by Shan
We sat there talking for hours about some of everything. Toya opened up about her relationship with Keylan. She said how often she had to put up with other females and said that Keylan was a dog, but she loved him. They had been together for four years and she wasn’t going anywhere. I admired her; she was young, pretty, and independent. She was a manager at Walgreens and had been there for three years. That was cool because that's how I wanted to be. I wanted to be doing things too when I was her age. Not having to depend on nobody but me to do for me.
***
A month and a half had gone by and school was finally out for the summer. I could take a deep breath and relax knowing I had moved on to the next grade. I would be a junior next year, and that much closer to graduating and going on to college.
I haven’t heard from Tamar since the night of his party and it wasn’t until after about a week that I realized that I wasn’t going to hear from him.
He used me and for what reason? I had no idea. Surprisingly my brother was the one to help me get over the ill feelings I was having towards Tamar, the broken heart, and the shame I felt. I wasn’t over Tamar completely and I still loved him. I cared deeply about him, but each day got better and better for me.
I’d been hanging out a lot with Latoya. She was good company and we were becoming good friends. I was starting to see her as a big sister to me. She always gave me good advice and had a story to tell for every problem I had.
I wonder what she got to say about this; I thought to myself as I wrapped the pregnancy test in a napkin and placed it at the bottom of the trash can covering it up with more trash. My cycle didn’t come last week and this week I had been sick as hell. It wasn’t hard to put two and two together and realize that my ass was probably pregnant.
Damn, who the hell gets pregnant on their first damn time? "Nobody but me."
I walked into my room and grabbed my purse and Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses that Tamar had bought for me, and then headed out the house to the bus stop. Although, I just read the results of the pregnancy test, I’d set up an appointment at the clinic to see what my options were. I wasn’t about to be one of those females that was having kids, and didn’t have a pot to piss in. If Tamar wasn’t going to be with me, then I wasn’t going to keep his child. Once I confirmed the results with the doctor, I would let Tamar know so that he could tell me what he wanted to do. He could either be with me or give me the money to take care of it.
Don’t get me wrong I wasn’t trying to pressure him into being with me, I didn’t want him if I had to make him be with me, but he needed to know that it was going to be one way or the other.
Latoya met me at the clinic and went into the room with me when they did my exam. I used to hear my mama talk about having to put her legs in the air while the doctor stuck all these metal instruments in her stuff, but I never thought I would be experiencing this at fifteen years old. I wish my mama could be here with me now.
After a pelvic exam, urine sample, blood test, and sonogram, the doctor confirmed that I was about 5 weeks pregnant. They gave me a shit load of pamphlets to read upon so that I could make a decision on what I wanted to do with my baby. When I stepped outside of the clinic, I took all the pamphlets for adoption and tossed them in the trash. There was no way in hell I would give my damn baby to somebody else for them to raise. I’d been thrown away and given up and it felt like shit. Not about to put my baby through that.
I texted Tamar and told him I really needed to see him and talk to him. I begged him to meet me somewhere, or let me come to him. After having lunch with Latoya and spending the last few dollars I had on clothes, Tamar finally texted me back and told me where he was.
7: Tamar
"What’s up?" I greeted Rozalyn as she stepped into one of the many traps I ran. I wouldn’t normally invite a chick to a spot like this, but I had been feeling kind of bad for the way I’d been doing Rozalyn. And I really missed the shit out of her. That night I shared with her did some wild shit to me. It had me feeling a way that wasn’t normal for a G like me.
As she I looked her over, I noticed how pale, skinny, and stressed the fuck out she looked.
"I just wanted to talk to you about something real quick. I won’t take long," she said.
Damn, I hope she not about to tell me she had that shit. I ran my hands across my stomach as a queasy feeling filled my stomach up with the thought that maybe she had AIDS or some shit that I couldn’t get rid of. The way she was looking right now had me scared as shit. I made my way to the dust filled couch and sat down trying not to pay her fine behind any mind.
"What’s up?" I asked looking at the raggedy ass television that seemed to blink on and off every time somebody walked past it. Shit this wasn’t my damn house; only a place where the dope was cooked and the fiends were served.
"Can I ask why you been ignoring me? Have I done something?"
Rozalyn had a look of defeat on her face when I finally glanced in her direction. Truthfully, I felt bad as shit for taking her virginity like that and just leaving her as if it didn’t mean as much to me as it did to her. She was young as hell and that shit had been fucking with me ever since the day I dropped her off at them projects.
She made me feel better than any woman I’d ever been with and that shit wasn’t right to do her that way, but I was eighteen years old and she was only sixteen. In some states, seventeen would make her legal, but muthafuckas would still only see her as being a little ass girl and look at me as being some kind of pervert and shit.
"Tae, did you hear me?"
"My life is too complicated for you to be in it."
"What is that supposed to mean, Tae?"
"You—you too young for me, Roz. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking getting involved with you and shit. I shouldn’t have taken it that far with you."
"And, when did you decide this? Was it when you were taking my virginity or before, I mean cause at some point you could have told me this shit before now!"
I could see the tears began to fall from her eyes. She made an effort to swipe them away, but it was too late.
"Then you go and tell everybody about what we did! You embarrass me like that, and just leave me! What did I do to you to deserve this type of treatment from you? You know how I feel about you!"
I crossed my arms over my chest and struggled to drown her out. Yea, I was wrong as shit and I knew it. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking telling Brandon the events that went on between me and Rozalyn the night of my party.
All I had on my mind was pissing my cousin Andre off not thinking about what effect it would have on Roz. Niggas knew me to fuck with plenty of hoes, but Rozalyn wasn’t one of them. She was different and I shouldn’t have portrayed her in such a way. I pulled an ashtray from beneath the couch and took one of the three blunts filled with Kush out.
"You wanna hit this?" I asked lighting the blunt and filling my lungs with the hay.
Rozalyn walked over to me and sat on my lap taking me by surprise. Before I could do anything, she ran her tongue over my neck and ear.
"I love you, I love you so much, Tae. Please don’t do me like this," she whispered to me.
Hearing that shit made me toke on the blunt much harder. Damn, why the fuck she had to be so damn young? Trying my best to keep my dick from rising, I focused my attention on the television that monitored the outside of the house.
"Shit," I hissed. My mind was telling me to stop her, but my little man was seeing things from a different point of view.
"I just wanna be with you. I promise you I’ll never do you wrong. I don’t want your money. I don’t have to be seen with you. I just want you, Tae."
In one quick movement, Rozalyn reached beneath her sundress and removed her thong tossing it to the floor.
"Damn, that feels good," I said faintly as Rozalyn slid down onto my dick.
You could tell she really didn’t know what she was doing as she tried to ride me, but it didn’t matter. She had my heart b
eating hard and fast. My forehead was sweating and my Johnson was thumping to the rhythm of some imaginary beat that was playing in my head. She had me nervous as shit for some reason.
Damn, I fought hard to stay away from this young ass girl. Now I feel like I done relapsed. I was addicted to a drug that would be hard to kick; I thought to myself as I slumped down on the sofa and gripped Rozalyn’s firm ass to help aid her as she twerked her muscles around my pole.
"Damn, you're wet," I said and slapped Rozalyn on the butt. A few short strokes later, my legs collapsed and my dick exploded what felt like hot lava as it mixed with her pussy's juices.
Rozalyn rested her head against my bare chest and I could feel the tears flow from her eyes down my neck. I wasn’t with the mushy shit. I mean, damn it felt good, but not that damn good for her to be crying.
"Go use the restroom and get all that nut up out ya'," I told her.
"It won’t make a difference, I’m already pregnant," Rozalyn said and raised her head to look me in my eyes. I could see she was dead serious.
"Yo', get up, ma!" Now I knew why she came through the door looking like Cousin It.
Rozalyn cocked her head sideways and looked at me like I had shit spewing from the sides of my mouth. She actually had me sitting there wondering if this was a good thing, but quickly being the muthafuckin' G that I was, I realized that this was bad. This was fucked up.
I pushed Rozalyn onto the floor and got up to fix my clothes. This bitch was foul just like the rest of these Section 8 hoes. She really though she was about to trap me into being with her. Hell no!
"You out of your muthafuckin' mind if you think I’m a believe this bullshit! You can’t be serious right now!"
"Why would I make something like this up, Tae?"
"Cause you just as scandalous as the bitches you live and breathe around. You think this gonna make me be with you or something?"
"Why you doing me like this?" Rozalyn grabbed her thong off the floor and stuffed it into her purse.
"Doing you like what? I got what I wanted from your ass now I don’t need you no more."
Here come the tears. Rozalyn adjusted her dress, and slid her flip flops onto her feet. I guess she thought she was fucking with a fool. "Can you at least give me the money for an abortion?"
"Even if you was pregnant which I doubt that you really is, it ain’t my fuckin’ baby and it ain’t no way I’m about to give you money to kill another nigga baby. You go holla at that other nigga about that," I said and walked towards Rozalyn to push her towards the door.
It was time for her to go because for some reason in the back of my head, I was feeling guilty about this whole situation. She damn sure got to go. Any woman that made me feel soft didn’t need to be around me and I didn’t need to be around her.
"Get the fuck out!" I yelled.
"Tae, stop it! Why are you doing this? What did I do to you?"
"Save them fake ass tears and get the fuck out!" I pushed her again only for her to be pushed back into me by the force of the front door being kicked in. I grabbed Rozalyn and threw her to ground as the fiery feeling of bullets tore through my flesh.
With all the strength in me, I pulled Rozalyn underneath me using my body as a shield. Funny how just a minute ago I was pushing and kicking her out and now I was protecting her. Actions sure do speak louder than words; I thought.
POW! POW!
"Aaggh!" I groaned.
"Don’t try to be Captain Save-a-Hoe, nigga," the first gunmen said as he kicked my side and jerked Rozalyn from underneath me.
"Oh God—no—please no. Please no!" Rozalyn begged for her life.
It wasn’t anything I could do to help her, my whole body burned with pain, and I kept going in and out of consciousness.
"Bitch, where this nigga stash the cash at?" the gunman asked.
"I don’t—I don’t know!" she answered frantically.
"I’m a give your ass one more time," he said shoving the gun to her temple.
"It’s—it’s—in the back—chec—check the loose board--close to the window," I said struggling with my words. It was hard to breathe as my lungs were filled with my very own blood. The gunman nodded for his partner to go for the money, he then walked over to me and pointed the gun directly at my head. I actually started thinking about my life and the foul shit I’ve done since I’ve been living on this earth and wondered was this karma coming back to bite me in the ass. Fuck it! If it’s my time then it’s my time!
"Got it!" I heard someone yell.
POW! POW!
8: Rozalyn
"He’s been shot! Hurry up! He’s dying!" I yelled into the phone hysterically as I gave the 911 operator the address to the house. Blood was pouring from damn near every hole in Tamar’s body. His face was covered in blood and after checking numerous times I couldn’t feel a pulse.
"Tae, come on! Don’t’ do this! Fight!"
I took his shirt from the couch, and wiped the blood from his face only for it to be covered seconds later with more. How could somebody do this to a person? How could somebody take away somebody that I love?
Tae’s eyes began to roll behind his head, and I knew this was it. I know he was upset about the baby and probably thought I was trying to trap him like so many girls before me, but I wasn’t. I am pregnant. And it is his child.
"Tae, I love you. I love you so much. Please don’t leave me!"
The front door swung open, and Brandon and Tavon came running in. I called them first, and they instructed me to call an ambulance. I knew that this was a drug house, and I knew that there were drugs here. If something bad were to happen, like Tamar dying in this damn house, I didn’t want the police finding the drugs and using it to drag his name through the mud and not look for his murderer.
Tavon and Brandon stood frozen as they looked down at Tamar’s bloodied body that was ripped with bullet holes.
"Help him! Help him, help him, help him!" I cried.
"What the fuck happened?" Tavon snapped back to reality and pushed me away from Tamar. He grabbed Tamar’s hand and kissed it. "Come on bruh, fight this shit bruh! You stronger than this! This ain’t shit!" Tavon began to cry causing me to cry harder. "Did you call an ambulance?"
I shook my head yes and stared at Tamar’s lifeless body. We were in one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Atlanta which meant that the ambulance would take at least thirty minutes to arrive. Thirty minutes too long; I thought.
"Brandon, clear this muthafucka out! I’m not waiting on no punk ass ambulance!" Tavon grabbed Tamar from the floor and looked at me with eyes of vengeance. "Bitch, let’s go! You got some muthafuckin' questions to answer!"
I jumped up and followed Tavon outside just as Keylan pulled up, jumped out the car, and ran towards us. "What happened?" Keylan asked.
"Open the fucking door! We gotta get him to the hospital!" Keylan did as he was told. He ran over to Tavon’s all-black Cadillac Escalade and helped Tavon get Tamar in the backseat of the car.
Tavon tossed his keys to Keylan telling him to get us to the hospital as quickly as possible. Tavon reached for me, and grabbed me by my hair throwing me in the front seat of his car. I couldn’t even turn to look at Tamar because I just knew he was dead, and that this trip was pointless. This was fucked up.
***
"Wake your ass up bitch!" Tavon was standing over me with his hands folded across his chest. "I know your ass had something to do with this shit! Who the fuck did this to my little brother?"
"Is he okay? Is he going to be okay?" I glanced at the clock on the wall and noticed we’d been here for almost six hours. I also noticed that the hospital’s waiting room was filled with at least a hundred damn people from the neighborhood that wasn’t here when I dozed off.
"Don’t you worry about that! I wanna know who the fuck did this shit, bitch! I know you set him up!"
"What? I didn’t set nobody up! I don’t know who did this!"
"Bitch, you better start talking! I’m not pl
aying with your ass!" I didn’t realize that Tavon had me backed against the wall until I had bumped my head. "Answer me bitch!"
Tavon wrapped his big ass hand around my throat and slammed my head into the wall. Lucky for me, Brandon came over and pulled him off of me.
"Yo, Von the doctors wanna talk to you," Brandon said as he grabbed Tavon by the arm and pulled him towards the awaiting doctors.
Everybody was looking at me now, whispering, wondering if what Tavon had accused me of was true. Not wanting to make eye contact with anyone, I grabbed my purse and headed for the exit.
"Grab that bitch!" I heard Tavon call after me.
I darted towards the stairwell because I knew the elevator would take too damn long. Why in the hell did he think I had something to do with this shit? That muthafucka put a gun to my damn head too!
My heart felt like it was about to jump out of my chest and leave me as I ran down what seemed like fifty flight of stairs. This damn pregnancy had me winded as hell. I was no longer the track star I used to be in New York.
The stampede of footsteps could be heard right behind me, and I began to descend the stairs two at a time. I got off on the second floor and made my way through the labor and delivery section.
I kicked off my flip flops to help me with my speed. Crying babies echoed through the halls, and joyous mothers screamed in pain and agony as I ran through the hospital.
I glanced over my shoulder and when I didn’t see anyone I slowed down to catch my breath thinking where I could go until this shit blew over. They knew about my friends I hung with, so there was no way I could go there. I don’t know why this person came to mind, but he did and I hope like hell he didn’t feel like the rest of these fools.
