by Dee Ellis
Like a fool, I said yes, I wanted to try. Our idea of trying was starting back up that night. And included that bunnie. Two days later, we were married, the bunnie standing in as witness. The only bunnie whose name I knew, because it was on my marriage license. Truth was, we never really did try. Not enough to make a marriage work. Hell, not enough to make anything work.
“Here you go, man,” The driver’s cheery voice called, bringing me to the present, “Need help with that?”
He nodded towards the baby seat, but I was a fast learner. “No, I think I got it. Thank you, though.” I scooped the nugget out, bringing her close to my chest.
After shoving some cash, more than enough to cover the fair, into his hand, we climbed out. Although I knew I needed more for her, I didn’t know what, exactly. I may be willing to take care of the little Princess but I wasn’t pretending I knew how to. I had no siblings so I had really no prior experience. And, it wasn’t like I could call my parents for some input.
After they died, I had never been so lost. One moment we were a family, we took vacations to Disneyland and my dad played ball with me in the back yard while mom baked cookies. I had that kind of life.
In a flash of fire and smoke, it was all gone. I had nothing left, not even photos to remember them by. Hunter always looked at me after we had a rough call, one that maybe we weren’t in time for or went bad, as if he was waiting for me to lose it.
It’s not like he was wrong to worry. The very first time we’d had a bad call, I had lost it. They didn’t know that, none of them did. I thought Hunter might sideline me and I couldn’t have that. I did this for my parents. Because of kids like me.
If I could stop one kid from having that empty, lost feeling I’d carried around like a cloak for so long, it was worth it. Hunter’s cautious look hadn’t been aimed at me in a while, but mostly because we were fucking good and bad calls didn’t happen often.
Now, carrying that tiny infant into Twinkle, Twinkle, I wish I had someone to ask. Someone to tell me what to do. To tell me if I was making the right choice by her. Did a firefighter who had no one make for a good father for a little Princess? I had no idea, but I thought I might be a better choice than a woman who can’t even give the child she carried for nine months a fucking name.
“Levi?” Lola’s voice makes me jump, mostly because I don’t expect it but also because she’s always bright and on. Like pretty neon.
“Hey Lola Bear! Your brute of a husband didn’t send you to look after me, did he?” My eyes drop to her cute rounded belly, where her tattooed left hand smooths back and forth.
“No, handsome, he did not. Hunter let me know your whore of a wife left a parting gift, though.” I winced a little, not for her slight against Iz-because let’s be honest, it wasn’t off—but because the nugget heard it and began to squirm.
“That she did. I figured since she handed her over, bow and all, I couldn’t refuse her, right?” We were just inside the store, and though she said otherwise, I felt like it was a set up.
Hunter suggested this store when I’d mentioned needing stuff for the baby. He knew just as well as I did that I was flying completely blind. I was inclined to believe he suggested the store knowing Lola might bump into me while doing her own baby shopping. Either that or he outright set me up and sent Lola to lead me by the hand like the clueless fuck I was. I’d take it. Just as I began to hand over the baby, I saw her.
Clearly the nugget had altered my focus completely. Because normally, I could sense when Brynn was within twenty feet of me. Now, here she was and I hadn’t even seen her coming. Which was kind of fitting for our entire relationship. Not that we had something you could label a relationship of any kind.
Brynn Gold was a fucking Goddess; men like me shouldn’t even breathe the same air she did. And yet...Brynn was also the single sweetest, sexiest, most captivating woman I had ever met. And I had blown my shot with her.
“Oh, my sweet lord, look at that fucking face!” Lola gushed as she took the baby, cradling her much more expertly than I had.
“Brynn.” I murmured her name, and I was sure it sounded as hungry and foolish as she made me feel.
“Levi.” Those jade eyes swung my way, flickered with something that made my chest thump, then they were gone.
I was aware of Lola cooing, and cussing, at the little Princess but my focus had shifted. Like it always did when Brynn was around. Three months ago, I had her all to myself for three days and it had been fucking epic. Three days of going completely mad for her shy, sexy laughs and that sweet as sin soul of hers. I almost made a move. Almost got it right one night under the stars.
“It’s so beautiful to take a moment and just breathe. To look. To feel. Just be.” I’d never thought like that, but that night with Brynn, I did.
For hours, we sat beneath the stars and barely said a word. Because, it was more than words. It may sound cheesy or sappy, but I felt like I had found something in Brynn. Something I didn’t know could exist.
From the moment, I’d met Brynn at Hunter and Lola’s wedding, I wanted her. We got a little drunk and a lot touchy, but that was it. Until the weekend went on. I couldn’t take my eyes off her, and I literally ached to be near her.
The whole crew spent the weekend with Hunter’s family and I was never more than a touch away from Brynn. It never got dirty, never went too far, but something was building between us and we both were letting it happen.
I think Hunter saw it, too. Because when it came time to head back to Chicago, he suggested Brynn go with me. I’d planned to fly back, but cancelled my ticket and rented a car without hesitation. More time with the sweet, sexy redhead? Yes, please.
“We need to get your girl taken care of.” Lola’s voice once again startled me. And I realized I’d never looked away from Brynn.
Brynn, who looked as gorgeous as ever. Bright red hair flowing down her back in bouncy waves. Creamy skin dotted with freckles. Bright green eyes and full, pouty mouth that starred in all my fantasies. What I would give to see that mouth wrapped around my cock. In a bright white sundress, that did nothing to hide her perfect curves, and minty green cardigan she was fucking stunning.
And... she was holding my daughter.
The nugget cooed up at her as Brynn cradled her, their noses nearly touching. Brynn was gazing down at her with softness and wonder on her beautiful face. They kind of looked like they belonged together. Fuck, if that didn’t make me hard as shit. I discreetly adjusted myself as I cleared my throat, nodding at Lola.
“Even if Hunter set me up, it’s not like I’d turn you down, Lola Bear. My nugget needs shit and I don’t know what shit she needs.” I flushed when Brynn looked my way, quirking a brow.
“Of course, you don’t. What’s this gorgeous Princess’s name?” I winced as I gravitated towards them, unable to stay away.
“About that. Isabel did not give the Princess a name.” Fury laced her eyes when they met mine, and fuck, even that was hot.
“Stupid whore.” Brynn gasped, covering the baby’s ears after she said the words.
“Tell me about it. Besides a crib, clothes, whatever else a baby needs, we need to name the nugget.” I was close now, their sweet scents mingling and intoxicating me. The baby fresh and new, and Brynn peppermint and peonies. I wanted to breath that mixed scent forever.
“Poor precious Princess.” Brynn shook her head, pressing her full lips to the baby’s temple.
Fuck, she was driving me crazy and all she was doing was being good. Caring. Being human. Looking at her holding that baby, hearing her coo and whisper to her, my heart seized. I didn’t want to think about why. Couldn’t think about how foolish I had been with Brynn. Right then, I wasn’t thinking at all.
“Let’s name her, then.” I whispered to her, close to her ear. My dick twitched when she noticeably reacted to my breath at her ear.
This was good. This was so good. It meant I still had an effect on her. Even after I’d fucked up. I pressed closer, my hand g
oing to the small of her back. Passerby would look at us and see a cute family and that did shit to me I didn’t expect. Brynn didn’t shy away like she did sometimes, instead she twisted into me, cradling the baby between us.
“What do we call you, sweetness?” The baby made a sound that, to me, sounded like a giggle, and my chest bloomed with emotion.
“Went through the Disney Princesses I know, nugget didn’t seem to approve. Has to go with Holt, because she’s mine. In name, at least.” My eyes flickered to hers and Brynn’s went dark with sadness. I pressed closer.
“I mean I can kind of see you in her, actually.” Brynn smiled before biting it back and gazing at the baby again.
“My...my mom...her name was...Amelia. Think it suits her?” I was pressed against Brynn’s side now, the baby between us, my eyes never leaving her face.
“It does, Levi. It suits her just right. Doesn’t it, Amelia?” I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure Brynn pressed into me more too.
“Love it. Welcome to the family, Amelia. Now let’s get you taken care of, yeah?” Lola made a sound of excitement and snagged a cart, leading the way.
I followed, Brynn beside me with Amelia, my hand still touching her. I moved it against the soft, thin material of her dress and she shuddered again. Brynn slid a look my way and I smirked back. Watching her, I let my hand slid lower, over the plump curve of her ass.
It was impossible to miss that shudder, or the way her jade eyes turned smoky and dark. My cock certainly didn’t miss it. But, we weren’t here today for me to get a piece of that ass. As badly as I wanted it, I wanted something more.
As we circled the store, letting Lola fill the cart with whatever she insisted Amelia needed, I was formulating a plan. And keeping Brynn and my daughter close to me. My chest ached with something I didn’t have a name for whenever that baby smiled or made a cute sound. Or gazed up at Brynn like she was the most perfect person she had ever seen.
It made my plan more a necessity than a plan. I had no clue how to care for Amelia. None. But I was going to because I already couldn’t think about walking away. I wanted to give her anything, everything I had never had. And, it was obvious to me she wanted one thing more than the diapers and toys Lola was stocking her up on.
Amelia adored Brynn, maybe as much as I did, and I was going to see to it my daughter got her. And, maybe I would too.
“Let me hire you.” I said it loudly, blurted it out in the crib aisle as the girls cooed over pretty set ups.
“What? For what?” The entire hour we had been in the store, Brynn never let my daughter go. Never stopped bouncing her, never got tired of her noises or the way she burrowed against her, slobbering all over her tits. Can’t say I wasn’t jealous about my daughter motor boating my dream girl.
“Hire you. To take care of her. While I work.” That sounded better than the desperate pleas moments before.
I paid attention to Brynn and what was going on with her. As best I could, at least. I knew she was still here visiting, four months later. I knew she hid shit but wanted someone to ask. And I knew she was afraid people would judge her for those answers. I also knew loneliness when I saw it. The girls had welcomed her and they were close, but Brynn was lonely still. And I wanted to fix that for her. And for me. But, first. Priorities.
“Come here.” I was anxious as I tugged Brynn aside.
Lola watched us go with a knowing smirk. I glanced back at her and she pointed her chin out. Well, shit. Seems I was about as obviously about my interest in Brynn as I’d feared. Cool it, idiot. Leading Brynn to the nearest changing room, I ushered her in and locked the door behind us. I wanted to pin her to the mirror behind her, hike that dress up and fuck her till all her freckles popped out. I had thought about that often, actually. But, I digress.
“I need you, Brynn. I don’t trust people. I don’t trust anyone but us, actually. Amelia needs someone to hold her that way, to talk to her the way you’ve been talking to her. Her mother won’t be back to do it. Didn’t care enough to name her. I don’t want my daughter to ever be touched by that. To know what happened. I don’t know what I am doing. I could let Hunter and Lola take her, or go to an agency or something, I suppose. I don’t want to. I don’t even know if Iz was telling the truth. How do I know she’s mine?” I spoke my doubts aloud because, like I’d said, I trusted her. More than she knew.
“Doesn’t matter if she is or isn’t. She’s a holt, Levi. You said so yourself. She’s yours on paper.” I nodded as she bounced the baby on her hip, the sight doing crazy shit to my head.
I wanted to see her pregnant. Round and soft, and mine. The thought came out of nowhere and I knew it was ridiculous and yet, there it was. Fuck, I wanted her. More than I’d ever wanted someone. Even Isabel. It felt soul deep, how badly I wanted her. But, for now, I meant what I was saying. Amelia needed her more.
“Exactly. Amelia is mine. It’s fucking crazy and most guys might not even consider it, and maybe I’m a fucking idiot because I never, not for once second, considered otherwise. I want to do right by her, Brynn. I need you to help me. I don’t know what I am doing, and I can’t be there all the time. I can pay you. You can stay here. With us. With all of us.” I almost choked on that last sentence, because way to be transparent.
“I don’t...I don’t know Levi. I mean. I don’t actually know when I am leaving.” As I watched, she began to give in to the idea, so I pressed on.
“You won’t be leaving. You don’t want to, Brynn. Look,” Fuck it, I was going live here, “I fucked up with Iz. With some bunnies. I fucked up with you. That’s what I do. I don’t want to fuck it up this time. Look at me, Brynn.” My voice was heavy, hungry as I pressed closer. That shudder was there again and my dick ached, but it wasn’t about that right now. It couldn’t be.
“Levi...” Her voice was breathy the way that drove me crazy and I moved my face into her neck.
“I wanted you, baby. I did. I do. Fuck, don’t think I didn’t. Don’t think I ever won’t want you. I fucked up, I know. It was a bad time and I can’t tell you how bad I wish I had it back. That night. That morning. This is not about that. I swear to you. I am not using my daughter to get into your panties.” My lips pressed to the pulse at her throat and we both groaned. Then Amelia cooed and I pushed back a little.
“How long?” My mouth moved up to her ear, my hips pressing into her. It wasn’t about how bad I wanted her, but fuck if I could fight what my body wanted.
“As long as she needs you. Brynn, please. I won’t let this be about what I want for myself. I won’t do that to you. I want her to have whatever she needs. She needs you, baby.” It had been months since I had talked to her like this, but if felt so natural. So fucking right.
The night under the stars had changed everything for me. Brynn just didn’t realize it. I had been broken by Isabel, yes. But not because we were a great love. Just because I hadn’t felt lonely with Iz, at least not at first. For the first time since my parents, I had someone. Until she was gone and once again, that loneliness opened up like a dark cave welcoming me back home. Then I spent three days in a car from Mississippi to Chicago, and one night under the stars with Brynn.
I held her and touched her and she cracked that cave wide fucking open. I spent one night with her under the stars, being and feeling and touching the world around us and I’d never be the same. Isabel was waiting for me when we got home and Brynn thought I’d lied to her. And, maybe I had. Because I didn’t tell her what she made me feel, that it was like nothing else I’d ever felt. But I never got the chance to explain.
In the months since, I was lost and confused about my divorce, about my life, but never about the redhead who had stolen the parts of me that felt shit. Every time I got near her, they pulsed back to life. Only when I was near her. Which, thanks to Lola marrying Hunter, was often. I went to everything Charli invited me to. Cookouts and game nights, dinners and festivals. Each time hoping I could get a few more moments under the stars with Brynn.
&
nbsp; Brynn shifted slightly and the baby was cradled between us again. Her chin lifted, those pretty jade eyes meeting mine. Fuck, she was beautiful. I knew her past, knew she came from privilege, but I saw past her refined edges and perfect poise. I saw her rough edges and the way she was never quite balanced. It’s what drew me to her, really.
“I should go back to Boston, Levi. It’s been months.” My hands shifted from her hips, up to wrap around her slender neck.
“You don’t want to. I told you...I paid attention, Brynn.” Between us, the baby cooed, snuggling into Brynn as she watched me with a half smirk on her cute face.
I’d be a damn liar if I said I was okay with the idea of Brynn going back to Boston. I wasn’t okay with it. I wasn’t ready for it. It had been four months and I’d wasted my time. I had so many chances to talk to her, to try again, to tell her the truth about that weekend. About that night under the stars. Instead, I had been waiting for...I don’t know what.
I could say I was waiting for my second chance. For the stars to come out again, the right music to play, the moment to be perfect. It was bullshit. I was fucking terrified of Brynn; of getting that second shot and then her ripping me to shreds like the ones before her. I was a fucking coward and I knew I didn’t deserve another chance.
But, Amelia, she deserved a chance.
“How would we do this?” I almost whooped when Brynn went soft on me, bright white teeth biting back the smile she didn’t want to give me.
“I got some time, I plan to take it to get some stuff figured out with Amelia. Get her situated at my place. You could help me with that, if you had the time. When I go back to work, I would just need you to look after her during my shifts. Until you need to go. Or until we figure something out for her.” Brynn looked away and I knew what was coming next. Could feel it in the tremor of her body.
“You won’t...it’s about Amelia, right? Not about you or me, or...anything else.” When those eyes swung back to me, I felt it like a punch to the gut. I had hurt her and that fucking killed me.
“This is about her. I want to do right by her, Brynn. I know I don’t get another shot with you, no matter how much I may want it. I can’t lie and say I’m never going to slip,” I pressed closer, breathing her sweet vanilla crème scent into my lungs, “Can’t promise I won’t ever forget that it’s not about you and me and everything else.” My hand lifted, the back of my knuckles smoothing down her jaw as I watched her eyes darken.
