“I don’t think so. My mom said they hadn’t even tested the mind-transfer beam yet. They were going to run some experiments on smaller stuff before they tried it on any of the robots.”
“Smaller stuff? You mean like a toaster? Were they going to transfer someone’s mind into a toaster, Kelvin? That would be great, you know. Then I could just tell it to make my toast darker instead of changing the setting. Just think of the time I could save if I didn’t have to—”
“Knock it off, Rand-El. Look, we’re all a little panicky right now.”
“A little panicky? A LITTLE?! We’ve been sucked out into space, in the middle of nowhere, stuck in a robot foot, headed for who knows where, with no way to tell anybody what happened! I’m a lot panicky right now, Kelv. A LOT!”
“Well, somebody must be up in this thing’s head controlling it. Maybe they’re just taking it out for a test flight or something. It looks like these ladders might go all the way to the top. Somebody should climb up and take a look.”
“I’ll go! I used to climb stuff way higher than this back home.”
“After what we saw in Coach Ed’s class, I don’t doubt it. Be careful, though. And don’t let whoever is driving this thing see you—we have no idea what they might be up to.”
Chapter 36
Am I one heck of an evil genius, or what? I said they would open the door and let me walk right out, and that’s just what they did!
All I had to do was use a little laser to set fire to a bin filled with electronic equipment. Galactic Academy of Scientists, my fuzzy-tailed behind. More like the Galactic Academy of Simpletons!
I should be arriving at the planetoid shortly. Once Zurton is in view, I’ll use the robot’s energy detection scanner to locate the all-powerful Zorb. And because my new plushy body’s not actually alive, it can’t harm me!
Zarfloots! It’s great to be me!
They thought I wasn’t worthy of being on their scientific team-that I wasn’t as smart as they were. And yet here I am, so close to achieving my diabolical goal I can taste it! And it tastes GOOD! Like baked beans! With little cut-up hot dog pieces in it. And a squirt of mustard on top.
Soon, very soon, the universe will be mine to command. And I will have all the baked beans my evil heart desires!
Chapter 37
There’s a scuffling sound from just out of sight. It’s Zot. She’s on her way back down. When she gets to about the tenth ladder rung from the bottom, she jumps off, does a flip, and lands in the middle of the rest of us.
“Well?” Gil asks. “What did you find out?”
Zot tells us what she overheard about the Zorb. And how we’ll all die if we get too close to it. And that whoever is driving the robot intends to get VERY close to it. Super. Why doesn’t an asteroid just land on our heads while we’re at it?
“And it sounds like he’s planning to use the Zorb to take over the universe,” she adds.
“So it’s a he?” I ask.
Zot thinks it over for a second. “Well, it sure sounded like a he. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned since I’ve been on the space station, it’s to never take anything for granted.”
Don’t I know it.
“This is bad. REAL BAD! Why did I ever let Kelvin talk me into sneaking into the lab in the first place?”
“What? This was all your idea, Rand-El. I was happy to just stay home tonight and play with Lightyear.”
“Well, that’s not how I remember it. Not that it matters. It sounds like we’ll all be dead in a few minutes anyway.”
“We’ll be just fine. Or did you forget—we happen to have Kelvin with us. He’ll think of something to get us out of this mess. Right, Kelv?”
“Uhh… about that…”
“In fact, he probably already did.”
“Well, I…”
“I mean, there’s NO WAY the smartest kid in the entire universe is going to let his pals die a horrible and gruesome death, am I right?”
That’s it! I can’t take it anymore. If this is the end, then there’s no way I’m going down lying to these guys. And if that means they don’t respect me anymore, fine. If they only liked me in the first place because they thought I was smart, so be it. It’s not like I’ll have to spend much time being friendless anyway, the way things are going.
“Okay, look, everybody—I’ve got a confession to make. I’m not really a Mighty Mega Supergenius. I mean, I hope to be someday—I expect it to kick in at some point, but it definitely hasn’t yet. And I’m really sorry for leading everybody on since I got here. And I understand if you all hate me for lying about it. I wanted to tell you all sooner, but the whole thing just kept growing and growing and turned into such a big deal that I was too embarrassed to let the cat out of the bag.”
“Ha, ha! Kelvin are not smart!”
“Hey, that’s all right, Kelvin. Heck, I might not be as handsome as I think I am, either.”
“Definitely not. And there’s no way Zot can be as peppy and cheerful as she tries to make us all believe.”
“Okay. Bad example.”
“Wait a minute! This is all real sweet and everything, but with Kelvin turning out to be a dud in the smarts department—”
“I wouldn’t say ‘dud,’ exactly—”
“Whatever. The point is, who the heck is going to get us out of this mess now?!”
“Yeah! Rand-El is right! When this robot lands near the Zorb, we’re all going to turn to goo. I don’t want to turn to goo. I’m a strictly non-goo kind of guy!”
“I don’t know. It might be kind of fun! Well, except for the being-dead part, I mean.”
I guess they really were counting on me to get us out of this jam. And why wouldn’t they? I was the smartest kid in the universe, after all. With that out the door, though, everybody’s starting to lose it.
“All right,” I say, “let’s try not to panic. We need to take this one step at a time. And the first thing we need to do is make sure this robot doesn’t land anywhere near that Zorb.”
Rand-El looks at me with scrunched eyebrows. All six of them.
“And just how are we supposed to do that, Mr. Genius?”
And that’s what I was afraid of. Although the “Mr.” part was a nice touch.
“I don’t know,” I say. “But I know someone who does.”
“And who might that be?” Rand-El asks, his eyebrows scrunching even more.
“Him,” I say, pointing toward the corner.
Rand-El looks confused. “Brian?” he says. “You mean the guy playing twiddly toes over there? He’s going to get us out of this mess?”
“Sure,” I say, “we just need to calm him down so his brain grows.”
Now Rand-El looks more mad than confused. “Calm him down? Out here? Brian gets stressed out when he has to pick between regular and low-fat snorge slices at lunch!”
“We have to take his mind off the situation,” I say. “Can anybody sing?”
Zot leaps to her feet. “Grimnee can! She’s great! She was the choir in the talent show last month!”
“You mean she was in the choir,” I tell her.
“No! She was the whole thing!”
Grimnee jumps to her feet.
Even with her helmet on, she sounds fantastic. It’s like a whole bunch of voices are coming out of the same mouth.
“How does she do that?” I ask Zot.
“She told me she has four throats. She can even eat and sing at the same time. When she has a cough, though, you do not want to be anywhere close.”
It seems to be working! Brian is just staring at Grimnee, and his brain is beginning to pulse. And grow. I never really watched too closely before. It’s pretty gross. When his brain has grown to the point that it completely fills his dome, Brian speaks.
“We need to disrupt the robot’s propulsion system and force it into an emergency landing. The odds that we’ll be far enough from the Zorb to remain safe are extremely high.”
“Oh yeah?” Zot says. “
How high?”
“About thirteen percent,” answers Brian.
Zot looks confused. “Only THIRTEEN PERCENT!”
Brian grins. “Just kidding,” he says. “I thought the mood needed a little lightening up around here. The odds are actually closer to ninety-three percent.”
I walk over to Gil’s bubble. “You see that electronics panel over there?”
“Yeah,” he says. “What about it?”
“Get it wet. That should shut down the propulsion system in this entire leg.”
Now it’s Spotch who looks confused. “Wait a minute,” he says. “I thought you said you weren’t that smart.”
“Well, I’m smart enough to read that sign,” I say.
Gil looks excited. “Okay. I’m on it!”
The huge thrust cylinder in the robot’s leg begins to shudder. Then sputter. And then it stops completely. It worked!
Brian nods his enormous-brained head approvingly. “Nicely done! There should still be enough control left with the right-leg propulsion unit for the robot to make a somewhat safe emergency landing on the planetoid.”
“Somewhat safe?” Rand-El asks.
“Eighty-seven percent chance,” Brian answers.
With only one leg thruster working, the robot’s flight becomes very unsteady. We’re having a tough time keeping our balance. Well, except for Zot.
Another idea pops into my head, and I stumble over to Brian to bounce it off him. He nods again, and this time the enormous weight of his brain nearly makes him topple over. Once he regains his balance, he heads off toward a huge junction of switches and cables.
A red emergency light is flashing, and a warning alarm is going off. We must be getting close to the planetoid.
“Okay, everybody,” I shout over the noise, “when we touch down, we need to get out of here right away and find cover.”
A third idea just popped into my head.
Chapter 38
And sitting somewhere on its surface is the Zorb! I should be close enough now to pinpoint its exact location.
I probably shouldn’t say this, because I’ve been burned before, but-no! I better not. Best to wait until I actually have the Zorb in my possession this time before I get all braggy and full of myself. Surely I can hold it in another few minutes and then… and then… AHH, THE HECK WITH IT!
I am about to become the most powerful being in the universe, and (don’t do it, you’re just asking for trouble) NOTHING CAN STOP ME! BWAHAHAHA!!!
Why me?! Seriously, is it really asking all that much to become an all-powerful being and rule the entire universe?
How did this happen? All systems were go when I left the space station. It just doesn’t make any sense! Somebody out there must not like me.
And yet, all may not be lost! If I can manage an emergency landing on Zurton without causing too much damage to the robot, I should still be able to make it to the Zorb. Even if this robot has to crawl to get there. And then NOTHING WILL STOP M-good gravy! Will I never learn? Seriously, what is wrong with me?
Uh-oh. The planetoid is coming on fast! It will require every last ounce of my diabolical brilliance to make this work! It will take all the fiendish cunning I can muster to safely stick this landing!
Or I suppose I could push that button over there.
It’s working! The robot is nearly on the ground. Just a hundred feet more. Fifty. Ten. Touchdown!
What madness is this?! Those appear to be children! And if I’m not mistaken, one of them is… no! It can’t be! It’s that Klosmo boy! He must be the one who sabotaged my robot! Well, I know one member of that infuriating family that will never interfere with my plans again!
The robot’s mobility system needs a few minutes to reboot. But then those helmeted hooligans will wish they had never crossed paths with Erik Failenheimer.
Ten minutes later…
That will teach you to interfere with the universe-conquering plans of Erik Failenheimer! BWAHAHAHA!!!
Once I retrieve the Zorb, perhaps, PERHAPS, I’ll come back and free the little doofuses. They can have the privilege of being the first to kneel before my awesome might.
The scanner says the Zorb is up on that distant plateau. I’m so excited I think I’ll run!
Chapter 39
“Whoa! That could have been us under all that rubble!”
“As long as whoever is in that robot thinks it was, we should be okay for now.”
“Good boy, Lightyear! Those copies of us were spot on.”
“Are you okay, Lightyear? It looked like you were having a little trouble spitting out that Grimnee look-alike.”
“Yeah, I think he’ll be fine. But I can’t believe he ate that much rock in that short of a time.”
We were lucky to get out of that mess, but now we have even bigger problems. No one back at the space station knows where we are. Our oxygen supply won’t last forever. And then there’s still that little issue of a maniac in a giant robot who wants to rule the universe.
“It’s great that we disabled the thruster and all,” Rand-El says, “but that robot can still walk over and grab that energy thingy without it. As a matter of fact, look over there!”
We all look in the direction Rand-El is pointing. Then we all squint in the direction Rand-El is pointing. Gil finally says what we’re all thinking.
“I don’t see anything.”
None of us do. But none of us have the long-distance vision of Rand-El’s top set of eyes, either.
“Well, I can see him. He’s about ten miles away and he’s running toward that plateau.”
“Just keep watching,” says Brian, “and let us know what happens. Kelvin and I left him a little surprise.”
Rand-El climbs onto a nearby rock to get a better view. “Okay,” he says, “the robot has reached the plateau. Now it’s climbing up the side. It’s on top now, and I can see a glow coming from the ground in front of him.”
“It must be that Zorp thing, or whatever it’s called.”
“And now it’s reaching for the Zorf! That’s just great! We’re all doomed!”
“Keep watching.”
“What the heck? The robot just blasted off into space! Without the Zork!”
“Excellent,” Brian says. “Before we fled from the robot, Kelvin had me set the propulsion system in the right leg to turn on after a brief period, run for thirty minutes, and then shut down. Forever.”
“Wait a minute,” says Zot. “If you could control the leg thruster, why didn’t you just fly us back to the space station?”
“All I could do from the boot was set the thruster to turn on and off at specific intervals. There weren’t any controls. And it wouldn’t have mattered anyway. With only one thruster operational, there is no way to control the robot’s flight from the command dome, either. Our would-be universe conqueror will spend the rest of his days drifting aimlessly through space in a busted-up robot.”
Busted up?
“Without having nothin’ to do or anything.”
What’s going on here?
“I like pancakes.”
Oh, right. Grimnee stopped singing a little while ago, so Brian must be stressing out again. Not that it really matters. Even brilliant Brian wouldn’t be able to help us now.
“Hey, Grimnee. Start singing again. We need smart Brian to get us off this stupid planetoid.”
“What’s the point? Unless his brain suddenly sprouts thrusters, there’s nothing he can do to get us back home. Let’s face it—we’re stuck here!”
“Stuck here? We can’t be stuck here! I have homework corrections to turn in to Ms. Gassias tomorrow or I lose half a point. A WHOLE HALF A POINT!”
“Don’t worry about it, Gil. You’ll have an excuse.”
“I will? What?”
“You’ll be dead.”
“He’ll need a note for that.”
“Hey, guys, cheer up! We DID save the universe, you know. And quintillions of living beings. Kelvin, you might not be a genius, bu
t you sure came through under pressure.”
Yeah, I guess so. But it wasn’t just me.
“Thanks, but everybody did their part to help out. Even Lightyear. I might not be a Mighty Mega Supergenius—yet—but together I think we proved we’re even better. I mean, Zot’s right—we just saved the universe!”
“Yeah, that’s great and all. But it doesn’t change the fact that we’re still stuck on this planetoid! And running out of oxygen! And no one even knows we’re here!”
Sci-Fi Junior High Page 7
