A Hot Mess
The Certainty of Deception Outtake
by
Jeanne McDonald
Please note this story is intended for mature audiences due to explicit language, graphic sexual content, and scenes of narcotic usage. Reader discretion is advised.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are the product of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance of actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is coincidental.
Copyright © 2014 Jeanne McDonald
All rights reserved. Except as permitted under the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author.
Visit the author’s website at www.jeannemcdonald.com
First Edition: December 2014
Edited by: Amy Gamache with Rose David Editing
Cover Design and Interior Formatting by: Jo Matthews with Written Elegance
Cover image by: Karuka via Shutterstock
Table of Contents
Dedication
Start of A Hot Mess
About the Author
Where to Find Her
Discover Other Titles by Jeanne McDonald
Acknowledgements
This outtake was originally written in support of
Fandoms for LLS (Leukemia & Lymphoma Society)
To Grant Norton and Scott Pound:
Two of the bravest men I’ve had the pleasure of knowing.
Their suffering is over but their legacy lives on.
Gone but never forgotten.
Chapter 11.5
McKenzie
What am I doing? I know better than this.
Damn right I knew better. That didn’t stop me though.
I’m such an idiot.
Boy howdy. If I had a brain I’d be dangerous. I proved that the instant I let Drew into my apartment. I should’ve sent him away, but fuck he looked so good standing there. Innocence wrapped in seduction. His lips. His eyes. His jaw. His nose. His hands. The way he touched me. The way he felt. The way he loved me. Everything about him intoxicated me. Who was I to deny him?
An idiot. That’s who! This man crushed me. He left me. He disappeared without a trace. It took me telling him I was leaving for him to make contact with me. And even when he showed up at my door begging me to stay, it really wasn’t him there. It was a shadow of the man I knew.
God, I was a fucking moron to let him waltz back into my life like he never hurt me.
It’s gotta be the pot. Yeah. That’s it. I’m high.
If only that was the case, but I knew better. My being high had nothing to do with my current predicament. Nope, being high wasn’t my problem. My problem was nothing more than denial. No matter how much I wanted to lie to myself, it was impossible to believe that I was down on my knees, in front of the man who shattered my heart into a million pieces, simply because I was high. There was only one explanation, and the thought both sickened and excited me.
Andrew Wise still owned me. Heart. Mind. Soul. Body.
I was his, even if I didn’t want to be. Two months wasn’t enough to get him out of my bloodstream. A lifetime wouldn’t be long enough.
His head fell back and his chest deflated as he exhaled. A haze of smoke expelled from his lungs, diffusing into the atmosphere. I licked my lips, enamored by the feel of his cock in my hand. It’d only been months since I’d last touched him, but it felt like years.
Unable to withstand my own need to taste him, I gripped him tight at the base of his shaft and wrapped my lips around his length, drawing him deep into my mouth. Slow and steady, just how I knew he liked it. I rocked forward on the balls of my toes, taking in every inch I could, as deep as I could. Oh, the way he tasted against my tongue. I’d missed this. I’d missed him. I hated myself for missing him. I hated him for my missing him.
“Fuck,” he hissed. Drew placed the roach on the stove and tangled his fingers into my hair.
Hearing him curse spurred me on. More out of spite than need, because fuck was right. I shouldn’t have been doing this. We shouldn’t have been doing this. He was supposed to be with Olivia. They were having a baby together. It didn’t matter if he knocked her up before we were together. The fact was he called her first. He reached out to her first. That alone told me everything I needed to know. There was no place for me in his life. Sure, we could be friends, but my sucking his dick sorta proved that wasn’t an option. I needed to stop this.
But I couldn’t stop.
To tell the truth, I didn’t want to stop.
It wasn’t as if he was trying to stop me. I grazed my teeth against the pulsing vein in his shaft and smirked at his response. The grit of his teeth, his gasp, the way he gripped my hair tighter. Yeah, he wasn’t about to stop me, so fuck it. I was going to take out every bit of my frustration, both sexual and emotional, on him.
Drew hurt me. He told me loved me and then he left me. He left me alone to care for Olivia after she gave us the news about the baby. He forced me to watch her cry over his actions, and left me without any recourse to cry over my own. He left me without a word of his whereabouts, or knowing if he was even all right. I hated him for making me feel so insignificant. I hated him for telling me he loved me. I hated him for sending me flowers every Monday, because no matter how much I hated him for it, I loved him. I couldn’t get him out from under my skin. He was my first thought every morning and my very last thought as I drifted off to sleep at night.
My fingers wrapped tighter around him, squeezing almost to the point of discomfort. The moisture from my saliva added the lubrication I needed to stroke him hard and fast, matching the motion of mouth.
An unabashed moan escaped his chest as my tongue slithered slowly around his sensitive head. That sound. That glorious sound only caused my already wet pussy to flood with desire. I needed to hear him want me. Deep down, I wanted to make this fucker beg.
I moved my mouth down between his legs, sucking both of his balls into my mouth, swirling my tongue against his sac. On cue, he gave me what I wanted. I tilted my face up, looking at him. His gaze locked on me. In the dim light and through the haze of smoke that lingered in the air, I watched how his eyes darkened behind those glasses. Fuck, those glasses. They would surely be the death of me.
Pulling the skin of sac between my teeth, I released him, relishing the way his expression seemed surprised by my actions. “Like that?” I asked, my tone husky and seductive.
He nodded his head, tucking his bottom lip between his teeth.
“Is that a yes, Andy?” I snaked my tongue out, licking the underside of his shaft from bottom to top.
He nodded again, apparently incoherent, but that wasn’t enough for me. He was going to give me what I wanted. He owed me that.
“Say yes, Andy,” I demanded, wrapping my mouth over the head of his cock, thrusting my tongue along his slit, lapping at the salty goodness developing there.
“Yeah,” he croaked, then cleared his throat, “Uh, yes.”
He reached down and removed my glasses from my face, placing them on the counter. I smiled, pushing forward on my toes. “Good,” I breathed, dragging my tongue back down his long, pulsing cock. His fingers curled tighter in my hair. I closed my eyes and took both of his balls back into my mouth, rolling them along my tongue as I wrapped my hand around his shaft, stroking him. He hissed and his legs buckled. With my free hand, I reached around him, cupping his bare ass to steady him.
“Careful, baby,” he begge
d. “I can’t take much more.”
That was exactly what I wanted. I wanted him to lose control. I wanted him to understand how it felt to be powerless.
A chuckle bubbled in my chest as I pulled his ball sac with my lips. I licked from his balls all the way up to the head of his dick. He seemed almost relieved when I acted as if I were about to give him a moment, but before he could stop me, I pushed my mouth around his cock, slamming down so hard it hit the back of my throat.
“Jesus, FUCK, woman!”
He pulled back on my hair, trying to rein me in but he couldn’t win. Not this time.
My mouth was relentless. I was determined to control him for once. He’d been in power from the moment he entered the shop today, and I wanted my power back. I was tired of being everyone's doormat. I’d been that way my whole life. I left Florida for a reason. I needed to get away. From him. From Olivia. From myself. I was stronger now. Or was I? Him showing up unannounced really took me by surprise.
Why in the world did he have to come over tonight? Hell, why did he have to come to Amarillo?
I wanted nothing more than to get over Andrew Wise, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t get him out of my head, let alone my heart. I even took off that damn necklace he gave me for my birthday, hoping to gain balance within myself. It didn’t work.
When Jackie suggested that I needed to talk to Javier, one of my father’s mechanics, to get some ‘wacky tobacky’, I about died. It had been years since I’d smoked pot. I wasn’t in college anymore. I was a reasonable, sensible adult who handled her problems without reverting to illegal substances, or so I thought. I completely ignored her suggestion, to the point of forgetting about it, until Javier stopped me before leaving and handed me a dime bag with papers included. I had no intentions of smoking it, but after my night with Drew in the pool, I needed something to take the edge off. Feelings stirred in me that I’d been fighting since he arrived. Now, there was only one way to get him out of my system. It was time for me to tell him how much he destroyed me. How I felt completely used by him.
I invited Drew to breakfast the next morning, hoping to clear the air. Never in a million years did I expect him to show up at my apartment past midnight. And then he had to show up looking all sexy. What was he thinking coming over wearing those glasses and that old, stupid t-shirt? Having him so close was cruel and unusual torture. Ugh, and I’d promised to watch Jackie’s kids in the morning until Mom was done with whatever church function she was doing. Stupid me! There I was, baked and sucking off my ex without thinking about what I was supposed to be doing in mere hours.
His cock twitched in my mouth, growing harder and larger with each pass. I wasn’t about to slow my movements. I sucked harder and faster, encompassing his full length in my mouth and hands. He was on the verge, about to fall over the precipice and I wanted nothing more than to watch him fall. My teeth scraped the pulsating vein in his cock, pressing deep into his skin.
Suddenly, he pushed away from me, leaving his shoes, shorts and underwear on the floor in front of me. His shirt fell down over his stomach, touching the tip of his cock. God, he was a gorgeous sight. Neither Nate nor Gage was that big, and I longed to feel his long, thick cock filling my body.
Drew shook his head, his eyes wild and his body trembling. “Not yet,” he growled. “I want you.”
I stood up, licking my lips. With the tips of my fingers, I wiped the corners of my mouth, eyeing him intensely. I could only imagine my expression, with my brows lifted and an evil, seductive grin teasing my lips. I slid my hands down between my tits, over my stomach, stopping just above the hem of my shorts. “Then what’s stopping you?”
Drew’s jaw clenched, and in the space of a single breath, he had me in his arms and pinned between him and the pantry door. I gasped at the ferocity of his actions. His lips crashed into mine. The sheer force of his kiss took my breath away. Drew didn’t care that he was stealing my oxygen. He shoved his tongue into my mouth, taking what he wanted.
Tongues tangled. Teeth clashed. Wanton moans echoed around us. I dug my nails deep into his back, devouring the cry of pain that escaped into my mouth.
He lifted me off the ground, slamming me hard against the door. I wrapped my legs around his waist, pulling his hips against mine. The head of his cock rubbed against my clit through my shorts, sending a vibration of need pulsing through me. I clawed at his back, gathering his t-shirt into my hands. “Off,” I growled against his lips.
Following orders, Drew leaned back just enough to allow me to rip his shirt over his head and toss it aside. I dragged my nails down his firm chest and over his taut nipples. His skin rippled with excitement, and once again a wave of passion and sickness engulfed me. How easy this was for him, to forget what happened between us. To forget about Olivia and the baby. I wanted to forget. I wanted to stop feeling any kind of pain. The truth was, I was jealous of Olivia. I hated how she was carrying Drew’s child. I hated how she stole my happiness. I hated how I was willing to steal her happiness for the sake of my own. Everything about this situation was all fucked up. Yet, it felt so good to have him want me, to touch me again.
God, I was one fucked up cookie.
The mood in him shifted somehow. His lips met the column of my throat. He ran his tongue down ever so lightly, pressing a deep kiss at the base. This was too sweet. His tenderness wasn’t what I needed. Nor was it what I wanted. I didn’t want to make love. He didn’t deserve my love. No, I wanted to fuck; it was the only way I could keep control. If I let my heart run this show, I was sure to end up hurt again. That wasn’t something I was prepared to handle. I took his earlobe between my teeth and hissed, “Fuck me, Andy. Fuck me hard.”
He pulled back, analyzing my expression. This wasn’t like me. I loved sex. He knew that. But never in our short time together did I demand anything of him. Sex had always been about sharing the love we had, not just pleasure. It was an expression of our feelings. But not tonight. No, he was going to give me what I wanted. I removed his glasses and placed them on the counter next to mine. His arms tightened around me as his mouth crashed back into mine.
Our tongues moved with ferocity. I clawed at his back and buried my heels into his bare ass. He pulled back, gasping for breath. I smirked and nodded toward my chest. Taking my cue, he ripped my shirt over my head, exposing the fact that I’d been without a bra this whole time.
Drew gasped at the sight of my tits. His hand reached up, cupping them both as his mouth latched on to my fucking hard nipple. I moaned in pure delight. “Oh, God, Yes!” I purred, arching my back, lavishing the feel of his warm tongue swirling around my nipple.
The feel of his mouth on me sent a wave of euphoria rippling through me, but I needed more. I needed to feel his cock buried inside me. I reached between us and grabbed his hard length. Drew’s teeth grazed my nipple at the feel my fingers wrapping around him.
“Harder, Andy,” I demanded.
The suction of his mouth pulled my nipple until I was quivering against him. He bucked his hips against my hand and I couldn’t resist. I slipped my shorts aside and pushed the head of his cock against my exposed clit. Drew flicked his tongue against my nipple and then proceeded to my other one. As he sucked, I squeezed his cock tight, rubbing it harder against my clit, sliding it against my inner heat, coating the head with my wetness.
“Fuck,” he hissed against my nipple.
Back and forth between my clit and wet slit, I rubbed him, making his cock my play toy, and God it felt good. I wasn’t gentle by any means. With each pass, I slipped it further between my legs, pushing his dick further inside me, but not enough to give either of us what we really wanted. When I knew we’d both had enough torture, I pressed my hips down, about ready to give us our relief. Drew instantly stilled his hips, preventing my actions.
He released my nipple, his mouth opened wide as he realized what I was about to do. “Condoms,” he rasped.
I shook my head, a twisted smirk curving my lips. “Don’t
need them. I’m on the pill.”
“Still. I’d feel—” I released him, placing my wet finger to his lips, cutting off his sentence.
“Not this time,” I barked. Drew’s eyes widened. His tongue darted out, flicking over my fingertips. He moaned in resignation and nodded as he tasted me. I quickly returned my hand between us, pumping it up and down his length several times. Drew groaned and moved his mouth back over my nipple, sucking me hard between his teeth.
I pushed the tip of his cock back into the warmth of my center, continuing my assault along his length. He pumped his hips upward, trying to push inside me. I pushed his pelvis back with my knuckles. “No,” I growled.
He glanced up, his eyes heavy with need and confusion. After all, I had told him to fuck me, but that didn’t mean he was going to do it on his terms. He didn’t try to argue. He simply allowed me to continue rubbing him along my wet pussy as he moved to my other breast, giving it the same delectable treatment with his mouth.
Each flick of his tongue sent a surge of need and power through me. I pushed him a little deeper into my body, stroking him harder, feeling every ridge of his length in my palm. He bucked against my hand, urging me to let him in. With my free hand, I grabbed his short brown hair and pulled his head back, looking into his deep blue eyes. His mouth opened, gasping for air as I continued my relentless attack on him. Then, when I knew he was on the verge of losing himself, I commanded, “Now.”
At first Drew looked a little confused, but that confusion quickly disappeared as I removed my hand and pushed my aching, pussy down over the head of his cock. His body reacted on instinct, and he thrust up hard and fast into me. We both cried out at the instant release that one push gave us both. There was nothing innocent or sweet about this moment. It was raw, animalistic sex. I dug my nails into this back, delighting in the pain I knew I had caused him with each pass.
A Hot Mess (The Truth in Lies Saga #3) Page 1
