“I’m thirty-eight years old, but just today I was mistaken for a twenty-one-year-old.”
The audience gasped in excitement.
“And I can tell you, I sure don’t owe my youthfulness to my genetics. You should see my mother.” She paused and made a face, drawing a laugh from the audience. “Nope, it’s all thanks to the magic of Phytox. And I’m the only licensed practitioner of it on this cruise, so if you’re interested in looking young or staying young, make sure you come and see me! I dedicate my life to helping women—and men—living the very best life they can. And I truly believe, that living your best life starts with beauty, which is literally… skin deep.”
The audience all began to clap together, their fatigue forgotten after Jessie’s inspiring speech.
“I think I might get some of that!” Cece said to me excitedly.
“You?” I stared at her in disbelief. “You’re barely out of your teens! And you have fantastic skin.”
“Yes, but Nurse Jessie says it can help us maintain our youthfulness. I don’t ever want to grow old, Addy. Never.”
“But you will, Cece, you will.” I rubbed her upper arm. “You’ll be an old hag before you know it.”
“Hey!” She cut me a glare with some playfulness behind it. “You’ll be there way before me anyway, ma’am.”
We laughed at each other, though I think we were both just a little bit annoyed too. Up on the stage, Nurse Jessie had sat down and Kelly was back at the front of the stage.
“Nurse Jessie?” said Kelly, smiling at the speaker. “Everyone just loved your little talk. Do you have time for a Q&A?”
Jessie hopped to her feet again with all the sprightliness of a schoolgirl.
“Of course, I’d love to. That’s if you’re not all bored of me yet…?” She gave a puppy-dog look to the crowd.
“No!” the crowd shouted, including Cece.
“Yay!” Kelly clapped her hands together. “Okay then, if you’ve got a question, raise your hand!”
Cece’s arm immediately shot up. Of course.
Kelly scanned the crowd. Her eyes landed on my friend. I think it was probably because Kelly knew her name and thought it might impress the guests if they believed she might become that intimate with them too. They wouldn’t know she was an employee.
“Miss Cece Blake, isn’t it?” Kelly asked. “What’s your question for Nurse Jessie?”
The nurse smiled in our direction, and I couldn’t help but smile back at her.
“Hi!” Cece said in a loud voice. There was no need for the wireless mic that was currently being hurried over by one of the technicians. “I’m wondering,” she yelled, “what benefits can I get as a twenty-year-old? I never, ever want to look old. Can Phytox help?”
Jessie beamed down at her. “Twenty? I’d hardly believe it. You still look seventeen, dear!” The audience laughed, Cece beamed, and I rolled my eyes. “But let me assure you, I can help you. Regular Phytox injections have been shown to slow the aging process by up to seventy-five percent. You could be looking even younger than me by the time you’re forty!”
“Forty?” Cece said in disbelief.
Jessie laughed and the crowd joined in.
“I’m afraid so, dear. Even you will turn forty before you know it. But wouldn’t it be nice if you still looked like a twenty-one-year-old?”
“That does sound good. I’ll make an appointment!”
“I’ll look forward to seeing you later this week! Now, who else has a question?”
I nudged Cece. “Did she pay you to ask that?”
“What? No. I’m just excited.”
“You sound like a shill.”
She shrugged. “I don’t care. Maybe I’m a volunteer shill.”
“A volunteer shill? That’s an oxymoron.”
Cece stared daggers at me. “Watch it.”
“It doesn’t—”
“Hi!” boomed a loud voice, and I gave up trying to explain to Cece what I meant. I looked around the crowd and saw that it was the solo traveler I met earlier, Bruno. The technician had arrived with the mic, and now he was ready to ask his question.
“Hello there! And before we go on, I just want to reiterate that these treatments are for both women and men. So, go ahead, what’s your question?”
“I was wondering, are there any side effects?”
“Of Phytox? Well, no, not really. As you’ve probably heard, Botox can be quite numbing, but that’s less of an issue with Phytox. It’s simply a better, safer, more modern alternative.”
“Oh, I see,” Bruno said with a thoughtful nod. He took a moment to push up his glasses but didn’t relinquish the microphone just yet. “What if you overdose on it? Could that be dangerous?”
Nurse Jessie laughed before answering. “Anything can be dangerous if you take too much of it—people have died from overdosing on water! So of course, there is a safe dose. That’s why they don’t sell it in your local convenience store, it’s administered by an expert such as myself, and I can assure you, in all my years of practicing back in New Orleans, I’ve never once heard of an overdose.”
“Oh, that’s good to hear.” The technician went to take the mic out of his hand, but before he could, Bruno pulled it away and put it in front of his mouth again. “But what if the nurse was high on drugs? Couldn’t they inject the patient with too much and kill them?”
The crowd gasped at the strange question.
Jessie raised her eyebrows and shook her head, exasperated by the question. The audience sided with the nurse and took Bruno for some kind of crank.
“Yes, and if a brain surgeon decided to use a pneumatic drill on a patient after drinking a bottle of whiskey, I’m sure that would be disastrous too.” The audience applauded her comeback. “On this ship, there’s only one practitioner, and I’ll neither be drinking a bottle of whiskey nor taking drugs!” Nurse Jessie’s mouth opened in an amazed smile at the very thought of the idea. “Now are there any real questions? About the treatment?”
The technician took the microphone away from Bruno who this time gave it up willingly. There was a little smile on his lips, as if he’d enjoyed asking his rather strange question. He seemed normal when I’d met him at check-in, but now I wasn’t so sure.
“What’s up with that guy?” Cece looked annoyed, as if Bruno had been personally insulting her rather than nurse Jessie.
“I don’t know… I’ll probably keep an eye on him this cruise, though. Could be trouble”
“Yeah. I hope Nurse Jessie ‘accidentally’ injects him with an overdose of Botox or Phytox.”
“Cece! You can’t say that.”
She shrugged. “It’s a free country.” She held up her dress bag between us. “I’ve heard everything I’m interested in here. I’m going to head to my cabin and try my dress on again. You coming?”
I shook my head. “No. I’d better stay and take a few more pictures. Have a good night!”
I waved Cece off and found a free seat at a half-empty table near the back of the room. I began to go through the day’s photos and get them ready to upload.
Up on the stage, Kelly went through the schedule of the various events and activities, as well as the locations for the various beauty treatments that would be offered throughout the cruise.
As I tapped away on my phone, I thought about all the new people I’d met that day. It’s funny, but the first day of a cruise always feels like the longest. It must be because of all the new faces.
Now, I wondered how many the pictures of the models should I use…
Chapter Six
After the speeches and introductions were over, the experts left the stage and the party could really begin.
Well, not exactly a party, but what Kelly called a “mingler.” The guests and experts would have a chance to meet each other, while at the back of the room the cocktail bar was opened up. A number of waiters also appeared, with trays loaded with sparkling wine to distribute among any who wanted it.
An
d lots of people did.
Apart from a few bright moments, the events on the stage had been somewhat dull, at least from my perspective. I guessed the people who were really into beauty treatments probably found them fascinating. The cocktail mingler event looked much more fun, and I was pleased when Sam came to join me.
“Whew,” she said as she sat down beside me, wiping her brow. “That took long enough.”
“What were you doing?”
“Kelly had me do a survey to figure out how many people are likely to take each beauty treatment. But they kept asking me about all the different procedures and I didn’t really know the answers. It’s pretty tiring when you tell the hundredth person you don’t know how much dermaplaning costs or how frequently you need Phytox top-ups.”
“Hmm. I bet. I had it rough too.”
“Yeah?” Sam asked.
“Oh yeah.” I lifted up my smartphone. “Taking pictures is just so tough.”
Sam stuck her tongue out at me. Then her eyes lit up, and she shot to her feet. I stared up at her and saw she’d intercepted a waiter. “Thank you.”
She popped a glass of sparkling wine down in front of me, while she took a big sip from hers.
“Aren’t you still on duty?” I asked her.
She removed her name badge, shoved it into the pocket of her blue Swan of the Seas blouse, and unbuttoned it to reveal a white T-shirt underneath. She pulled off the uniform top and dumped it onto the table.
“Not anymore.”
I took off my own name badge and put it in my jeans pocket. The fact I was allowed to wear jeans was a perk of my position as a ‘roving reporter’ type. Today I was wearing a Swan T-shirt too, so without my identification I could pass as an enthusiastic guest who’d spent some time and money in the gift shop.
“Then I’m off-duty too,” I announced.
“You’ve changed,” she said with a grin. “When we first started working here, you never would have done that.”
I shrugged. “Must be because I’m getting old.”
“Hey, less of that.” Sam gave me a dirty look. “We’re the same age.”
I took a sip of the bubbly wine and relaxed. “Did you hear that question Bruno asked earlier?”
Sam’s eyebrows rose and she spoke in a low voice, “Oh, that guy?” She nodded her head beside our table, and I saw that Bruno was now standing close to us, though he was facing away. “That was weird. Shh.”
She tilted her head to show that she was listening, and I leaned in as well. From a distance, it would look like we were having a quiet conversation though of course we were actually eavesdropping.
“… couldn’t believe it when I saw you! What are you doing here?”
I craned my neck so I could see who Bruno was talking to. It was Brenda, the exasperated woman who had arrived with her partner Darren earlier after losing their check-in details.
“Same as everyone else,” said Brenda, “to make myself look better of course!”
Bruno and Brenda made polite conversation the way people do at cocktail parties. A waiter tried to slip by Bruno, and the solo traveler ended up walking around to the other side of Brenda, out of our earshot. So much for anymore eavesdropping.
“What do you think the chances are of running into someone you know on a cruise?”
Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. I guess it depends on your social circle? I think people who like cruises also have friends who like cruises, don’t they?”
“It still seems like some coincidence. And we don’t get many young people traveling alone.”
Sam shrugged again. “But there are a few, aren’t there? Maybe he’s just really into beauty.”
That wasn’t what he told me when I met him. I took another sip of wine. He hadn’t done anything wrong apart from asking a weird question earlier. I should just forget about it. Maybe he had a weird sense of humor.
“How old do you think they are?” Sam waved her wine glass across the other side of the table to where four familiar ladies were standing, laughing and talking to each other at quite an exceptional volume. “I’m not sure if they’re in their forties or seventies,” she said, squinting at them.
“I think you’re closer with your higher guess. That’s Miffy, Bitsy, Esmerelda, and Chastity,” I told her. “They’re all single ladies looking for some fun. They had their eyes on the male models earlier, in fact.”
“At their age?” She pursed her lips. “I hope I’ve got that much pep in me when I’m that old.”
“I’m sure you will. We both will. I’m pretty sure Cece thinks we’re up there already.”
Sam laughed. “Ignore her. She just likes to wind us up. Oh, look, I think one of them spotted you.”
Sure enough, Miffy, the blonde-haired leader of the pack was waving at me. I waved back.
“Do you want to meet them?”
“Yes. Yes, I do,” said Sam emphatically. “Come on!”
Sam hopped to her feet and the pair of us made our way over to the fun-loving group. They were all dressed in tight-fitting evening gowns that showed they still worked hard to maintain their figures, and they were all dripping in jewelry that showed made sure their bank balances were well-maintained too. Had they made their own fortunes? Or inherited them? Who knew?
“Hi, Addy. Are you off-duty?” asked Miffy.
“Sure am. This is my friend Sam. She works as a customer liaison.”
The three women all offered their cheeks to Sam to kiss in a European style. They were clearly women of the world.
“Not working, huh?” asked Bitsy, the bubbly friend of Miffy, with whose arm she had her own interlinked. I guessed they were besties. “They say there’s no rest for the wicked, so I guess that means you two can’t be all bad.”
I grinned at her. “Oh, we’re angels. Aren’t we, Sam?”
“Yep.” She poured the rest of the wine in her glass down her throat in an instant, and with practiced skill placed it on the tray of a passing waiter and snatched up another one. “Nicest people aboard the ship.”
“Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!” said Chastity the red-head, interrupting us with her outburst. She clutched at the arm of her friend Essie, nodding behind me and Sam. “There they are!”
We all turned our gaze to see where she was looking. I should have guessed. It was two of the male models, and it looked like they’d made a new friend: Bruno.
Chastity and Miffy both grabbed my arms. “Make them come over here!”
I was considering telling them that I couldn’t make the models do anything—after all, they were grown adults with minds of their own. But the women seemed such fun I decided to see what I could do. I looked over in their direction and caught Bruno’s eye. I freed one of my arms from Chastity’s grip and waved him over.
Bruno gave me a friendly smile, unaware that I wasn’t a fan of the question he’d asked earlier. He said something to the other two men, and then the three of them made their way over.
“She’s good with men, isn’t she?” Sam asked.
“I’ll say,” Miffy said with a low whistle.
There was no time for me to deny that I was a talented man-catcher before the trio arrived. In normal circumstances, Bruno would be one of the better-looking people in a group but was outclassed by the younger, taller, fitter men.
“Made some friends, then?” I said to him with a smile.
“I have! Absolutely fascinating gentlemen. Let me introduce you. This is Tuff,” he indicated the tall blond guy I’d spoken to earlier who proceeded to dazzle us all with a toothpaste-ad smile and halogen-bright eyes. “And Canyon.” The other model was the epitome of tall, dark and handsome, and had an almost brooding quality to him before he opened his own mouth with a smile that matched his friend’s. The broodiness disappeared and he became a beacon of hospitality.
“Absolutely beautiful,” said Miffy, reaching out and grabbing Tuff by his wrist. “Your names, that is. Tuff and Canyon.” She looked up to the ceiling as if the names had been a gift
from on high.
“I chose mine myself,” Tuff announced. “I wanted something that sounded… tough.”
“Well, your muscles sure seem tough,” Bitsy said. She reached up and gently squeezed a T-shirt-covered bicep, a schoolgirl giggle bursting from her lips.
“My mom chose mine,” said Canyon in a voice just a touch higher than I’d expected. “She said I needed a powerful name, and there’s nothing grander than a canyon.” He furrowed his brow as he thought back, to make sure he’d gotten the story right. Then he shrugged and smiled again, already moving on.
“Those are their model names,” Bruno explained. “It makes them more marketable.”
“More marketable?” Esmerelda scoffed. “All they need to do is show their faces.”
“Their faces? More like show their bodies,” Chastity said with a laugh that verged on a cackle.
The two models smiled, happy to be the center of attention and clearly enjoying the compliments.
“Why don’t I get a picture of you all together?” I asked.
The four women murmured their approval of the idea, and before they knew it, the two models each had two women on their arms, while Bruno stood a little awkwardly to the side.
“Okay, smile!”
The seven of them all did exactly that, the models offering well-practiced professional grins, while the women’s were genuine, delighting in their luck. Bruno’s, however, was the kind of awkward, forced smile from someone who really didn’t want their picture taken.
When I was done, the group reluctantly broke apart.
Tuff pulled out his phone and frowned.
“Canyon, we’ve got to go.”
With sighs of disappointment, the women waved them on their way, and when their backs were turned Chastity and Bitsy both blew kisses after them to the amusement of their friends.
“I’d better get going too,” I said. “I’ve got a late dinner.”
“With a man?” Miffy asked in a loud voice.
“Mmhmm,” I said, noncommittally. It was none of their business.
“She’s dating the ship’s first officer,” Sam offered helpfully.
“Oooh,” they all said, giving me congratulatory nods and smiles.
Lethal Cruise: A Humorous Cruise Ship Cozy Mystery (Cruise Ship Cozy Mysteries Book 9) Page 4
