by Alisha Basso
“Is this way better, Nik? Is it better for me to find out by being bitten?”
Tessa jumped up from the couch, meaning to put more distance between her and the vampire, but in her weakened state, she stumbled and fell. Nik reached down to help her up, but she snatched her arm away from him.
“Don’t touch me!” she said.
Nik’s lips tightened, but he didn’t say anything. He stepped back and gave her room to rise from the floor and sit on the sofa. He looked down at the floor, not wanting to meet her eyes and see the revulsion he knew he would see there.
“What are you going to do?” she whispered.
He did look at her then. “What do you mean?”
“Are you going to kill me? Now that I know what you are, are you going to drain my blood until I die?”
A growl of anguish came from Nik as he closed the distance between them and yanked her up from the couch. She screamed and tried to fight him, but she was too weak and he was too strong. She finally stopped struggling and seemed to resign herself to her fate. To her surprise, he buried his face in her hair and let out a strangled sob. She felt the hot tears against her cheek, and she felt her heart skip a beat. How was she supposed to handle this now?
“Tessa, I would never hurt you on purpose,” Nik said against her hair. Then he lifted his head and looked at her. “I have to fight against my baser nature, but I can overcome that if you just won’t fear me.”
She stepped away from him. “I didn’t fear you when you were kissing me…you know, right before you started sucking the blood from my body.”
Nik lowered his gaze. “That happened because it was the first time I had been with you, and I was so overwhelmed…I just lost control. It won’t happen again.”
“No, it won’t happen again because I’m not going to be alone with you anymore. In fact, I shouldn’t see you at all.”
He looked at her. “Tessa, I used to be a better man. When I had a soul. It was taken from me, and I want it back. I’m tired of fighting against what I am. I just want to be a normal man again. I can’t find it without your help.”
“Do you really expect me to continue to help you? I’m terrified of you!”
“And that breaks my heart. I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”
“I’m so weak from loss of blood, I can barely stand. In what universe would that not make me afraid of you?”
He moved even farther away from her. “I won’t touch you again. I promise I won’t touch you unless you ask me to. If you’ll just help me find the Book of Sacred Truths so I can find the Cave of the Lights, I won’t do anything to scare you.”
“Just being in the same room with you scares me. Look, I’m going to have to get my mind wrapped around all this. I need to think. My whole world has just turned upside down, and my brain is screaming against the truth of any of this. I want to believe this is a dream that I’ll wake up from. But I know it’s not a dream, and I’m going to have to come to terms with this. I never dreamed there was a world like this within my world. The artifacts I work with should have clued me in to some of it, but I’ve been pretty hard-headed. If it wasn’t for Jan, this would have shocked me even more.”
“I suppose you want me to leave,” he said.
“Yes, I want you to leave. After I think about this awhile, I’ll let you know if I’m willing to help you anymore. But don’t call me or come over. Wait until I contact you, okay?”
Nik nodded in resignation. “I understand. I’m lucky you took it this well, to be honest with you. All right, I’ll leave. But know this. If I don’t get my soul back soon, the darker side of me will get stronger. If that part of me takes over, there are no more promises. I’ll come after you; I won’t be able to help myself.”
He turned and walked out the door, leaving her standing there with her mouth open. With that threat hanging over her head, did she have any choice but to help him? She lay back down on the sofa and curled into a fetal position, whimpering a little. This man she was beginning to care for, the man she wanted with every cell in her body, was a monster. A vampire without a soul. She wallowed in her misery, shedding more tears than she ever had in her life. She cried for an hour, until she finally had no more tears. Then she sat up for a moment before gingerly rising to a standing position. When she knew she could walk without plunging to the floor, she went to the kitchen sink and splashed water on her face. She started to make some tea, but then she spotted the wine glasses on the table. She opened the refrigerator, took out the bottle of wine and carried it over to the sofa. She topped off the wine that was still in her glass and took a large sip. In fact, she topped off her wine several times, until the bottle was empty. She lay back down on the sofa and curled up, hugging a pillow to her chest. The wine made her mind a little more open to her feelings, and she realized, to her chagrin, that she still wanted Nikolas. She hoped he would keep his promise not to touch her because she wasn’t sure she would stop him if he did. In her slightly intoxicated state, she admitted to herself she cared for him no matter what he was. She might feel differently in the morning, in a more sober state, but right now she was being honest with herself. And she knew she would help him.
***
Sorrow pierced Nik’s heart as he sat in his library, nursing a Scotch. It was his fourth one, but it hadn’t yet dulled the waves of despair that coursed through him. He wanted so much to numb his mind, but his memories of tonight were still vivid and painful. She hated him now. There could be no other choice for her. She was good and kind, and she couldn’t care for a monster like him. His only chance at having her was to get his soul back. He realized he loved her. How had that happened? How could he, a soulless vampire, love anyone, let alone a good woman like Tessa? He didn’t deserve her. Even with a soul, would he deserve her?
He was tired of feeling this way! The alcohol wasn’t dulling his senses at all, it was just making him feel worse, opening him up to his own feelings. There was only one thing that would help. He let himself open up to his dark side. He felt the darkness flooding his brain as the anguish lifted from his heart as if it had never been there. It was time to go hunting.
Both girls tasted sweet. They were college students from the local university walking home from a club. He could smell the scent of alcohol and warm bodies, apparently from dancing on a crowded floor. There was no alcohol in the girls themselves, just the residue off of others. When he enthralled them, he was proud of himself. It was hard to hold a thrall on two people for any length of time. And he did take his time. He savored every moment, every pull of blood from their veins. He tasted one, then the other, then repeated the sequence, giving them equal time. He grinned as they whimpered their pain and pleasure; he felt free and on top of the world. Why had he been fighting this?
When Nikolas was sated, he let the two girls fall to the ground. They weren’t dead, but they would be unconscious for a while. Maybe someone would find them and call an ambulance. He laughed when he thought about the shock the paramedics would get when they found the girls with so much blood missing.
“Well, Nikolas, I see you’ve finally decided to join us,” said a feminine voice in the darkness.
Nik grinned. “Marianna. It’s good to see you.”
“You didn’t feel that way the last time we met.”
“Things have changed. I found it just hurts too much to try to keep my humanity. I’m ready to play.”
“Good. Let’s rock.”
Marianna linked her arm through his, and they set off together to hunt. Nikolas felt a moment of unease and the remnants of his conscience tried to break through. He punched the feeling back down and gave himself over to the darkness.
Chapter Fourteen
Tessa was awakened by the ringing of the telephone. She tried to ignore it, but when her answering machine picked up, the ringing would stop, then start over again. Groaning, she reached for the phone on the end table by the sofa.
“Hello?” she said, her voice raspy.
“Tessa? What’s wrong? I tried your cell and you didn’t answer. What’s going on?” Jan sounded frantic.
“I didn’t hear my cell. I don’t know where it is right now. I’m just not feeling well.”
“You didn’t call in. The curator is ranting and raving. Why didn’t you call if you weren’t feeling well? Do you have a stomach ache, headache, what?”
“I don’t know. I just don’t feel well.”
“I’m coming over at lunch,” said Jan.
“No, don’t do that. I’m okay.”
“No, you’re not okay, and I have a feeling it has to do with Nikolas. I’m coming over at noon.”
“What time is it now?” Tessa asked.
“Nine-thirty. You’re an hour and a half late for work. I was really beginning to worry. I can’t believe you didn’t call me.”
“I didn’t even wake up, Jan. I’m so tired.”
“Maybe I should come over now,” said Jan.
“No, I told you I’m fine. Just come over at lunch. And do you mind bringing me something? I’m famished!”
After they hung up, Tessa walked on wobbly legs to the bathroom. Everything was starting to come back to her now, and a wave of sadness washed over her. She realized that part of the reason she felt so bad and slept so long was depression. It was more her mental state than her physical state that caused her malaise. Nik hadn’t taken enough blood to make her feel this bad this morning. At least, she didn’t think he did.
Nik…all the feelings came rushing back, and her legs almost buckled. How could she still feel so strongly about him after what she had learned and experienced? She knew she had to distance herself from him, but her heart wasn’t listening to her head. No…she couldn’t be in love with a vampire. Love? Was that what this was?
She turned on the shower and let the warm water wash over her. When the hot water heater was almost depleted, she stepped out, feeling marginally better. She fixed herself a pot of coffee and curled up on the couch, watching some old movie on TV. It felt good to not have to even move for awhile.
True to her word, Jan showed up a little after noon with bags of sandwiches from a deli close by. Jan set everything out on the kitchen table, and Tessa reluctantly walked over and sat down. The smell of the food perked her up a bit.
“Yum, salami and Swiss on pumpernickel,” she said.
“I knew it was your favorite. Here’s your iced tea.”
The two women ate in silence for a few minutes, but Tessa knew she was just putting off the inevitable. She looked at Jan and saw concern in her eyes, but she had a feeling her friend knew more about what was going on than should be possible.
“Jan, what do you know about Nik?” asked Tessa.
Jan averted her eyes. “Why don’t you just tell me what happened last night?”
“No, I want to know what you know.”
“You mean what I suspect? Okay, here it is. Nik is only around at night. And I had that feeling about him when I first met him. At first, it bothered me, but then I was pretty sure he was no threat. He’s a vampire, isn’t he?”
Tessa looked at her friend in disbelief. “You knew he was a vampire and didn’t tell me? You let me be alone with him last night, knowing he could hurt me?”
“I wasn’t sure he was a vampire. And I could tell he cared for you. He wouldn’t hurt you.”
“Jan, he bit me last night!”
Jan’s faced registered shock. “What? Oh, Tessa, I’m so sorry. I was sure he wouldn’t harm you. All I felt from him was love for you.”
“Love? It didn’t feel like love to me!”
“Didn’t it?”
Tessa stared at Jan for a moment. She didn’t want to admit the truth of what her friend was saying, but it was true, wasn’t it? What she had felt from Nik was raw passion and then remorse. But that wasn’t all. If she was honest with herself, she would admit that the feelings coming from Nik were also love and caring.
“I don’t know, Jan. I’m so confused. I’ve never fallen this hard for anyone so fast. I don’t believe in love at first sight, but there was something about Nik the first time I met him. It was almost like we were meant to be together.”
“And maybe you were,” said Jan. “I believe there is someone for everybody if they will just wait and find that person.”
“You honestly think the person for me is a vampire?”
“Being a vampire isn’t Nik’s fault. What he chooses to do with that is what matters. Right now he’s looking for his soul, isn’t he?”
Tessa nodded. “Yes, I found that out last night.”
“If he wanted to give himself over to his darker nature, he wouldn’t be interested in finding his soul. But you better hurry. His human side won’t last much longer without his soul.”
“So you think I should help him find it?” Tessa asked.
“I don’t think you have a choice. Unless you want a soulless vampire stalking you.”
“How do you know so much about this, Jan? Just how much do I not know about your family?”
“I’m sorry I’ve kept so much from you. I was waiting until I thought you were more open to the idea of the paranormal before I said anything. I hoped working with the artifacts would help you, and I think it did. Maybe you’re ready to understand the paranormal world a little more. But I think you need to learn things gradually. My grandmother shed a lot of light on the supernatural world when we had our talk the other day. But right now, the important thing is to help Nik find his soul.”
“I don’t know where to start, Jan. I have to find the Book of Sacred Truths to find the location of the Cave of the Lights. But I don’t know where to find the book.”
“I think I know someone who can help you. Be ready when I get off from work, and I’ll take you to someone who might be able to help us find the book.”
***
Nikolas awakened at sundown with a coppery taste in his mouth. It wasn’t that unusual; after all, he was a vampire. But something felt different this evening. He rose from his makeshift coffin and went upstairs to take a shower. As he was lathering himself up, he noticed scratches on his body that were just now beginning to fade. What had caused those?
He got out of the shower and went into the kitchen to find something to eat. Eating human food was mostly for pleasure, but sometimes it took the edge off just a little bit when he was really hungry. He found bagels and cream cheese, and decided that would do. His brain still felt a little fuzzy, and he couldn’t figure out what was going on with him this morning.
As he was finishing off his breakfast, all the memories of the night before came flooding back into his brain, and it was so intense, he felt a sharp pain stab his head before finally abating. He remembered the hunt. The pure elation at the fear radiating from each victim. And just how many victims had there been? He had lost count. The euphoria had overtaken him as he and Marianna hunted and fed. Had they killed? Of course they had. When the dark side took over, there was no restraint, no moral issues. They had drained victim after victim, leaving dead bodies all over town. He laughed bitterly. What would the police think when they found all those people drained of blood? He wondered briefly why Marianna hadn’t done this before without him, but he guessed she had hunted in larger cities where she could get away with this more easily.
Nik paced the floor, his two natures warring within himself. Part of him loathed what he had done last night, but another part savored the memories, wanting more. He tried to push that side of him back down, but it wasn’t as easy as it once had been. He roared and swept the breakfast dishes off the table. He tried so hard to hate himself for what he had done. But his baser nature had reared its ugly head, and once again, it took over.
***
Tessa got into the car with Jan and they drove out of town and into the country. Soon, there were no more lights, only the shadowy trees and a long stretch of highway ahead.
“Are you going to tell me where we’re going now?” asked Tessa, annoyed that Jan was keeping
the information from her.
“We’re going to see my grandmother,” said Jan.
“The witch?”
“You say that like it’s an abhorrent thing to you. All witches aren’t bad, you know. They don’t all go around with pointy hats and warts, sacrificing small animals to the devil.”
“I didn’t say that, Jan. I’m just a little scared.”
“Don’t be afraid. My grandma is just a person like anyone else. And she’s a person who might be able to help us.”
When they arrived at their destination, Tessa was surprised at the large, modern house. She didn’t know what she had expected, maybe a gloomy old house, but this was certainly not what she had imagined. They got out of the car and started up the walkway. Tessa noticed all kinds of exotic, tropical flowers and plants.
“Aren’t we too far north for these kinds of plants to grow?” asked Tessa.
Jan smiled. “See? There are advantages to magic.”
When Jan’s grandmother opened the door, Tessa was once more astonished. She was looking at an attractive woman in her sixties with dark auburn hair framing a face that had just the minimum of lines around her eyes. She was wearing jeans and a pink t-shirt, and she flashed a friendly smile, showing perfect white teeth.
“So, Tessa, I get to meet you at last. Jan has told me so much about you. Come in and make yourselves comfortable,” she said as she gestured for the two women to enter.
“What can I get you to drink?” asked Jan’s grandmother as they settled onto a comfortable sofa.
“Do you have any of your delicious orange tea?” asked Jan, hopefully.
“Of course I do,” said her grandmother, beaming.
She went to get the tea, and when she came back, she sat in the chair across from them and asked, “What can I help you with, Tessa?”
“Well, Mrs., um….”
“Please, call me Belinda.”
“Okay, Belinda. I’m looking for a book. It’s called the Book of Sacred Truths.”
