After a few minutes of silence Kath clears her throat. She’s the first person to speak. ‘What happened next Hannah?’
I don’t even bother trying to dry my face. It’ll just get wet again. ‘Eventually, I went down to the bottom to be with her. She was looking at me. It felt like she was holding my hand, but with her eyes. I felt paralysed, I thought I was dying too. Either that or it was all one of my horrible nightmares.’
I struggle to continue but I have to tell them everything. My voice is no louder than a whisper and part of me wonders whether the cassettes will hear me. ‘I don’t know how much time passed, but I lay down with her, to keep her company. I watched her lips turn blue. I watched her eyes die.’
When I finish talking, I can’t bring myself to look up at anyone. But minutes go by without anyone saying anything. This makes me uncomfortable. ‘I need to tell you something else.’
Mum jumps up out of her seat and walks towards the wall in frustration.
‘What is it, Hannah?’ asks Kath.
‘He contacted me.’
‘Who did?’
‘Katie’s dad. He sent me messages on Facebook telling me he saw what happened. I didn’t know it was him until he made me meet with him.’
Mum spins around. ‘He did what? Don’t tell me you went?’
‘I had to! I didn’t know it was him. It was that letter. He made me meet him at the quarry and said that everything Katie told me was lies and she said all that stuff because she had some vendetta against him. He said if I promised not to tell anyone what she told me, then he wouldn’t tell anyone what he saw.’
Mum, Susan and Kath all exchange looks.
‘Not exactly the actions of an innocent man!’ exclaims mum.
‘Have you still got the letter?’ asks Kath.
‘No, I ripped it up and threw it away on the way to the quarry. I didn’t want mum finding it.’
‘What happened after he told you all that?’
‘I agreed I wouldn’t say anything. I just wanted to get away from him, away from there.’
Kath’s face softens for the first time all day. ‘You did the right thing to say that to him. You also did the right thing in telling us everything today.’
Mum’s getting more and more anxious, I can tell. ‘He didn’t drive you home did he? He didn’t make you get in his car?’
I don’t think she can handle knowing he hugged me. ‘No, he just walked away and left me there.’
‘Oh, thank God.’ Then she remembers all the sleepovers I had at his house, ‘Oh Jesus Hannah, did he ever touch you when you slept over?’
‘No mum, honestly. He never came near me.’
She spins around and puts both hands over her mouth like she’s trying to hold in loads of swear words.
After she makes more notes, eventually Kath decides to stop the tapes.
‘Okay. We’re going to step outside for a few minutes and give you a break. Would you like a cup of tea, or a sandwich?’
Right now, a cup of tea would be amazing. ‘Can I have a cup of tea please?’
Kath and her colleague leave. Susan puts her hand on my shoulder and then follows them. I’m left alone with mum. She’s looking at me. I move to the chair next to her and burst into tears yet again. Thankfully, she hugs me. But still she doesn’t say anything.
‘What’s going to happen now, mum?’
Her voice sounds thick, ‘I really don’t know, love.’
‘They’re going to tell Katie’s mum, aren’t they?’
‘Well if they don’t tell her that her husband is a paedophile, then I will!’
‘No, not that. They’ll tell her that I pushed Katie and that I watched her die.’
Mum hugs me tighter. ‘It was an accident. That’s all I can think about right now.’
It’s at least forty agonising minutes before we’re brought our drinks. We’ve been left alone all that time. Mum’s climbing the walls. She keeps saying she doesn’t know what’s going to happen next but she won’t go and ask anyone for me. When the door opens, just Kath and Susan come in. Kath passes us a cup of tea each but from the feel of the plastic cups, they’re stone cold. I don’t even bother trying a sip. They both sit down opposite me. This is probably when I will get arrested. I actually feel fine. It’s definitely been a relief telling them the truth at last. Even mum’s agitation doesn’t affect me. There’s nothing I can do at this point, it’s all out of my hands. And that’s what feels reassuring. It’s someone else’s problem now. This is what I wanted.
‘Right, Hannah. We’ve been discussing your statement with the duty sergeant, to see how to proceed. He’s of the opinion that we can’t actually charge you with anything at this stage. You say you accidentally pushed Katie, but that she looked like she was trying to kill herself anyway. Unless we find a witness who says otherwise or shows us proof that you pushed her on purpose for some reason only known to yourselves then, like I say, we can’t charge you with anything at this time.’
‘What kind of reason?’
‘Well if you and Katie had a volatile relationship and one of you was jealous of the other, for example. Or maybe you were fighting over boyfriends. I don’t know. But I will be checking out your story. You know you shouldn’t have left the scene without informing anyone. But it could, and would, be argued by your defence that you weren’t in a sound state of mind, due to the shock of seeing your friend fall and die. If her father was at the scene, like you say he was, he was the adult and therefore responsible for calling an ambulance. We need to check again with the attending doctor to see if Katie would have died, even with medical assistance.’ She pauses for a minute and looks me in the eye at last, ‘I get the impression that nothing the courts would do to you would make you feel any guiltier than you already do, plus you’re not currently a risk to the public. So...’
‘So,’ continues Susan, ‘You’re free to go home and get some rest.’
No way? Oh, thank God! I never thought I’d be able to go home today. I look at mum and smile for the first time in ages. It feels good to smile again. My face muscles are tight. Mum doesn’t smile back though.
‘However,’ continues Kath, ‘It is highly likely that we will have to question you further about events that day and we will be looking for more witnesses. Also, you have made some very serious allegations about Martin Sewell. The duty sergeant has already acted on these allegations and some officers are on their way to Martin Sewell’s workplace now to arrest him.’
This shocks me. They’re arresting him based on what I said? Don’t they have to find evidence before they arrest him? My smile fades and the feeling of dread and heaviness returns. This is never ending. I hope Katie wasn’t making it up. I feel awful doubting her but without her here to back me up, I could be ruining someone else’s life. Mum rolls her eyes in despair. She’s thinking the same as me. When is this nightmare going to end?
‘Who’s going to tell Katie’s mum?’ I have images of me having to phone her.
‘We’ve got the family liaison worker going to visit Elaine Sewell. She’ll briefly explain the new information you’ve given us about Katie’s death and see how Elaine wants to proceed. Then she’ll inform her about your allegations against her husband.’
‘They’re not my allegations, they’re Katie’s. I didn’t ever see anything!’ I start to panic.
‘But Katie isn’t here to give a statement,’ says Susan. ‘That means, Hannah, that if the Crown Prosecution Service believes there is a case against her dad, you would have to give evidence in court.’
Oh my God. I’ve swapped one nightmare for another.
They then all talk amongst themselves but nothing else they say registers with me because I can barely keep my eyes open. I need to lie down so bad. My shoulder and neck muscles are so tight. I can feel wrinkles all over my forehead. I ask mum to take me home. It’s not until I collapse onto my bed that I allow myself to black out.
Chapter 9
When I open my eyes, I
get the same feeling I’ve had every day for two weeks. I feel absolutely fine except for a niggling doubt hovering at the back of my mind that makes me think I shouldn’t feel fine. It always takes a minute or two to remember everything that’s happened; it comes back to me in snapshots. First, I see an image of me standing at the top of the cliff. Then I see Katie’s dead body. Then I see her coffin. Then Josh. Then Kath’s face. Somewhere in the mix I’ll see Steve’s mate’s flat. Then, still barely awake, I have to try to figure out whether it was a bad dream, or whether it all really happened.
During these few minutes my stomach gets heavier, I lose my appetite, my body starts shaking and I lose all motivation for getting out of bed. Yesterday was awful but in a different way to the previous days. It was exhausting and emotional but also a relief. I wonder what today will bring. I look at my clock. It’s almost ten. I can hear mum moving around downstairs. She must have phoned in sick because she’s meant to be at work. Her boss won’t be happy, she’s already taken a day off to take me to the police station. I sit up and move my legs to the edge of my bed. I wonder if the police have visited Katie’s mum and Josh yet. Then I remember about Katie’s dad, about how he was going to be arrested. Now my head feels like it’s in a vice. I go to find mum to get an update. I’m glad she’s staying home today. I go downstairs in my dressing gown. I notice her tense her shoulders when she hears me, and she doesn’t turn around from looking out the window.
‘Alright?’
She sighs like she’s been asked the most stupid question in the world. It wasn’t even a question, it was just a greeting.
‘Not really Hannah, no.’
That’s not what I expected her to say. I wish she’d turn around and face me.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘What, you mean apart from the fact that you lied to me, the police and Katie’s family? And apart from the fact that you’ve accused someone of being a paedophile when you have no proof? As well as the fact that everyone is talking about us and there are loads of journalists outside.’
Wow. That was nasty. I don’t know how to react, what to say. So I run upstairs and slam my door shut. Here I am again. My bloody bedroom. I don’t know what to do. Having mum turn against me feels worse than everything else that’s happened. I’m annoyed at her for saying that but I also remember that she could quite easily kick me out and leave me homeless, so I shouldn’t kick off too much. I forget that it’s all new to her and she now knows that I left Katie to die. I wonder what she did last night while I was sleeping. But isn’t she supposed to be putting on a brave face for me? Isn’t that what parents are meant to do? I go to my curtains and try to see out of my window through a tiny crack. Oh my God. There are six people stood at the end of our drive and there’s a massive van with a satellite dish on top, just next to them. How much do they know? Surely the police aren’t allowed to tell them what I said in my statement? What happened to anonymity? But then Kath didn’t ever mention that. If it’s like this outside my house then I bet there are people outside Josh’s house. Unless by law journalists have to leave victims alone, out of courtesy. I want to ring him, to check if he’s okay, but I haven’t switched my phone on since my last text. He’ll probably know everything I told the police by now. I wonder how he took it. My stomach jumps at the thought. I wonder if he’s texted me. I look for my phone. It’s on my dresser. I don’t know whether to switch it on or not. Then mum knocks on my door, fast and loud.
‘What?’
She comes in. She looks absolutely knackered. ‘We need to talk.’
I thought she was going to apologise but obviously not.
‘Hannah, I’ve spoken to Inspector Foster this morning and she says that Elaine and Josh have been told about what you did.’
I look down at my hands, unable to maintain my spoilt brat face. Why does she have to word it like that?
‘She wouldn’t tell me how they took it or what they said, but Martin’s been arrested and he’s going to be interviewed today. She doesn’t know yet whether they’ll release him on bail, it all depends on what he says during the interview. Something tells me he won’t be as ready to confess as you were.’
I don’t say anything. What can I say? She’s obviously mad at me. Katie’s dad will be spending today in the same way I spent yesterday. I never thought I’d have something in common with a paedophile.
‘So that means that if he denies everything, the police will try to find evidence and then take it to court. That could take months or even up to two years apparently. On the other hand, if they don’t find any evidence at all, the charges will be dropped. But he’s not going to be happy at being accused, and all this would have upset a lot of people.’
Why is she being such a bitch? ‘What are you trying to say? Because you might as well spit it out.’
Her face softens and she puts her arm around me, ‘Just that it’s not too late to tell us if you made this up to get yourself out of trouble for what happened.’
‘What?!’ I pull away.
‘Or if Katie made it up, for attention. Because if you told us the truth now then it would save a lot of heartache for a lot of people. Think of Elaine and her pregnancy. She’s already going through a dangerous amount of stress and she’s still in the early stages, she could miscarry.’
‘Oh my God, I cannot believe I’m hearing this! I did not make it up to save myself and this is exactly why Katie couldn’t tell you or her mum what was happening, because you don’t believe her! I can’t believe I’m hearing this!’
Finally, I know how Katie was feeling. Why she felt she had no options. Because let’s face it, she didn’t have any options. Adults live in their own world where they don’t want to know the truth, it’s easier to ignore it and let the kids suffer in silence. I just hope Katie’s mum reacted differently when the police told her about the abuse. I’ve lost all respect for my mum now.
‘I’m not saying I definitely don’t believe her, or you, I just don’t know what to believe after everything I heard yesterday! Look, I believe you wouldn’t make something like that up. I shouldn’t have even entertained the idea. But we all know that Katie was good at acting and making things up and I would hate for someone’s life to be ruined just because she died before she could tell you she was pretending.’
‘Oh, but it’s okay for Katie’s life to be ruined because of what he did to her? Whether she died that day or not she was already dying because of how it, how he, made her feel! You’re supposed to stick up for us! I even told her she should confide in you when she couldn’t confide in her own mum! Do you know how what you just said would’ve made her feel if she was here? Do you know what he used to make her do? He filmed it all for God’s sake! He took photos of her naked while she had to touch him! Why would she make that up?’
I’m crying now. I’m so angry with her for not believing us that my hands are clenched and I just want to punch something. I can’t believe she’d be so mean!
‘Well, if that’s the case there will be evidence somewhere, hopefully.’
‘Oh right, so if there’s proof you’ll believe us but if there’s not, you won’t?’
She doesn’t answer. She moves towards the door to leave. ‘I really don’t know love.’
She leaves and closes the door behind her. If ever I needed Katie around it was now. Not to back me up but to have someone to talk to about all this, someone to stick up for me and tell me I’m doing the best I can. If my own mother doesn’t believe us then what hope have I got of convincing a judge and a jury? And what about Josh? Maybe he knew something? Anything? He might have noticed them spending a lot of time alone together, or, oh God, I don’t know! I need to contact him, to see if he’ll stick up for Katie.
I switch my phone on and wait. No texts from Josh appear but I have a text telling me I have three missed calls. All from Josh’s number last night, while I was flat out in bed after getting home. I try to work out whether it was a good thing or a bad thing that he phoned. My ins
tinct tells me to leave it for a while, get dressed and do something else. Don’t contact him yet, not when I’m so wound up. I should wait to hear from him. So I get dressed but before I’m even fully clothed I have my phone in my hand again and I’m selecting his number. I sit on my bed while it rings. It takes a while but eventually he accepts the call, but he doesn’t say anything.
‘Josh?’
‘What?’
‘It’s me.’
‘Yeah?’
This isn’t going well. ‘Erm, I just wanted to see how you are.’
Silence.
‘Josh?’
‘Well you’ve let Katie ruin all our lives. You fell for it. The only reason she hung around with you is because you were so easy to manipulate, so fucking gullible. You’d do whatever she wanted, you were her bitch. She told you a pack of lies and is still shit stirring from beyond the grave. Then you told me a pack of lies about having never been at that stupid quarry before. How could you listen to me go on the other night without saying anything? I asked you direct if you were there and you said no! What kind of twisted psycho are you? Don’t ring me again. I don’t want anything to do with you. Or her.’
The Girl Who Died: A Young Adult Novel Page 9
