by Marika Ray
I drove off knowing I'd fallen deeper into this desire for a relationship with Hessa, and I still didn't have any idea if that's what she wanted too.
Hessa
I left school on Friday, ecstatic for the weekend. The week had been a draining mix of highs and lows. My kiss with Kai was definitely the high. The vandalism was the low, but even that came with a high when Kai showed up to help me. And to dole out more of those kisses.
Now I was off to meet the Squad at Strike Ready, Brinley and Shasta's self-defense studio. The girls had caught wind of what happened to my yard and they insisted I learn some moves to defend myself if it came down to it. I thought they were being overly dramatic, but could also kind of see their point. It wouldn't hurt to be a little more aware of my surroundings in general. Plus, it would be fun to hang with the Squad again...as long as Bailey didn't hound me like last time.
"Yo, yo, yo! Come on in, Hessa," Shasta yelled over at me as I entered the door to her studio. The girls were all sitting in a circle on the mats, stretching.
"Am I late?" I hated being late, which meant I obsessed about being five to ten minutes early to everything. I hustled over, had a seat, and started to stretch, not wanting to hold them up.
"No, you're right on time. I've just started setting all of Bailey's clocks ahead by fifteen minutes. That way she's not chronically late anymore," Esa piped up.
Bailey gasped. "That is so wrong, bitch. I was fashionably late. Now I'm the annoying early one. No offense, Hessa." Bailey glared at Esa, barely glancing at me with her flippant semi-apology.
"Oh sure, no offense taken. Even though you've clearly said something offensive. What's the point of saying 'no offense' all the time, when it's clearly offensive?" Brinley said to Bailey, now crossing her arms, glaring at her. I was finding Brinley to be a stickler about being kind to people. I was happy she was defending me, but I didn't think sticking it to Bailey was a good thing. It was like poking a sleeping bear.
Bailey looked taken aback, like she hadn't thought of it that way. "I guess I just say that phrase when I speak my opinion but I don't want someone to take it personally. I happen to abhor showing up on time, especially early. That's just me. Maybe someone like Hessa here doesn't mind it. Hence, my 'no offense'. See? It even rhymes. I was trying to be kind, so get off my ass, BB."
Oh crappers, Bailey was getting wound up again. At this rate, we'd never get to the self-defense stuff.
"Ladies!" Esa jumped up, cutting off any further snarky responses. "We're here to help our girl, Hessa. Not to bitch at each other, like chimps fighting over the last banana. So zip it and let Shasta talk, okay?"
I shook my head slowly, eyes wide. Chimps? This was getting crazier than that student I had a few years ago that wanted to dare her partner to flash a crowd of clowns, Mardi Gras style. Nothing about it made sense, but it was funnier than hell if you didn't think about it too much.
Shasta stood up. "Thank you, Esa." Then she looked at all of us, a big smile on her face. She launched into a description of the moves we were going to learn that day, like the girl's spat was an everyday occurrence. Part of me was appalled. The other part of me liked that I had a group of women surrounding me that told it like it was, rather than sugar-coating everything. Plus, they were all here today to support me. A girl could search all her life for that kind of female friendship.
We paired up and moved through some basic drills to warm up, then practiced some hand grab maneuvers. We finished up with choke escapes, both standing and laying down.
I didn't have a brother growing up, nor had I been involved in sports, so the full body contact was awkward and uncomfortable at first. But when someone puts their hands on your neck with the intent to strangle you, you get over your discomfort expediently. Survival instincts kicked in and I began to enjoy the physical nature of rolling someone off of me. It made me feel strong, capable, in charge of my own body.
Shasta called it a day when we were all wiping sweat off our foreheads, arms and necks bright red from our movements. We agreed to walk over to Chocolate Dreams and have a reward for our hard work in the form of decadent hot chocolates.
After we settled into a table and got our lips on that first sip of heaven, Bailey blurted out a question, directed at me. "So what's up with you and Kai, Hessa-girl?"
I just about spit out my chocolate. "Wh-what do you mean?"
"Well, I heard you've gone on a few dates. So, what's the scoop? You into him?" All the other ladies leaned in, intent on catching every word of this conversation.
I set my chocolate cup down on the table and pulled my hair back into a smoother ponytail without the flyaways, needing the extra time to collect my thoughts. I had nothing to hide, but I wasn't even sure what was going on yet, so how could I tell them?
"Interesting....stall tactics." Brinley's face lit up in a wicked smile directed at the girls. Then she turned to me with a wink and an explanation. "I know all about that. They questioned me hard core when I started dating Dean. You might as well just spill it before they pull it out of you. They won't stop. Resistance is futile."
They all burst out laughing, heads nodding, confirming their resolve to know about my involvement with Kai.
I rolled my eyes, reverting to teenage behavior, since this entire conversation felt very similar to other ones I'd had at that age. "Okay, all right already. Yes, I've been out with Kai a few times recently, though I wouldn't go so far as to call them official dates. We've just been meeting up at the beach."
"Wait, why wouldn't you call them dates?" Shasta's face was screwed up in confusion.
"Well, we met up to talk about the Care Dare situation. It just happened to be on the beach. And then he asked me to meet him again. Totally not a date." I hadn't really classified it like that in my own head, so saying it out loud deflated the happy bubble I'd been living in the last few days. Maybe I really was reading too much into it.
"Hmm...I don't know. Sounds like a date to me. Dean told me he saw you guys sitting on the sand, and not like a friend distance away. More like practically sitting on each other's lap." Brinley had a sly grin on her face.
"Was Dean spying on us?" I didn't like the idea of anyone I knew watching us. That time together felt so private, it was weird to think Dean saw us.
"No, of course not! But it is a public beach, you know?” Brinley frowned, not liking my insinuation.
I shook my head, not meeting her eyes. "Sorry, that didn't come out right. I know he wouldn't spy. It just felt weird knowing someone had seen us." I sighed. "I don't know what to call our meetings. They felt like dates, but we didn't really talk about the significance or what we are to each other."
"Sooooo...?" Esa had a smile on her face, motioning with her hands for me to continue.
"So...what?"
"Did you kiss or hug or even just touch in a super friendly way?" Esa asked.
"Smoldering glances?" Bailey added.
"Sexy flirting?" Shasta interjected.
"All of the above...?" I answered like it was a question, but technically, our 'meetings' did have all of the above.
There was a moment's pause while they processed what I meant. Then all four girls exploded with whoops and hollers. Brinley reached over the table to high-five me.
"Thatta girl, Hessa," Bailey encouraged me.
I threw back my head and laughed. These girls were crazy and I loved them.
"I guess we'll call them dates?" I looked around the table at their faces, knowing their answers already.
"Hell yeah, we will!" Esa shouted. Then she settled down a bit. "Now the question is what do you want to do from here. Do you like him? Do you want to go on more dates? What's your next move?"
"Whoa, hold up, lady. We're not all trying to get married like you. I'm planning to just enjoy the time I get with him and see what happens." I went back to sipping my hot chocolate, content in my plan.
"What?" Shasta had her face all screwed up again. "That's your plan?? Just see what happens? That's a shit plan, exc
use my French. You gotta take the bull by the horns. This is not the 1800's anymore. You gotta woman-up and go for what you want."
"Yeehaw! Shasta is on a roll!" Brinley cracked up laughing.
"She's got a point though. You gotta go for what you want. Do you want Kai?" Esa was smiling at me, ever the peacemaker.
And wasn't that the ultimate question. I wasn't sure if I just wanted him for something temporary and nice, or if I wanted him for something more. And I'm pretty sure the decent thing would be to figure that out before things went any further between us.
"I'm definitely attracted to him. I just don't know if he's right for me or not. That's why I'm taking the 'wait and see' approach. But I promise you, if or when I decide he's what I want, I will go after him with every ounce of my energy. And you'll know about it, because I'll be coming to you for advice. Sound good?" I didn't need their approval, but I did want it.
"That's reasonable. I dig it." Brinley smiled at me, then looked around the table. Everyone else gave me a thumbs-up, so I took that as their stamp of approval.
We sat in companionable silence, finishing our hot chocolates. I may have had a crazy person targeting me, but I felt pretty damn good. I had a hottie lifeguard looking out for me, self-defense lessons under my belt, and a crew of crazy-ass girlfriends who'd call me on my shit but also protect me no matter what. The addition of these women to my life seemed like total serendipity.
"I'm sorry. Am I the only here who wants to back up and talk about the kissing?" Bailey looked at us, a serious expression on her face.
"Jeepers...."
Did I mention how crazy my Beach Squad was?
Hessa
My house phone rang just a few minutes past five o'clock Saturday morning. It jerked me out of a deep sleep, frightening me with what it could mean. No one knew that number. And certainly no marketer was going to be calling that early on a weekend. Not one that didn't want a lawsuit from a hungry lawyer and a sleep-deprived, angry client.
I rolled out of bed, fumbled for my glasses and answered the phone in the bedroom next to mine that I'd designated as a home office.
"Hessa? This is Mr. Brown." My principal's gravely voice came through the phone.
This couldn't be good. I sat down hard in the desk chair, clearing my throat and the cobwebs from a deep sleep before speaking.
"What's going on?"
"We just got a call from the police. They need you and I to come down to the police station and have a chat with them about one of our students, Gabe Martinez."
I flipped through the names of my students in my head. Gabe was in my third period English class, friends with James, if I recalled correctly. He didn't do Jr. Lifeguards with James though this last summer like they usually did. In fact, he'd been getting into more and more trouble lately. If the police were involved, it must be pretty serious.
"Sure. I can be there in thirty minutes. May I ask why they want to speak to me?" I wasn't sure what help I could be. I didn't recall hearing him talk about anything particularly dangerous.
"He was attempting a Care Dare late last night when he wound up in the hospital." Mr. Brown's voice was quiet but his words echoed through my mind the whole time I rushed to get ready.
10
Hessa
The hospital smell hit me like a wall when the automatic doors swooshed open. Mr. Brown was a silent statue next to me, his only communication a stiff head nod when I met him in the chilly hospital parking lot. My stomach was tied in knots. I hadn't even remembered to bring my stack of Care Dare submissions with me to try to piece together what may have happened.
I was confused about the whole thing since I hadn't assigned any approved dares yet.
I was scared for my student.
I was worried about the integrity of the whole Care Dare program.
Hallway after hallway blended together until we were finally at a nurse’s station. Mr. Brown asked for Gabe Martinez' room number. The nurse led us down another long hallway before stopping outside a closed door. She told us to wait there while she went in and talked to Gabe's parents.
I tapped my leg while we waited, unable to control the tick. My anxiety rose the longer she was in there and the tighter Mr. Brown clenched his jaw.
The door finally opened and I thought I would pass out from holding my breath.
"You can go on in now. The patient's mother is in the room and expecting you." The nurse gave us a tired smile and moved back down the hallway from where we'd come.
Mr. Brown held the door open and swept his hand, indicating I should go first. I threw my shoulders back, smoothed my face and walked in the room. The beeping of machines greeted me a split second before the hate-filled scowl on the woman's face. She was sitting in a chair next to the bed, holding Gabe's hand. His eyes were closed and there was a white bandage wrapped around his head.
I waited till Mr. Brown was standing next to me. I paused to let him take the lead. When he didn't say anything, I stepped forward and extended my hand to Gabe's mother.
I whispered, trying not to disturb Gabe. "Hello, Ms. Martinez. I'm Hessa Woodland, Gabe's English teacher. I'm so sorry to meet you this way."
Her eyes lowered to my outstretched hand before snapping back to my face, eyes ablaze. "You're the one daring my son to jump his motorcycle? What were you thinking?"
I visibly pulled back, I was so surprised at her accusation. "I-I'm sorry?"
"You should be. Look at him!" She tilted her head in Gabe's direction. "He's in a medically induced coma. He has a concussion and they want to make sure the swelling goes down before waking him up."
I shook my head, my eyes focused on Gabe. Tears blurred my vision seeing him motionless like that. I couldn't look away, even when Mr. Brown finally spoke up.
"Ms. Martinez, I'm sorry to see your son in this condition. I truly am. However, I think we need to investigate what happened before we place blame." His forehead was dotted with beads of sweat, though the temperature was bordering on glacial in the room.
"I have his phone. His last text was to his best friend, James. He said he had to do this dare or he'd never hear the end of it. What else could he have meant?" Ms. Martinez was back to glaring at me, skewering me with her eyes.
The tips of my ears burned under her accusation. I willed myself not to cry in front of her, even though it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest. I loved my students, no matter how irritated they made me on a day-to-day basis. I couldn't imagine how scared she must be right now, seeing her son lying in a hospital bed. The shame of her accusation was making my head pound, even though I was thoroughly confused as to how this could actually be my fault.
I dragged my eyes away from Gabe and focused on his mother. "Ms. Martinez. I absolutely hate to see this happen to Gabe. I'll do whatever I can to find out what happened last night. We'll make this right, you'll see." I nodded my head, vowing to myself that no matter what, I'd see this thing through and make it right for him and his family. I believed whole-heartedly that the Care Dare program had nothing to do with it, but I'd prove it to her and still make sure she and Gabe got the support they needed.
Mr. Brown jumped in, pulling at his collar. "Let's let the officials investigate and then we'll talk about what can be done here. Ms. Martinez, my best wishes for your son's speedy recovery."
With that, he grabbed my arm and practically dragged me out of the room. He didn't let go of my arm until we hit the lobby, making me feel like a reprimanded little child. I didn't know what his problem was, but he'd better think thrice before touching me again like that.
When the doors opened up, spilling us into the fresh air of the parking lot, I whipped around, ready to confront his man-handling. I opened my mouth, but the words were cut off before they even started when he raised his hand in front of my face.
"I don't want to hear it." His face was ashen but there was fire in his eyes as he stared me down. "You need to not say anything to anyone. Do you hear me?"
I shook my h
ead, not understanding what he was talking about.
He sighed, seeming exasperated with me. "Until we get our lawyers in here and the police determine what happened, you can't say a word to anyone, especially Ms. Martinez. You express anything that can be construed as guilt or responsibility and the district will be facing a lawsuit."
The confusion left quickly as I realized all he cared about was a damn lawsuit. "Mr. Brown, her son is laying in a coma right now." I was so furious. "Our focus should be on helping our student, not worrying about what the lawyers will say."
He took another small step toward me, invading my personal space. He dropped his voice and made his position clear. "You say one word, to anyone, I will have to fire you. I don't want to Hessa. You're an excellent teacher. But I won't allow this incident to ruin our school's reputation or our financial standing. Am I clear?"
I almost couldn't get words out, my throat was so clogged. "Crystal," I said through clenched teeth. I whirled around and practically ran to my car. Tears were threatening to spill over and I wouldn't allow him to see that he'd gotten to me. I hated this reaction. When I was this angry, the emotion came out in the form of tears, not the harsh put-down I wished for.
I fumbled for my keys, practically ripping the door off my poor car and heaving myself inside. I knew I needed to calm down before I drove anywhere, so I dropped my head to the steering wheel and took deep breaths, willing my heart rate to slow down.
Seeing Gabe so motionless in that stark white hospital bed made him seem so young and innocent. I was horrified that he was in that condition. I was worried about his prognosis. I was confused as to how the Care Dare program could have been responsible. I was furious at the principal for showing his true colors by only caring about lawyers and lawsuits instead of the children we were charged with caring for. I felt so alone in shouldering the responsibility of one of my students. I let the tears fall, letting myself feel all the raging emotions swirling in my body.
