by A. M. Hudson
“If you look at it from his perspective,” he said, lifting me onto a black and red pony, “you’re being rude by walking around all alive and pulsing with blood.”
I looked up to protest, but stopped, seeing Eric’s perfect skin and the humoured smile lit by the yellow lights of the carousel. He was only joking—this time.
Beside me, mirrors lined with tiny globes reflected the scenes of vampires positioning their humans on ponies all around, then standing beside them, close, as if to hold them in place, just like my vampire escort. It was funny to see myself that way—in the mirror, with a blond vampire taking charge of my hips, pinning me to a ride that’s designed for children. I looked like a child against him, small, with the round eyes of innocence that always made people underestimate me.
“Hold on tight.” My escort handed me the small leather reins and held the gold, winding pole in front of me. In the shadows, as the ride started to spin, Eric looked somewhat menacing. I could almost see how a person might fear him, but to me, he still looked gorgeous—vampirish. I let him wrap his hands around me again. “You okay?” he said.
My smile came back down from elated; I nodded and said loudly over the out-of-tune carnival music, “Yeah, I just didn’t know this would go so fast.”
“Well, we like speed.”
“I can’t lift my arms.”
Eric grinned and raised his fingers to my cheek with ease, stroking the skin softly. “It’s no problem for me.”
“I’m sure the vampire strength helps.” I smiled as he dropped his hand. “So, why does it go backward?”
“Now that I don’t know.” He laughed aloud, rolling his head back.
I loved the way that, even though he was from a different world, with different views and opinions, he could still sound so human when he laughed. It made me like him more.
Eric studied me studying him, and my heart raced. I felt safe, closed in by the wash of colour—the way the lights all merged together to form a seal of illuminated lines around us. I never thought I’d find another guy to make me feel safe the way Mike and David did, and I never thought I could ever like someone else. Kind of like losing your favourite old teddy and just believing to your core that nothing will ever replace it—until something does. Liking Eric made me forget about David for a while, in a place where it should be easiest to remember him.
As we spun, the humans around us screaming and laughing, Eric moved to the front of my pony. “Can I kiss you?”
Closing my eyes, I leaned toward him. “Yes.”
His cool breath fell over my lips, but he stopped before they touched.
I opened my eyes. “What is it?”
“I can’t. I’m too hungry. I’ll bite you.” He took a step back. “Being around you—it’s just making things worse.”
“Can’t you control it?”
He touched his own lips. “It’s—I’ve never had to. Ever. It’s automatic for me not to. Kind of like holding a piece of chocolate just inside your lips.”
My mouth watered thinking about it, visualising it.
“See? Now tell yourself there’s no reason you can’t have it.”
I nodded. “I’d eat it.”
“Precisely.”
“But—” I licked my lips, almost expecting to taste chocolate. “You do have a reason to control it; me, right?”
“Amara.” He gripped the pole a little tighter, leaning in. “Not really. I like hanging out with you, and you’re damn cute, and, I mean, I’d probably miss hanging out if you were dead, but you’re still just a human. I’ll never love ya, kiddo. I just want other things.”
I nodded. “So, you would kill me?”
“If you didn’t belong to David, I already would have.”
“Then, isn’t fear of David enough of a reason to make yourself stop?”
“Not right now. If the law passes, yes, but right now, while I’m hungry, the punishment isn’t grave enough, and, truthfully, I could hide your body where no one would ever find it. No one would ever know I did it.”
I swallowed, tracing the mane on my pony as the ride began to slow. “Okay. Go eat, then.”
“Okay. And...do you still wanna...?” his tone rolled away to suggestion.
“Yeah, I—” My words stopped with a quick turn of my head as a familiar face flashed past us for a split second. And when we came back around again, it was gone.
“Amara? What is it?”
“I—” I searched the carnival grounds. “I thought I just saw David.”
Eric looked behind him, then back at me. “It won’t be him.”
“I know. I just—”
“You just wish.” He sighed as we came to a stop.
“Mm-hm.” I nodded, not meeting his eyes, but revelling in the way he gently combed the ends of my hair.
“I can make you forget about him. Just one night with me, and you’ll never think of him again.”
“Fine.” My gut churned. I wasn’t sure if it was because I just decided to give my virginity up for the sake of getting past my true love, or if it was because the ride had come to a complete stop but my stomach hadn’t realised yet.
“Fine what? What’s fine?”
“Just take me back to your house. Make love to me.”
“Make love?”
“Uh, yeah.” I smiled bashfully. “I guess I mean...um...sex.”
“Now, sex, I can do.”
I nodded, still feeling the burn of my flushing cheeks.
“Are you sure about this?” He lifted my chin.
“Yes. I’m sick of it, Eric. It’ll help me move on. I’m tired of thinking about them all the time.”
“Who’s them?”
“Mike and David.”
Eric clenched his fists slightly and took a breath. “Both of them, huh?”
I nodded.
“Boy, you are messed up, aren’t ya?”
“So?”
“So, I don’t do high maintenance girls usually, but—”
Scoffing loudly, I shifted my weight and swung my leg over the horse. “Get screwed, Eric. I am not high maintenance!”
“Whoa, whoa, wait a sec.” He grabbed my arm gently and made me stay on the platform. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”
I didn’t respond.
“Amara?”
“Just take me home. I’ve had enough,” I said, looking down at the ground.
“Aw, kiddo, I’m sorry. Look, you know I want you—so damn bad I’ve had to class myself as a stalker.” He scratched his brow and looked up at me. “But...I’m not looking for love, and...”
I waited for a few breaths before looking at him. “And?”
“Well, you’re a virgin, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. So?”
“Did David ever—” Eric stopped, cursing when his watch beeped.
“What? What’s wrong?”
He silenced the alarm. “I gotta go eat before we leave. Okay?”
“Okay.”
“I’ll be back in a sec.”
“Sure, I’ll just go walk alone, among all the dangerous predators, and get some candy-floss.”
“Okay.” He nodded, then disappeared.
I stood with my arms by my sides, feeling small and out of place among the crowd.
“You lost, sweetie?” asked a man on stilts.
“I’m fine.” I looked up at him—all the way up. “Are you human?”
His brow crinkled. “Well, I may be tall, but last I checked—” He felt for a pulse. “Still beating.”
I cleared my throat. “Sorry.” That was awkward. I felt his eyes on my back as I walked toward the scent of vanilla and sugar. The warm pink light of the candyfloss stand enveloped me, making me feel a little less out in the open. I placed a coin on the counter, wishing I had two so I could buy one of those hot cinnamon doughnuts as well, and said, “One please.”
“Candyfloss?” As the woman turned around, she stopped dead and flashed a wicked grin. “Well, hello ther
e.”
Vampire. For sure. “Uh, yeah, candyfloss, thanks.”
She went about twisting it onto a stick, all the while gawking at me like she knew something I didn’t. Each vertebrae in my spine lengthened, as if being taller might make me feel less alone—less awkward.
A group of teens dressed all Emo passed and laughed at me, whispering as they did; the way they moved, the way they glided over the dry, sandy carnival floor, made my skin inch up my arms.
“’Ere ya go, luv.” The lady handed me the floss, checking her watch as our fingers touched.
“Thanks.” I smiled politely, backing away, without taking my eyes off her. The rides seemed louder then, the lights dimmer and the tents taller, all crowding around me like eerie Ents, waiting for me to trip on a branch so they could grab me with hands like claws and drag me into empty tunnels where they’d...
I shook off those images and looked around frantically for any sign of Eric. I didn’t want the candyfloss anymore and only held it as a prop so I’d look less lost and alone.
But I was lost and alone. How did I even know Eric would come back for me? How did I even know he wasn’t stalking me—waiting to attack me?
The human on stilts appeared a few tents over, his spotty shirt making me relax. At least there was one person I was sure wouldn’t eat me if given the chance. I picked up a quick step and darted out into a crowd of teens to get to him, smacking straight in to the firm, almost rubbery chest of a man.
“Oh, God,” I said, peeling sticky pink candyfloss off my arm. “I’m such a klutz.”
But he said nothing in return, staying completely silent until I looked up at him and froze—an entire lifetime of heartbeats giving up in one breath.
“Ara?”
“Jason.”
The candyfloss fell to the floor, the sound around me rushing into my ears like a horn in a tunnel. Each reaction happened in my mind, but came too slowly from my body. I wasn’t running. Why wasn’t I running?
“Ara. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m here for Karnivale,” Jason stated, taking a step away from me, his brow knitting together tightly in the middle. “Why…” he shook his head, “why are you here?”
“I’m here for Karnivale, too.” My voice shook.
“Ara, do you know what Karnivale is?”
“Yes. Well, I mean, no—but.”
“Who brought you here? Surely you’re not here with David?” he asked with a hint of uncertainty.
“No.” I shifted my feet out of the running-madly-away screaming position. “Why? Have you seen him?”
“No.” He stared at me, his lip lifting slightly over his teeth.
“I have to go.” I turned on my heel.
“Wait!” He grabbed my arm; I clutched a hand over his, closing my eyes into thin slits.
Don’t hurt me!
“I—” He released his grip. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
My eyes opened slowly again to the face of concern.
“Just tell me. Who are you here with?” Jason looked around, probably wondering where my escort was; a very good question. “Is it a vam—?”
“Yes. He’s a vampire.”
“And you knew he was a vampire when you came here?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Did he tell you what Karnivale is?” his voice sounded strained, hurried.
“Not really. He said it’s a fun thing for vampires—an annual gathering.”
“Ara, it’s a buffet.” He looked at his watch. “You have about five minutes before midnight, and then—” his voice trailed off, his hand slightly extended toward me.
“He didn’t tell me that.” I swallowed and took a step back, looking around at the other humans. I have to warn them.
“No!” Jason extended his hand further, laughing nervously. “Don’t do that. You’ll be killed instantly.”
“But—”
“Ara, you have to go,” he stated, becoming taller. “If David knew you w—”
“If he knew what, Jason? If he knew what? He doesn’t care. He left.” I leaned forward, raising my voice. “He doesn’t care what happens to me. And what’s it to you, anyway? You tried to wipe me from the face of the Earth. Now you get your chance, don’t you?”
“Ara, please?” His shoulders became tight and high. “You have to go. Now.”
“I’ll go when I’m ready.” I folded my arms.
“God, you’re so stubborn.” Jason reached for me; I squealed as he grabbed my arm.
“Problem?” My vampire escort finally appeared, sipping an ice-soda through a smile.
“You?” Jason said through his teeth.
“What’s up, man.” Eric gently pressed two fingertips to Jason’s wrist, pushing his hand off my arm.
“Why did you bring her here?” Jason pointed directly at him, his hand almost swearing pain of death. I felt so short standing between them.
“She’s fine,” Eric said, sipping his drink again. “I’ll get her out of here before midnight.”
“She’s not yours to take risks with, De la Rose.”
“Cool it, Knight,” Eric said with same spite. “She’s not your problem either.”
Jason’s jaw tightened, his eyes narrowing, awakening the monster I knew too well. A split second passed; he shuffled his feet, clenching his fist before it shot out like lightning. I didn’t see anything, nothing at all except the tent collapse behind Eric and the ice-soda fall to the sand in a splash of red, marking my shoes and jeans with a frosty cool.
“Why did you do that?” I screeched.
“That guy pisses me off.” Jason grabbed my arm and started walking, dragging me like a naughty child beside him.
“Where are you taking me?”
“I—” His words ended on the wave of high-pitched screams that filled Karnivale then, coming to gurgled ends in tents all around us as the lights went out, flooding the fair with pitch-black fear.
“What is that?” I said into the sudden darkness, hoping Jason was still there.
“That’s...the buffet.” He twisted his wrist to pull me closer, shielding me in his long, hard arms.
“Buffet?”
The silence under the screams spread like ashes over the night, and dying carnival light flickered shadows onto the grounds around us, showing shifting figures with each flash. My head whipped to the left, a fraction after Jason’s. He stood taller, enveloping me like a mother swan wraps her young. “I have to get you out of here.”
“No!” I struggled against his hold. “No. Let me go.” Please don’t hurt me. I can’t go through that again.
“Relax, Ara,” he said, his breath warm on the crown of my head. “I promise, no harm will come to you. Please, we have to leave before this gets bad.”
“Bad? It’s already bad. People are dying, Jason.” I gasped as his name slipped from my mouth.
He let go of me and smiled, but dropped it quickly when he looked behind me, waving a hand past my head; I ducked, confused as hell that the popcorn stand behind me burst into a spread of glass and corn all over the ground.
“Stay back, Meredith. This one’s mine,” Jason ordered.
“I’ll fight you for it.” She jumped to her feet, dusting off popcorn, her snarling face barely recognisable as the candyfloss woman.
Jason merely gave an arched brow. The woman backed off, melting into the shadows until she turned and bolted away.
We both looked up then as, everywhere, the sound of tearing flesh and blood-curdling cries overtook—the same screams I heard every night in my sleep, over and over again, after I survived Jason’s attack.
Tears spilled like warm water over my cheeks, coming so easily under the fear that shook my body. I just couldn’t go through that again. I’d die. I’d die if ever I had to even imagine it.
Jason’s eyes held the softness that confused me the night he tried to kill me. “Ara?”
“I just wanna go home.”
“Shh,” he said, and cradled a very willing me into his
chest. “I’ve got you.”
He placed a wide palm over my face, blocking my ears, and I felt safe. Strangely safe. The only sound remaining under his hold was the whispering wind and the beating of my own heart, like a soundtrack playing through headphones in my ears. I breathed against his black cotton shirt and relaxed, waiting for the end.
“You’re okay now.” He stepped away from me.
I kept my eyes closed, reaching for the safety of his arms until I felt a cool breeze. Everything was so dark and quiet, but the familiar smell of moss and rainwater sprinklers made me look at my surroundings.
“Where are we?”
“Home.” He nodded across the road to a small house with a white picket fence and the homely glow of a porch light calling me to its embrace.
I burst into tears, covering my face. “How do you know where I live?”
“I’ve always known.”
Through my hands, I looked over at my house again, knowing Mike would be in there—that he’d be so afraid to know I was right across the road, standing with the man who stole my life.
Slowly, I dropped my hands beside me and took a cautious step back. “How do you know?”
“Ara, if I wanted to hurt you, I would have.”
“You need to leave. Now.” My finger pointed, but I wasn’t brave enough to direct it at him. I aimed at the floor.
Jason nodded, his eyes looking to nothing, and my heart tore for how much he looked like his brother. I wanted to hold my locket—but I gave it away. Left it behind in the life I was supposed to forget.
“Can I just say something before I go?” he asked.
“No.” The strong girl in me folded her arms and walked past him to her house, but the one in control right now, the weak one, just looked down at the ground—afraid to move.
“Ara. Please. I need to explain something to you.”
“Why did you save me?” I demanded.
“I—”
“It doesn’t make sense,” I continued, not letting him speak. “You wanted me dead. You hate me!”
“Will you let me explain?” he asked softly, extending a downward palm.
“Why should you have the satisfaction of an eased conscience?”
