“It’s not like that,” she said with a deep resignation.
I stared at her and said, “Then why? Why did you leave?”
She looked down for a long moment while she tried to gather her thoughts. “You wouldn’t understand. I am sorry though.”
I snorted and shook my head. “Try me, I’m not a complete idiot. I really want to understand.”
She looked up from the ground and sighed heavily. “I don’t know. It was a ton of things. But I guess it all boils down to seeing my life slip away. I was living everybody’s idea of the life I should live but it wasn’t me.”
Holding my breath, I waited for more. Would I finally be able to answer the question that had been tearing my guts out for the last two years?
She saw my doubt and continued on. “I was Doctor Jensen’s wife, Amy Jensen’s mother.”
“Was that such a bad thing?” I asked.
“No,” she said with a sad smile. “Especially being your mother. No, but was it enough? What happened when you left for college? What then? Where did I find my happiness then?”
My gut tightened up. “I’m sorry we weren’t enough for you.”
“Oh honey, you were never the problem. Even your father wasn’t the problem. Not really. It was something else. Something inside of me that was searching for more. For meaning.”
“And did you find it? The meaning? The happiness? Was it worth it?”
She started to bring her coffee cup to her mouth then froze as my question hit home. Slowly, she shook her head and said, “I don’t know. Probably not.”
My world wobbled. Had she really said that? Had she put my father and myself through all this pain. All this self-doubt for nothing? Somehow, that almost made it seem worse.
“Well, don’t look for meaning around here.” I snapped. “We’re not the same people we were before you left. We aren’t here to make you feel better about yourself. I refuse to be pulled into that trap.”
She sighed heavily as my words sank home. “Okay, message received.”
My emotions were flickering all over the place. This was my mom. A bond that couldn’t be broken no matter what she did. Yet things had changed, I realized. She was her own person. Did I really have a right to be such a witch about things? Couldn’t I just let it go?
Of course, my mind drifted to Luke. What would he say? I could well imagine him telling me to just go with the flow and see how things worked out. Then he would pull me into a hug and I would know the world was good again.
“So, the dance? Did you have fun?” My mother asked as if I could easily share my innermost fears and issues. And then I realized that I wanted to. I really wanted to share my troubles with Jenny and Willie Dawson and of course, the feelings for Luke. Everything he made me feel and wish and hope for.
But, being the smart girl that I am, I opened with the safe topic of Jenny. I told her about falling for my best friend’s brother and him falling for me and Jenny discovering us kissing.
Mom winced and bit her lip. I knew that look, that was her look she gave me when I had done something dumb.
“What?” I demanded. “Should I deny my feelings? Should I just do what makes Jenny feel good and go through life miserable.”
She slowly shook her head, “No, of course not.”
My stomach turned over when I realized how similar our problems where. But they weren’t the same. Jenny wasn’t my daughter.
“So, this Luke,” she said. “It must be pretty serious if you risked your friendship.”
My stomach fluttered as I sighed heavily and started to tell her about Luke. About how he saved me in the forest. About his history. How kind and gentle he could be, yet firm and strong at the same time. How he made me laugh and made me feel special.
She looked on, a secret smile pulling at her lips as she occasionally nodded, urging me to tell her more. And I did. I found myself babbling. As if a thousand thoughts had to be let out before they choked me to death.
When I was finished, I took a deep breath and looked at her from under my brow.
She smiled softly and said, “He sounds like a combination of Prince Charming and the Beast. A very dangerous mix. Especially for a girl like you.”
“What do you mean a girl like me?”
Mom took another sip of coffee. “An intelligent, kind, beautiful girl who likes a challenge. In my entire life, you have never taken the easy way. And believe me, A boy like this will never be easy.”
“It won’t be boring,” I snapped.
She smiled as she nodded, “There is that.”
My insides turned over. Was she right? Was this overwhelming attraction to Luke just a matter of my wanting a challenge? And if so, where was the obstacle to be overcome? Luke was already perfect. No, she was wrong. There was more to it than that. Much more.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Amy
Monday morning was intense, to say the least. My stomach felt like a washing machine on high spin speed cycle as I waited for Luke and Jenny. I had decided to wait for them at my locker. Jenny’s was right next to mine. She couldn’t avoid me this way.
When I saw them approaching, my stomach tightened up as I held my breath. Luke shot me a quick smile that was laden with more sadness than I wanted. He obviously hadn’t been successful in turning her around.
The crowd parted and Jenny caught my eye. She looked right through me as if I wasn’t even there. My heart stopped. She hated me and always would. I had secretly hoped it wouldn’t be this way. Somehow, I had hoped that she could get beyond it all. That she could forgive my betrayal.
Pushing past Luke, she marched up to her locker. The anger and hate radiating off of her was like a physical force field. Scorching everything it touched.
“Hi Amy,” Luke said with a sad smile. The poor boy, he’d probably been dealing with this tension all weekend.
“Hi Luke,” I answered but kept an eye on Jenny, waiting for her to acknowledge me. To yell, scream. Anything would be better than this cold silence.
Jenny pulled her books out and slammed the door shut before stomping off to her class. I watched her go with a deep sadness.
“Don’t worry,” Luke said as he slipped an arm around my shoulder. “She’ll come around.”
I snorted as I sank into his embrace.
“Come on,” he said as he pulled me to start towards our classes. As we separated, our hands naturally came together. It was impossible that they wouldn’t. I couldn’t stop myself from touching him.
Taking my hand in his, he smiled down at me with a tenderness that melted my insides. He knew I was hurting and wanted to fix it. He’d storm the gates of hell itself if it would make my life better but he couldn’t change his sister.
Life was so unfair.
“Hey, I’ve got this Saturday off. Do you want to do something?” he asked.
It took me a moment to realize just what he was saying. We could do anything. We no longer had to pretend otherwise.
I shrugged. “What do you want to do?” I asked. I didn’t really care as long as we got to be together.
“I don’t know. We could go into Seattle and do something. Just the two of us. Away from all this … stuff.”
Leaning into his arm I squeezed his hand and said, “Yes, that sounds wonderful.”
“Good,” he said. “I’m working every night this week. Mr. Parker has got me tearing down an old shed and then he’s got a load of hay coming in. So, I can’t spend time with you during the week. And next week during the Christmas holidays I am working all day every day except the 25th. So, Saturday is our only chance. Do you want to do something?”
I nodded as I continued to hug his arm.
As we walked, I began to notice the stares. People, by which I mean, other girls were staring at us with open jealousy and bewilderment. Obviously wondering why someone like the great Luke Prescott was interested in someone like me.
All I could do was bask in the feeling that I had won life’s lottery. Tha
t, somehow, I was special because Luke wanted me. Out of all the other girls in this world, he wanted me. I’ve got to be honest. It was a bit of a head rush. This sense of specialness. A mix of pride, joy, bewilderment, and hope.
“I’ll see you at lunch,” Luke said as he leaned down and kissed me quickly.
My heart skipped a beat as his lips touched mine. Would it always be this way? I wondered as I fought to stop my knees from giving out.
He smiled one last time then turned to hurry to his class on the other side of the school.
I watched as his wide shoulders disappeared into the crowd. My heart hurt from the loss of his touch. His mere presence made my world better.
The bell rang and Mr. Anderson shot me a quick look as he got ready to shut the door. I hurried inside while the misery of Jenny’s hate fought with the love of Luke. Life was so unfair. Why couldn’t I just bask in the happiness? Why did something always get in the way?
.o0o.
Luke
My week was lost in a cloud of thoughts and wishes. There was the whole issue of Jenny. She wasn’t exactly giving me the silent treatment. But she wasn’t real happy about it either. No, the real problem was between her and Amy. A fact that tore at my guts.
I knew she’d eventually come around but I just had to give it time. If I pushed too hard too fast, she’d go the other directions just to be ornery.
Besides the whole Amy – Jenny issue. I had to keep an eye out for Willie Dawson. I’d seen that look he shot me at the gas pump. We weren’t done, that look said. He hated me. There could be no doubt. Not only had I embarrassed him in front of his brothers. I’d done the worst thing possible. Put him in debt. A debt he could never repay.
That feeling could worm its way into a guy’s soul. Knowing that he’d weaseled out while I had stood firm. It was poisoning him. I could see it. What is more? I think he could too. But he didn’t know how to fix it. Not as long as I was out there walking around, free. A silent reminder to the world that I’d fought and come out the other side without turning on him. He knew deep down that he wouldn’t have done the same thing and it was eating him alive.
So, when I knocked on Amy’s front door early Saturday morning I was surprised when her mom answered. Amy had told me all about her mom coming back for the holidays
She was a good-looking woman in her early forties. I could see where Amy got her looks.
“Hello, Mrs. Jensen,” I said. “Is Amy here?”
She smiled at me and gave me a quick once over as she opened the door and invited me in. “She’ll be right down.”
I nodded as I swallowed hard. I hated this whole parent thing. Especially Amy’s mom. What did I say? What was out of bounds? I realized I couldn’t tell her how much I loved her daughter. That opened too many questions. And It was obvious I couldn’t ask her anything about where she had been for the last two years and if she realized how much she had hurt her daughter. Even I wasn’t that dumb.
Amy stepped out of her room and raced to the head of the stairs. She was dressed in a heavy pea coat with her hair pulled back by barrettes. She shot me a quick smile and skipped down the stairs two at a time. Obviously eager to start our day.
“We’ll be home late,” she said to her mom as she wrapped her arm through mine. We were halfway out the door when Amy’s mom pulled her back for a quick hug and to whisper something in her ear.
Amy blushed for just a second then hugged her mom back and joined me.
“What was that all about?” I asked as we walked down the driveway to my truck.
Amy laughed and waved her arm, obviously not wanting to tell me. I shot her a quick look reminding her that we didn’t keep secrets.
She shrugged, “She just said that now she understood a little more.”
I frowned as I tried to figure out what that was all about. Obviously, I’d never understood. Shrugging it off I opened the door for Amy then hurried around and jumped in. Amy buckled herself in next to me and sighed silently.
We smiled at each other and we were off. Away from the drama and pain of our home life. Just the two of us facing the world.
“So, what do you have planned for the day?” she asked.
“Well, we’ve got a ton of choices. We could hit the Seattle center, they’ve got a blues festival going on. Or the Music Museum. The Farmers Market is always pretty cool down on Pike. And then there is always the ferries. We could take one over to Bainbridge and walk around.”
She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter to me. As long as we get to do it together.”
I smiled, the woman thought just like I did. “How about a nice ferry ride?”
She nodded as she hugged me.
I sighed internally. As I pulled onto the highway bound for heaven.
When I parked under the viaduct, we hurried over the trolley tracks and up to the ferry terminal. There was no need to take the truck. We weren’t going far on the other side.
The cry of seagulls and the smell of salt air reminded me that we weren’t in Everton anymore.
The day had the typical gray overcast of December in the northwest. A nice chill with a hint of possible snow. The kind of weather that kept the tourists away.
We raced hand in hand up the stairs and into the ferry terminal just in time to catch the next boat. Once onboard, Amy pulled me outside on to an upper deck as the cars loaded three decks below.
“I want to see it all in real life. Not looking through a window. That’s like seeing it on TV.”
I laughed as I followed her to a bench in the middle. We had no sooner settled in than the ferry gave a long whistle blast and the engines kicked in. Amy snuggled down under my arm and the two of us watched the city disappear behind us.
“I love you,” she said out of the blue.
I frowned down at her. “I love you too,” I said. To me, it was sort of obvious. But a hint of fear reared its ugly head in the pit of my stomach. I loved her so much. But how could this ever work? How could I give her all the things she deserved? How could I help her live the life she was born to fulfill?
The thought had no sooner begun when Amy leaned up and kissed me. Erasing all fear and hesitation. This was the person I was meant to be with, Nothing else mattered. And while the fear was shoved aside. It wasn’t destroyed. It was pushed into a corner. But I knew it would come back.
Sighing heavily, I hugged Amy while we watched the world drift away.
A seal pulled himself up on a buoy and barked at us as the ferry rocked just enough to remind us that we were on the water.
“Do you ever get afraid?” Amy asked. “I mean terrified of the future and what might happen?”
“What, you mean like Mount Rainier exploding and covering us in lava? Or a bubonic plague leading to a zombie apocalypse? That type of thing?
She elbowed me in the ribs and shot me a hard scowl.
I laughed and shook my head. “Oh, you mean us to type future.”
She nodded without looking at me.
“Sure, I wonder about it, worry about it. Only like every day all day. But other than that, not much.
Amy laughed and snuggled in closer.
“I figure we will meet it when it comes. Whatever it is. In all honesty. I am amazed I have today with you, too much to worry about tomorrow.
“That’s sweet,” she said as she leaned up to give me a quick kiss.
“Yeah, well don’t tell anyone.”
She nodded as we returned to watching the city shrink. We fell into a comfortable silence. Just the two of us. No one else in the world could take that away from us. That feeling of togetherness. Connectedness.
This is the meaning of life, I realized. Really, it was that simple. Become connected with someone like Amy and work to make their life as great as possible. What more could a person want out of life?
When we got to the other side, we spent the afternoon exploring the small town of Bainbridge. Walking hand in hand, checking out little shops and art galleries. We argued over which was
better, abstract paintings versus seascapes. The two of us grew closer by sharing. Leaning things about each other. Expanding our awareness of the world itself.
We stopped at a diner and had clam chowder served in bread bowls then shared a piece of the pie. Both of us agreed that the pie wasn’t as good as Sam’s.
That afternoon was special. One of those days that recharged our batteries. That reminded us what was good. What was special.
As we boarded the ferry to head back to Seattle, Amy asked me if we could go to my house before I took her home. I frowned at her, silently asking why.
“I need to fix this with Jenny,” she said with a heavy sigh. “I can’t go on with this hanging over my head.”
“I don’t know,” I said. “It might be too early.”
She shrugged her shoulders, “I have to try.”
Sighing heavily, I nodded. What else could I do? Amy wanted to try and fix it. All I could do was hope she was successful and be there for her if she wasn’t.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Amy
The day had been so special. Why did I want to risk ruining it? What was driving me to face Jenny? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t let the matter rest.
When we pulled into the farm my stomach began turning flips. How should I do this? What if it made things worse? She was right, I had betrayed her. I couldn’t even go in there and say I hadn’t been wrong. Deep down, I knew she was right and I was wrong.
As Luke turned the truck off, he glanced at me and raised an eyebrow as if asking me if I was sure I wanted to enter the lion’s den.
I smiled up at him with my most assured smile but my insides rumbled with doubt. As I looked out, I caught sight of Bailey looking over the corral fence, chickens pecking in the yard and trees in the distance. This place would always be special to me. A second home. But I had ruined it by falling in love with my best friend’s brother.
Nellie greeted us as soon as we stepped out of the truck. Her tail wagging a mile a minute. I scrunched down to hug her around the neck. She sank into my embrace like I was a long-lost pack member. One of the family.
My Best Friend's Brother (Hometown Heroes Book 3) Page 15
