“What? I can't tell my boyfriend he's cute but he can tell me?”
“Jake, everyone thinks you're cute—straights, gays, stray animals. Jesus! I think I saw a Honda get boned up in the parking lot!”
“Kody, that's so not fair. I can't control what anyone else thinks, but you are damn cute, and I know I'm not the only one that thinks so. Besides, maybe the Honda wanted you.”
“No, you.”
“No, I'll bet it was you.”
“I don't think so, Surfer Boy.”
“I do, Coffee Boy.”
I looked into his eyes, his smiling face, and just smiled back. I am so lucky. We walked the mall some more, checking out music and movies in one store, and then I spent forever in the video game store. I know I was wearing him thin then, but I am such a game junkie! He tolerated it with a smile, but I figured I had to be pushing my luck at that point. I spotted one of those booths where you put in a dollar or two and it turns out a couple of pictures, so grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the machine.
“You really want to do this? It's kind of corny.”
“Come on! Quit trying to be so masculine. Besides, my brother wants a picture of you.”
“Couldn't you just describe me?” Jake continued as I fished in my pocket for cash.
“I did, that's why he wants the picture.” Jake just laughed. I knew he had to know he looks good, but I wonder if he knows just how good? Or maybe it was just me.
We climbed into the booth and it started to talk to us, corny stuff mostly, but we mugged for the camera and saw our pictures on the screen in front of us. It waited for you to approve the shot before printing it. The last one was one of us kissing, and I swear it was all Jake's doing. We were having so much fun, I fed the machine more money and we did it again.
* * *
On the way home, we decided to get some food, and stopped at the Chinese place I'd gone to a few nights before. We chatted idly, with small touches clearly showing affection to anyone who wasn't blind. Come to think of it, I suppose we looked like any new couple falling in love. There it was again—that `L' word. I kept finding it creeping into my thoughts when it came to Jake, but did I really know what that was?
We carried our food back to my apartment, stopping for a movie at Deja View before stepping into the dark lobby of my building.
“Don't you pay enough in a month to allow for a new light bulb?”
“More importantly, why isn't my boyfriend trying to grope me in the dark?” I quipped back. I heard him speedup like he was chasing me and then his fingers dug one of my sides as I ran up the stairs, giggling, with him right behind me. Music poured out of Nick's apartment, and I told Jake about Nick having Steve over for dinner and not wanting us anywhere near.
After getting settled on the couch and finding something to drink, we put the DVD in and relaxed with our food. A funny thing happened though, something I hadn't expected because is was so, I dunno, domestic. Once the food was gone and we were leaning back on the couch, his arm slipped over my shoulders. I leaned into him, curling my legs up onto the couch and lying on his shoulder. Our sides were touching, and he stroked my back lightly while we watched the movie. This seemed to be so completely natural that it never occurred to me until much later that it was a comfortably intimate act that I could willingly repeat for the rest of my life.
I was dozing happily, the crappy movie long forgotten in my utter hedonistic enjoyment of Jake's warmth, when he stretched under me.
“I guess I better get back to the dorm. I have classes tomorrow.” Jake yawned.
“Can't you stay?” I asked slowly.
“Oh...” Jake looked slightly embarrassed and I felt silly.
“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to put you on the spot,” I said as I sat up. He grabbed my shoulder and gave me a quick kiss before drawing away to look me in the eye.
“You didn't. It's just, I want to do things right and not rush into...you know.”
“I didn't mean stay for sex,” I said quietly while looking down at my hands.
“Kody, listen to me, please?” I glanced up at him and found I couldn't look away from him.
“I've made a lot of mistakes. You don't know everything there is to know and I just—I want to take it slow. I want you, God knows I do. I like that we have so much more than sex in common. It feels kind of like when Killian and I first met, and we still love each other you know? I want us to last and...I'm just afraid of making a mistake.”
“I want you too,” I whispered. “I just want you to stay with me. We spent all day together without having sex, can't we sleep and do that too?”
“I dunno.” He smiled. “You're a lot to resist.”
“I just felt so comfortable here on the couch with you...I guess I'm just being dumb.”
He took a deep breath. “No, you're not. I'm just afraid, okay?”
“Okay,” I sighed.
I walked him to the door, where we lingered in a kiss. Well, we lingered in several kisses truth be told, and then...I was closing the door behind him. I sighed deeply and laid my head against the wood of the door, heart racing and my breathing shallow. I knew realistically that waiting a little while was the right thing to do. I was still afraid I'd do something wrong in the bedroom, something so comical I'd never live it down. But Jake was the first boy I ever kissed, and right then, I knew I wanted him to be the last boy I ever kissed.
Chapter 15
Breaking Masks
Josh Aterovis and Dave Dabeagle
© 2004
"Jake"
I awoke the next morning to the sound of the phone ringing. Who could be calling this early? I wondered groggily. I felt blindly for the phone—which was kept on a stand between my bed and Foster's—until my hand brushed it. I scooped it up.
“Hullo,” I bleated into it, my voice froggy from sleep.
“Jake?”
“Mom?”
“Did I wake you up?”
“Um, yeah, actually...”
“Are you sick?”
“Huh? No.”
“Then why are you still in bed.”
“Still in bed?” I sat up and focused my bleary eyes on the clock-radio, only to find it blank. “Huh? The clock isn't working. What time is it?” I picked up the clock and frowned at the swinging cord. It had somehow gotten unplugged.
“It's ten-thirty,” Mom said.
“Ten-thirty! I should be in class. I can't believe I slept that late!”
“Did you have a late night last night?”
“Well, kind of, but not that late!”
“Jake, is something wrong?”
“What? No, nothing is wrong. Why?” Most conversations with my mother tend to be a little confusing. It's not that she's scatterbrained; it's just that her mind seems to work differently than most people. She has a way of cutting right to the point, even if no one really knows what the point is yet.
“I don't know. You've been on my mind a lot the last few days, and it's been mostly positive feelings and thoughts, but then, this morning, I woke up and something felt wrong.”
“Well, for once your feelings must be off because nothing is wrong. In fact, things have never been better.”
“So school is going well?”
I laughed. “Yes, Mom, school is going great. I'm doing well in all my classes, even the unbelievably boring philosophy.”
“Are you getting along with your roommate?”
I looked down at the unplugged end of the clock. I had suspicions about how that had happened. “Well, I wouldn't say we're friends or anything, but we're tolerating each other.”
“Are you making friends?”
“Yes. I've met some really nice people. One of which is an RA for my building, I think you met her the first day. The tall red-head? Her name is Erin. She's really great. And several other people as well.”
“Anyone in particular?”
“Mom, I'm fine. Really.”
“So there is someone special!”
“Are you going to tell me about him? You can't leave your poor mother hanging like this.”
“Well, it's all kind of new yet so I don't want to jinx it...”
“Jake,” she said warningly.
I laughed. “His name is Kody and he's totally unlike anyone I've ever met before. He's so sweet and...innocent. It's almost like he's been sheltered from the real world or something, but at the same time, he's really smart. He's so cute! He has dark brown hair that he wears kind of spiky in the front, and these amazing gray eyes. And he's so little!”
“Slow down,” she chuckled. “How'd you meet him?”
“Apparently, I ran into him the first day on campus, but I don't really remember that. The first time I remember seeing him was at this great coffee shop off campus.”
“You and your coffee...”
“Yeah, anyway, he works there. I thought he was really cute, but I didn't know if he was gay or what. So we didn't really talk for quite a while, except for small talk at the café. Then one night we were both at the same party.”
“It wasn't a wild party, was it?”
“Mom, I'm doing great. I didn't drink at all.”
“But other people were drinking?”
“I'm sure they were all over twenty-one.”
“Right, and I'm the Easter Bunny. So what happened?”
“Well, Kody had a little much to drink—”
“Is Kody over twenty-one?”
“Are you going to let me tell the story or not?”
“Well, you just said—”
“No, he's not over twenty-one, but it was the first time he'd ever really drank alcohol so he got drunk fast. Plus, he's so little. Anyway...so he drank too much, and Foster, my roommate, started picking on him, calling him a fag and stuff.”
“Your roommate is homophobic?” I could hear the PFLAG mom coming out.
“I took care of it, Mom. Everything has been worked out. Don't get all activist on me. So, Foster was calling him names and Kody, being well dosed with liquid courage, jumped him. Foster is huge, like at least two of Kody, and one punch pretty much laid the poor kid out cold.”
“It was a wild party!”
“That was the only wild part. Anyway, Roy, another friend of mine who's even bigger than Foster, took Foster back to our room, and I helped Kody back to his. After that, Kody was really embarrassed by how he'd acted at the party, so he avoided me for a few days before I finally cornered him at the café and we cleared the air. Then Friday night, we both ended up at this concert in the park.”
“Was there drinking there?”
“Mom, it was a public concert. I don't know if there was drinking or not. I didn't monitor the whole crowd. No one I was with was drinking. Can I continue now?”
“I'm your mother. I worry. Go on.”
“We ran into each other at the park, although I think maybe Roy had a hand in that, and we ended up spending the evening together. We even danced. Then he cooked dinner for me Saturday night, and we spent all day together yesterday.”
“It sounds like it's going well so far. So when do I get to meet him?”
“Right after the wedding.”
“Jacob Sheridan!”
“We just started dating, Mom. Do you think I can give him a little while before I introduce him to my mother?”
“I guess that's okay,” she teased.
“Gee, thanks.”
“Do you have a good feeling about him, Jake?”
“About Kody? Yeah, I really do. I haven't felt like this about someone in a long time. Not since Killian, really.”
“Do you love him?”
I paused. “I think...I'm falling in love with him.”
“Then he must be something special.”
“He is. I even told him a little about my past, and he still likes me—not everything, though. I'm not quite ready for all that yet.”
“Just don't get hurt, Baby.”
“Mom, I'm growing up now. You can't protect me forever.”
She gave a short, bitter laugh. “It's not like I've done a very good job of protecting you in the past.”
I felt a sharp stab in the heart. “Nothing that happened was your fault. You've done the best you could for me. I made those decisions for myself.”
“I know. We've been through all the counseling. In my head, I know that. Sometimes, though, I just feel like if I'd only paid more attention, acted sooner...”
“Mom, I'm okay now. That's all that matters.”
“Okay now...” she repeated in a soft voice.
“Mom?”
“Are you sure everything is okay?”
“Yes. Everything is fine. I promise. Hey, I gotta go. I need to go get ready for my next class. I don't want to miss another one.”
“Okay. Jake, if something was wrong, you'd tell me, right?”
“Of course.”
“Good. Call me if you need me.”
“I will. I love you.”
“I love you too, Jake.”
I hung up the phone and smiled down at it affectionately. My mom might be a little kooky, but I'm damn lucky to have her. I couldn't believe I'd already told her about Kody. We hadn't even been boyfriends for two days and my mom already knows. Boyfriends! That's what we were now. I reveled in the word for a minute, just enjoying the sound of it in my head. Kody was my boyfriend. What a difference a weekend could make.
I snapped myself out of it. I didn't have time to stand around and daydream! I grabbed some clothes out of my dresser, and was halfway out the door when the phone rang again. I started to ignore it, but then I thought that it might be Kody. I ran across the room and snatched up the receiver.
“Hello?”
“Uh, yeah, hi. Is Jake there?” I didn't recognize the voice, but it sounded like a kid.
“This is Jake.”
“Jake! Hi!” His voice brightened considerably.
“Um, who is this?”
“Oh, sorry. This is Charlie, Kody's brother.”
My heart stopped as I thought of Mom's phone call. “Is something wrong with Kody?”
“Huh? No. I mean, not that I know of. He was fine when I talked to him yesterday.”
I breathed a sigh of relief. “So, uh, how did you get my number?” I couldn't remember giving it to Kody, but then again, he had hunted down my dorm. He was almost as good a detective as Killian.
“Oh, I tried to get Kody to give it to me but he said he didn't have it. Why he doesn't have his boyfriend's number, I don't know. Anyway, he mentioned that you lived in the Mohawk dorm, so I just called campus directory, called Mohawk, and asked the girl who answered what your number was. She didn't want to tell me at first, but when I told her who I was, she gave it to me right away. Oh yeah, and I was supposed to tell you that Erin says hi.”
I laughed. “I see. That was very, er, clever of you. So, to what do I owe the honor of this call?”
“Well, you know, I had to check you out—make sure you're worthy of my brother.”
He sounded so serious that I fought down the giggle his words prompted. “You don't trust Kody to take care of himself?”
“Let's just say he hasn't had the greatest luck with guys in the past.”
“Yeah, he said something like that.”
“He's been hurt pretty bad and I'd just hate to see him get hurt again.”
“I think that's great that you look out for your brother like that. I can promise you that hurting Kody is the last thing in the world I'd ever want to do. I've never met anyone like him. He's just so sweet!”
Charlie giggled. “He said the same thing about you.”
“Really?”
“Uh huh.”
“So what else did he say about me?”
Another giggle. “Sorry, but there's no way I'm going there. Kody would kill me.”
/>
I laughed. “Can't blame a guy for trying.”
“Right. So, what's going on with you and Kody?”
“What do you mean?”
“What are your intentions toward my brother?”
I stifled another laugh. I couldn't help picturing a stern, mustachioed father grilling his daughter's prospective suitor. “Well, I guess I intend to be the best boyfriend I can possibly be.”
Breaking Masks Page 23
