“He needs to be patient.”
Calvin grinned as he waited until she fixed her cup of coffee, then poured his own cup. “That’s going to be hard for him to do. He’s used to doing things, not lying in bed all day.”
“And your sister-in-law?”
He set his cup down. “She’s a nervous wreck, Alice. I’ve tried to help her talk with the doctors, and even encouraged her to let me speak to them first so she doesn’t have to, but that doesn’t help. She takes every warning that they give her and magnifies it in her mind.”
“I bet a lot of people do such things.”
“I’m sure they do. I find myself doing that, too. I don’t blame her, of course, but it’s hard to know what to do.”
Struck by how worried and unsure he sounded, Alice’s heart went out to him. “I’m sure that Mark and Waneta are thankful you are here. It is comforting to have family around in situations like this. I think you being with them now, might be enough.”
“I don’t know. I want to take on more of Waneta’s burden or help pay for Mark’s bills.”
“Will they let you do that?”
“I think they will, but even that hasn’t been easy.” He stared down at his cup, which was almost empty. “I owe Mark a lot.”
“Why?”
“He practically raised me.” After a second, he shook his head. “No, that ain’t right. He did raise me.”
“Where were your parents? Oh! Did they pass away when you were young?”
“Oh, no. They were around, not that it mattered.” After glancing at the front door of his house for a long minute, he spoke again. “Our parents weren’t the best. Actually, they were pretty bad. Our mother wasn’t happy and our father had a lot of issues.”
“Issues?”
“He drank. He was bitter and lonely. He abandoned our faith. When my mother eventually left, Daed took all of his frustrations out on us.”
“That sounds painful.”
He blinked. Then he nodded. “It was.”
He was being so honest—so brutally honest, it took her off guard. Both because of the fact that she didn’t know anyone in their circle who’d been through so much at home; and also because, even if they had gone through as much, they didn’t admit it.
“I guess I shocked you.”
He’d been so frank, she didn’t want to make light of that by toning down her response to it. “You did.”
“Do you want to head back home? If you do, I won’t blame you.”
He wasn’t lying. His expression was carefully shuttered. Almost like he had already prepared himself to accept her rejection. That, of course, was such a shame. What kind of life did a man have to have for him to always think the worst was about to happen? To expect to be rejected?
“Of course not, Calvin. I’m not going to walk away just because of something you said. Certainly not because of the way your childhood was. That ain’t your fault.”
“You mean that, don’t you?” His voice was soft, almost hopeful sounding.
Hesitantly, she nodded. “You couldn’t help what your parents were like.” Instinctively, her voice came out soft, just like when she was with her tiny kinner. He needed a gentle tone and a good dose of reassurance. There was nothing wrong with that. Everyone needed to feel that way at one time or another.
Calvin picked up his cup and sipped slowly, looking like he was taking a moment to think about what she said. Alice used the time to sip her coffee, too. While she did, she couldn’t help but reflect that he made excellent coffee. Better than hers, she thought. She also noticed that his feet were bare just below the frayed cuffs of his jeans; and that visible under his gray sweatshirt was the collar of a sparkling white undershirt.
He looked different, all covered up. More approachable, she assumed. Less scary.
“I’ve never met anyone like you, Alice.”
His statement was sweet but a bit too pat. “I’m not the only Amish girl you know.”
“This is true, but you are the only Amish girl I know who I’ve ever wanted to share so much with. Danke.”
“You are welcome, Calvin.”
“I’m glad you came over. If you hadn’t, I would have gone over to knock on your door.”
“Really? You would have done that?” she blurted, hating that her voice sounded both breathless and extremely hopeful.
Ack, but she was acting desperate.
“Yeah.” When she smiled, he rushed on. “Not just to talk to you, either.” He cleared his throat. “You see, I wanted to let you know that I was going to be gone for a few days again. I’d like to give you my cell phone number. You could call it if you notice anything strange over here.”
“You’re going to be gone yet again?” Ack! Could she sound like a more lovesick fool? Horrified with herself, Alice pressed a palm to her lips. “I mean, I’ll be happy to give you a call if I notice anything out of the ordinary, not that I’ve had much of an opportunity to watch your haus or anything.”
“I’ve got to head up to Cincinnati. Something is going on there that I can’t ignore.”
“Of course. But you are coming back?”
“Oh, yeah. Hopefully, I’ll be back by the weekend. Maybe I’ll see you then.”
“Maybe.” Hoping to not sound so desperate, she added, “I’m not sure what I’ll be doing.”
He stepped closer. “Well, if you are home and you happen to see me and you want to talk again, that would make me real happy.”
“Why is that?”
“Because I’ve been watching your house, Alice,” he said, his voice turning lower, and maybe a little bit warmer sounding, too. “I find myself glancing at your windows in the evening to see if you are still awake. I check in the morning to make sure you get out of the house in time for school.”
She was so touched and so taken aback, she said the first thing she could think of to respond. “I’m never late for my job. I take my kinner and their education seriously.”
He laughed, but not in a mean way. Instead, it sounded as if he was holding some secret close to his heart and laughing at his own private joke. “I know you would never be late for them. Just like I know they are blessed to have such a caring teacher.”
His praise embarrassed her. “They are the blessings.”
His gaze warmed. “Yes, they are.” He took a breath, almost as if he was steeling himself to continue their conversation. “When I come back in two days, maybe we can talk again. I mean, if you would want to.”
“I would.”
“Gut. You can tell me more stories about how your little students have been doing.”
Every bit of her body seemed to respond to his words just a little too intently. Because she was feeling more awkward about that by the minute, she attempted to regain some distance between them. Before she practically melted next to him. “Just as you’ll share what you’ve been doing when you’re gone?” she teased.
But her attempt at razzing him fell short. Instead of joking right back, his expression turned carefully blank. “Nee. Not like that.”
And just like that, this confusing conversation that was so filled with double meanings and hidden feelings veered into another direction again. Now—instead of simply wanting him to see her as a woman worthy of his time, instead of yearning for him to feel for her as she did for him—Alice realized she ached to be someone more.
Someone he could lean on. Whom he could be completely honest with. “I can take whatever you tell me, Calvin. As you know, I’m stronger than I look. I’m a preschool teacher, after all.”
Those beautiful eyes of his, that combination of blue and green, so intense, warmed her.
She felt her lips part. Was . . . Was there something new in his expression now? Something more personal? Something deeper?
After their gaze held a moment longer, Cal said, “I know you are strong, Alice. You are strong and have a good heart.”
“I only try.”
“But that’s the problem, you see. I ain’t
like you.”
“How are you, then?”
“Weak.” The word came out harsh and direct, sounding almost like a curse word. “Alice, where you are concerned, I’m not that strong at all.”
He was tall and strong and had a capable, confident air about him. “You aren’t weak, Calvin.”
“That’s because you don’t really know me. If you did, you would know that I was right.”
Slowly, she got to her feet. She felt bereft, even though she knew that he had every right to keep his secrets and shouldn’t expect him to tell her things he wasn’t comfortable sharing.
But it still felt like a rejection of sorts. Like she was never going to be the person he reached out to when he was in need.
After they said good-bye and she was walking back to her house, knowing that he was watching from his porch, likely just to make sure no mysterious mystery man swooped out from the shadows and grabbed her, Alice felt a little empty.
It was one thing to know that a man wasn’t ready to be hers. It was a whole other thing to realize that it was never going to happen.
Chapter 13
Thursday, February 15
Calvin didn’t have the time now to drive all the way to Cincinnati, but it couldn’t be helped. West had recently formed an alliance with a gang there, and someone needed to make sure that everyone involved in loading the guns and ammunition onto the boats was doing what they said they were going to.
They certainly weren’t the first group of men to utilize the Ohio River to transport guns. They were probably one of the most successful, however, and that success depended upon everyone working smart, keeping their mouths closed, and not taking any unnecessary chances.
Calvin’s job during this trip was to check out the new warehouse the Kings had purchased, make sure the members running it weren’t being stupid. He knew it would be his job to remind both their members and the men in the other gang that West wouldn’t take failure lightly.
The upside was that when he got there, he was staying in his regular hotel, which meant he could speak to his contact at the DEA fairly easily. The DEA had a decent-sized office in Cincinnati, thanks to both the fact that the city was within a two-hour driving distance to Columbus, Indianapolis, Louisville, and Charleston; and that a lot of guns and drugs could now be trafficked on the water. Security wasn’t so tight in the small ports, and there were innumerable areas for a boat to pick up supplies and carry them down to Louisville without anyone being the wiser.
He stopped by his motel to tell the DEA he’d arrived. This was their code, which Calvin had at first thought was ridiculous, and more than a little over the top.
When he’d first gone undercover, he was tempted to point out that neither West nor any of the other members were going to be monitoring him so closely, but wisely kept his mouth shut. But after seeing what happened to a member who’d been viewed as disloyal, Calvin was glad for all the subterfuge. Being both alive and in command of all his limbs was a good thing. It must have worked, too—so far no one in the Kings had been the wiser.
After letting Andrew know that he would be staying at his regular motel, Calvin drove to the oldest section of the city, a previously German area called Over the Rhine. The narrow streets might have been charming once; now they only highlighted the fact that the area was in desperate straits, no matter how many people tried to say that it was in transition.
Though there were some refurbished lofts and restaurants, most of it was run-down, vacant, and filled with people willing to do almost anything to survive.
That was what the Kings were counting on.
He parked his truck in a secure lot, tipping the attendant well. Then he started walking, taking note of the area—and allowing anyone who was looking to see him. After going another block and scanning the area, the tension in his body eased. Everything looked the same. Surrounding him were the same crumbling red-brick buildings, graffiti-riddled fences, and cracked sidewalks littered with debris. On one of the stoops sat old Mrs. Johnson, who tried so hard to keep an eye on the kids in the neighborhood. Two doors down, a homeless man was sipping coffee, his alert expression at war with his ill-fitting clothes and air of despair.
And just beyond the chain-link fence was a group of five men, all of whom knew his name. He talked with them for a few minutes before moving on. The area smelled like smoky fireplaces and vending carts, all faintly tinged with the smell of yeast and hops from the brewery a few blocks over.
It was familiar and noisy. Ugly and a myriad of colors. It was like he’d never left.
Aware of the many eyes focused on him, Calvin kept his gait loose and his expression blank. His gun was secure in the small of his back and his cell phone in one of his front pockets. He was dressed like he always was now, no matter if he was in Horse Cave or in the city. Worn jeans, tight T-shirts, thick-soled boots.
The clothes didn’t matter. Instead, what did was the attitude. His way of looking around with enough force and confidence so that no one would think twice about messing with him.
Once again, they didn’t. Two men on the sidewalk, one of them Jenk, raised his chin when Cal approached. That surprised him. Usually, West traveled with Jenk or Smith. Trepidation filled him. Had he been found out?
“Fisher,” Jenk said.
“Jenk. Hey,” he replied.
Calvin made sure to keep his pace slow and look at the men directly in their eyes, all while keeping his own expression blank.
When he got to the entrance of the warehouse, the front door was being guarded by a teenager. He couldn’t have been more than sixteen or seventeen. “Cal Fisher,” he said.
Immediately, the kid opened the gate. His eyes stayed averted, almost as if he feared that Calvin was going to slug him if he didn’t move fast enough.
Such a thing once took him off guard. At other times, he was ashamed to admit he’d felt a certain amount of satisfaction.
Now? All he could think about was what Alice would say. He didn’t have to wonder what she would think. He knew she’d be disappointed in him.
Now he was wondering how, when Mark was healthy again and he returned here to his old routines, he was ever going to forget about her responses or opinions. She seemed to have settled herself firmly into his life.
As he passed through the gate, Calvin forced himself to stop thinking about Alice. Doing so would only make him weak. If he was thinking about her, he could almost imagine his expression softening. And if that happened, then all of his hard work to change his life would be for nothing.
And then? Well, he’d be dead.
He buzzed the front door and waited for the intercom.
“Name.”
Leaning into the speaker, he complied. “Cal Fisher.”
There was another buzz followed by the door opening. One of the Kings’ prospects was on door duty. One of his favorites, a kid by the name of Brandon, going by the name Bear.
“Hey, Cal,” he said. “West said for you to go on up to three.”
“West is here?”
Brandon said nothing, just turned away to keep watch on the street.
The third floor held three or four bedrooms, West’s warehouse office, which Calvin had never seen him use, and the conference room.
As he walked, his footsteps echoing around him, his pulse raced. Every bit of what had happened so far had been unexpected. He’d been told to check on the men here, foster the alliance with the other gang, and make sure everyone knew that West took things seriously.
No one he knew was supposed to be here, certainly not West himself.
Each step toward his boss’s office felt like a yard. By the time he got to the door, every beating that he’d seen or participated in raced through his head. When he’d first joined, Calvin had been sure many of the stories were simply talk. Stories to inspire fear in the ranks.
But he’d also seen enough evidence to know they were true.
He could be about to be reprimanded for being gone so long, told t
o visit some of the projects and other areas where they were selling drugs, or be shot for being an informant.
Then there was the rumor of him being promoted.
When he got to the third floor, he bypassed the four closed doors and stopped in front of the conference room. As expected, another member stood in front of this door, waiting for him. What was unexpected was that it was Smith, West’s second in command.
“Hey, man,” he said, passing on his signature half smile, the consequence of a knife fight he’d been in when he was ten or eleven. “Good to see you.”
“Thanks.”
“You carrying?”
“Yeah.” He waited, knowing better than to reach for his weapon without an invitation.
“I’ll take it, then.”
After Calvin handed over the gun, Smith looked him over. “Got anything else?”
“Knife,” he said as he leaned down and pulled it out from its sheath on the inside of his boot. He tossed it on the ground. “That’s it.”
“All right, then. Let’s get this over with.” As usual, Smith’s expression was blank as he frisked him.
Arms outstretched, Calvin stayed motionless as Smith’s hands moved over his torso. It was moments like this he was so glad that Andrew had his back about his refusal to wear a wire. Every once in a while, some new guy would bring it up, acting like it was a great idea. But Calvin, having been through this process so many times, argued that he could never let his guard down.
“All right. You’re good,” Smith said, almost sounding bored. “Go on in.”
Calvin searched Smith’s face for a hint of what was about to happen. He saw nothing but the same expression he always wore when he was around other gang members.
Then, because he knew there was nothing to gain by hesitating a second longer, he strode inside the vast room. To his surprise, West was sitting by himself in front of a conference table. The desk’s top was conspicuously bare. All that lay on top was the boss’s hands. They were folded together, looking almost relaxed.
His Risk Page 9
