“Har, har, very funny, Nick.” I emerged from the bedroom with a pair of jeans and the polo from the night before. Nick smirked at me and handed me a coffee cup.
“You're grumpy in the morning,” Nick observed as he sat on my couch.
“I didn't get much sleep last night,” I mumbled while I sipped my coffee. Nick's eyebrows shot up, and I mentally scolded myself for my choice in words.
“Wow! Jake moves fast. You guys knocking boots already?”
“Nick, you can be so sweet. Why do you choose to be an asshole?” I glared at him over my coffee cup.
“Oh, well, I'm sorry. I just thought…”
“No, that's not what happened.” I sipped my coffee while Nick waited, properly chastised. I knew now he would wait until I spoke, if nothing else because he didn't want to piss me off anymore. I took a few sips and savored the hot liquid before meeting Nick's gaze.
“The suspense is killing me,” he muttered before sipping his coffee.
“Why? You've been kissed before, what's the big deal?”
“Because, dude! It's your first time! It's the kiss all others will be judged by, and somehow found lacking! It's total magic.” He was almost whining. I giggled.
“It wasn't magic at all. I've imagined kissing plenty of other guys, Jake among them of course. But I really wasn't prepared for this.” I furrowed my brow. “I don't think anything really could have prepared me.”
“Yeah?”
I nodded as I thought back to `the kiss' as it would forever be known in my head. Some people describe such things as `electric' or some equally clumsy term. Magic didn't really cover it either. I don't think anything really matches up to the heights to which love can bring you.
“Nick, he was so gentle and loving…I was so worried I wouldn't do it right…Nick, I'm in love.”
“Love? Are you sure about that? You haven't known Jake all that long.” Nick's face was set in a slight frown.
“I feel so wonderful when I'm around him. He makes colors seem brighter and jokes funnier.” I gave Nick a meaningful look. “There is nothing on this earth sexier than Jacob Sheridan.”
“Wow. I guess red is his color?”
“I couldn't sleep last night.” I got up and went to the window looking down on the sparse foot traffic below. “How could I? Not after he was here, not after he has become this…beautiful thing in my life. No, I couldn't sleep. I studied the street in case he changed his mind. I don't know if I am ready for everything, but I know when it happens…no magic could ever match it.”
“That was…almost poetry.”
I looked at Nick. “That's what he does to me. My God! I am so sappy! How am I supposed to do anything knowing Jake is out there? Do you have any idea how hard it was to let him leave? I wanted him to stay. I really did. I was still a little bit scared...I don't know what to do in bed. I'm still afraid I'll disappoint him somehow.”
“I think you'd have to work really hard to disappoint Jake at all.”
“I'm still scared.”
“Yeah, love will do that to you. My Jake was like that, but I'm thankful he still loves me anyway.”
“Oh God,” I moaned while I stretched and decided it was time to change the subject. “What've you got planned today?”
“I was thinking of inviting Steve to dinner. I would like you to stay here though, since you and Jake seem to think of dinner as fashion rather than food.”
“Remind me again why I like you?” Nick just smiled and sipped his coffee.
* * *
I put it off as long as I reasonably could. I put away the laundry from the day before, which I had carefully hidden in the bedroom closet. I cleaned the kitchen, erasing any remaining evidence of the tryst in chicken sauce. Dishes dried and put away, threadbare carpet vacuumed…I just couldn't avoid it any longer. I was honestly surprised they hadn't called yet.
I imagined Charlie bugging out and my dad restraining himself from calling to set a good example for Charlie. I smiled a bit at that. It really was a cute picture of a caring family. I fished out my phone card and called home.
“Hello?” Sheridan, Dad's `significant other', answered. I always call him that `cause I tell him he's too old to be someone's `boyfriend'. He's actually pretty cool, a couple of years younger than Dad. It was funny how they met. Sheridan was a delivery man for a local bakery and my dad was making the most obvious stares. I kinda, sorta clued Sheridan in and he finally stayed for a cup of coffee with dad. Next thing we know, we added a new member to the family.
“Hi! Can I speak to the lady of the house?” I asked in my best telemarketer voice.
“Sure, hold on.”
There were some sounds in the background, feet moving and my dad picked up.
“Hello?”
“That's great, Dad. I asked Sheridan for the lady of the house and he gets you instead of Charlie.” I laughed into the phone.
“Oh yeah? He'll get his, or rather he won't be getting any!” Dad yelled for Sheridan to hear. I giggled.
“Okay brat, tell me all about the date and Mr. Wonderful.”
“First, his name is Jake, and that's not to imply he's not wonderful `cause he is.”
“Okay, well, does Jake have a last name?”
“Yeah, it's Sheridan. Jake Sheridan. Sounds like he'd fit right in, doesn't he?”
“Cute. Tell me more about him and your date.”
“Well, Jake is about four inches taller than I am...”
“Isn't everyone?” Dad snorted.
“You want to hear this or not?”
“Okay, okay. I'm sorry. Go on, please.”
I made him wait a second or two before I started again. “He has blue eyes, real sky blue eyes. His hair is dark blond, some lighter streaks where the sun bleached it a little. It's not really long, but it does fall in his eyes sometimes…”
“Okay! I get the picture. He's a beauty. How was dinner?”
“Um, it all tasted good. I followed the cooking instructions just fine,” I dissembled.
“So what happened? Did he like it?”
“Yeah! He thought it was really good.” Dad remained silent for a few moments, and I imagined I could hear the wheels turning in his head.
“There is something here you aren't saying. I just know it. Something you mentioned last night…” He sounded as if he were trying to remember something.
“Well, no, not really.”
“Kody…”
“Okay, alright. I dumped dinner on the kitchen floor.”
“How…” he chuckled, “How did you manage that?”
I sighed deeply. This would be told at family gatherings for the rest of my life, I was sure.
“The table cloth snagged on my belt, and I pulled it all clean off the table. Made a total mess.”
“Oh, Kody…I'm sorry, Son. It sounded like it was going really well up to then.” I was somewhat mollified that he had stopped giggling and turned serious.
“It kind of worked out,” I said with a smile.
“How's that?”
“Well, I was cleaning it up and he came over to help and slipped in the sauce and…sort of fell on me.”
“Fell…on you?”
“Yeah, like, whole body kind of thing. We were giggling and then….he kissed me.”
“On the kitchen floor?”
“Uh huh.”
“Lying on the remains of dinner?”
“Yep. Right there.”
“And?”
“It was beautiful. In fact, I'd say it was perfect.”
“Kody, that's great. He better be good to you `cause I'll get on a plane and—” Dad started to gear up but I jumped in to defend Jake.
“Dad, Jake isn't like that. He's really sensitive and…well, sometimes I feel like I'm the one with the strength, you know?”
“You have a ton of strength. I just want you to be happy.”
“I am. He's made me so, so happy.”
“I'm glad. Charlie was really worried things wo
uldn't work out, but if you dumped dinner and ruined his clothes and still got a kiss out of it, I guess it all worked out.”
“Yeah, it sure did.” I smiled at the thought.
“So, did you stay in your ruined clothes all night?” Dad asked lightly. My senses, however, were on high alert. He was fishing for something, and if I wasn't careful I'd be in a ton of shit.
“No, we changed…” I said slowly.
“Where?” he asked in a leading tone.
“In a phone booth, just like Superman, Dad.”
“There's no need to get snotty.”
“Dad, I got kissed, not laid,” I sighed.
“Okay, fine, blame your dad for caring!”
“Yeah, my dear old dad!” I giggled.
“Oh, you'll pay for that one. I guess I can take this computer right back to the store.”
“No, no! Don't do that! I could really use it for school!” I turned from giggly to whiny in under a second.
“I'll try to remember that, if my Alzheimer's isn't too bad. Who are you again?”
“Dad!”
“Love you, boy. Here's Charlie before he wets his pants.”
The phone rustled as it changed hands and Charlie burst on the line. He'd obviously been right next to the phone listening.
“He kissed you?” he asked excitedly.
“Yeah, he really did.” I smiled to myself at his enthusiasm.
“Aww, man! Yes! That's awesome! Was it worth it all, Kody? All that stressing and worrying?”
“Totally, Charlie. He's so sweet. He doesn't mind that I turn into a klutz around him. You should see him in red. He looks good in blue, but red makes him so, so sexy!”
“If he can take you being klutzy, man, you are all set. Grab onto him and never let go!”
“I have absolutely no intention of letting him go anywhere!”
“What's this about dropping dinner on the floor?” I rolled my eyes and retold the story for him, which ended not in his giggles but in a heartfelt sigh. “Kody, that is just about the most romantic thing ever. Things like that never happen for real. He's really special.”
“Yeah, I know. I've been trying to tell you guys that since school started.” I laughed.
“Does he live on campus?”
“Yeah, the Mohawk dorm. His friend Erin is the RA there. She's pretty cool too.”
“What's his phone number?”
“I don't know. Why do you want his number?”
“So I can make sure he'll be good to you, of course!”
“Even if I had it, forget it!”
“Kody, how am I supposed to protect you if you won't tell me what I need to know? Okay, fine, be that way.” He sighed. “So listen, I want a picture.”
“Charlie, I don't have a camera.”
“So?”
“They take pictures, remember?”
“Go to the mall. They have those cheesy things that take three for five bucks. I just want some pictures!”
“Why is this so important?” I was starting to like the idea, though. I wouldn't mind having some pictures myself.
“I want to rub it in Andy's face that you got someone better! Plus, I want to know what my brother-in-law looks like.”
“Charlie, I don't think you need to rub it in Andy's face,” I scolded him.
“Yes I do. That was fuckin' wrong what he did.”
I sighed. Andy was the last time I got shot down big time. He was blond and kind of small like a woodland elf or something. I adored him, did anything he asked right down to gophering for the band he was sort of managing. They needed a venue to play in for a kind of a concert. I told them to see my dad. Above everything else he's a soft touch when it comes to me or Charlie. He knew I really wanted Andy, but he also knew there was no way to tell me Andy was in love with someone else, so he agreed.
Things were going well. Andy looked wonderful, and I was hoping to have a really good talk with him after the show and tell him how I felt. What I didn't realize was that everyone could see how I felt, and Andy decided to tell everyone that he didn't love me like I did him—in front of the whole place, right before a song he learned to sing for me, I guess. I wasn't there for the song. I was upstairs with my heart breaking. I thought at the time it was all over.
Andy broke my heart and embarrassed me. Some people snickered the next day, which only added to my feeling like a loser. I couldn't bring myself to face Andy or the band after that, though Charlie was pretty vocal on my behalf and had a couple unexplained cuts and bruises shortly thereafter. Some big brother I am. He goes and defends whatever honor I had.
I felt differently now, of course. Jake had validated me and made me feel as though I could find some happiness, could fall in love and not be afraid. I understood what Andy thought he was doing, but I still can't forgive the way he did it, or the looks I got afterward. Sometimes, when I am at my lowest points, I feel like I'm worth no more than those looks implied I was. In Jake's arms, Fort Knox can't match what I am worth.
“I'm gonna get going, Charlie. I love you man.”
“I love you too.”
* * *
I avoided work that day. I knew they would be itching to hear about every detail but for now, I just wanted to see Jake. I walked up the street, kicking myself for not having gotten his phone number. If he kept it on the tip of his tongue, or in his tonsils I would have found it! I weaved through the foot traffic and crossed the street to avoid the Morning Rush's windows. I walked on to the quiet campus where some students milled about and others walked along on errands.
I approached Mohawk dormitory with a spring in my step and a smile curling my mouth as I thought of seeing Jake. I opened the door to see a squat girl with black hair sitting on the corner of the on-duty desk. She was talking to Roy, who was looking…shy? What was he up to?
“Hi Roy.” I waved to him as I walked towards the elevator.
“Hi, Kody,” he said distractedly, his full attention on the girl in front of him.
“Excuse me, are you a resident here?” the girl questioned.
“He's okay, Jen. He's Jake's boyfriend.” I started slightly at Roy's rumbling explanation.
“Oh, you mean the Jake Erin's always talking about?” She smiled. I tried to smile back, but I felt weird. Roy was explaining to someone my status, one that Jake hadn't really said I had achieved yet. What if Jake just wanted to be friends? What if he didn't want to date me, like, be a boyfriend? Suddenly I was filled with self doubt, and loathed it.
“You're ok with gays, Roy?” Jen asked him.
“Um, yeah. Jake's a good guy. He's my friend. He likes Kody, so he's my friend too.” Amazing. He made things sound so simple.
“Points in your favor, Roy.” She smiled at him. Would this elevator ever get here?
“Yeah?” Roy smiled. The doors slid open as she smiled at him. From the looks of things, Roy had made another friend. I just hoped for his sake she wasn't a lesbian.
The elevator creaked and groaned to the third floor, and I was happy to be off of it. Next time I was taking the stairs. I found Jake's room. Two stars on the door read `Jacob' and `Foster'. I wondered if he had a cute roommate. He'd never mentioned what his roommate was like. I felt a stab of jealousy. Some other guy was sharing a room with Jake—my Jake.
I knocked on the door and waited, letting my jealousy evaporate under the glare of my self doubt. Jake had never said we were a couple. If he has something going on with this guy then I could just butt out. No need to be the boy on the side or anything. The door swung open to reveal Jackhammer Face from the party. He didn't look pleased in his boxers and tee shirt, which showed that he was indeed a strapping, if ugly, specimen. At least all thoughts of Jake fooling with him left my head, replaced by thoughts of my imminent death.
“What?” he grumbled.
Okay. So it didn't look like he recognized me.
“Um, is Jake here?” I managed. My heart beat violently and thoughts of flight filled my head.
; “You his…boyfriend?” The word hung in the air—not quite soiled, but not quite clean either.
“Yeah, that's him Foster,” Jake's voice sounded from my right.
I turned towards the sound of his voice to see his smiling face, fresh from a shower it would seem from the damp hair. That wasn't the only thing I noted. His blue eyes were sparkling, contrasting against his tan skin—a lot of tanned skin. He was only wearing shower sandals and jeans, with a towel draped over his arm. Droplets of water beaded here and there on his taut skin, smooth flesh that seemed flawless in my eyes. His chest was defined, there were definitely muscles there, but a bodybuilder he wasn't. His stomach, while not your typical fantasy six pack, was flat and thoroughly inviting, sending my mind off in a million naughty flights of fancy. A small line of hair marched rigidly down from his belly button only to disappear under the waistline of his jeans.
Breaking Masks Page 21
