Her eyes widened and she took a step back from him, visibly trembling.
As tears began to shimmer in her eyes, Devin felt his heart shatter.
She’s afraid of me?
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my voice at you. I’m so sorry.”
She stared at him in silence, the tears still threatening to fall, before she nodded and turned her attention back to the clothes.
“Sweetheart, I know that you’re lost and you want answers. I won’t try to pretend that I know what you’re going through, but from a mother’s perspective I want you to know I am grateful you’re alive.” She sniffed as she folded a few shirts and tucked them into the top drawer. “But I refuse to let you become that person again. Remembering what your father put you through – what he put your brothers through...I won’t do it.”
It was causing her so much pain to talk about it, and that made him feel terrible. Maybe he just needed to drop it. Perhaps it was better not knowing.
Doctor Thompson doesn’t want me to remember unless it happens naturally. I can’t risk messing up now.
But unanswered questions were eating him up alive.
He had to know something.
Anything.
The moments dragged by as they stood side-by-side, placing various clothing in their designated drawers. He was quiet and helpful, but that silence made him feel like his head was about to explode. He couldn’t let her leave without knowing the truth. No matter how painful the details were, he would do whatever it took to get the truth out of her.
He needed answers and she was the only person who could help him out of the fog of his mind.
Tightening his jaw and closing the drawer in an effort to grab her attention, he finally spoke again.
“I understand what you’re trying to do, Mom, I really do. I appreciate it, but I need to know something. I have to know if I was bad because I was born that way or if I was bad because—”
“Devin Jackson Rose, you weren’t born with a bad bone in your body,” she snapped, but it wasn’t out of anger. It was sadness. He knew a thing or two about sadness. “You were the sweetest, kindest little boy to ever grace this Earth. None of it was your fault, baby.”
“What wasn’t my fault?”
“None of it!” She wailed, throwing her hands up in the air. “None of it was your fault, Devin. Please don’t ever think that. Whatever you did to anyone else...it wasn’t because you wanted to do it, sweetie. You were hurting. You were broken, and your father is a bastard.”
Hearing his mother curse was somehow shocking to him. Had she ever used profanity before?
If only I could remember.
Mrs. Rose buried her face in her hands and began to cry. Each muffled sob drove an invisible dagger deeper into his chest.
If he thought he resented his father before that moment, he was wrong.
Reaching a trembling hand out to comfort her, he instantly regretted pushing her for information she obviously didn’t want to give.
“Mama, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. That was stupid. I...I’m just so lost. I hear these things people say about me, but there’s a small part of me that struggles to accept it. I don’t feel bad. How did I do those things? I kidnapped a girl I used to love—or so I’ve heard. Why would I do such a thing? Why would I beat up a little girl when I was younger?”
“A little girl?” She sniffed and lifted her head to stare at him, frowning. “I don’t recall you ever beating up a little girl, Devin. Oh, that’s dreadful!”
“Lydia McIntosh?”
“Lydia McIntosh?” She echoed, blinking rapidly. “There must be a misunderstanding somewhere. She just moved here a few years ago, Devin. Mm, yes. She married the Reynolds boy. You couldn’t have gone to school with her, sweetheart; she was in Germany.”
“Germany? Are you sure about that?” He recalled his conversation with Lydia at the institute and frowned. Lydia had no reason to lie to him. “She said we went to school together. Mama, I made her life hell and I don’t know why.”
“Lydia McIntosh,” she repeated. With a hand pressed to her cheek, she moved away from the dresser and released a hum in thought. “McIntosh...McIntosh...”
Lydia wouldn’t have lied to him about that, right? She seemed so kind and honest. Surely to God, she hadn’t said those things just to make him feel bad...
She is Jebson’s sister...
“McIntosh! Yes!” His mother spun about excitedly, startling him in the process. “I remember now. It was little Johnny McIntosh. You two never could get along and I’m not certain why. Honestly, you had more trouble with Jebson McIntosh as a child. You two got sent to the office on a weekly basis for all that fighting. He was such a little thing, too.”
“So I did beat kids up just for the enjoyment of it?” He walked over to the futon and sank down upon it, bowing his head. “That’s just fantastic...”
“You didn’t enjoy it, sweetheart.” The springs groaned as his mother joined him on the futon, her arms wrapping around him. “You were a troubled child, Devin. You dealt with things no child should have to, and I’m so sorry for that.”
“Why?”
“Because, as I said before, your father is a bastard. He was so hard on you and your brothers. There was so much pressure to be perfect and at the top of your class. Sometimes he was just too ambitious and he didn’t handle failure very well.”
“So he was a nightmare to live with, I get it.” He ran his fingers through his hair and released a low breath. “But that still doesn’t explain my hostility towards others. Did he cause that? I was just pissed because my old man gave me a hard time?”
“Well...”
“Did he give me this?” He stood from the bed and turned to face her, simultaneously lifting his shirt to reveal the tattoo on his chest. “Touch it. Tell me what you feel.”
Mrs. Rose’s eyes zeroed in on his chest and her mouth fell open. The tears she’d held back previously returned in full force, spilling down her cheeks as she shook her head.
“Oh, Devin...”
“You know about the scar, don’t you?” He asked tearfully. “How did I get it, Mama?”
Standing from the bed, she slowly, very slowly, reached upwards to trace her fingertips over his inked chest. “Of all the things I don’t want you to remember, it is this. Please don’t make me answer that.”
“I want the truth. Just this one time, Mother; please tell me.”
Sucking in a shaky breath and retracting her hand, she locked gazes with him and he knew she was caving. “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll tell you.”
Finally.
Somebody was going to tell him the truth.
Chapter 11
Kelly
It was the sound of her phone ringing that stirred her from a somewhat troubled sleep.
Rolling over, which took more effort than she was willing to admit, she gazed at the clock on her dresser and groaned.
1:27 AM.
“What the hell?”
Tired as all get out and becoming irrationally angry over the fact someone was calling so late, she blindly reached for the phone and huffed.
“Hello?”
Who in their right mind called a person at one in the morning? Somebody better have been dying...
“Kelly. It’s me.”
“Nick.” Her eyes were definitely open upon hearing his voice. Sitting up quickly, she switched ears and felt her heart skip a beat. “Hey, are you okay? It’s late.”
“I know it is and I’m sorry to call at an hour like this, I just...I really needed to hear your voice.”
He sounded like something was wrong, and as much as she wanted to be angry with him for totally dodging her kiss earlier that evening; all she felt at the moment was grave concern.
“What’s the matter? Did something happen?”
“Sort of.”
“Are you okay?” She repeated, already slipping out of bed to get dressed. “Are you hurt?”
“No, I’m fine. I
’m okay, Kel. It’s Devin.”
“Devin?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but he’s been acting really strange ever since his mom came by.”
“His mom came by? Oh, God.”
“It wasn’t a bad visit, but I’m not sure it was a good one either. It was just awkward for me, you know? I don’t do awkward very well.”
“I’ve noticed.” She yawned. “Is awkwardness what warranted this phone call?”
“Maybe. I mostly just wanted to hear your voice.”
Tingles attacked her skin as she smiled and bit at her lip, suddenly very awake. Oh well. Sleep was for the weak, right?
“You must think you’re so smooth, Mr. Laveau.” She twirled the phone cord around her finger.
“Well, we can just keep pretending, right?” He chuckled.
“Sure.” Her smile faded when a thought struck her. “Hey, do you...maybe want to come over?”
No! I’m mad at him. Why would I invite him over after the way he treated me today?
“Are you sure? I mean, obviously I’d love nothing more than to come see you, but I don’t want to intrude.”
“Don’t be silly. You’re not intruding on anything. I was having trouble sleeping anyway. Come on over.”
This is a bad idea. This is a very, very bad idea.
“Only if you’re sure, Kelly. Are you?”
“Yes. I’ll go unlock the door now.”
What am I, a teenager?
“I’ll be there in five. And Kelly?”
“Yes?”
“Thank you.”
“For?”
He hung up.
Releasing a small sigh, she hung up as well and then glanced at the robe hanging on the bedpost.
“This is a bad idea,” she murmured, ignoring the quickening of her pulse. “What am I getting myself into?”
Hurrying to fix her hair, or at least make it look decent, she wrapped up in her robe and tiptoed down the stairs, making it to the bottom just as a light knock sounded on the door.
It was the softest sound in the world, but the impact it had on her was deafening. Her heart felt like it was going to pound right out of her chest as she all but jogged to the door and quickly unlocked it. Sucking in a deep, calming breath, she turned the knob and pulled it open.
He looks sinfully delicious.
Nick’s eyes were bright. He didn’t even seem tired. She definitely couldn’t say the same. But, as luck would have it, sleep didn’t like her on most nights.
“Hey,” he whispered, stepping inside when she pushed the screen door open. “Thanks for the invite.”
“You don’t have to thank me,” she whispered back, though she had no idea why she was whispering. Her kids could sleep through a tornado. “Is everything all right? Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine; I’m just worried about Devin.” He moved to the couch and sat down.
She joined him seconds later, gazing at him with understanding and compassion. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“Not wine,” he joked.
“Very funny.”
“Sorry. I know it’s too late at night to be funny.” His smile faded and his eyes became sad as he clasped his hands together and rested his elbows against his knees. “It’s just been a rough evening. And I couldn’t stop thinking about you...”
“M-me?” Her fingers immediately found her hair, tucking it behind her ear as she stumbled over her words. “Why would that ever be an issue?”
“You know, it’s adorable how you act so clueless about being beautiful. It amuses me.”
He flashed her another perfect smile and her knees shook. Damn him and his perfect face and ridiculously attractive smile. He probably ate it up, too.
“How about that drink?” She didn’t give him time to say yes or no. The kitchen meant she could get away from him and collect herself before she had a chance to unravel. She had a thing or two she needed to say to him and he wasn’t going to charm his way out of it.
I’m an idiot!
Being close to Nick, especially at such a late hour, was a horrible idea. Her body didn’t seem to care that he’d avoided a kiss earlier that day, nor did it care that he was reeling down from an awkward night. All it seemed to care about was the prospect of being touched and kissed.
I am so not kissing him, she thought. He will never kiss this mouth again.
But even if the topic didn’t come up, there was still something else they needed to discuss. And it was extremely important.
The talk she’d had with Justin after Nick left earlier hadn’t exactly gone as she’d planned. His reasoning for his behavior was understandable, but it left her confused in so many ways.
“Auntie Tula said you might marry him.”
“What?” She nearly fell off the bed as she stared at him. “When did she say that?”
“The night you let me stay with Skylar so you could have dinner with Nick. She said you might fall in love and get married again. Is that true, Mama?”
Gazing at her with those big, beautiful eyes, Justin chewed on his lip and frowned.
“No, Justin. Of course not. It was only dinner, sweetheart. Having dinner with someone isn’t a marriage proposal. Why would Tula say such a thing?”
“Because she said you’ve been awfully lonely and you deserve to have someone in your life.” He dropped his little head and his shoulders slumped. “You’ve got me, Mama. Ain’t I enough? Me and Jamie?”
God, it still made her feel terrible.
And inviting Nick over in the middle of the night was just plain stupid. What if something happened between them?
Nothing is going to happen. Absolutely nothing.
But she wasn’t so sure.
Pouring a glass of sweet tea for him and then reaching for another glass from the cabinet, she instantly froze when she felt his hot breath against the back of her neck.
Goosebumps popped up everywhere as his hands rested against her waist.
“Kelly.”
Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
There went her heart again; it was beating faster than a rabbit could run. She tried to ignore the sensations running through her body, the ache between her thighs, but it was difficult.
Nick drove her crazy in ways he’d never know.
And she really wanted to keep it that way.
For her children’s sake.
I can’t care about another man right now. Justin isn’t ready for something like that.
And neither was she.
Right?
“Y-yes?”
The sweet tea was quickly forgotten as he turned her around and gazed down at her, his eyes—those beautiful eyes—were full of heat, and something else.
“I’m sorry about earlier.” He kept his voice soft. “I wanted to kiss you—more than you’ll ever know.”
“Oh, that?” She asked, nonchalantly. “It’s not a big deal. Seriously. Don’t even worry about it.”
“It’s a big deal to me.” He pulled her away from the counter, crushing her to his hard chest.
A small squeak escaped her as he dipped his head down and kissed her until her lungs began to ache.
“You’re a big deal to me.” He nuzzled his nose against her cheek. “I really am sorry. Will you forgive me?”
I shouldn’t.
“Only this once.” She heard herself whisper.
“Thank you.”
What the hell? When had her brain gotten so stupid? She was supposed to be mad at him. She was supposed to be vowing off relationships until Justin was legally an adult. Why, oh why, couldn’t her heart understand that?
Nick’s lips ghosted over hers, promising the kiss she’d missed out on earlier.
I don’t want that kiss anymore.
Lie.
Relationships are nothing but trouble anyway. He’s wasting his time, and mine.
Lie.
An anxious pant of breath escaped him and slid into her open, eager mouth. Tiny sp
arks of excitement crackled to life over every nerve ending she possessed, her knees became nonexistent. Grasping the edge of the counter, she only prayed she wouldn’t succumb to such petty, human desires.
I don’t want you anymore, Nicholas Laveau. You missed your window of opportunity.
Yet, as his palm molded to the side of her face and he tilted her head back, she knew that wasn’t true.
Deep down, hidden beneath the heartache of loss and the stresses of a mother trying to do her very best, was a young woman longing to be loved again.
His lips touched against hers lighter than a feather, so gentle that she in fact would have missed it had she not been paying attention. This man, with fingers so rough and callous from years of making things work again, was jumpstarting her heart and evoking emotions she’d buried when Patrick died.
“We can’t do this.” Her confession was barely inaudible as she turned her head away and closed her eyes. “This...it can’t happen.”
“Why not?” He sounded so surprised.
Why was he so surprised?
“I just...can’t.” A painful lump formed in her throat and she did her very best to swallow it back into place.
My son isn’t ready for another man to be in my life. I have to think of him.
“Kelly, what’s the matter?”
“It’s...complicated.”
She slipped away from his grasp and darted to the doorway, just in case she needed a quick escape.
Inviting him over at such a late hour had definitely been a bad idea.
I want him.
But that didn’t matter; it couldn’t matter. Her children would always come first. Whatever desires she had, they’d just have to wait.
If Justin wasn’t comfortable with the idea of a stranger coming into their lives then neither was she.
But Nick isn’t a stranger to me.
A great war was waging between her mind and her heart. Meeting Nick’s gaze and seeing the confusion in his eyes only made her feel worse.
“I’m sorry if I hurt you today, Kelly. I’ve got a good explanation for it if you’ll just listen to me. Really, this is—”
“Don’t come near me.” She held a hand out towards him when he stepped forward, as if it would somehow help. “Just stay where you are.”
“Kelly...”
The Lost Days (Prairie Town Book 3) Page 17
