame collapsed to the floor. Regina’s mother was there holding her.
Black Water Tales: The Secret Keepers Page 6
