by Dee Ellis
“I am Amelia's mother. Levi's future. They are my family. You can do your best to change that, but I think we both know you won't win. Give it your best shot, though.” And, although it was my castle, and I'd slayed the dragon, I take my Princess and leave.
I am not sure why I left. Maybe because I was angry. Or scared. Because I did know a thing or two about the law. My parents were lawyers, after all. Not everything I said was complete bullshit. But, still...the possibility of her taking my daughter, her daughter, was real. I felt panicked and scared.
Before I knew what I was doing, I was on the L. Heading away from our neighborhood and towards Ladder 71. I needed to see Levi. To ask why he had not thought to warn me Isabel was back. That she wanted to take our daughter from us. That our daughter might not even be ours.
“Hey Goldie,” Finn was the first to greet me with a booming holler and a hug that lifted me off my feet, “Give me that Princess.” I laugh when the mountain that is Finn snatches tiny Amelia up, making her giggle like he always does.
“Levi out on a call?” I wonder, suddenly feeling foolish for coming here.
“Nah, sweets, he's up in the commons. Levi!” I laugh when he booms his name, Amelia laughing even harder.
Finn is going to make a great dad. I know he and Gigi are waiting—hell they waited half a lifetime to finally be together, but man when those two have kids? He's going to be such a good dad and those babies will be gorgeous. Just like I'm sure all the Cooper babies will be. I wonder briefly if Levi meant what he said all those weeks ago about me giving him kids. I look up as he pops up in the loft overhead. Levi's perfect face splits in a smile and he rounds the railing, taking two steps at a time.
“Hey, honey. Princess.” Levi pauses as Finn heads up the stairs with Amelia, kissing her head.
“Hey. Sorry I came by, I just...” I shake my arms out and tip my head back, letting out a quiet scream of frustration.
“Honey, you can come by any time you want. I was called in or I'd be at home. Was Megan okay with the baby?” He glances over his shoulder with a smirk; it falls when he twists back to me, taking in my less than pleased expression.
“Not so much. Because it was definitely not Megan I found with our daughter,” I growl, angry that he thought to reach out to our next door neighbor and not me first, “Why don't you guess who I found instead?” Levi pales and tilts his head back, cursing at the sky.
“Fucking bitch. I told her to stay away. Baby, I am so sorry. I got called out...” I laugh, loud and cold, hating that I'm becoming this person.
“So sorry that I found your ex-wife with our daughter? In our home, which you have yet to ask me to come back to? So sorry that she told me not only is Amelia not mine, but not even yours? Or so sorry that you called someone else to take care of our daughter instead of me? Again?” Levi cursed, closing the distance between us until we both backed outside the wide open doors of the firehouse.
“Honey, no. I am on call. I told you today and tomorrow, remember? I got called for a rescue, thought you'd be home soon and I'd let you know. I left our daughter with ap. I should...I should have told you Isabel came back. Said that bullshit. Amelia is my daughter. And yours. She can't change that.” I shook my head and walked away and he rushed to stop me.
“Lies. We just keep telling lies.” Levi hooked both hands around my neck, tipping my head back so I had to look at him.
“No lies, Brynn. I fucking love you. That's not a lie. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. No lie. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. Absolutely the truth. And the best mother Amelia could ever have. You know that's the truth. No one will ever take her from you; we will fight for her. Just like we fight for each other. We slay dragons together baby, remember?” I shake my head again, overwhelmed by the situation suddenly.
“Levi. Isabel is her mother. We can fight...but we might lose. I could lose everything. Maybe you two should just...” Levi pins me to the brick wall, lowering his head to whisper against my mouth.
“We slay dragons. We build castles. We get the fairytale. We will fight, we will build, we will get our happily ever after. I love you, Brynn Gold. You are the best mother my daughter could ever have. Amelia loves you. Don't you give up on us now.” I let him kiss me softly, but I am still scared, so I shove away.
“I need to go. I need to think. I thought...why have you not asked me to come home, Levi? Is it because...because she's there? Taking her place back?” My back is to him when I ask, because I can't bear to see whatever the truth may be.
I don't want to believe it. And, the rational part of me doesn't, not really. But the part of me that aches at the idea of losing them, really losing them, and the dark parts of me that say I might deserve that, latch onto it. It would explain why he hasn't asked me to come home. Why he says goodnight and leaves me at Lola's, when I could just be with them. Doesn't explain much else, but again, the dark parts of me clutch at the fragile pieces of negativity and stare at him to wait for him to break them into nothingness.
“Oh, honey. No. Nothing and no one can take your place. Ever. Not for Amelia, Brynn. Damn sure never for me. I love you, I am sorry I just...I should have taken the fifty-five fucking seconds.” Levi sounded defeated and I wanted to tell him it would be okay. But, I couldn't, not yet.
I jumped when the alarm sounded and I heard the pounding of feet down stairs, and the hollers of the guys. I rushed in, taking Amelia from Cage, who Finn had seemingly relinquished her to. I stood back as we watched Levi and the others gear up. I hated to be angry with him, to fight, at the same time I'm glad we were fighting things out. Being honest about when we got hurt or upset. But I couldn't deal with more lies, not when I'd finally shed the last of my own. I watched them board the trucks, Levi watching us with a sadness that settled heavy in my chest.
“I love you Princess. Love you too, Brynn.” And then they tore out of the station and I watched them go.
It was too late for me to tell him I loved him back. That nothing and no one, surely not Isabel, could change that. Dread settled in my chest, low in my belly, and my heart skidded to a slow thud.
I was so stupid. My head ran my heart and caused me to make terrible choices. All. The. Time. I loved Levi and Amelia down to my bones and beyond. And yet, I allowed Isabel to walk in and get just what she wanted. Driving a wedge between the two of us, with little effort, was a win for her and nearly a loss for us. I could not let her win the war.
I vowed to slay our dragons and keep slaying them until we got our fairytale ending.
17
LEVI
I risk my life to save people. Save homes. And I don't know if I can save my own family and my own home. I was so focused on getting it right with Brynn, on building this thing with her the right way, I might have been doing it wrong.
Why the fuck didn't I just bring her home with us?
“Get out of your head, bro. Not the time for this.” Hunter's hand is heavy on my shoulder and I nod.
We're heading to a call, a fire at a brownstone not too far from my place. It's the second fire today and my third call in the past five hours. Being on call is my least favorite shift to pull; I rather work four straight twelves, save a ton of lives and go home to my girls for a few days. Since I royally screwed up, again, I don't think my girls want me home.
Besides Brynn having to walk in to our house and find Isabel there, I hated her being around my daughter. Amelia was smart and even at eight months old, she had a good sense of people. My nugget loved our family, Finn and Cage, Gigi and Charli and adored Hunter, Lola and baby Ford. In fact, I think that little boy stole my nugget's heart.
Never did she get fussy around new people or throw fits if someone wanted to hold her or show her affection. Amelia is a loving baby who lives for that shit. Cage's mother Gwen had bonded with her, which should come as no surprise. But, so did our neighbors Megan and Jess. Everyone loved our daughter and she loved everyone. Until Isabel walked through our door.
That night I foolishly let her stay for dinner had made up my mind. Amelia fussed because she missed Brynn, of course. It was more than that. My tiny, loving, precious little Princess did not like her own birth mother. Isabel had stopped by once more, threatening again to take her from me if I didn't want to work things out.
“How about we prove her wrong, huh Princess?” I'd asked my nugget just after Isabel's first visit; while I swabbed her mouth and then my own for a DNA test.
Stiles, one of my cop buddies, was banging the pathologist and promised a quick turnaround. In my bones, I thought she was mine. Amelia made the same faces, had the same eyes, slept the same way, and loved the shit out of Brynn. We were like the same person. But, it would change nothing if she wasn't genetically mine. Amelia was my Princess, end of story.
“Get focused, bro. Shake that shit off. Deal with it later. Brynn will be there later. We picked good women this time. They will let us fuck up and fix it. Your family will be there, Levi.” I know he's right, and I do try to shake it off.
We all climb off the truck before it even stops at the curb, Cage taking lead with the hoses while Finn does a quick perimeter check. Hunter gives me a look and I nod, both of us heading right for the blaze. It's a four-story building, the top two billowing smoke from the windows. Tenants flood the street and Mason, our newest addition to the team, leads them away from the fire. Neighbors are on the streets watching, and he and Finn have to clear the area.
“Head in the game, Holt.” Hunter calls through the mic that fills the heavy helmet, my mask fogging briefly as I nod.
“Head's in it, Byrne.” I call back as we climb the stairs to locate the source of the fire.
The heat curls around us as we reach the second floor, smoke hanging over our heads. Some doors are wide open, and we shout in every single one. Those that aren't, we kick open, calling for tenants to evacuate. At the end of the hall, the heat increases and we share a look before climbing another flight of stairs. It's so hot at the next landing, the paint is coming off the walls in curls of fiery grays and whites.
“Coming from that corner apartment. Work our way towards it.” I nod again, following his lead.
I can hear Cage and Finn outside, and through our headsets, working the hoses and calling for another truck and some busses. I didn't think it was that bad, and the tenants seemed to have cleared out. But, I’m in the thick of it, so I refocus. I kick in one door and the blowback pushes me back, but no flames curl out. The next door, is bending to the will of the fire and before I can reach it, it bursts outward.
I hear it then. A little, choked cry. A baby. Goddamn it, a baby!
“Hunter. Someone's in this one.” I rush in without waiting, just thinking about getting to that baby.
Thinking about Amelia. About Brynn. About what I would do if it were them. I feel focused, but two steps in and I realize I'm not. I am dizzy, the heat burning my eyes and smoke filling my lungs. I realize my respirator isn't functioning. And the third step reminds me I am still really just a rookie. The floor is too soft. Too forgiving beneath my step.
“Levi!” I hear Hunter, but his voice seems so far away. Above me almost.
And I realize I'm falling. My feet come out from under me, and I expect to hit the floor beneath me. But, the floor is gone. I'm aware of heat and smoke and burning. I see ash and flames as I plummet through burnt beams pipes, feeling the ruined floor grabbing at my gear, leaving me hanging for a moment. Then I crash to the floor beneath me, my left leg caught on something for a moment. Pain shoots up my back when I finally fall through completely, crashing to the smoked-out room beneath me.
I can't breathe and I can't see and yet, I hear that baby. I hear a rush of noise, the whooshing, crackling sound of flames and I look up. I see a dark shadow and am afraid it's Hunter coming crashing down after me. It's gone when I blink, my chest pumping for air, hands scrambling for my respirator. I just hear the soothing whir of it breathing life into my lungs when I hear it. The splintering sound of wood; I look up as the fire creeps down through the hole above me, like it's reaching out for me.
As the smoke thickens and I grow dizzy, lungs aching and eyes burning, I see her. Brynn. With Amelia. My tiny baby is safe in her arms, and fuck, she looks so happy, and so much like me and Brynn. They're looking at me with love and it makes my chest ache more than breathing fiery ash. I love them more than life itself. Would do anything for them. Give them anything.
The image wavers in the smoky haze and Amelia grows. Crawling, laughing, talking right in front of my eyes. Until she's a small child; arms wound around Brynn's thigh, her hair in bouncing curls. They don't look as happy. Sad, even. I don't see that love in their eyes, and I know it's because I left them. I lost my focus and risked myself. And, I know I can't do that to them. That part of doing anything for them means being safe, and getting my ass home to them.
“I'm coming home girls. I'm coming home. Home to my Princess. My queen.”
Slowly the image wavers and the last thing I see is the whole world crashing in on me.
Used to love being cold. Kept my place icy cold, never higher than sixty-degrees. I loved winter and even the first few months of spring. Seems I am not a fan anymore. After months of having either Brynn's soft, warm body wrapped around me, or Amelia climbing all over me—sometimes both—I hate the cold. It stings my skin and makes it hard to breathe.
I want the warmth of Brynn's peppermint-peony smell crowding me, soothing me. All that soft, thick, melon smelling hair
Instead, I am freezing. My chest feels tight; and weirdly enough it burns, my throat is on fire, my legs feel like they've been set ablaze, but I am absolutely frozen. I blink my eyes open, expecting to see fire and destruction all around. Instead of heat and ash, I see bright white everywhere I can move my eyes. Which, let me tell you, is a fucking task for some reason.
I try to speak to the shadowy figures I see just a few feet away. I try to move. To lift my head, but I can't. I panic, trying to wiggle my toes and fingers. This sends pain rocketing through me, but shit, at least I can move them. Feel them. I try to cough to clear the scratching burn in my throat, and I gag.
“Oh shit!” Finn's unmistakable booming growl makes my eyes pop back open.
“Whe-re.... Brynn. Get....get my girl.” I somehow manage beyond the choking pain as I gag again.
“Calm down. Nurse! Hey, yo', Nurse!” Those shadows break apart and Finn steps into my line of vision.
I'm able to focus for just a few seconds. I see he's got a bandage around his left arm and he's covered in soot. I try to look to my other side, where I see another shadow take form. I squint, thinking I see the someone who looks like Cage; only, he's pale as hell and his always smiling eyes are dark and stormy. I briefly wonder where the fuck Hunter is. Before I can ask, I'm pulled back under the smoke and flames and freezing cold.
It's dark in the room when I wake next. I'm still fucking cold, my nose feels like I just walked my miserable ass through Chicago. My chest feels like it’s going to explode and the moment I open my eyes, they burn, and my vision blurs as they water. I don't gag this time. I realize I am thirsty as shit. It hurts to move but I lift my head, looking. Searching.
Hoping to find to find fiery red hair and bright jade eyes.
“Get my girl. Get my girl. Where's my girls?” I look around in panic, unable to focus on the shadowy figures just a few feet away.
“Hey, bro,” Cage answers this time and I feel like he somehow manages to calm me that easily, “Calm down. My wife is getting your girls. What can we do? What do you need? You in pain? Remember anything?” Cage looks almost normal now as he comes to my left side and I shake my head.
“No. I fell. I fell...where's.... where’s Hunter? What...am I okay? Where the fuck are my girls?” I realize I'm crying like an idiot when I finish my questions, but I don't care and I don't think Cage would judge me anyway.
“Hunter is down the hall. He is okay. You are okay. Broke your left leg this time, idiot. Tell
me what you remember.” I shake my head, closing my eyes and trying to grasp at the pieces to fit together a memory.
“Can't remember shit. Kicking a door in. Hearing a baby. A baby! Did we get her out?” I push at the bed, trying to sit up as I wonder how bad I fucked up.
“We got everyone out Levi. You saved two lives today, man. They were cornered in a back room. A baby and her mother. No one else heard them crying. Not even Hunter. He went after you but...like an idiot you fell through the fucking floor.” Cage laughs a little but it dies fast and he looks sad again.
“My fucking...my stupid fucking respirator. I didn't suit up right. I lost my focus. Again. Jesus, I could have gotten Hunter killed. How is he? Is he really okay?” Each word scrapes out of my throat, but they're less painful the more we talk.
“He's fine, Levi. He got some smoke inhalation; wouldn't leave till he cleared the apartment and you got taken out. Few second degree burns from blowback when he kept kicking doors in. He's a big beast of a man, he's fine.” My eyes close with a nod because I've seen Hunter take some scrapes, but never because of me.
“So fucking stupid. I wasn't focused. Where is my girl?” I ask again, wondering why the hell she isn't here, if she maybe won't come at all.
“Charli is coming with her soon. Brynn was...” Cage sighs and breaks off, rubbing the back of his neck.
“Cage...what? What the fuck?” I hear the door open but I don't look away as panic crashes over me, making me nauseous.
“Brynn was almost hysterical. Gigi got to her first, Lola was already on her way here, for Hunter. The girls...none of them like to get that call, you know? They didn't know how bad it was. I think...we think she thought the worst. Brynn kind of lost her shit; Charli had to go do what Charli does best.” I wince, tipping my head back as hot, remorseful tears burn my eyes.
