by Katie Knight
A warm rush of gratefulness swelled inside him. He’d stopped letting people know his full name as a kid. Bad enough he’d gotten bullied at home. He sure as hell hadn’t needed more of the same at school or from other people. Later, when he’d joined the military, Jed was just easier and more comfortable. Honestly, he hadn’t spoken his full name in years. Until today. With Tess. If felt like another tiny connection between them, another secret shared. The thought both comforted and confused him. He shouldn’t want any more ties to her, but man oh man, did he.
They arrived at the marina a short time later and piled out of the SUV to head through the maze of docks to the slip where Freedom resided. The air here was clean and crisp. Seagulls squawked overhead, and the gentle lap of water against the hulls of the ships eased the knot of tension between Jed’s shoulder blades.
21
The Freedom was a beauty, gleaming in the sunshine. Thirty-six feet of ivory-colored perfection. He climbed up the metal stairs onto the deck then reached down to help Nala and Tess onboard. Taking great pleasure in showing off his toy, he gave them a tour, starting at the helm where he pointed out the rig, showing them all the parts he’d described in the SUV as well as a few more they’d need to know to help him sail. Then he took them below deck to point out the full head—also known as the bathroom—as well as the full kitchen and the luxurious stateroom, complete with a fold-down double bed. He wouldn’t mind bringing Tess out here alone for a weekend to sail around the Potomac and explore each other under the stars.
Since Kevin had done a full maintenance check the week before, Jed didn’t bother with more than a quick safety run through the rig and the controls at the helm before leaving the dock and steering them out of the Pentagon Lagoon Yacht Basin and into the Potomac proper. Lots of other vessels were out on this fine autumn day, probably hoping for a few last hours on the water before closing up shop for winter, same as Jed. When he was on the water, he felt more at ease and more himself than he ever did on land. With everything else going on lately, he’d forgotten how much he loved being here. As he gazed across the deck to where Tess and Nala sat near the bow, watching the scenery, their neon orange life vests gleaming in the sun, he couldn’t have been more pleased to share this with them.
After an hour or so, Jed dropped anchor and went to join the others near the front of the ship.
Nala set her tablet aside and stood. “I need to use the head.”
She all but skipped away, obviously proud of herself for using the correct terminology.
Jed grinned after her, waiting until she disappeared below decks before leaning in to kiss Tess. He’d been waiting to do this since they’d left the house and—
“J-jed! Come q-quick!” Nala screamed, her tone nearly hysterical.
He scrambled to his feet and ran toward the stairs leading below deck with Tess in tow. Before he even reached the top of the steps, his stomach nosedived to his toes at the sound of sloshing water from inside the cabin. That wasn’t good. Not good at all.
“Wait here,” he said, leaving Tess above deck as he headed below. By the time he reached the bottom, water reached his ankles, and the Freedom had started to list slightly toward starboard. What the hell had happened? There’d been no visible cracks in the hull when they’d set off, and he’d not hit anything or run aground on the way out to the Potomac. Jesus.
“Nala!” he called as the lights overhead flickered. “Are you in the head?”
“Yes, J-jed,” she called. “I’m s-scared.”
“Don’t be scared, honey. I’m coming to get you.” Jed sloshed through the water, the ruined carpet mushy beneath his shoes. How the hell could this happen? He was a seasoned sailor. He was careful. He was thorough. He’d not performed his usual complete safety check prior to taking off, but it shouldn’t have been necessary because Kevin had just done one a week ago.
Shit. Just shit.
As he neared the bathroom, something white and plastic tapped against his lower calf. Jed squinted down at it and his anxiety soared. The drain plug. Holy Christ. How it had come loose was anyone’s guess. It was routinely sealed and secured. He’d heard of inexperienced sailors forgetting to check it or overturning the screws, making the connection loose, but all his buddies had been with him for years, they all knew better.
All of them except Kevin.
No. He might be the newest member of their group, but Kevin was a SEAL like the rest of them. He’d know better.
It was an accident. Had to be. A stupid one, yeah, but—
“J-jed, h-help!” Nala’s urgent plea snapped him out of his thoughts. He pocketed the broken drain plug and trudged forward to grab the little girl out of the head, hoisting her onto his back.
“Hang on, sweetheart. I’ve got you now and I won’t let go, okay?” Jed steadied himself against the cabin wall while Nala held on for dear life around his neck. He made his way slowly back toward the stairs leading up onto the deck, all the while planning his course back to the docks. With basically an open hole in the hull, they were taking on water fast. They were currently in the middle of the Potomac, they needed to get to shore as quickly as possible to avoid sinking.
Screw the marina. They were heading for the nearest dock pronto. At least the winds were on their side and should take them right to the banks of the river.
Topside, Tess was keeping it together admirably, though Jed could see the fear in her eyes. She’d said she wasn’t a strong swimmer back at the house. Between her and Nala, who also hadn’t had any formal swim lessons as far as he knew, he’d somehow have to save them both if the worst happened, but that’s what he’d been trained for as a SEAL—handling the worst-case scenarios and triumphing.
Slowly and carefully, he managed to get them back to land, his pride and joy, the Freedom, creaking and groaning as she took on more and more water. They managed to anchor near a dilapidated dock that looked deserted and he helped first Nala then Tess down onto the weather-beaten wood before stepping out himself and tying the stricken boat to the moors.
His hands were shaking along with his knees, but he hid his fear behind a wall of bravado and led his ladies to safety before pulling out his phone to call for help and a ride back to the marina. Something bumped his thigh, and he realized it was the faulty drain plug.
Anxiety and suspicions increased as a new idea occurred.
What if this wasn’t an accident at all? What if the same people who’d killed Nala’s parents and tried to take Nala were responsible for nearly drowning him, Tess and the little girl?
What if…
No. It was an accident. No one had even known they were coming out here this weekend except Kevin. He trusted Kevin. No way would Kevin be mixed up in any of this.
It was silly. It was ludicrous. It was….
The phone and one of his buddies picked up on the second ring. “Hey, dude. What’s up?”
“I need you to come get us. The Freedom almost sank today with us onboard.”
“Yeah, okay, thanks, bud.”
Tess came downstairs just as Jed ended yet another call to his SEAL team. He’d basically been on the phone since they’d left the marina, trying to figure out how such a simple maintenance check could’ve been missed. There’d also been a lot of frustration and cursing and general growliness. She’d spent the afternoon doing her best to calm poor Nala down and make sure she ate dinner before finally putting her to bed a few minutes ago.
Thank the Lord for books. She and Nala had spent the last hour cuddled up in her room, reading about all her favorite heroes and heroines saving themselves and the day and triumphing over whatever horrible things might be after them. It gave the girl hope. Gave Tess hope too.
Truth be told, she’d been as shaken today as Nala. She didn’t fear water, but she wasn’t particularly adept in it either. The life jacket helped, but seeing the spark of fear in Jed’s eyes had affected her more than she’d cared to admit. He was always so strong, so capable, so in control. If he was afraid, then the rest of the
m had good reason to be terrified.
Still, he kept it together around Nala and her admirably. Maybe too admirably. As much as seeing him vulnerable scared her, it also made her care for him even more. Talk about a double-edged sword.
22
Tess stepped out of the hallway and into the kitchen to find Jed seated at the table, staring at the blank screen of his phone, a dark scowl on his handsome face.
“I’m sorry about today,” he said as she made herself a cup of tea from the kettle of hot water on the stove. “I should’ve done my own maintenance check before we left the marina.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Jed.” Tess carried her mug over to the table and took a seat opposite him. “You said yourself one of the other guys just did one last weekend. There’s no way you could’ve known what would happen.”
He cursed under his breath and scrubbed a hand over his weary face. The fine lines around his mouth and the corners of his eyes were deeper now, and a shadow of stubble darkened his jaw. “No. I should’ve known. It was my job to protect both of you out there and I failed.”
Tess blinked at his white-knuckled grip on the phone then looked at the white plastic piece from the boat lying at the center of the table. “Is that the faulty part?”
“The drain plug, yeah.”
“Huh.” She picked it up and turned the white plastic bolt this way and that. “Hard to believe this little thing caused all those problems.”
“Happens a lot. Even the best sailors forget to put them in sometimes or forget to check them before they leave.” He gave a derisive snort and let his head fall back. “Jesus, I’m such an idiot.”
“Jed, stop.” Tess set the plug aside then reached across to take his hand. “We’re fine. Nala’s asleep now. Don’t torture yourself. You’re allowed to make mistakes, you know? Even you’re not perfect.”
He twined his fingers with hers, frowning. “I should be, though. I was expected to be.”
Tess’s breath caught. Jed rarely talked about his past. But she sensed that today had rocked his foundations enough that maybe he’d open up to her now, if only a little. “Who expected you to be perfect?”
“My parents,” Jed murmured, toying with her fingers. “I was never good enough for them. No matter how much I tried, no matter how well I did in school or sports or life. I never measured up. They locked me in the attic one time just for talking back to them. Did I ever tell you that?”
Her chest ached for the abuse he’d suffered at the hands of those he loved, but she didn’t want to spook him by showing her anger and sadness over his treatment, especially when he looked so raw and wary. She kept her voice low and quiet instead and said, “No, you never mentioned that.”
“Yeah. Finally got the courage to stand up to them and their bullying and look what it got me.” His dark brows drew together as he stared at their joined hands, seemingly lost in the past. “I vowed then and there never to let myself be open and vulnerable like that again. From then on, I would keep control, keep my feelings to myself, keep safe, keep secure. Those mottos served me well in life, in the military, everywhere. I’ve never forgotten them. Until you came along.”
Time seemed to slow as Tess took that in. Part of her was elated by what those words might mean. He cared for her too. The other part of her recoiled, knowing this wasn’t a good development for either of them, no matter how she might wish it were.
Jed sighed and finally met her gaze, cold finality turning his pale blue eyes icy. “Look, Tess. These past few weeks with you have been…” He let go of her hand and sat back, his shoulders slumping. “They’ve been incredible, but I’m no good for you. Understand? I’m no good for anyone, not like that. With my job and the danger involved, with my past. I’m not cut out to be a family man. Not now. Maybe not ever.”
She sat back too, clasping her hands in her lap, her tea forgotten. “I’m not asking for anything you’re not willing or able to give, okay? I’m not looking for forever either.” Those last words cut like glass in her throat. They weren’t true, she knew that, even as she said them. If she was honest, she’d fallen for Jed the first night they’d slept together on the sofa in the living room after the Cary Grant marathon. He was kind and brave and strong and so, so worthy of love and devotion and all the things he thought he didn’t deserve. But Theo’s death had damaged her, perhaps more than she’d ever imagined. If he wasn’t a good bet, neither was she. She crossed her arms, more to protect herself than anything else. She swallowed hard against the lump of sorrow in her throat and forced her emotions deep. “After Theo passed away, I never wanted to get involved that deeply with anyone ever again. I’m good with what we’ve got now. No strings, no attachments. Don’t worry about me at the end of all this. I can walk away with no regrets. But if that makes you uncomfortable, then we can end it now.”
And I’ll miss you for the rest of my life.
She bit her lip to keep it from trembling and took a sip of her now tepid Peaceful Harmony tea. If that wasn’t a metaphor for this crappy situation, she didn’t know what was.
Jed sat silent for so long she thought maybe he hadn’t heard her. Then he cleared his throat and stared out the window at the darkness outside. The air in the kitchen still smelled of fried crab cakes and garlic from the corn fritters they’d picked up at the marina restaurant for dinner on the way home. Jed’s buddy had picked them up at the river and taken them back to their SUV. Nala had been too upset to eat in the restaurant, so they’d gotten carry out and brought it home. Most of it had ended up as leftovers in the fridge, with everyone’s appetite gone.
“Will you be able to get the boat drained and repaired?” she asked finally, to end the taut quiet between them.
“Yeah. A couple of the guys are handling it for me right now, so I can stay here in case Nala has nightmares tonight.” He picked up the drain plug and stared at it again. “She used to have them a lot, right after her parents died.”
“She had a few after we saw that man on the sidewalk too.”
He frowned. “I can’t help wondering if somehow this is all tied together.”
Now it was Tess’s turn to scowl. “You think someone deliberately sabotaged the boat today?”
“I don’t know.” He held the plug up in front of his eyes. “All I do know is that I’ve inspected this thing and there’s nothing wrong with it. When I talked to my buddy who inspected the boat just now, he said the area around the plug hadn’t been sealed properly.”
The niggle of fear in her gut grew tentacles and slithered through her. She didn’t understand exactly what Jed was talking about, but it didn’t sound good. “Would a regular maintenance check have caught that?”
“Should have.” He lowered the plug enough to meet her gaze. “We keep a log, a checklist for all the things that need to be done each time we do a maintenance inspection. We’re SEALs. We’re kind of fanatical about that stuff.” He shrugged and set the plug back down. “I’ve got them checking the past logs to see when it was last done.”
“I thought you said your friend Kevin did one last week.”
Jed exhaled slow. “I wouldn’t exactly call Kevin a friend. Like I said, he works for me and I trust the guy. Or I did.” He rolled his stiff shoulders then pushed to his feet, taking her mug and disposing of the tea bag before popping it in to the microwave for her to heat it up. “Sorry. Don’t listen to me. I’m tired and rambling on about shit I have no business saying right now.”
Tess bit back a smile, touched by his thoughtfulness. “Thanks.” She rubbed her arms and yawned, the fatigue and stress of the day settling in hard. “You think this Kevin might have something to do with the boat almost sinking?”
“No.” He shook his head. “I don’t know. Like I said, someone is checking out the log. That’ll show what he did or didn’t do in there as far as maintenance. And even if he didn’t re-seal the plug like we wanted, it doesn’t mean he did it on purpose. I’m just tired and strung out is all. I’m grasping at straws here a
nd feeling guilty as hell. Like I said, don’t pay any attention to me.”
The microwave beeped and he pulled out her mug, sniffing it and pulling a face as he handed it back to her. Their fingers brushed, lingering longer than necessary. Awareness zinged up her arm to warm her through.
“Not sure how you drink that herbal crap. Give me a good jolt of coffee any time.” Jed leaned his hips back against the counter and jammed his hands in his pockets. “Guess I’ll head up to bed. You’re sure Nala’s okay?”
“She was down for the count when I left her room.” Tess stood and set her mug on the table, then walked over to wrap her arms around his waist, putting her head on his chest. His heart beat strong and sure beneath her ear and his warmth penetrated her clothes. "For what it’s worth, I was glad you were there today. You made me feel safe even when things seemed precarious.”
Eventually his arms closed around her too. They stood there for a long moment, just enjoying the closeness and the quiet after the storm. Jed’s deep voice rumbled through her, soothing her frayed nerves and making her smile. “About that no-strings arrangement….”
23
“I want to take swim lessons,” Nala said one day about a week later. She and Tess were on their way to the park down the street for a little break during their study day. Tess was surprised by the abrupt statement, but glad to hear the little girl talking about the water without fear. “Do you t-think Jed w-will let me?”
“I think he probably will,” Tess said, holding Nala’s hand as they waited at the corner to cross the street. A squad car drove past them and Tess gave a little sigh of relief. To say she’d been on edge since the incident on the boat would be an understatement. Jed had not brought the subject of potential sabotage up again since that night in the kitchen, and each time she’d casually tried to ask about what he and his SEAL buddies might have found out, he brushed her off, saying that she shouldn’t worry about it. He had things under control.
