by Fiona Field
‘What’ll happen when we move? We’re bound to, you know.’
‘I’m not stupid, Seb, I know this. I’ll just get another job.’
‘So when is all this going to kick off?’
‘Depends if I get the post.’
‘You’ve already applied? For what?’
‘There’s a little company that does lab work outsourced by charities researching cancer treatments – it’s on the science park. No commuting, right up my street, it’s perfect.’
‘And you didn’t tell me? You deliberately kept me in the dark till you could present me with a fait accompli?’
It was Maddy’s turn to get cross. ‘No, I didn’t. I thought what’s the point of having a row if I don’t even get an interview?’
‘We’re not rowing.’
Maddy snorted.
‘So you’d already made your mind up to go back to work and asking for my opinion was just an afterthought?’
‘No, that’s not it. But you’ve got to see it’s a bit chicken and egg.’
‘I suppose,’ conceded Seb, but he still sounded put out.
‘Anyway, cheer up, I mightn’t get it.’ But she hoped against hope she did.
35
Chrissie gazed at the morning’s appointments list on the computer. Sick parade was over, and now it was the turn of the soldiers who had appointments for check-ups or jabs or ongoing treatment for their ailments to see the MO. Her eye lit on a name: Lee Perkins. She had to steady herself against the counter in reception. Lee! He was back. She could feel her heart thudding in anticipation of seeing him again, and she noticed her hands were shaking.
Since Immi had told her the news about Jenna’s affair, she’d longed to ask more about it, but Immi’s response to a bit of gentle questioning didn’t encourage further prying.
‘You shouldn’t want to know, Chrissie Summers. Jenna’s a cow. I mean,’ Immi’s voice had risen in indignation, ‘why would either of us care what happens to her? Considering what she did to her husband – and while he was in a war zone – sheesh, words fail me. Honestly, Chrissie, I don’t know why we were friends with her. We should have seen through her.’
Chrissie didn’t contradict her and point out that it had been Immi who had been Jenna’s mate, not her. Nor did she dare tell her quite how close she’d got to Lee in Afghanistan and how much she felt for him now. Not that it mattered, she thought glumly, as she gazed at Lee’s name on the computer screen, she was never going to have a chance with him. She didn’t know why but he’d made it perfectly obvious that whatever he’d once felt for her was over. Since his second injury, his attitude had changed completely. She sighed. She just wished she could flick a switch on her feelings like he had, because inside she was dying.
It was almost lunchtime when Maddy rang the bell of Caro’s quarter. She was dressed in her smart interview suit and couldn’t wait to get home and change into something more comfortable.
‘So?’ said Caro, as she opened the door, a squirming Nathan cradled in her arms.
‘I’m really, really sorry, Caro.’
‘Oh, hun. You didn’t get it? The stupid people have no idea what they’ve let slip by them.’
Maddy sighed. ‘No, it’s not the job I’m feeling sorry about, it’s something else.’
Caro’s forehead creased. ‘I’m not with you, Mads.’
Maddy couldn’t keep her smile suppressed any longer. ‘I’m sorry but you’re going to be stuck with Nate for the foreseeable future. I got the job!’
Caro’s shriek of delight not only reduced Nathan to instant tears but was heard halfway across the patch.
‘Only pretend I didn’t tell you first. Seb’s got to believe he’s the first one to hear the news.’
‘God, men!’ Caro handed Nate over to Maddy. ‘By the way, do you want to hear some gossip?’
‘Caro, I’m a woman. Of course I want to hear some gossip.’
‘Well, apparently Susie and Mike have been hauled into their kids’ prep school and there’s a risk their girls might have to leave.’
‘No! Why?’
‘It seems the girls have been sharing porn with their classmates.’
Maddy’s eyes goggled. ‘But that’s awful.’
Caro nodded. ‘It seems they found their dad’s stash of dodgy DVDs, copied them and then sold them.’
Maddy’s mouth twitched. ‘I know it’s appalling but you’ve got to admire their enterprise.’
It’s not how their head sees it.’
‘I can imagine. But how come you know? I mean it’s hardly the sort of thing Susie would post on the Wives’ Club noticeboard.’
‘Most of the kids there are army ones, so it’s courtesy of the wives’ grapevine. Of course, it may not be true but I’ve heard from Philly that as a result Susie’s signed the pledge.’
‘No!’ Somehow that seemed almost as shocking as the other bit of gossip.
‘It sort of adds up. Maybe, what with one thing and another, she and Mike had their eye off the ball a bit too much when the kids were home. If she was out for the count on the sofa, weekends and evenings, no wonder the girls were running a bit wild.’
As Maddy took Nathan back to her house she felt even more glad that she was going to have a life of her own, a life off the patch and that didn’t involve anyone from the army. It had just been made even more apparent to her that there was no such thing as a private life where the other wives were concerned. It made her wonder, fleetingly, what they knew about her.
‘Hi, Lee.’
‘Chrissie?’ He sounded surprised.
OK, she had the advantage because she knew he was going to turn up to the medical centre that morning but even so, surely he would have known he might see her there. ‘I do work here. It can’t come as that much of a shock to see me.’ She tried to sound light-hearted but she was angry that he seemed to have forgotten all about her. Did she mean that little to him?
‘No, no… sorry, I wasn’t thinking.’
You certainly weren’t thinking about me. She felt her heart crack just a little more. ‘How are you?’ she said brightly to cover up her feelings.
‘Better. Look.’ Lee swung his arm in an arc like a bowler.
‘Impressive. And no aches and pains?’
‘Some, but not often, and I’ve got lots of exercises I can do to ease them.’
‘Good.’ A light flashed on Chrissie’s desk in reception. ‘OK, the MO is free. Go on in.’
She watched Lee head down the corridor. He hadn’t shown any sign of emotion apart from surprise. So that was that, then. And her heart broke completely. She busied herself with filing patients’ notes, tidying up the reception area and any little tasks to keep herself from wondering about what might have been, to keep herself from crying. But despite her self-set tasks, she still couldn’t avoid spotting him leaving the medical centre – leaving without even a glance in her direction.
The intercom went on her desk. ‘Summers,’ said the MO’s voice. ‘Come to my office, please.’
She blew her nose and got herself in check before she made her way to Major Rawlings’ surgery.
‘File those, please, Summers,’ he said, pointing to a tottering stack of buff-coloured medical files.
‘Of course, sir. Anything else?’
He shook his head. ‘Nope. When you’ve done that you can go for lunch, if you want. That is, unless there’s anyone else for morning surgery?’
‘No, sir, Private Perkins was the last.’
‘Good. Thank you, Summers.’
Chrissie took the manila folders to reception and began to put them back in the filing cabinets. She glanced at the top one – Lee’s naturally, as he’d been last to see the MO. She noticed that his personal details had been altered. His address was no longer given as one of the married quarters – he was down as a single soldier, living in. He mightn’t be divorced in law, but as far as the army was concerned, as soon as a marriage broke down and the soldier moved back into barracks, he o
r she was single again.
So, he and Jenna had separated? They must have done. Lee’s docs said so. She needed to speak to Immi to see if she knew more.
As quickly as she could, she stuffed the remaining notes back into the filing cabinets and raced off to the cookhouse, texting Immi as she went, demanding that her friend meet her there for lunch.
She was waiting by the door, tapping her foot with impatience, when Immi put in an appearance.
‘You never told me,’ said Chrissie to Immi, as soon as she was within earshot.
‘Told you what? For fuck’s sake, Chrissie, I’m a clerk, not a clairvoyant.’
‘That Lee and Jenna have split up. That he’s moved back into company lines.’
Immi looked bewildered. ‘Not being funny, Chrissie, but why should I have done? You knew Jenna’d had an affair, so her and Lee breaking up can hardly have come as a shock. It isn’t exactly hot off the press, is it?’
‘No… but…’
The pair joined the queue for the salad bar. ‘So what would you care?’ said Immi.
‘It doesn’t matter why, I just do, OK?’
‘But why?’
Chrissie remained silent. She didn’t want to answer that one.
Immi stopped. She stared at Chrissie, and Chrissie could almost see a cascade of pennies dropping. ‘Oh my God. You and Lee. You and Lee? You and Lee! In Afghan. Oh my God, you and Lee.’
Chrissie held a hand up to stop Immi speculating any more, as their queue shuffled forwards. ‘No! I mean, yes, we were out there together, but that was it. He was out in Helmand and I was in Bastion. Yes, our paths crossed once or twice, but that was it. Honest, Immi.’
‘But you wanted more to happen?’
‘No.’
Immi gave her a look which couldn’t have said ‘pull the other one’ more clearly if she’d had it tattooed on her forehead.
‘All right, yes I did, but it didn’t. Really. Truly, Immi. You must believe me. He was married and I respected that.’
Around them the other soldiers stopped shuffling forwards to get their meal and began to openly eavesdrop on the developing row.
‘So did you and he plan to go out to Afghan together?’ Immi’s eyes widened again. ‘Of course you did!’ she said triumphantly, as she made the connection. ‘That’s why you didn’t want me to mention your posting last Christmas, in case anyone else managed to put two and two together.’
‘No! No, Immi, it was just coincidence. When I saw him at Brize, I was as surprised as anyone.’
‘Who was surprised?’ Lee’s voice stopped both of them in mid-flow.
Chrissie jumped, guiltily. ‘Nothing.’
‘Doesn’t sound like nothing to me,’ said Lee. His gaze flicked questioningly between the two women.
‘No, it certainly isn’t,’ said Immi.
‘Immi,’ said Chrissie, a warning note in her voice.
But Immi took no notice. ‘I was just about to say to Chrissie that, while everyone in the garrison was having a right go at Jenna for shagging that REME guy, you and she were playing fast and loose out in Afghan. Well, I hope you’re proud of yourselves.’
‘What?’ Lee looked gobsmacked. ‘Me and Chrissie? Screwing? Oh, get real, Immi. As if.’ And the look on his face was the final straw.
Obviously, thought Chrissie, feeling her already damaged heart finally shatter into a million tiny shards, he finds the idea of screwing me utterly ridiculous and repellent. Stifling a cry she fled from the cookhouse, cannoning into soldiers as she fought against the incoming tide, half-blinded by tears.
‘Now what have I said?’ said Lee to Immi.
Immi gazed at Chrissie’s fleeing back view before she switched her attention back to Lee. ‘So you and she didn’t…?’
‘When? Immi, just how on earth do you think we got it together out there? Shit, I spent most of my time on the front line.’
‘I dunno.’ She thought about her own love-life. ‘But where there’s a will there’s a way.’
‘Exactly. And I was happily married – at least I thought I was,’ he added bitterly. ‘And Chrissie’s got a boyfriend. I wasn’t about to muscle in, when she was in a relationship. Just because my life was going shit-shaped, I wasn’t going to screw up hers too.’
‘What?’ It was Immi’s turn to be completely bewildered. ‘Relationship? Who with?’
‘That medic, Phil Johns.’
‘Phil?’ Just when Immi thought the day couldn’t get any more surreal, it just did. ‘Phil and Chrissie.’ She started to giggle.
‘Now what have I said?’ Lee sounded annoyed.
‘Oh come on, Lee, surely you know how unlikely that is?’ She was actually shaking with laughter now.
‘No.’ Lee’s irritation was starting to morph into anger. ‘What’s the joke? What have I said?’
‘Phil’s gay.’
‘A poof?’ Lee’s eyes popped.
‘I don’t think that’s very PC,’ said Immi primly, her laughter gone, ‘but yes, totally, 100 per cent, dyed in the wool… poof.’
‘So he and Chrissie…?’
‘Not for an instant.’
‘So why’s she so upset, like?’
Immi repeated Lee’s words back to him: ‘“Me and Chrissie? Screwing? Oh, get real, Immi. As if.”’ She gave Lee a significant look. ‘If you ask me, Chrissie thought you’d rather shag a gorilla than her. And as a result, I think you’ve just broken her heart.’
The colour drained from Lee’s face. ‘What have I done?’ He began to head for the cookhouse door.
‘Top floor, Duchess of Kent block,’ Immi called after him. ‘Room three hundred and ten.’
36
The door was shut fast and Lee opened it with trepidation. As he did, he could hear muffled hiccuping sobs. Quietly he shut the door behind him and tiptoed across the room, the square of carpet in the middle muffling the sound of his boots, but Chrissie was crying so hard, he doubted she would hear anything anyway. All he could see was a little ball huddled under the duvet.
He sat down at the foot of the bed.
‘B-b-bugger off, I-i-mmi,’ came Chrissie’s indistinct voice.
Lee stayed put.
‘I s-s-said, b-bugger off!’
Still Lee didn’t move.
The bed erupted as Chrissie, mad with grief and anger, threw back the duvet to lash out at her room-mate. Her mouth opened and shut and then she said, ‘Lee!’
Her face was puffy, flushed and tear-stained, but Lee didn’t think he’d seen anyone so lovely before.
‘Chrissie—’
‘Get out,’ she screamed at him. ‘Get out!’
‘Chrissie—’
‘Out!’ she yelled again, and hauled the duvet back over her head.
Lee stood up and pulled the covers off her.
‘Listen to me,’ he yelled back, his face inches from hers.
Chrissie was so stunned her sobs ceased. She just lay there, staring up at him, huddled into a foetal position, the epitome of misery.
‘Listen to me,’ he repeated more gently. ‘Chrissie, I had no idea you had feelings for me.’
Inelegantly Chrissie wiped her nose on the back of her hand and glared at Lee. ‘Well, you’ve made it quite plain how you feel about me.’
Lee walked across the room, picked up a box of tissues from a nearby dressing table and brought back a handful of handkerchiefs to Chrissie. She snatched them and blew her nose.
‘You have no idea how I feel about you.’ He glared back at Chrissie, daring her to contradict him. ‘And shall I tell you why?’ He sat down on her bed again.
Chrissie snorted. ‘If you must.’ She pulled herself into a sitting position, against her pillows.
‘I backed off. I could see – at least I thought I could see – your heart was elsewhere. So I didn’t want to complicate things for you.’
‘Complicate what things?’ she sneered.
‘You and Phil.’
Chrissie’s jaw slackened.
&nb
sp; Lee held his hand up. ‘Yes, I know all about Phil now, don’t I? Immi’s just put me straight.’
‘Which is more than Phil wants anyone to do for him,’ said Chrissie, sniffing and dashing away tears off her cheeks.
Lee smiled at her. ‘That’s more like it, bonny lass. So that is why I got so cross when Immi accused us of getting it on in Bastion. Talk about unfair: screwing you – which isn’t the nicest way of putting things but hey – was the one thing I’d wanted to do and hadn’t been able to; and then I get blamed for it anyway.’
Chrissie gave a wan smile. ‘You wanted to?’
‘God, Chrissie, I spent half my waking hours thinking about you. Which was wrong of me, I’ll admit, ’cos at the time I thought I was still happily married.’ He shrugged. ‘Well, we all make mistakes.’
‘Said the hedgehog climbing off the hairbrush,’ murmured Chrissie.
Lee chuckled. ‘But then when I got injured and you and Phil were always together, I thought, well, I’ve missed me chance.’
‘We just liked the same films.’
‘Brief Encounter.’
‘You remembered.’
‘I’ve watched it.’
‘Really?’ She was impressed.
Lee nodded. ‘Not really my style, like, and I didn’t think much of the soundtrack.’
Chrissie laughed. ‘No, I don’t have you down as the classical music type.’
‘Is that what it was – classical music?’
‘Rachmaninov.’
‘Bless you.’
Chrissie giggled again. ‘That’s the name of the composer, silly.’
‘So do you forgive me?’ he asked. He leaned forwards a little and Chrissie saw something nestling in the V of his open combat jacket neck. She hooked the object out with her finger. It was Fred Bear, still on a chain round his neck.
‘You’ve still got him.’
‘He’s the most important bit of kit I’ve got. I’ve been keeping him safe.’
‘He didn’t do a very good job, though, of keeping you safe, did he?’
‘Who cares? That injury meant I got to see lots more of you than I would have. I think, all in all, your little bear did a cracking job.’
‘I think,’ said Chrissie, ‘if you wanted to, you could see a lot more of me yet.’
