by Derek Landy
“I don’t know.”
“This conversation is the only thing delaying your pain. It’s in your best interests to prolong it.”
She swallowed. “I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve heard so much about you, but not... not what you were like. I expected someone...”
“Scary?”
“You are scary.”
“Violent, then?”
“Yes. Maybe.”
“I am a changed man. During the war, I was violent and bloodthirsty. When the war ended, I was violent and ruthless. During my reign, I have been violent and unyielding. Wherever I walk, I leave bloody footprints. But no more. Violence spreads misery, and I have grown tired of misery. Your friends in the Resistance, I would like to meet with them to forge a treaty, to go forward in peace.”
“I don’t have friends in the Resistance.”
“We both know you stand against me.”
“But I don’t know anyone in the Resistance. I’m not from here, you said it yourself.”
“Yet you have been noticed, Valkyrie. We noticed you, twice in the last few days. I’m sure you’ve come to the attention of the Resistance also.”
“No, I’m telling you, I haven’t met any of them.”
“Don’t take me for a fool, Valkyrie. I’m extending a hand in friendship.”
“I’m sorry, I don’t—”
Mevolent’s mouth twisted into a snarl beneath his veil and Vengeous struck Valkyrie across the face. She fell to her knees.
“I try to be kind,” Mevolent murmured. “I offer an olive branch instead of a sword, and this is where it gets me. Insulted. Mocked.”
“I wasn’t mocking you.”
“You expect me to believe that someone like you has not caught the attention of the Resistance?”
“Maybe I have,” she said, “but they haven’t been able to find me. I don’t want to join the Resistance.”
“You’re lying to me.”
“I’m not, I—”
“Of course you are. You have to. You’re lying because your life is in danger. You’re lying because I could order Baron Vengeous to snap your neck and there’s nothing you could do to stop him, is there? Well?”
“No,” she said. “There isn’t.”
“So of course you’re lying. I expect you to lie. It’s only natural. You will lie until you run out of lies, and then you will tell the truth until you run out of truth, and then you will start lying again, telling us what you think we want to hear. We know this. It’s inevitable. It’s what happens. You will be no different to the hundreds, to the thousands, to the tens of thousands of people we’ve questioned.”
Valkyrie kept her eyes away from Mevolent’s face. She was fully aware of how close Vengeous stood to her. It was times like these, back in her own reality, that Skulduggery Pleasant would break down the door and stride in with a joke and a bullet. God, she missed him. God, she wished he were here right now. What she wouldn’t give to see that door open and the Skeleton Detective walk—
The door opened. Mevolent’s head moved slightly, his mouth twitching. A shadow at the door. Footsteps. Familiar footsteps. Skulduggery’s footsteps. A smile broke across her face. He’d found her. He’d used Nadir to follow her over and he’d found her and—
He emerged from the doorway and Valkyrie’s heart sank. Blood drained from her face and she suddenly got so very cold.
“Oh, no,” she whispered, as Lord Vile moved to stand beside the throne, his black armour lapping at the air around him.
rskine Ravel was like one of those old movie stars, all dashing good looks and easy charm. He was, and Elsie had never actually used this word to describe anyone, simply captivating.
And Ghastly was so completely and utterly cool. She’d been shocked at first, when she’d seen his scars, but she couldn’t remember anyone who made her feel quite so safe when she was in their company – her dad, maybe, back when she was a little girl, but that was it.
They walked by those grey-clad men and women, and she caught sight of her reflection in the visors of their helmets. Walking alongside Ravel and Ghastly, she suddenly realised how ridiculous she looked. Fat, ugly, wearing clothes that she’d once thought disguised both of these facts. These were exceptional, magnificent people she was around, and who was she? Take away the powers she hated and she’d be back to being a nobody.
They approached a blue wall of energy, on the other side of which four people in robes hovered a little off the ground with their eyes closed. Elsie was suddenly struck by how amazing this all was.
One of the men smiled, though his eyes didn’t open. “Erskine,” he said. “Ghastly. Aren’t you two busy enough? Don’t you have a crisis to control?”
“We’re never too busy for old friends,” said Ravel. “We just thought we’d come down, see how you were, see if you needed anything. A snack. A magazine. Maybe a bathroom break.”
“You can’t stop Argeddion.”
“Who said anything about Argeddion? I didn’t even mention his name. I wasn’t even thinking about him. But since you’ve brought him up, Tyren, you are absolutely right. We can’t stop him. Not without your help.”
Tyren’s smile widened. “You really think we’re going to lift a finger against him? After what we did? He deserves freedom.”
“Years ago, yes, he did. You made a mistake, and you weren’t the only one. Meritorious should never have agreed to your plan. But now? It’s too late. The point can be argued that you made him into exactly the kind of threat you feared, but I’m not one for assigning blame. That’s not how this Council of Elders works. We are all about redemption, though, and this is your chance to redeem yourself. Elsie O’Brien,” Ravel said, “I’d like you to meet Tyren Lament. Tyren and his friends have been infected with the same magic as you. Tyren, say hello to Elsie.”
Tyren Lament turned his head slightly, as though he could see her through his eyelids. “I thought I recognised a kindred spirit. Hello, Elsie, how are you today? You know, by rights you should be over here on this side, with us.”
Ghastly raised his eyebrow at her. “Well? It’s up to you.”
“Uh, no,” she said. “No thank you. No offence, sir, but you’re... you’re kind of creeping me out.”
Lament laughed, and the other robed people chuckled. “Fair enough, fair enough,” said Lament. “So is this your tactic, gentlemen? Bring a lovely young lady down to us just so she can make fun of our sandals?”
“This isn’t a tactic,” said Ravel. “We just thought Elsie would like to see the first people gifted with a slice of Argeddion’s power. What do you think, Elsie?”
She hesitated. “Am I going to end up like them?” she asked quietly.
“No,” Ghastly said, shaking his head. “Argeddion’s been controlling their will for the last few years, that’s why they’re like this.”
“It’s really not as bad as it sounds,” Lament said.
She peered at him. “But how do you do things? How do you talk to us? Is he controlling what you say?”
“That’s not really how it works. Think of it like this – ages ago, Argeddion sat us all down and had a conversation, and during that conversation he made us see that we were wrong, and he was right. Whether or not we were wrong, or he was right, is completely irrelevant, because now it’s what we believe. That’s what it’s like.”
Elsie frowned. “So you know you’re being controlled? Why don’t you try and get free?”
“Because we don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because we don’t have to want to.”
“Why not?”
“Because Argeddion has taken that want away from us.”
“I don’t... I don’t want to insult you,” said Elsie, “but I don’t think I could live like that. Don’t you want to be free just for the sake of being free? There has to be some part of you that wants to do whatever you want to do.”
“No,” Lament said, “there isn’t.”
“I dou
bt that’s entirely true,” said Ghastly. “Our Sensitives have noticed a weakening in the link you have with Argeddion. The longer he spends away from you, the less control he has. Do you feel it? The weakening?”
“I’m dreadfully sorry,” Lament said, “but no, we can’t feel any such thing.”
There was a girl to Lament’s right, a small blonde girl, and she raised her head. “I can,” she said.
Lament turned his head a fraction. “Lenka?”
The girl, Lenka, hesitated. “I can feel it. Argeddion’s control is fading.”
The man at the other end of the line nodded. “I can feel that, too. I’ve been having my own thoughts recently. A strange sensation.”
“Interesting,” said Lament. “Do all of you feel this?”
“I feel a change,” said the other man, the man with dark skin. “Not quite at the level of Kalvin or Lenka, but a definite change. At this rate, it’s conceivable that we all break free of his control completely over the next day or so.”
“All of us?” Lament asked.
The man smiled. “All of us.”
Lament looked happy. “Now that is interesting. Freedom, eh? Well, I’ll be looking forward to that, even if I don’t particularly want it.”
Lenka grinned. “But might the fact that you’re looking forward to it be the first sign that you’re achieving it?”
“Lenka,” he said softly, “you’ve just blown my mind.”
Ghastly looked back at Elsie, and shrugged. “And this isn’t even the weirdest conversation we’ve had this week.”
Redhood took her to the dungeon beneath the Palace, to where darkness was kept at bay by only a few sputtering torches in rusted brackets. The cells were open and prisoners lay within, most of them too damaged or weak to attempt an escape. Those who were strong enough were chained to the walls. The stench of pain and filth and terror made Valkyrie’s eyes water and brought bile to the back of her throat.
The shackles that bound her wrists were in turn bound to a long chain in an empty cell and that’s where the Redhood left her. She covered her nose with her hands and breathed through her mouth.
“You get used to it,” said a voice.
There was a man in the cell opposite. He had long grey hair and a long grey beard and looked like he’d been there for a long grey time. His body was bony and old, and he hung from his wrists but didn’t seem to mind the discomfort.
“The smell,” he said. “You get used to the smell. A few days here, you won’t even notice it.”
Valkyrie walked to the door of her cell and looked at him in the gloom. Her mouth opened but she didn’t know what to say. Someone was crying. Someone else was muttering. There seemed to be a light-hearted conversation going on somewhere in the dark, and she wasn’t entirely certain that it was between more than one person. She bit her lip.
“You’re trying not to panic,” the old man said.
A ghost of a smile rose from within. “Yeah,” she answered.
“Keep trying,” said the old man. “You’ll panic soon enough, but at least you’ll know you did your best. Most people panic immediately when they’re brought here, and I think it’s the embarrassment that gets to them in the end.”
There was something about him, something about his voice, that suddenly clicked in her mind.
“Grand Mage?” she asked, frowning.
Eachan Meritorious laughed. “Grand Mage? No one’s called me that for a very long time. You must be older than you look, my dear. What’s your name?”
“Valkyrie,” she said. “Valkyrie Cain. What... what happened to you?”
“I’m afraid you’re going to have to be a little more specific with your questions.”
Her chain was long enough to allow her to step into his cell. “You weren’t always like this.”
“That’s very true,” he said. “Sometimes they hang me upside down.”
“That’s not what I mean.”
“They think it’s funny. I suppose it is, in its limited way. When you’re a guard in a dungeon, you have to make your own fun, don’t you? So, tell me what you did to get thrown in here. Not the most original topic of conversation for a dungeon, I admit, but I’m afraid I’m a little behind on current affairs.”
“I tried to help someone.”
“A noble gesture.”
“I tried to help a mortal.”
“A futile gesture. Why ever would you want to do something silly like that? These cells are filled with noble and silly people like you, plus the mortals they tried to help.”
“Grand Mage, I’m not from here.”
“Sightseeing, are you?”
“I’m not from this reality.”
“Hmph,” said Meritorious. “This place didn’t take long to send you round the bend.”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I’m not judging you, my dear. Some of my best friends are crazy.” He nodded to the corner. “Take Wallace, for example. He’s crazy as a loon, aren’t you, Wallace?”
Valkyrie frowned. “Uh, there’s... there’s no one there.”
Meritorious sighed. “That’s what we long-term prisoners call dungeon humour. You learn to appreciate it after a few years.”
“I’m not crazy, and I’m not lying. I’m from another reality. Look.” She took out her phone and showed it to him. “This is a phone. See the screen? That’s not magic, that’s technology. That’s mortal technology. Have you ever seen anything like it?”
“No,” said Meritorious, “but that might be because I’ve been stuck in this dungeon for the last few decades. What does it do?”
“It lets me talk to people that aren’t here.”
Meritorious looked unimpressed. “We can all do that, my dear girl.”
“Yeah, but they answer me.”
“I’m sure they do.”
“But not in a crazy way,” she said, getting irritated. “It’s for communication. I can talk to anyone around the world with this.”
“Wait, wait, wait,” Meritorious said. “Are you talking about a telephone? My dear, I’ve seen a telephone, and while progress is a wonderful thing, there are some inescapable truths. If that is a telephone, then where are the wires?”
“It doesn’t need any.”
“And yet you say it’s not magic?”
“Telephones don’t need wires any more.”
“Then how does anyone hear you? And how do you dial? Where are the numbers? It’s a very small object to be capable of doing many wonderful things, don’t you think?”
“It does much more than that,” Valkyrie said, opening up a game and showing it to him.
His eyes widened. “What wonder is this?”
“It’s called Angry Birds. Now do you believe me?”
He took a moment. “Mortal technology, eh?”
“They’ve been allowed to flourish,” she said, pocketing the phone. “A Dimensional Shunter sent me here. In the reality I’m from, Mevolent’s been dead for a very long time. Without him enslaving everyone, civilisation has evolved.”
Meritorious nodded. “And this, these Angry Birds, is the pinnacle of mortal evolution?”
“Uh,” she said. “It’s one of them, I suppose...”
“Astonishing. Please forgive my scepticism. From what I know of Shunters, the applications for their powers are limited. The chance of any Shunter even finding another dimension that is liveable is quite remote, never mind a dimension that has run almost parallel.”
“I know how rare it is,” said Valkyrie, “but this guy managed it, and he sent me here.”
“Unfortunate, to say the least. And in your world, Mevolent is dead?”
“Yes. You were there when he died. You were part of it.”
He laughed. “Well, that is heartening to hear. At least some version of me didn’t fail. And you know that version of me, do you? I’m still Grand Mage in your world?”
“You were,” Valkyrie said after a hesitation. “Then you died.”
“Ah
.”
“Bravely.”
“So, in the dimension where good triumphs over evil, I’m dead. And in the dimension where evil triumphs over good, I’m in a dungeon. I can’t help but feel slightly aggrieved. Existence, it seems, is a harsh mistress.”
“I think it was Mevolent. That’s the one big difference. In my history, he died. In yours, he didn’t. And then he took over, and everything changed from that moment on.”
“Well, as you can see, in this dimension, he won the war,” said Meritorious. “He either killed or imprisoned those who fought against him. Some escaped his clutches, but not many. From what I’ve been told by my fellow prisoners, the Resistance is not quite as strong as one might believe.”
“If he’s so powerful, how come he hasn’t brought the Faceless Ones back?”
“Thankfully, he hasn’t been able to. Some secrets are still beyond him.”
“What about the Book of Names? Can’t he use it to find out whatever he needs? Or he could just find out his true name, and eventually he’d be so powerful he’d just have to want them to come back and they’d be here.”
“All true,” Meritorious said, nodding. “But the Book of Names has been safely hidden away, and I’m the only one who knows where it is. Why do you think he hasn’t killed me yet, the same way he killed Morwenna and Sagacious?”
“Sagacious Tome?”
“The bravest man I ever met. They tore him limb from limb and he still wouldn’t betray me. Does Sagacious live, in your world?”
Valkyrie thought about going into detail, then decided against it. “No,” she said. “Neither of them does.”
“My poor friends,” Meritorious said. “But at least for them it’s over. He tortures me every few months now. I’ll never tell him, of course, and his psychics will never be able to break my mind. I think he tortures me more out of habit than anything else.”
“But he has Teleporters, doesn’t he? And if he has Teleporters, then he can just open a portal once he has the Grotesquery.”
“I’m afraid I don’t know what a Grotesquery is.”
“Oh,” she said. “Well, in my history, Vengeous found the remains of a Faceless One and it was later used as an Isthmus Anchor to—”
