He had quickly grown weary of the senseless party chatter and of females who were trying to flirt with him. Uncharacteristically, he was not up to being the center of attention. Yet, he wasn’t quite ready to go back to the vast, empty condo.
He’d retreated to the garden bench where he sat, sipped tonic water and reflected on the past few days.
He felt like he was being kicked while he was down. A night ago he’d been on the phone conversing with Barbara. She was filling him in on how things were progressing on the set and then she had started blabbering about the star, Jason Heigl. About how talented he was. How smart. How funny…blah…blah…blah.
He had grown so sick and tired of hearing his name that he’d just gone silent. When she had noticed his silence and commented he had told her that he had a headache and would talk to her later. It hadn’t been a lie. The conversation had really given him a headache.
He didn’t like the jealousy that he was feeling. That feeling quickly morphed into frustration as he began to feel as though his patience was getting him nowhere. After all these months all he had been able to achieve was to love this woman more deeply than he’d ever thought possible and for her part she was happy to be just friends and was going on and on about her good looking co-star, who also happened to have been her love interest in her last movie. And then to have Victoria take a turn in him. And, of course, he couldn’t forget Willow Brown who had brought out a tell-all book a month ago featuring a whole chapter dedicated to him. Perhaps he would have been flattered – if the chapter wasn’t full of lies. Well, at least it gave his lawyers the opportunity to earn their keep. He really was having a bad year.
So now he looked up at Peter and forced a smile. “Yes, I’m great,” he lied.
Peter was tall and good looking and looked every inch a Foster with his mink colored hair, bright blue eyes, patrician nose, thin lips and milky complexion.
“Where’s Sue?” William asked, looking around Peter for his pretty wife. They were usually virtually inseparable.
“She’s at home. Not feeling well, I’m afraid.”
“And you left her?”
Peter shrugged. “She insisted that I come. That match was a real stinker, she felt I could use some cheering up. Besides it’s not like she’s dying. She’s just got a cold. She didn’t want to spread her germs.”
William laughed. “That’s what I love about your wife. She’s so considerate.”
Peter sat down next to him. He took a sip of his drink then he asked, “So, is it true what I’m hearing about you and Barbara?”
William raised a brow. Well that was random. “What are you hearing?”
“You know, that you’re a couple.”
“That we’re a couple of what?” William deadpanned. He wasn’t in a cooperative mood.
“Oh come on old chap, don’t be coy. You know what I mean.”
William took a sip of his drink and looked off into the distance. “Why do you ask?”
“Curiosity, I guess. I always wondered why you two broke up. You seemed really in love that summer she spent with us in West Sussex. I thought for sure that she was the one you would end up with.”
William winced at his cousin’s words. They just reminded him of what he had lost.
“You and everyone else. Listen, Pete, I’m sorry to disappoint you but the truth is that Barbara and I really are just friends. Truth is sometimes stranger than fiction.”
“You don’t look too happy about that.”
“Since when did you become so nosy?”
Peter shook his head and stood. “Sorry, didn’t mean to pry.” He put a hand on William’s shoulder. “Anytime you need to talk, Wills, I’m just a phone call away. Remember that.”
William nodded and stared off into space. “I will. Say, Pete, Mum told me that you were doing a doctorate in theology. Is that true?”
Peter had been the only one of William’s first cousins who, to his knowledge, had taken his confirmation in the Anglican faith seriously and had been a true Christian. William had always considered Peter to be a decent sort of a chap, very steady and dependable, but not the most fun. He wasn’t likely to be a co-conspirator in boyish pranks like his brother, Richard. He had married early to his childhood sweetheart Susan Lockbridge, the Archbishop of Canterbury’s daughter, and they now had three lovely children between the ages of three and eight.
“Yes, indeed.”
“That’s brilliant. Maybe we can get together sometime and discuss Scripture.”
“I look forward to that. I was over the moon when I heard that you’d become a Christian.”
“Listen, sorry for being so short with you earlier. I’m in a pretty foul mood. I just had a conversation that was an eye opener and I’m in turmoil over Barbara.”
“What do you mean?” Peter asked, resuming his seat.
“I love her, Pete. I’ve loved her since that summer I met her and I’ve never stopped. I’ll tell you the whole tale someday, but the point is that all sorts of circumstances have kept us apart all these years and now that our ducks are finally in a row it’s like I can’t move past friendship with her. I feel as though God is punishing me for my sins.”
“Why do you say that?”
“I’ve lived a less than wholesome life. I’ve done some things and acted in some ways that I’m ashamed of, and even though I’ve been forgiven I still feel like I’m paying for the consequences of my sin, you know. Barbara is the one who is insisting that we just be friends. I know that she has feelings for me. The way she responds to me I just know she does, but for some reason she won’t go beyond friendship. I’ve been praying for months that God will make her see reason but here we are now further apart than ever. Why should I finally be happy when I don’t deserve to be? I’ve hurt so many women in the past. Maybe it’s now my turn to suffer.”
“Oh, Wills, God’s not like that at all. You’ve got this thing all wrong. I might not have done some of the things you’ve done but it doesn’t make me any more deserving of happiness than you do. I’m a sinner, same as you. There’s no little sin and big sin. That’s where grace comes in. When you accepted Christ as your savior He forgave you all the wrong you did and covered you with His blood. He doesn’t expect you to wallow in guilt for past sins. He expects you to take them to Him, confess them as sin, accept His forgiveness, and resolve by His power to live a better life and not repeat past mistakes.”
William swallowed. “So if God’s not punishing me, why don’t I have Barbara? I know that we’d be perfect together.”
“Wills, I don’t think that you’ve released this situation with Barbara to God. It sounds like you’re not just asking him to work things out between you two. It sounds like you’re demanding that He does and not only that, but that He does it in your time. God isn’t a genie. He doesn’t work according to our agenda. He works according to His. You need to ask Him what He wants you to do with your life and get on with the business of doing it. Barbara is not meant to replace God in your life. As difficult as it is, the Christian life is about submission. You need to submit your will to God and be prepared that it may or may not be His will for you and Barbara to be together. I hate to say this, Wills, but it sounds like you are beginning to make her an idol in your life.”
William was shocked to hear this spoken out loud and he was about to deny it but then he stopped and thought about his cousin’s assertion.
An idol was anything that replaced God in one’s life. He did not consider God’s will when it came to Barbara. He had just assumed that his will was God’s will, not the other way around. He had not even contemplated asking God what He thought. He didn’t want to hear that he couldn’t have her. Even thinking about that possibility casually now made him feel physically ill. Everything that he’d done up to this time concerning Barbara: the hours he’d spent obsessing about her and strategizing about what to do and what not to do to win her heart, suggested that she was in fact becoming an idol, if she wasn’t one already.
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“Pete, I’m afraid that you may be right. Over the years, even when I was with other women, I thought about Barbara. Even when she was married, I was pining after her, coveting her. I see that even though I confessed many sins when I came to know the Lord that’s one sin that I did not acknowledge or confess.”
“You need to do that, Wills. You need to ask God to forgive you for idolizing her and to release you from this obsession. Obsession is not true love, it’s tinged with selfishness. You want her because of how good she makes you feel, how happy she makes you. Ask God to help you to love her in the Corinthians 13 way and you will experience true freedom. All these feelings of uncertainty and turmoil will vanish. It won’t be about what she can do for you but about what you can do for her. Your own desires will cease to exist. You will want God’s best for her, even if that best isn’t you.”
William inhaled sharply. ‘Even if that best isn’t you’. Was it possible that God’s best for Barbara wasn’t him? He closed his eyes tightly so that Peter wouldn’t see the tears that had sprung to his eyes. “God, how can I live without her?” he thought for the second time in his life.
Almost instantly a passage of scripture that he’d read a few days before sprang to mind. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will grant you the desires of your heart. What did that mean? Wasn’t he delighting himself in the Lord? He reflected now on his spiritual walk. Sure he had been saved but, as Peter had alluded, he hadn’t really submitted himself to God’s leadership in every aspect of his life, particularly the aspect that related to Barbara. Furthermore, he wasn’t delighting himself in the Lord as he should be. He was spending more time thinking about Barbara than basking in the glory of his Savior.
William wiped his eyes with the back of his thumb. “Thanks for that, Pete. How illuminating. It was enough to make a grown man cry,” he said, with a shaky laugh.
He turned to his cousin and punched him playfully on the arm. “You’re a real surprise, you know that? If I’d known that my dreary old cousin would be such a treasure of knowledge I’d have sought you out long ago.”
Peter laughed. “That’s okay. God’s timing is always perfect. I’ll let you in on something. I wasn’t going to come to this event tonight. I really hate these affairs and it’s worst when Sue’s not with me. But something kept telling me to come. I see now that it’s because God wanted me to speak to you. I don’t know why I brought up your relationship with Barbara, I just felt led to.”
William nodded. “Thanks for obeying. I’m going to leave now. Say, will you pray with me before I go?”
“Sure thing, Wills. It’d be my pleasure.”
Chapter 31
William had a forkful of eggs benedict midway to his mouth when his phone rang for the fourth time that morning. He placed the uneaten morsel back on his plate, dabbed the corner of his mouth with a napkin and glanced at the phone.
He smiled as he answered.
“Prudence Konstantinos! You remembered.”
“As if I could forget my favorite cousin’s birthday. Did you get my gift?”
“No.”
“Drat! They told me it would have arrived yesterday. I’ll check on that. Anyway, I called to wish you a brilliant day. How does it feel to be all of 34?”
“Let’s have a think. Um, about the same as it felt to be 33, I suppose.”
“How are things between you and Barbara? I haven’t seen any photos of you two in the press lately. Keeping a low profile?”
“You do know that she’s in Morocco on location shooting her movie Israel.”
“Of course, but you’ve been to visit her, I understand.”
“I only went once for a few days in September. I’m an investor you know, had to ensure everything was as it should be.”
Prudence snorted irreverently. “Like you know anything about film making. You wouldn’t know if it was a disaster in the making or the next blockbuster by casual observation.”
“You know nothing about my observation abilities, Prunes, so shut up.”
Prudence cackled. “I’ll shut up when you admit that the reason you trotted half way around the globe was to see Barbie, Ken.”
“Okay, I’ll admit it, I wanted to see her.”
“Good, the truth at last. She told me that you two were just friends and that you were content with the arrangement. Sounded really far-fetched to me but I didn’t argue. So is that still the case, or has she come to her senses.”
William made a face as his taste buds rejected the tea that had gone tepid. He placed the cup in the saucer and leaned back, looking across the dining room table past the living room and out through the window into the foggy London skyline. Looked like it would be another cold, damp, November day.
“Listen, Prunes, Barbara’s position hasn’t changed on that front. We became really close when I was in New York and honestly I consider her to be a great friend, my best friend actually. The thing was, though, I found that it was becoming a little difficult to keep things platonic. So I’ve kind of kept my distance over the last few months.”
“Really! It’s not like you to be so laid back. What happened to that relentless drive? Usually when you want something you pursue it with all your might.”
“God happened, Prunes. You remember I told you that I’ve become a Christian, right?”
“Uh huh.”
“Well, I realized a few weeks ago that I was beginning to idolize Barbara. It changed my perspective. I’ve decided to let go and let God.”
“What does that mean?”
“That if it’s God’s will that we be together then He’ll make it happen. I can’t continue to torture myself over getting her back.”
“Oh crumbs! You sound just like her. So if you both decide to leave things up to God and not help Him what’s going to happen?”
William laughed in spite of himself. “Prunes, we really need to have a talk. God doesn’t need our help. The Christian walk is about faith and trust. I trust that he has our best interest at heart and that He will make a way. I’m through trying to wrestle this from Him. It’s not likely to work anyway. I realize that He does things according to His timing not mine. A humbling realization I might add.”
“Okay, fine. Whatever works for you. Call me when you get my gift okay?”
“Sure thing. Thanks in advance.”
“Don’t thank me yet,” she said mysteriously.
After he disconnected the call, William said a short prayer for Prudence’s salvation just as he had done many times over the past few months. He felt at peace as he trusted God with Prudence’s future. He also trusted God with his future. Yes, he wanted Barbara to be a part of that future. He loved her so much. In fact, he didn’t think that he could ever love another woman the way he loved her. However, he knew that God’s will needed to be done in their situation. If she was the woman he was meant to be with then God would work it out.
His butler came up to him. “Lord Lamport?”
“Yes,” he said looking up from his tablet at Alfred.
“Miss Dickson is downstairs to see you.”
William was so shocked he watched him for a full minute before he responded. “Miss Dickson?”
“Barbara Dickson, sir.” Alfred replied, his face remaining expressionless.
“Uh, have her sent up please,” he eventually managed.
Barbara? Wasn’t she supposed to be in Morocco? Had she traveled all the way to London just to see him on his birthday? He tried not to read too much into this news. He remembered the Bible passage he had read that morning from Philippians 4: 6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” He was comforted by those words.
A few minutes later Barbara was at the door. He didn’t hug her as he ordinarily would have. He kept his distance, but he did smile happily. “Barbara, this is a wonderful surpri
se. Come in please.”
He couldn’t prevent her from hugging him, though, and that was exactly what she did. She reached for him and wrapped her arms around his neck. “Happy birthday, Wills.”
He hugged her back but didn’t linger.
Just then, Alfred appeared and helped Barbara out of her coat and she followed William into the living room.
~*~*~*~
“What brings you to London?” William asked.
“Isn’t it obvious? You, of course.”
“You came all the way to London just to see me? Fancy that!”
“Well, I’m actually on my way to New York.” Barbara said, taking a seat and placing her handbag beside her in the chair. When Alfred asked if she wanted anything she smiled at the tall, neatly dressed Brit who looked to be in his mid-forties and she politely responded in the negative.
“I decided to stop over in London because I wanted to deliver your birthday present in person.”
“Really?” William smiled with pleasure.
“Yes, and before I present it to you I want you to know that I was praying about what to get the man who has everything. Then it hit me. You love two things: cars and winning. So the gift is a way for you to possibly enjoy those two loves at the same time.”
He watched her with curiosity but said nothing.
“Anyway your gift is on its way up. In fact…” she glanced at her watch, “…it should be outside any minute now.”
As if on cue the doorbell rang.
“Should I go to the door?” he asked.
Barbara shook her head. “No, let Alfred get it.” There was a noise at the door and shuffling footsteps.
Her gaze remained rooted to William’s face as two men entered the room lifting a 1965 Shelby pool table. They placed it on the floor at the entrance to the living room area.
The Royal Couple: A Christian Romance (Royals Book 1) Page 31
