“I like having you here, waiting for me, having dinner ready. I didn’t know I wanted this, but I do. It’s like a piece I didn’t know was missing. I don’t want someone who’s out every night; I want someone who wants to be here and for whom this is enough.”
Looking down at her mug of tea, Sam fought hope as it tried to steal into her. “Sebastian, please don’t.”
“I want someone to work for. I want to bring home the bacon for. I want a family, with children and ‘wait until your father gets home’. I don’t want a life where children are raised by the help; I’ve been there. I don’t want a family where parents don’t speak to each other, or see each other for years on end. I want a tight core, where the relationship between the man and the woman is the centre of the family.
“Everything about you being here, being pregnant with my child has resonated deeply with me. I’ve felt like I’ve found my place. For the first time, I’ve felt like I have a home. This was just a space I slept before; it had no deeper meaning. I just parked my clothes and soap here. Now it’s more and I want it so desperately I don’t know what to do with myself.”
“You’re just reacting to the stress of the situation. This isn’t what you’re about, don’t you see that?”
“Sam, this is what I want. I want someone to live, breathe and strive for. I work hard and I always will, but I also want a reason for it. I want to come home and be a family man. When I close my eyes and think of what I want, I see you—hosting dinner parties, dragging me on vacations I would never go on, children in bed by seven, cocktails at seven thirty. You cook; I’ll make the cocktails—sometimes getting dressed for a night out. And late in the evening, I get my reward—you. The evenings would be ours. Don’t tell me this isn’t a future worth fighting for.”
Unfortunately, Sam didn’t really have an answer for this. She didn’t really know exactly how she wanted to spend her life, but what he was proposing was spending her life with him and it was scary how tempting it was. But staying here, she would be away from her family, her culture and the life she had envisioned for herself. She would literally be giving up everything for him. She wanted a real relationship, not some guy who spent most of his time drinking at the pub with his mates like her ex did, but he was asking her to sacrifice everything else.
“I know you want me,” he said after a while, watching her intently. “If you weren’t healing, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I’d have you in bed and you’d never leave.”
Sam bit her lip, knowing that it was true: her intentions seemed to melt when he touched her. She just hadn’t been aware that he knew it, too.
“I suppose that is a discussion we’ll have in six weeks,” he said.
“I might not be here.”
“I’m not sure it will matter all that much.”
Sam felt herself warm. “Are you saying it doesn’t matter where I go, you’ll find me?”
“Well, you don’t have to make it sound completely psychotic, but in essence. I know what I want and I’m not going to stop fighting for it. I want you and you want me, and it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks. We can carve our own life here.”
Sam knew Esme would benefit from a complete family, but not if they couldn’t make things work. There were so many things he’d said that she needed to take in and absorb, but the most important thing she’d heard was that he wanted her and not someone like Shanna. Searching his eyes, she tried to see the truth in there.
“And I want you sleeping in my bed. I know I can’t touch you, but I want you there with me.” Reaching out, he stroked her arm, giving her goose bumps as his palm trailed down her arm. Their bodies weren’t touching, but they were so very close, she could hear his heavy breathing, feel her body itching to reach him. “I’ll never be the perfect partner, probably far from it. I’m selfish, probably snobby, and I work too hard. I’ve always expected everyone to organise themselves around my needs.”
“You’re not really selling this well.”
He smiled. “I just want you to know where my mind is and how much I want you. When I come home and you’re here, I feel content—more than I have ever felt before and I don’t care how others see us—you’re all I want.”
Sam didn’t know what to do with herself. This close, he had her enthralled. Then there was a shift and everything changed. He wasn’t looking at her and she was confused with the shift.
“But you are young,” he said, finally looking at her.
“I’m not that young.”
“Before Esme, you wanted to travel.” Sam watched him, feeling like she was playing a game of chess.
“I chose Esme,” she said, “knowing I would give all that up.”
A frown of concern flashed across his features. “You shouldn’t have to give anything up. Perhaps I should give you time. I will wait if you want me to.”
Sam felt sadness wash through her. He would wait for her. It might be the most bittersweet thing she’d ever heard, particularly now that she’d started to hope that there could be something between them. For all the thing he’d just said, her heart was still not convinced; it just seemed to be too good to be true. He had just offered himself, giving her the chance to have him, and not just as a girlfriend—he wanted the whole hog. But his whole history screamed that she should run the other way.
She didn’t know what to do. It was scary, particularly as he was asking for a full commitment. She wanted him so desperately, wishing her body wasn’t in the mess it was in. He was right: they wouldn’t be talking about it and it would all be much easier just being distracted by the immediate needs and wants—not having to think and decide.
Stepping closer, he kissed her. Sam melted into the kiss like she’s been waiting for it for years. His lips tasted divine and warmth lulled her, stealing every thought or concern from her mind. Her body pressed up against him and she wanted so much more—everything in fact. Her hand flattened on his waist, feeling the strength underneath, wanting to touch his warm, bare skin. His tongue teased, demanding and devastating.
Suddenly he pushed her away and her eyes flew open. Her lips stung with the aftermath of the kiss, wanting more. His eyes were glossy with desire as he closed them for a moment. “We can’t get carried away.” For a second, Sam wanted to argue. It didn’t matter that her body wasn’t healed; she just wanted him and she would gladly suffer. Then she pulled herself together. “We can’t,” he repeated wistfully. “I want you so much, but we can’t.”
“We can kiss.”
He grinned with a bitter edge. “Yes, but you can’t toy with me. I’ve laid everything on the table. I’ve never done that before and I need you to respect that I’ve left myself completely open, revealing my most fundamental desires. If you come to me, I want it to be with the intention of staying. If you are intent on leaving, don’t give me hope.”
“I thought you said you would follow me wherever I go.”
He looked at her with resignation. “If you don’t want me, then I’m not going to push it. I want you to be clear. I don’t want to play games.” Stepping back, he stepped away from her, leaving her feeling cold and alone. Her lips still burning and she itched for his warmth. But he was right. He was proposing a serious relationship and if she wasn’t ready or willing, she needed to stay away from him.
He’d left the lounge, leaving her to her thoughts. His bedroom door was closed when she walked past. Lying down in bed and pulling the duvet up, she watched Esme. Her mind was a jumble of thoughts. Sebastian wanted to be a family—not just co-parents a world apart. But accepting him would mean accepting his life. He’d also said children—he wanted more.
Closing her eyes, she tried to imagine what that would look like. The picture certainly didn’t fit with his sports cars, but what she did see were children playing in the pool outside, being put to bed after dinner and then the evening to themselves—lazy evenings filled with kissing and devastating touches. And she would be his.
She hadn’t even had time to consider what
she wanted, having been so busy defending this baby, she hadn’t even considered what her life would be like. If she went home, she would have to get a job, place Esme in childcare and eventually start saving for a house. That would be her life. It wouldn’t be a bad life—a typical life. Eventually she would meet someone, but she couldn’t picture anyone else. Sebastian was too prominent in her mind and she wondered if she would ever meet someone who would eclipse him.
If she stayed, she would be committing to living in Europe, with Esme’s father. Opening her eyes, she considered the little creature through the bars of the cot, sleeping peacefully. She would be okay either way, but there was something to be said for a proper father rather than a step-father.
Sebastian proposed a future she could only dream of, so Sam didn’t quite know what it was that stopped her from rushing into his room. Exhaustion bit at her brain. She was bone tired and it wasn’t just physical. He was out of her league; the thought popped into her mind. He was perfect and she was just an average girl. But that’s what he’d said he wanted, along with a lifestyle that boarded on the traditional. Sam smiled at his honesty, recognising the rebellion to how he’d been brought up.
Sighing, she drifted off to a troubled sleep, to wake some hours later by Esme’s hungry mewls. Sebastian immediately flitted through her mind. He was hers; she just had to take him, along with his amazing body, stubbornness and kindness. Once past his sheer beauty, there was a man who wanted his family. Sam began to cry. She probably shouldn’t be making these decisions when she was so completely hormonal. Jane’s words popped into her head—the part about running from her feelings. It wasn’t his feelings she was scared of—they gave her fuzzy bubbles in her stomach, making her want to rush in and kiss him. It was her feelings she was scared of. She was scared of being hurt, placing herself at risk and being hurt. If she committed to him and he backed away from her, she would be devastated. She would be committing her whole life—away from her family and friends, to a man who had a long history of being a player. But he wanted to change and had made steps to do so. There was both a sacrifice and a risk. Jane had made the sacrifice and she wasn’t happy, but she loved Damon too much to undo it. Did Sam love Sebastian enough? Even if things weren’t perfect? Even if there was a risk she could end up devastated if he failed at this? But, misery would be leaving here, leaving him behind. She would be robbing herself and Esme with her fear.
The night was black and Esme needed a change. Sam tried to be quiet as she moved around her room and encased Esme’s tiny little bottom in a new nappy. Picking her up, she paced around the room, cooing gently until Esme fell asleep again. It took a little time, but Esme drifted off and grew limp in Sam’s arms. Placing her back in the cot, Sam checked the time. It was five in the morning and Sam wasn’t likely to get any more sleep.
Feeling completely alone in the dark of the house, she padded out into the lounge and sat down on the couch. She could live here, with Sebastian. They could be like they had been, together, exploring, wanting. She would care for Esme and he would come home in the evenings. It seemed idyllic and they would distract each other from the day’s troubles.
Walking back to the bedrooms, she knocked on Sebastian’s door.
“Everything fine?” he asked with concern, sleep making his voice rough as he lay on the bed, his covered form sending butterflies fluttering through her stomach. His bare chest was completely distracting. If she stayed, she could have that—every day. Her fingers itched to touch.
“I’m not going to be waiting at the door with your slippers in the evenings if that’s what you have in mind,” she said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Sebastian lay back on the bed, stretching out, making it difficult for her to keep focus on the important points she needed to clarify. Sebastian bit his lip and she wondered if he did it on purpose—was playing her. She narrowed her eyes.
“Slippers and a pipe? Even the idea of it is stirring.”
He anticipated the slap she gave his thigh.
“I’m not going to be some nineteen-fifties housewife, so you can just forget it. Seriously, have you got some kind of fetish or something?”
“I think I am starting to develop one. And what’s wrong with a little tradition? My family still thinks it’s the nineteenth century so the fifties is a vast step forwards.” He was teasing her; his fingers pulling on the button of her shirt. “Come on. One of those knee length puffy skirts—hot!” He smiled mischievously.
“Sometimes I wonder if you’re not a little bit insane.”
Sebastian chuckled before grabbing her and rolling her over him onto the bed, then under him. “Hmm. Could be. Although I would argue strongly that recent events has brought it on. I’ve certainly felt so at a few points.” he said slowly, before leaning down and kissing her. Sam gave herself over to the kiss, letting it soothe her mind and her body. Finally she felt his weight on her and she loved it wholeheartedly. But still, they couldn’t take this further. She wanted all of him; she wanted him inside her, like he had been just a few days ago, but it couldn’t be.
Sliding off her, he rolled onto his back and she snuggled in, entwining her leg with his. “The next six weeks is going to be absolute torture,” he said. Sam let her hands roam across his tight abdomen. “Since the moment I met you, you’ve had me on a knife’s edge.”
Sam smiled, letting his scent fill her mind. With a kiss on his shoulder, she let herself relax into his body. Desire lit every cell in her body and she would just have to get used to that. The day would come when they could resolve the tension, but for now, she would just have to live with the anticipation.
“I love you, Samantha D’Arth. You have devastated my life and left me with no defences.”
“And you’ve just signed up for more.”
Leaning over, he kissed her again. “I wouldn’t change a thing—except this infernal no sex part. Oh, and I’m not going to go for the not changing your name thing. I have my limits.”
“Samantha Luc, huh?”
“Oh god that’s sexy.”
The End
I hope you enjoyed this book. This series continues with Sam’s twin, Marco’s story—The Gamble.
Please help others find this book by leaving a review.
Other Books by Camille Oster
The Gamble – D’ArthSeries book 3–Marco D’Arth loves his new bright and fast life in London. The social scene can't be beat, the work is challenging and the weekend getaways are unsurpassed. Going after a major account that will establish his reputation in the industry pitches him against fellow New Zealander, Alexis Channing—the annoying girlfriend of one of his mates. It’s his job to take her out of the running for the lucrative new account and he has to work out how to do it without sacrificing his friendship with his mate—or worse, fall in love with the competition.
http://www.amazon.com/Gamble-DArth-Book-3-ebook/dp/B00LYA66CG/ref=la_B00ALPYJHE_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1410290035&sr=1-4
The Gem – Book 4 D’Arth Series - Peter Dunham is an unrepentant bastard, and he likes his life just the way it is. At the top of his profession, he knows his position is secure, having worked hard to get where he is. But a car crash turns his life upside down and for the first time, he is forced to depend on someone. Interestingly, the girl brought in to help him doesn’t bend to his commands as easily as he expected.
Shay McPherson, newly arrived in London, is ecstatic getting her first nursing job, but it turned out more complicated than anything she’d trained for. The client was wilful, not to mention unreasonable, and it didn’t help that he seemed to enjoy making her blush—and she wasn’t a prude, for the record.
http://www.amazon.com/Gem-DArth-Book-4-ebook/dp/B00PDU5D4U/ref=asap_B00ALPYJHE?ie=UTF8
Marbella Nights – Book1 Marbella series- The exclusive enclave that is Marbella, playground for the rich and the well-connected, holds many secrets and it’s hard to know what’s real sometimes. Damien Cartright grew up in this rarefied atmosphere, with every delight at his fi
ngertips. But being part of the right crowd doesn’t necessarily assure real success when temptation and entitlement lingers.
The warm days and hot nights have also call to Adelaide Simon and Trish Daly, regular girls from down under, seeking adventure and fun in a place with incomprehensible rules and structures. They’ve learned that the glitter of Marbella hides a multitude of sins, especially as Marbella also draws the ambitious—those seeking entry into the most exclusive circles, who will do anything to get where they want to be.
http://www.amazon.com/Marbella-Nights-Camille-Oster-ebook/dp/B00XH1BA9Y/ref=sr_1_12?ie=UTF8&qid=1431394052&sr=8-12&keywords=camille+oster
Truth and Sparta – Spartan do what they please when it comes to Helot girls and Chara curses the day that Nicias—effectively an enemy of her people—lays eyes on her and decides that he wants her for himself. His attention places her and her family in an awkward position, exasperated by her brother’s increasing appetite for rebellion. Soon she is placed in a position where she needs to take decision action to save her family—no matter the cost, and that includes the building attraction she feels for the Spartan soldier who is the cause of all her problems.
http://www.amazon.com/Truth-and-Sparta-ebook/dp/B00D0GX58U/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1377249689&sr=1-2
Contacting the Author
Website: www.camilleoster.com
Twitter: @camille_oster
Email: [email protected]
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Camille-Oster/489718877729579
A Material Gift (D'Arth Series Book 2) Page 20
