by Dee Ellis
Brynn talks. A lot. I like it though. Its bouncy and soft, almost melodic as we paint. I listen to every word she says, filing every single bit of it away in my Brynn locker.
During our three days together four months ago, I started that file. I know she had just graduated with a degree in architecture. I know she comes from wealth and power but doesn’t seem too proud of it. I know she had a brother who died, and I know better than most how to handle that topic.
I also found out she hadn’t dated seriously in over a year, and sporadically at best before then. I know our night beneath the stars and the morning after meant as much to her as it did to me, even if I fucked it up after. Tonight, she serves up more bits about herself and I eat them up like a starved man.
“I guess I like putting things together. Building something. Lord knows my father tore enough down.” We have all but one wall complete when she says this, so we both pause.
Brynn also knows about me. Knows my parents are gone, and how. Why I became a firefighter. I told her how close I was to my parents, how badly I miss them and hope I made them proud. I see the guilt flash across her face so I move close, invading her space as I shake my head.
“Not all dads are my dad, baby. I hope to be like him. For her.” I look down the hall, where Amelia has slept soundly for almost two hours.
“Then be like him. For her and for you, Levi. Will you tell me why?” Brynn folds to the floor, setting her paint brush carefully in the roller pan.
“I will tell you anything you ask me, baby. But, which why, exactly do you mean?” I regret the words the moment I say them.
There are plenty of why’s between us, actually. Why did I let that morning happen? Why did I let the past four months happen the way I did? Why, when we were with the others, did I behave as if I wanted her, then let her know I took home other women? Plenty of why’s.
“Bigger than the ones you might be considering, Levi. Why Amelia? I mean...I know how you feel about family. I think I do, I guess. Did Isabel know too? Did you two plan a family? Most guys living your life, might not be setting up a nursery and hiring a nanny for the baby their ex-wife had behind his back and then dumped at his feet.” I winced, and she covered her mouth.
“Its fine,” I sink down beside her, sitting away from her as I set my roller aside, “I do want a family. No, we never discussed it. Yeah maybe I once thought it might happen with her, but I never truly hoped for a family with Iz. Before her, yes? Now,” My eyes focus on her and she squirms under the weight of my look, “hell yes. Most guys might not do right by a nugget they can’t say for certain is even theirs. I am not most guys. That Princess needed someone, but I think so do I. Not because it’s a part of Iz, because I don’t even know how true that is. Because it’s might be a part of me, and I don’t have anyone else. I know what it’s like. I can’t just do it the easy way, hand her off and not know what life she might live. I think she is mine, Iz lied a lot but not about the big shit. Except for the forever thing, of course.” I watch Brynn think this over, then bite back a smile as she inches closer to me.
“You got married for the right reasons, Levi. Maybe not to have a forever, but look at what you got out of it.” I nod my head and watch her hands trace the lines of the wood floor.
“I don’t think I did, Brynn. I got married because I didn’t want to be alone. Because Iz made me hot for a few months, and I thought it could be more. I didn’t love Isabel, Brynn.” Those green eyes go bright and wide, searching my face.
“How do you know?” Again, she inches closer, just slightly.
“It hurt, what she did. Because I trusted her, even if maybe I wasn’t in love with her. I thought that’s what you do, you know? You find someone who makes you feel shit, you get married. Make it work. Really, Iz knew better than I did because she said it would never work. There is no forever.” I bow my head a little because, for a while, I thought she might be right.
“Isabel was always a fucking liar.” Brynn’s voice startles me with its ire; it also stirs my dick, but that’s a common response to her.
“Yeah, I suppose so.” When my eyes lift to hers, she is so close now, our knees touch.
“Didn’t answer my question, Levi.” Brynn points out, eyes on my hands as they reach out, sliding over her thighs.
“Which one, baby?” I am watching the way her stomach tightens, the way her breasts bounce as I touch her.
The thick sweats are bunched at her knees, rolled at her waist. Plenty of skin to touch. I have behaved for hours. Now I can smell her, feel her warmth in the air and I can’t help myself. It could be so easy.
I could lift her into my lap, tear that tank—which she ruined with paint and her perfect tits—right off and have those sweats down in seconds. So Goddamn easy. I don’t though. I am working hard to be in control. Her fingers come out and trace up my forearms, flicking at paint spatters and the chords that jump beneath her touch.
“How do you know you didn’t.... with Isabel?” Brynn says her name the same every time. Icy and as if it tastes bad on her tongue.
“Because. I hurt for a while, yeah. Not because I lost her, really. Because I was alone. I had just gotten used to not feeling alone. And then...” My hands shove up her thighs, thumbs moving in slow circles, her breathing coming faster.
“And then...” Her voice shudders the same way she does every time I touch her.
“Then I go to a wedding and meet this girl and I don’t feel so alone. I get two awesome days with her. A night under the stars. Then I screw it up. And keep screwing it up. Screwing it up with that girl, it hurt worse than losing my wife. That is how I know I didn’t truly love her; because our time together felt like nothing compared to the three days I got with that girl.” Now my hands are high on her thighs, thumbs still making lazy circles, my fingertips pressing firmly into her flesh.
Brynn lets out a sound that echoes in the room; its gravely and sexy and I want to hear it on repeat. My thumbs meet between her legs, hovering just over the one place I know she wants those circles to continue. I note her rapid breathing, the way her nipples are visible through my tank top, how her body arches under my touch. Lightly, I let my thumbs press against her again, hard and direct and she moans. Fuck. Fuck, that sound.
Before I can control it, I think I ruin everything. Because my hands hook around her hips, I lift once and she is against me, legs winding around my waist. Her fingers are in my hair, my head is yanked back and her mouth is on mine.
I realize with triumph that it’s her kissing me. I lifted her against me, but it’s her arms circling my neck, her legs going tight around me. Brynn presses her softness against me and that full, sweet mouth is wet and hot against mine and I fucking lose it.
As her mouth claims mine, my fingers work in slow circles between her folds. I can feel how hot she is, how that shudder works its way through her. I want more. I want to see her come apart because of me. As her tongue tangled with mine, those soft sounds making my dick rock hard, I hear it. Brynn is kissing the shit out of me, I’m rubbing her to an orgasm we both want, when one sound brings it all to a stop.
“Amelia.” Brynn whispers against my mouth, her voice flush with shame.
“I got her, baby.” I lick her full, swollen mouth, kissing her once more before I let her go.
I know it’s over, that we won’t be able to get the moment back. I know that. As I walk down the hall to tend to my daughter, I am grinning like an idiot. I adjust my dick, not caring that it’s aching and won’t get taken care of anytime soon. Because, Brynn gave me plenty of new morsels about herself tonight, but just now, she gave the cherry on top.
Brynn was a total pro at being evasive, walled off. For four months, I ached over the morning that cost me a chance with her. I took what she gave me when the others were around but I always wanted more. Didn’t think I would get it, or even deserved it, but damn I had wanted it. Four months of wanting something I was certain I could never have again.
Gotta say, I didn�
��t hate being wrong this time.
“Hey, Princess.” I smile down at the sleepy baby peering up at me from her bassinet.
After making quick work of changing her, something I was still getting the hang of, I scooped her up. Amelia clung to me, snuggling into my chest as I rocked her. I could get used to those cuddles. I took a moment to be with her, to calm myself before I faced Brynn again. My dick got the message the moment I had stepped in here, thankfully. Now I had to get the rest of me on board. Once I did, I made one quiet promise to Amelia.
“I promise to give you everything I can, nugget. No matter what it takes. Including that perfect woman you already adore. Whatever it takes, nugget.” I was a man who tried to do the right thing.
By becoming a firefighter as a way to serve my parents. Marrying someone I thought I could make a life with. Being there for my brothers at the firehouse. And taking a tiny baby who had no one and vowing to be someone for her. Vowing to give her whatever she wanted; including the woman who might be able to lie to herself, but who was transparent to me without meaning to be. Brynn wanted more, just like I did. I was going to be sure both my girls got what they wanted.
Even if one of them couldn’t admit what she wanted was us.
6
BRYNN
Building something beautiful is what I do. Making it complex as hell is the fun part, though. It soothes me to add angles and designs that make sense to me. I went to school to learn how to make those beautiful, complex things work. In real life, though, a degree doesn't mean I know shit about building something right.
Basic destruction might be what I am most skilled at. Because, I make the bad choices, say yes to the things that hurt me and do it with zeal. Like agreeing to nanny for Levi. Even though being around him makes both my blood boil and my brain scramble. Let’s not mention what he does to my vagina, because I’m not proud of it. Damn the man.
Vulnerability on a fuck-hot firefighter is my nightshade, it would seem. I am exactly one day into being his paid employee—though we better discuss a raise since he has me doing manual labor—and already I want to cross all the fragile lines that make up this foolish partnership.
“Little nugget seems hungry, babe.” Levi calls from the doorway, Amelia cuddled in his arms.
Jesus, Christ. Amelia is cooing as she gazes up at Levi, looking adorable and sleepy. Levi looks as fuck-hot as he did without the baby ten minutes ago, when I climbed him like a tree. With the baby? Forget it. His mouth still looks wet from the kisses we shared, his eyes are heavy, but he’s smiling down at his tiny daughter and, once again, my ovaries explode.
“Want me to?” I nod towards the bundle in his arms but he shakes his head, bouncing her.
“Nah it’s my turn. You want some food too, I can order something? We deserve something unhealthy after working like slaves.” Levi winks, nodding his head towards the newly painted nursery walls.
Even though I feigned hesitance, the moment Levi suggested we set up Amelia’s room today, I was on board. It felt like a second chance to experience something special and I was greedy for taking what shouldn’t be mine. But, I was taking it. I was excited to paint and decorate this room for that little Princess and I couldn’t wait to see it finished.
There was one wall left to paint, and he didn’t know it yet, but I planned to call Lola in for that one. I could already see the perfect accent wall and I couldn’t wait to see her make it come to life. Then we could set up her crib and the matching pieces Levi had let us pick out.
Admittedly, I’d chosen the theme, kind of taking lead as we’d shopped. I had a thing for owls and it showed. The crib set, receiving blankets, mobile, some cute lamps and other decor, all of it went with that theme. Pinks and browns with the just a hint of green. I shouldn’t be so excited to set up a nursery for a baby that I had to walk away from, but cross that bridge and all that.
“I am hungry, even after that Yolk breakfast. How is it after lunchtime though?” I had my answer before Levi spoke.
“Brynn, you know being with me distracts you; just like it distracts me. You look fucking adorable messy in my clothes, by the way. Let me feed the nugget and you can choose lunch.” Levi smirked before I watched him head down the hall, my jaw slack and skin flushed.
Shit. I forgot what a mess I must be. In his too-big sweats and wife-beater, no less. I couldn’t paint in the dress I had started my day in, but I can’t lie and say I didn’t like the way he looked at me when he found me in his clothes. And, they smelled pretty damn good, too.
I grinned as I followed him down the hall towards the kitchen. Rolling the baggy sweats at my waist once more, then doing the same with the hem of the tank, I felt his gaze on me before I even entered the kitchen.
Brushing past him, where he was fixing a fresh bottle, I pretended the contact we made was necessary. Small kitchen and all that. When I took the menus off his fridge, as he ducked under me to put something away, the way he brushed his hardness into my backside was just because I was in the way. His fingers sliding over the small of my back as he brushed past me was because of the confined space, too.
Lies. Lies. All lies.
It was all lies and by the smirk on his gorgeous face, he knew I was making them up to allow the brushes and touches and presses of bodies. I spread the menus out on the counter as he paced around the island, holding Amelia and cooing at her as he fed her. Levi came up behind me, notching himself between my slightly spread legs, his hardness against the ache he left me with. I allowed it because he was feeding Amelia and I was going to feed us to. More lies.
“What sounds good for lunch?” I could have facepalmed; stupid question.
“Mmm, I can think of one thing I am starved for,” Levi husked against my neck, his body bouncing Amelia and rocking his hardness against me, “you make it too easy, baby. How about.... some subs?” He nudges a menu with his elbow, sliding it from the pack.
I twist and realize how bad it suddenly got. I am bent over the counter, top half nearly flat. Levi presses up against me, angled between my legs, his hips pinning me in place. I can feel him growing harder. My core aches, throbbing for that hardness. Amelia is safely tucked in one of his thick arms, already passed out once again. Levi still rocks her gently, his rhythm more for us than her.
“Behave.” I must have demanded this a dozen times since this began.
Didn’t mean a single one of those demands; not really.
“Mmm, impossible woman.” Levi’s lips brushed my ear, his words hot, sending a shudder right between my legs.
My body betrayed me every time he touched it. Levi shifted away, but pushed harder against me with his hips, thrusting once. I giggled. Like a teenager, I fucking giggled. Levi growled and his hips rocked again, his basketball shorts offering little safety from the hard, thick length of him. I giggled again in response. Couldn’t stop it. His free hand cracked my right ass cheek and I moaned, his hips thrusting again.
“Think you need to behave, baby. Not me. Order me a number four with a pickle and some chips, please. You don’t feed me something I might be feasting on you, baby.” Another crack and his weight vanished.
My hands gripped the cold, hard edges of the island as I fought to focus. To gain some control. What the fuck was my problem? Nothing like pulling all the stops on a train wreck bound to crash and burn.
Levi hurt me once before. I was in no place to begin something with him, or anyone, really. Chicago was not my home. That precious Princess was not mine, not ours. Just his. Just hers. Here I was flirting, taunting, getting attached to the two things that could crush me.
Before I could latch onto that, could let it center me, Levi was back. I had ordered numbly and was just hanging my phone up when he was there. I cried out as I went airborne, my ass hitting the island. Levi shoved my legs wide, angling his big body between them. I blinked at him in shock, sputtering before he took my breath away.
I had kissed him earlier. He was sweet and vulnerable and, dammit, I wanted to. N
ow he was kissing me. It was a totally different kiss. Before, it was hot but hesitant, almost fumbling. Not this kiss.
Levi’s big hands cradled the back of head, fingers tunneling in my messy top knot. His mouth took mine like he owned it. Nips of his teeth at my bottom lip, the push of his tongue, his body pinning mine down. I didn’t even try to fight it. My knees hiked up at his hips and I tugged him closer. I gave in to it even as I realized I was welcoming pain, but damn, it tasted good. Felt good.
His mouth moved over my cheeks, my jaw, my ears, hands tugging roughly at my hair. It was quiet besides our breathing, the sounds of his lips working at my skin. Just as he found a spot behind my ear with his teeth and tongue, there was a knock at the door. So loud against the frenzied quiet of our impossible moment, we both jumped. The baby cried and I shoved him away, sliding from the counter to rush to her.
“Don’t think we’re done.” Levi threatened as he headed for the door.
We were though. We had to be, because I couldn’t risk it. I made bad choices, and yeah, I could handle the fallout from them. I could pay the price they cost. But, Levi shouldn’t have to and more importantly, Amelia shouldn’t.
Levi was right, she deserved a fair start. She deserved everything we missed out on. I couldn’t risk her getting hurt because I made a selfish choice. My choices were almost always selfish, I knew that now. This time, I wanted to make a choice that wasn’t about me or what I wanted.
Which meant, we were done before we could start whatever this was. Again.
“I won't let us hurt you, Princess.” I murmured as I scooped up that adorable crimson haired bundle.
And I meant it. I wouldn’t let us hurt her, and I wouldn’t let my selfishness hurt Levi.
By the time I changed her and headed out, Levi had lunch waiting on the kitchen bar. I cradled the baby to me like a shield, snatching up the half empty bottle he’d set down earlier. I didn’t speak, even when he tried to as we ate.
