by J. H. Croix
While Emma didn’t consider that a good thing, it kept her busy. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d had a slow day at work. After helping herself to coffee, she began seeing clients. The day flew by, barely enough time between sessions for her to complete her notes. Her last appointment of the day was with Stella. Stella slouched into the office, rainwater dripping off of her coat. She’d foregone the use of her hood, so her dark hair was damp.
“This sucks! Summer disappears the minute it starts to rain here, and it’s been raining all day,” Stella said, absently untangling her wet hair with her fingers.
“Want some tea?” Emma asked, gesturing to the selection of tea she kept available, along with a single cup hot water machine.
Stella smirked and then nodded. “Even if it makes me a geek, I’ll take it. My hands are cold.”
Emma chuckled softy and waited while Stella got her tea ready. Emma had wondered several times this week if Stella had gone through with it and tried out for the recital. She knew Stella well enough now to know it was best if she gave Stella the time to decide to talk about something than to directly address it. Stella, like most people, needed to feel like what they discussed was up to her.
After a few minutes of Stella venting about how mad she was at some girl at school who was teasing a younger student, she abruptly shifted gears.
“I did it. I’m playing the piano for the fall recital,” Stella said, the words rushing out so fast, Emma barely understood.
Fortunately, Emma managed to decipher Stella’s comment. If not, Stella likely would have become irritable and refused to repeat what she said.
“Awesome Stella!” Emma leaned across the coffee table and high-fived Stella.
Stella leaned back, grinning madly and twirling a piece of hair.
“Well, how did the tryout feel? I know you rocked it because you made it in the recital, but what was it like?”
Still grinning, Stella shrugged. Emma waited her out.
“Janie came with me, but I made her sit way in the back. Mrs. Cooper let me come over the day before to practice extra too. Honestly, I don’t remember much. I got so nervous once I was up there, all I saw was the piano. I guess that’s good or else I might have freaked.”
“Sounds to me like it couldn’t have gone better. How do you feel now you made it through?”
Still twirling her hair, Stella bit her lip and shrugged before replying. “Good. But now…” She paused and looked over, her eyes skittering past Emma’s before coming back. “Before the audition, I thought that was the hardest part. I have practice three times a week until school starts and then we add a fourth practice. Now I’m totally freaked about the recital. I mean, the school auditorium will be full. It’s not like Diamond Creek is a big deal, but this is…just a lot for me.”
Emma resisted the urge to jump up and down and clap. The fact that Stella tried out for the recital, got in and was actually talking out loud about how she felt was such phenomenal progress for her that Emma was overjoyed. But Stella tended to shy away from overt praise. Instead, she nodded and waited a beat.
“Janie can’t shut up about it. You’d think I was about to be famous,” Stella said, a hint of pride and disbelief in her tone.
“Janie’s your personal cheerleader. We could all use one of those. And honestly…” Emma paused, gauging Stella’s reaction to her words before continuing, “…it’s pretty amazing. A lot of people would never even try out. You got up the nerve to do that and you’re in the recital now. It’s okay to be proud.”
Stella sat quietly, still twirling her hair, but her eyes only briefly broke contact before she looked back. “It’s a pretty big deal, huh?”
Emma nodded, letting her smile expand. “I’d say so.”
Stella’s grin returned in force. “Janie’s totally stoked that I have practice so much now. You know how she’s all about the activities,” Stella said, using air quotes for her last word.
“I’m guessing the practice won’t be so bad. From what Janie told me, music class and those piano lessons are about the only thing you don’t complain about.”
Stella rolled her eyes, but the grin stuck. The session moved on, Stella chattering about various topics of the typical teenage fare—friends, who hurt her feelings, who she couldn’t stand, et cetera. A mere few minutes before it was time to wind up, Stella pulled one of her doorknob moves. Doorknob moves were lingo in the therapy world for a meaty topic dropped just when there wasn’t enough time to deal with it, just about when they had their hand on the doorknob to leave.
“I’ve been thinking about that adoption thing,” Stella said as she was sliding her arms back into her raincoat.
Emma willed herself to keep her expression calm. “What have you been thinking about it?”
Stella busied herself fiddling with her jacket, a moment of silence lengthening. Emma waited.
Stella kept her eyes on the floor when she answered. “I’ve been thinking maybe I could go for it. Janie keeps telling me that I’m her daughter in every way that matters, except legally. I don’t think she’s gonna shut up about it unless I let her adopt me.”
Sensing that Stella could handle it, Emma shifted the focus. “I know it’s important to Janie, but what about you?”
The crinkle of Stella’s jacket was loud. The hair twirling commenced. When she spoke, her voice was soft. “I think maybe it would be important. Being a foster kid is like…you never get the full deal. Plus, my mom’s gone and my dad might as well be.”
Emma stood and stepped to Stella’s side, gently placing her hand on Stella’s shoulder. “I think maybe it is important to you and to Janie. And both of you are critical to this equation.”
Stella finally lifted her eyes, uncertainty and hope battling each other. Her shoulders rose, the deep breath hissing through her teeth slowly. “Could you maybe help me talk to Janie about it?”
“Absolutely,” Emma said firmly. “Next week. How about I call her and ask her to come?”
Stella nodded with alacrity.
“Same time, same place,” Emma said with a smile.
Stella zipped her jacket and turned to go.
“Stella,” Emma said just as Stella reached for the doorknob. Stella looked over her shoulder. “I’m really proud of you for trying out for the recital. But I’m even more proud that you’re talking about how you feel about things.”
For a flash, Stella’s eyes widened, pride arcing across her face. She caught herself and rolled her eyes. “Okay therapist. You done good this week. Don’t get too excited though.”
Emma shook her head and returned Stella’s eye roll. “I’m not that one that ‘done good,’ that was all you. Now get going before it’s starts raining hard again.”
***
Emma ran from her truck to the door at Sally’s, the rain blowing sideways. She hurried in, immediately tossing her hood back, the warmth of the place enveloping her the moment she stepped inside. Sally’s was a local favorite restaurant and bar. She strode over to the restaurant side, looking for her sister and some friends she was meeting.
“Hey there,” Emma said, sliding into the only empty seat at the booth.
“Hey!” Susie said, leaning over and pecking Emma on the cheek. “You’re soaked. The rain must have picked up.”
“It’s pouring. It might as well not be summer,” Emma replied, slipping out of her rain jacket and tossing it over the back of a nearby chair.
“Hey Emma, haven’t seen you since I got back,” Tess said. Tess was married to Hannah’s brother-in-law, Nathan Winters. She was cute and curvy with ginger eyes and honey-gold curls that fell to her shoulders. Nathan, who Emma had understood to be a party boy once upon a time, had become completely smitten with Tess when she had visited Alaska for a fishing trip with her family. They’d married this spring.
“I know,” Emma said. “How was your trip to Seattle?”
“Good. I’d never been to Seattle, unles
s you count changing planes in the airport. It’s a great city to visit. Nathan’s mom gave me the tourist treatment. We went to Pike Place Market, to the glass blowing district and more restaurants than I can remember.”
Hannah nodded. “The Winters make pretty good in-laws. I may be biased, but you married into a good family,” she said with a wink.
Susie rolled her eyes. “Oh god, now we have to listen to two of you talk about how awesome the Winters boys are.”
Hannah chuckled. “Hey, it’s your fault. You’re the one who played matchmaker with Luke and me. And don’t even try to pretend you kept your opinions to yourself when it came to Nathan and Tess.”
Susie harrumphed and took a swallow of beer. “Maybe I can see a good thing coming, but it doesn’t mean the rest of us won’t get tired of hearing about how amazing your husbands are.”
“It bothers you because you can’t keep your eyes off Jared and won’t admit it to save your life,” Tess said slyly.
Susie choked on her beer, grabbing a napkin to wipe her chin. Emma gave Tess an admiring nod. “You may be kinda new around here, but…wow…that took nerve.”
Susie glared at Emma. Hannah bit her lip and shook her head. Susie swung her glare to Hannah.
“What?” Hannah asked, feigning innocence. “If you can dish it out, you’d better be ready to take it.”
Susie straightened her shoulders and glanced around the table. “While I won’t deny Jared is handsome—that whole damn family is—I can certainly keep my eyes off of him. Plus, can you imagine me with someone that uptight? That man seriously needs to loosen up.”
“And maybe you’re just the girl for the job,” Tess said with a wink at Emma.
Susie tossed a balled up napkin at Tess. “Definitely not the job for me. If you want to set Jared up, good luck. I love playing matchmaker, but even I wouldn’t take Jared on.”
Hannah gave Emma a knowing look, lifting her eyebrows. Emma barely shook her head. They had all noticed at one point or another that Susie had some pretty strong feelings about Jared and definitely couldn’t keep her eyes off of him. Emma figured Susie needed to come to that conclusion on her own.
As they ate pizza and bantered, conversation eventually rolled around to the upcoming weekend. Emma was doing her damnedest not to think about the fact that she accepted Stuart’s sweet invitation to go fishing with him and his dad. Just thinking about Trey made her blush.
“So Emma, what do you think?” Tess asked.
“About what?” Emma asked, realizing she’d lost track of the conversation for the brief moment Trey entered her thoughts.
“About going to Anchorage for the weekend,” Susie said.
Emma felt her flush deepen. “Um…how about next weekend? That would work better for me.”
Susie, Hannah and Tess all gave her puzzled expressions.
“What? I have a few things to do this weekend,” Emma said, momentarily annoyed with how impossible it was to keep anything private in Diamond Creek.
“Such as?” Tess prompted.
Emma closed her eyes and sighed, knowing they weren’t going to let it go until she explained. “I’m going fishing with Trey and his son.” She waited for the third degree to begin.
“By Trey, do you mean the Trey you met at the Fishing Hole? Just trying to clarify,” Susie said, overly polite.
Emma slanted her eyes in Susie’s direction.
Susie was all innocence. “What? I wasn’t being a smartass. There’s more than one Trey in town.”
“Fine. Yes. By Trey, I mean that one.” She threw her hands up. “I ran into him at the store and then he stopped to help me when I had a flat tire the other day…”
“Oh my god. That’s who dropped you off at my office and you didn’t even bother to mention it,” Susie said indignantly.
Emma flattened her lips, but nodded. “His son, Stuart, is the one who invited me. I’m not so sure Trey would have, but he went along with it.”
Susie looked toward Hannah. “What did I tell you?” She glanced to Tess and then Emma. “I knew you were into him. I knew it!”
“I didn’t deny it. I just didn’t think I’d ever see him again. You were the one who said he was never around.”
“Well, he does live here, so it stands to reason that you’d have to see him at some point,” Susie replied. “And maybe his son is the one that invited you, but trust me, Trey noticed you just as much as you noticed him. Didn’t he Hannah?”
Hannah nodded, holding back her smile. “We both saw him looking your way quite a few times the other day.”
Just hearing that Trey may have noticed made Emma fluttery inside. She wanted to ask how often, for how long and more, but knew that would only add fuel to the teasing fire.
“Sounds like you’re into Trey, who I don’t seem to know. Could someone fill me in? I was only gone for a week,” Tess said.
Susie grinned. “Trey Holden. You’ve seen him around. He runs Seat of Your Pants, a flightseeing business, and has a small law practice. He’s widowed and quite sexy, or so Emma thinks,” Susie said, catching Emma’s eyes and winking.
Emma sighed, trying and failing to stop blushing.
Tess pursed her lips and winked at Emma. “I’m still not sure I’d know who he was if I saw him, but it’s about time you showed interest in someone.”
“I’m just going fishing with them. It’s not like fishing with someone in Alaska is a big deal.”
“Well, I may not have known you as long as Hannah and Susie, but let’s see if I have this right. You haven’t dated anyone since you moved here. All I know is you got divorced before you moved out here. I mean, you’ve never even mentioned anything about anyone. I started to wonder if you swung in a different direction,” Tess paused and took a bite of pizza. “And now you’ve apparently got the hots for this guy and you’re going fishing with him. If I were you, I’d be all worried about how I was going to keep myself looking proper and keep the fish slime to a minimum.”
“You have a point there. I am wondering how the hell I can avoid looking like a mess. As for whether I’m into men or women, men are the flavor for me,” Emma responded with a shrug.
“And Trey is the flavor that gets you going,” Susie interjected with a sly grin. “I want every detail of your day with Trey…” Susie said, a heavy emphasis on Trey’s name “…and don’t you dare think you can hide this from us.” Her eyes sobered. “Seriously though, I’ve worried about you. You’ve said so little about whatever happened with your ex, and you’ve practically been a nun since you moved here.”
Emma stared at the table and traced the grain of the wood with her fingertip, quiet for a moment, wondering what to tell them about Greg. A quick glance around the table and she saw three pairs of concerned eyes. All teasing aside, she knew these women had her back. And yet, if they knew what her marriage had been like, what would they think? Greg was a chapter of her life that she wanted to tear out of the book. She knew though that trying to erase the past only handed it more power.
“My marriage was a living hell. Greg was abusive—emotionally, verbally, and physically. It took me two years to leave him, and that was two years too long. I don’t like to talk about it…” Emma paused and shrugged “…because I wish it had never happened and it’s even more embarrassing because I’m a therapist. If anyone should have seen the signs, I should have.”
Glasses clinking, muted laughter and music, and the rumble of conversations around them were all Emma heard. She released her breath slowly and glanced up. Hannah, Susie, and Tess looked stunned.
Susie’s eyes filled with tears. “I’m so sorry. No one deserves that.” Her words, plain and bare, held no recrimination, no judgment, just sadness tinged with anger.
Susie was seated beside Emma and reached over to hug her. Relief washed through Emma. She’d been so focused on moving on from Greg, she hadn’t realized that it hurt to hide this from her friends. They may not have known her befo
re she trekked here to find her parents and found Hannah instead, but they were her closest friends now. Much as she wished she could surgically excise her past, she couldn’t.
Hannah looked across the table at Emma, her eyes so similar, holding Emma’s for a moment. “I understand why you haven’t said anything sooner. But I’m sorry you’ve had to go through that alone. Maybe you don’t want to talk much about it, but we’re here if you do.”
Tess and Susie chimed in, echoing Hannah’s comment.
Emma bit her lip. She would have imagined she might have cried, but she didn’t. Oddly, she felt free, free from keeping this blot in her past a secret. “Thanks…for being there. I’m okay—really. It’s been long enough now I’m in much better shape than I was before. I didn’t bring it up sooner because it’s not exactly fun to talk about. Even though I know in my head that I’m one of millions of women who have gone through something like that, I hate that it’s a part of my past. So if you wondered why I didn’t date, honestly, I didn’t think I’d ever want to.”
Susie, ever the tease, didn’t tease now. She rubbed Emma’s shoulder. “Well, who would? I mean, what an asshole. You should be so proud of yourself for leaving,” she said firmly.
Emma nodded slowly. “I am proud of that, just not so proud of ending up there in the first place. But I’m a therapist. It’s not like I don’t know that otherwise intelligent people end up in horrible situations.” She looked to Hannah. “When you responded to the forum post about our parents, it was a lifeline for me. I wanted to find my birth family anyway, but the timing was just right. That’s why I just showed up like that. I was afraid if I asked if I could visit, you might say no. Hopping on a plane to Alaska put enough distance between me and Greg that I felt safe leaving.”
