Julian nodded. After giving her a quick kiss, he wandered around the party room. Hannah was still playing DJ, and she couldn’t have looked happier. A few people came by—Julian recognized them from English—to talk to her, but she was too focused on making sure the mash-up she had found of “Party Rock Anthem” and “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” played perfectly. She didn’t overdo it with the Christmas songs either, achieving a nice balance.
When Julian spotted Kent with Aisha, he moved over to them first. Aisha’s straightened hair was now curly, and her green dress brought out her light-colored eyes. After the quick introductions, Julian found out that Aisha liked science fiction.
“My name. I picked it because of Jules Verne. And other reasons.”
“Oh yeah? That’s nice. You ever read anything by Charlie Jane Anders? She writes a lot of trans characters. Good stuff. Amal El-Mohtar is also good. You seem like you’d like her stuff too. Not trans, but good queer sci-fi.”
“Thanks,” Julian said, writing down all the names on his phone. After a couple more minutes and cookies from the snack table, he eventually left Kent and Aisha alone. More people had been added to the party, all of whom Julian didn’t recognize. When he noticed it was now Josie and Davis at the doorway, allowing people in without issue because they were too focused on one another, Julian went in search of Maria. Again.
Julian could overhear a lot of conversations, and when he heard someone ask, “Do you believe in Santa Claus?” he couldn’t help but pause and wait for the answer. He got a drink so he didn’t look too suspicious. When the tall girl—Allie, maybe—from his math class started to laugh at the question, the guy who had asked it continued.
“Because he thinks you’ve been bad and you’re on the naughty list. I know a way you could get off.”
Allie laughed yet again, then walked away from the guy and out into the hotel hallway. Julian struggled to keep back his own guffaws. The pickup line was absolutely dreadful, but he almost appreciated the attention to the holiday season. When the guy stood alone and somewhat dejected, Julian offered him a cookie from the snack table.
“Here. Good efforts, but pickup lines don’t work.”
The guy shrugged but took the cookie.
“I’m Julian,” he introduced himself. “You’re familiar. From my bio class?”
“I’m Derek.”
Julian nodded, recognizing the name. They had a brief conversation about class and music, but when it faded out and Derek left to try and pick up another girl, Julian didn’t mind.
“There,” he said when he found Maria. “I’ve done my socializing for the night. I talked to someone I didn’t know.”
“Good for you.” Maria laughed, patting him on the head. When she touched the hard crunch of his gelled hair, she made a face.
“What? I had to look good for tonight.”
“You always do,” she said. “And you will continue, whenever you start the next stage of… this.”
“You mean transition?” Julian asked, the word giving him some chills. “What do you know about it?”
Maria shrugged. The turtledoves bounced as she did. “Not a lot. But I’ve been reading about it. And it seems interesting. Neat. You ever go on YouTube and watch the videos there?”
Julian laughed. “Oh, all this past week. What else was there to do at home?”
“Well, then. Maybe we should compare YouTube channels.”
“Or maybe we could go out by ourselves and I could kiss you again.”
“Oh?” Maria asked, her smile giving away just how excited she was. “Are you asking me out on a date, Julian Gibson?”
“Of course. Whenever I can see you next, I want to. And I’ll be a complete gentleman on this date.”
“You’ll hold my doors?”
“If you want.”
“Well, I don’t. Because I can hold my own doors, thank you very much.”
Julian laughed. “Fine. No doors will be held for you. But I still want to take you out.”
Maria nodded slowly, as if truly considering the offer before saying yes. Julian’s stomach did another flip of anxiety and excitement. He knew she’d say yes, but finally saying these things out loud and not over text message or some covert note system made him feel so, so much better.
“When I’m no longer serving my solitary sentence, and I’m allowed back at school, you and I will go out. How does that sound?”
“Wonderful, obviously. But you have to get your shit sorted out first, okay?
Julian swallowed, nodding. “I know. There are a lot of pieces to decipher. And I’m—”
“You’re not a puzzle. You’re just a human being. You can sort it out. But until then, until this big and magical date you promise to take me on, I want something from you.”
“Oh?” Julian paused, surprised when Maria stepped up beside him and pulled out her phone in front of their faces. He soon realized she had the camera function on, and he turned away sharply.
“No, no, no. Not the face. Not the photos.”
“Stop it,” Maria teased. “Gah. You ruined that one. I just wanted a picture of your handsome face to keep me company. C’mon, I sent you lots of me.”
“That’s different. And don’t patronize me.”
“I’m not! You are very handsome, and I’d like to see you. You have, like, three Facebook photos that are of you, and I know you don’t like those. So let’s work on getting you a good photo, okay? One with me. A selfie. And selfies are about self-love.”
“So like masturbation?”
Maria narrowed her eyes. “Come on. Please?”
Julian considered this while still grumbling. He put his arm around Maria, who squealed with delight. She smiled as their faces came into the screen and they used the window to balance themselves. For a brief moment, Julian saw how Maria looked at him through the lens of the camera. Her face relaxed, her smile natural, and the lines around her eyes were softer. She looked at Julian with genuine excitement and then with a gleam of adoration. The camera flashed.
“Ack. I’m blind.”
“You blinked!” Maria said, viewing the photo with a frown.
“Because I’m blind now.”
“Oh, huh. We’ll try again.” Maria held up the phone, and this time, Julian concentrated on his own image inside the frame. He still saw the traces of femininity around his face, the soft cheeks and lips and the pale skin. But he also saw how much different he looked with Maria too. Happier, for one. And like her boyfriend. She snapped the photo just at that moment, then pulled away to view it in her phone.
“Perfect,” she said, holding up the image. “I like it. You?”
“Yeah. It looks pretty good.”
Maria’s gaze and fingers flitted down over her phone again. When Julian’s own buzzed, he realized she had sent him the image with a caption: “Here you are, handsome. Use as you see fit.” He thanked her again, and she pulled him in for a kiss. When they parted, Julian heard a small commotion at the front of the conference room. Maria’s eyes grew wide as she saw her mother standing in the doorway.
“Mija,” she said, “please keep it down. I think one of the managers is looking into this.”
“Shit,” Maria cursed.
Her mother’s eyebrows furrowed as she whispered a few more words in Spanish that Julian didn’t hear, before disappearing.
“Everything okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. I just have to start kicking people out soon. That, or we’re gonna have to go up to the roof. Where is Davis, anyway?” Maria scanned the crowd, then found Davis making out with Josie in a corner. “Well, I guess it’s my shift again.”
“I’ll stay.” Julian leaned against the other side of the doorframe. “No arguing, okay?”
Maria held up her hands, then shook her head. She was about to open her mouth to add something when she shut it tightly. Julian turned around to follow her line of sight. He expected the worst—hotel security ready to kick them out and get Maria’s mom fired, or
even the police. But instead, all he saw was a kid in a green hoodie, baggy jeans, and a familiar Smashing Pumpkins Zero T-shirt.
“Aiden,” Julian said. “What are you doing here?”
Chapter Twenty-Six
“I WAS invited,” Aiden answered. He shoved his hands deep into his pockets and motioned toward Maria. “Am I still invited?”
“Really? Oh….” Julian’s throat felt dry. He wasn’t sure if he was happy or sad. All he could feel was a hollow part inside of him—one he had tried to fill with music or memories that reminded him of Aiden—swell and burst. He wanted him to stay. He really did. But was Aiden actually here because Maria invited him, or was he about to crash the party? Julian clenched his jaw, remembering the din of the boys outside the bathroom. Julian hadn’t been at school since that day, and Maria had apparently taken care of everything with her rumor control. But what if things had changed? Julian saw the Facebook page that had been dedicated to tearing Aiden down. He remembered Aiden’s harassment, the excessive phone calls, and being powerless to stop any of it. Would that be Julian’s fate now too? His name had been put on the Facebook page as Julian Gibson. There was no hiding from the bad parts, especially not in exchange for the good.
“Yes, I did invite Aiden,” Maria said, cutting into Julian’s thoughts. She touched his back, rubbing up and down in an attempt to calm him. “Is that okay?”
“I… I don’t—”
“I can go,” Aiden said. “I just thought—”
Maria held up her hand, telling Aiden to shush—but also to stay. She turned Julian around so they stared eye to eye. Then she touched his cheek. Her caress seemed to speak volumes. You can do this. Talk to him. She was encouraging this to happen, knowing full well it was what Julian needed the most.
“Uh. Will you be okay by the door? If I leave?”
“Of course, mi novio. I know what I’m doing. I can’t let you inside, though.”
“What?”
“Too many people.” Maria shrugged, a devious smile on her face. She gestured to Aiden, who stepped closer. “You know how to get on the roof, right? Why don’t you two head up there? You can get snacks later, yeah?”
Aiden nodded. When he turned to face Julian, his hands were still deep in his pockets. He rocked on the balls of his feet. He’s just as nervous as I am. And somehow this made Julian feel better. If that’s true, it means he doesn’t hate me. Maybe he never really did.
“Okay,” Julian said. “The roof it is.”
THE ROOF was cold. Julian could feel the snap of the wind in his fingertips and tried to ball his fists to keep himself warm. Each time he fidgeted, his cuff links made a noise. He saw the robot gears staring back at him, and he got another boost of confidence.
“So,” Julian said. “Welcome to the hotel. There’s a seat here,” he said, gesturing toward a broken deck chair on one corner of the hotel roof, “or there’s this lovely bucket to sit on. We could lean against that utility closet, but I don’t trust the random stain outside of it. What do you say?”
“I’m good, thanks. Standing is fine.”
Aiden’s hands were still in his pockets, and he still rocked on his heels. He seemed to shiver, and Julian sighed.
“We could also hang out in the stairwell, if you’re cold. I mean, the roof is just so we don’t get caught in the conference area since there are a lot of people. I mean, it’s less about location and more about….” Julian trailed off, not wanting to finish. When Aiden glanced over at him, his expression was open.
“More about what?” he asked.
“I don’t know. You tell me. You’re here, and I haven’t seen you in months.”
Aiden nodded slowly. “I know. I’m sorry. Things were hard.”
“I get that. They have been for me too. Different reasons, but you know, still hard.”
Aiden seemed to consider this for a long, long time. Clouds parted and then changed form. Julian wondered if they’d freeze up there, a time capsule of utter embarrassment and awkward silences.
“So I’m calling you Julian now, right?” Aiden finally said. “At least that’s what it said on the Facebook group. But I learned a long time ago not to trust what’s written there. So tell me now.”
Julian let out a harsh laugh. It turned to steam in front of him. “Yeah. You’re calling me Julian now. I’m transgender. I’m….”
“You don’t have to give me Gender 101. It’s fine.”
“You already know?”
“No, not really. I don’t know a lot about this kind of stuff. But you don’t sound the same when you talk about it. You sound like… a robot.”
“Well, I am a robot. Look.” Julian extended his arm, showing off the gear cuff links. Aiden’s eyes lit up, impressed.
“I could never get into those. I hated wearing suits.”
“I get it. Very itchy and slightly uncomfortable. But I like it. I like them. Maria got them for me.”
“That’s… another thing,” Aiden mentioned. He glanced at Julian, anxiety crossing his face. Julian saw the same look in Aiden’s eyes as the morning they had kissed. “So, you’re into women?”
“Yeah, I am. But as a guy—not as a lesbian.”
“So that means you’re straight, I guess?”
“Mostly. If I had to pick anything, I’d probably say bisexual, even though I’m like eighty percent into women.”
“But there’s still twenty percent for guys?”
“Yes,” Julian said. He didn’t want to go into how, technically, there were more genders than just men and women, and identifying as bisexual meant that he could be into more than two genders at once. He had done a lot of reading in forums about LGBT issues over his suspension break, but it wouldn’t do any good to break into Gender or Sexuality 101 right now. He just wanted to stay with Aiden a little while longer. Even if they didn’t talk.
So when Aiden only nodded, and silence distanced them, Julian didn’t move to close it. He wished they had some of the music from the conference room to cover it up, but that was okay. Hannah had mostly been playing Fall Out Boy’s Christmas song “Yule Shoot Your Heart Out” and then splicing in other Christmas covers with My Chemical Romance. Julian liked both bands, but they made him think of the songs they had on Rock Band and Guitar Hero. Which then made him think of Aiden and his dad’s old music collection, anyway.
“Do you still play?” Julian asked suddenly. “Guitar Hero? Or just guitar?”
Aiden smiled. “Yeah, actually. A few of my friends were thinking of starting a band.”
“That’s really cool.”
“Yeah. I don’t think it will get off the ground, but I like it. We play a lot of covers from Guitar Hero too. Like ‘Cherub Rock,’ which made me get into Smashing Pumpkins all over again.” Aiden gestured toward his Zero shirt, then shrugged. “Kind of obvious, though.”
“That’s still good. It’s a classic.”
“Yeah, but I like some stuff that’s coming out right now. Who’s the girl doing the music? I think I know her from some music blog.”
“Hannah? Really?” Julian asked, then added, “DJ Samson?”
“Yeah. I followed her blog a while back, when the Internet was a lot nicer.”
Julian nodded. He wanted to ask so many questions in that moment that he could do nothing but stay silent again. He got the beginning guitar riff of “Cherub Rock” in his head again, then thought of “This Is Gospel” and Hannah’s esoteric talking about music that she had done on her Facebook page.
All those songs, Julian realized, that we listen to right now will be oldies one day. The thought made him sad but also really happy. Because maybe one day, when he was older, he could show his kids—or someone younger—his music the way Aiden’s dad had shown them his own. And someone else could try and play different classics on Guitar Hero. And maybe, maybe, there will be more transgender lead singers and it just won’t matter anymore.
“What happened?” Julian asked when he finally got his thoughts together.
<
br /> “What do you mean?”
“At the beginning of the year. The Facebook messages. Did they… stop?”
Aiden shook his head. “Not really, no. People are brutal.”
“But you’re here.”
“Change your friends, change your life,” Aiden said. Julian could hear the echo of Maria in his words. He shrugged, then went on. “I don’t know. After I stopped hanging out with you, I hid in the band room a lot. I saw Hannah there sometimes, but I also met Jeff and Mike and Alistair. They all knew who I was—Alistair even admitted he had joined in on the Facebook group—but they talked to me. I talked to them. Eventually we picked up instruments and shit didn’t matter anymore.”
“But it still does,” Julian added. “Or else you wouldn’t have been afraid to talk to me.”
“I was never afraid to talk to you, Julian,” Aiden said, adding the N sound quickly after he said the name. “I was just upset and didn’t think you could relate. I didn’t want to deal with being called gay all the time, especially when I’m not. I’m really not.”
Julian blinked, feeling the words like a blow. “You kissed me.”
“What?”
Julian repeated it louder. “You kissed me. When we were young.”
“Yeah. I did.”
There was nothing between them for a while. Aiden sighed, shifted again, then spoke.
“I thought I liked you. For a while, so many people kept telling me that you and I would be so cute together or something. I don’t know. It was like…. I never saw it, but there were these moments, or something. I don’t know.”
“I know what you mean,” Julian said. “Sparks or something else cheesy like that. I used to think it was because we were both robots.”
Aiden laughed. “I’m a robot?”
“No. But we’re made of the same stuff. That’s what I thought I saw when I was with you. And maybe you saw it too?”
Aiden nodded, considering this. He looked away from Julian and back out at the skyline. When someone in an apartment building across the street turned on a bunch of Christmas lights on her porch, Aiden let out a low laugh.
The Santa Hoax Page 22
