He could go to Cassie’s, he supposed, but he doubted he’d be able to sleep. He’d toss and turn all night, thinking about whether Adam was doing a number on Erin right now. Dammit, he felt like he was letting Erin down in some way by not being there for her.
* * *
When Adam woke the next morning it took him a second or two to get his bearings, then he remembered where he was. Trying not to wake Erin, he rolled over to look at her in the other bed.
And there she was, curled up on her side, facing him, breathing gently, one hand outstretched a little toward him, as if she’d tried to reach out to him in her sleep. His heart shifted inside his chest and he knew one thing for sure. Wherever she was, that’s where he wanted to be.
Always.
Before he did something silly like wake her up with a kiss, he slid out of bed and went into the bathroom to wash, keeping as quiet as possible.
Her eyelids lifted when he came back in the room about ten minutes later. “Good morning,” she said softly.
He stood at the bottom of her bed and couldn’t help himself. “You are so beautiful,” he said huskily, shaken at how much she meant to him.
Her eyes darkened. “Oh Adam.”
He went to her then and fell to his knees beside her. She didn’t say a word as he lowered his head and kissed her. Their first ever kiss. And it was worthy of that title. It was a long, deep kiss that touched more than his mouth. It clutched at his heart, surrounded it, then began to fan out to every single cell in his body.
Until she took him by surprise and pushed herself back out of his arms.
And the moment was lost.
Just like he was without her.
Suddenly his gut feeling was telling him the time still wasn’t right to say anything about his love for her. It was clear to him she still had issues with Zac that needed sorting.
“Adam,” she muttered, pulling the sheet up to her neck. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I let you kiss me like that.”
“I do.” Giving her room to breath, he went to sit on the edge of his bed.
“Look, I know it’s just proximity but --”
“You don’t love him, Erin.” Somehow he had to make her face the truth. Only then would she be able to move on. And hopefully then she’d be ready to look at him with an open heart.
“Wh..what?” she stuttered.
“I said you don’t love Zac. You think you do, but if you’re honest with yourself, you’ll admit that you don’t.”
Her mouth worked for a few seconds but nothing came out. Then, “You have a nerve saying that.”
“For telling the truth?”
She stiffened. “I didn’t come all this way because I don’t love Zac.”
He felt her pain. He really did. “I know, hon, but I don’t believe you love him like you used to love him. I think you’re merely trying to recapture what you had before the accident,” he pointed out as gently as he could. “That feeling of safety. Of being in a relationship. Being cosseted by a man.”
She fell back against the pillows, her eyes telling him he’d hit the bulls eye and that she recognized it. Despite that, she shook her head. “No, you’re wrong.”
He sighed. She was stubborn this one. “I don’t think so, honey.”
“But --”
He got to his feet, giving her time to think. “Look, how about I go downstairs and see if they can rustle up some breakfast for us. We forgot to order last night.” He didn’t wait for her to reply as he grabbed his jacket and left the motel room. What he’d wanted to say but didn’t was that he was the man who would cosset her. He would give her that feeling of safety. He would love her and protect her and do his best at making her happy. But he instinctively knew he had to wait a while longer to say those things.
He’d already waited this long.
* * *
Erin sat there stunned, not only by the impact of Adam’s kiss but by what he’d said. He’d been so caring in his actions and in his words, trying to make her see the reality of her situation with Zac – and he was right. She didn’t love Zac. She was only trying to recapture something that was no longer there, needing to feel safe with a man, and cherished by him.
But if she didn’t love Zac, what was she going to do?
And where did that leave her?
* * *
Zac finally fell asleep just before dawn, so he wasn’t in the mood to be nice when Erin and Adam entered the apartment the next morning.
“…I couldn’t let you drown, now could I?” Adam joked wryly. “It would’ve ruined your vacation.”
“I wasn’t in danger of drowning just because you parked your car out the front of the building, Adam. I was only in danger of getting wet.”
“Yeah,” Adam murmured, “you certainly succeeded there.”
Zac saw the other man’s eyes dart downward to where the soft material of her knitted sweater clung to her breasts.
Erin noticed too because all at once she froze. Then an odd awareness crossed her face. “Adam, I --”
Zac muttered something under his breath, and they both spun around to see him sitting on the couch.
“Zac!” Erin croaked, looking guilty all at once as Adam casually said, “Hey, buddy.”
Zac didn’t feel very buddy-like right now. He’d spent the better part of the night worrying about Erin, wondering if Adam had tried something on to get her to share his motel room - and his bed. From what he’d just seen, his fears had been founded. Something had happened between the pair of them.
“Everything okay?” he all but growled.
“Of course,” Erin said a touch too quickly as she darted a look at Adam, a flush rising up her neck, making her look a tad self-conscious.
“Why wouldn’t it be?” Adam mocked without hesitation, pushing his damp hair back off his forehead as he started toward the bedrooms. Obviously he’d been caught in a situation like this before and it didn’t phase him at all.
“Why indeed?” Zac rasped, a wave of rage undulating deep inside him. Adam thought this was something trivial. That seducing Erin was trivial. And then his friend topped it off by tossing him a satisfied smile before he disappeared down the hallway. Zac saw more than red then. Erin had been his girl. His fiancée. She’d come to Chicago looking for him.
He pushed himself off the couch and stormed toward her, pulling her into his arms and kissing her - and knew the second his lips met hers that this wasn’t right. It didn’t feel right. Not even when, after her initial jolt of surprise, she made the effort to start kissing him back.
And it was an effort. She didn’t want to kiss him any more than he wanted to kiss her. Suddenly Zac realized he’d been deceiving himself. He had been jealous of Adam’s interest in Erin, not because he wanted Erin but because he didn’t want Adam to have her. The only woman he wanted was Cassie.
He loved Cassie.
“So you don’t fool around, eh?” Adam snarled from the doorway behind them, and Erin jumped as if guilty of a crime too.
Zac turned to look at his friend, who wasn’t smiling now, far from it, and he knew that somehow he had to put his feelings for Cassie aside while he sorted this out. Adam was important to him. God, how had it come to this between them?
Zac held up his hand. “Let me speak before you go punching my lights out, okay?”
Adam’s mouth clenched but he nodded.
Zac let out a deep breath. “Thanks,” he said, before turning to Erin. “Erin, Cassie was right.”
Erin frowned. “Right?”
“She said I was jealous of you and Adam, but I kept saying it was because I wanted to protect you from getting hurt. But now I realize I was jealous, only I didn’t know it at the time. You’d been my fiancée and even though I wasn’t looking to get involved with you again, I didn’t want to let you go either, and certainly not to Adam.” He looked at his friend and saw him wince. Zac sent him an apologetic look. “I’m sorry, mate. Of all the people in the world who I think should get together
with Erin it’s you. You’re my best friend.” He walked toward him with an outstretched hand. “I guess it took me a while to grow up and stop acting like I was still a teenager.”
Adam didn’t hesitate as he pulled Zac close for a quick manly-type hug. “Thanks, buddy,” he said throatily as they drew apart.
Filled with emotion, Zac blinked rapidly for a second or two. “Hell, I must have something in my eye.”
“Yeah, me too,” Adam said, giving a fast blink himself.
Then Zac sent Erin a regretful look. “I need to apologize to you too, Erin. I’m sorry for the way I’ve been behaving. I’ve probably spoiled your trip.”
She looked from one to the other, her eyes shimmering with tenderness. “No, you haven’t. And there’s no need to apologize either,” she said, brushing moisture from her eyes. Then she took a shaky breath. “You weren’t the only one who was wrong, Zac. I convinced myself I was still in love with you, but I was only fooling myself. I didn’t want to let you go, you see. You were part of who I was before the accident and I was trying to recapture a feeling of belonging. I missed that when we broke up.” Her gaze slid to Adam and she smiled at him. “Someone pointed that out to me only this morning.”
Adam smiled back and she seemed to glow a second before her smile returned to Zac. “You and Cassie fit together, Zac. I’m so very happy for you. I know you love her deeply.”
“Yes, I do.”
God, he loved Cassie! He was amazed he hadn’t been able to recognize what was suddenly so clear. Then his brows drew together. “I just have to convince her of that.”
“Yeah, buddy,” Adam said out of the blue. “You and me both. I’m in exactly the same boat.”
Zac’s gaze rested on him for a short pause. Then the truth shot through him. “My God! You’re in love with Erin, aren’t you? Really in love with her, that is.”
Adam didn’t hesitate. “Yes,” he admitted, and Zac heard Erin gasp.
“You’ve been in love with her all along.”
“Yes,” Adam said again and there was another gasp. Then Adam looked at Erin and the love was clearly written in his eyes. “Yes, I love her.”
Erin appeared stunned. “But… but… you’re in love with another woman.”
“You’re that woman, Erin.”
“Oh my Lord!”
“I’ve wanted to tell you so many times,” he said as he moved toward her. “Only you weren’t ready to listen. I wasn’t sure you’d ever be ready to listen to me.”
“Oh Adam,” she murmured when he stood in front of her.
He drew her closer. “Can you find it in your heart to love me, Erin Dempsey… dolls and all?”
She reached up and ran her fingers along his chin. “Don’t make fun. I love those toy soldiers,” she said softly. “And I think I may love you too.”
“You think?”
The corners of her mouth lifted. “Give me time. This is all so new to me.”
“You’ve got three seconds.”
“That long, huh?”
“One.”
“I --”
“Two.”
“But I --”
“Three.”
“Okay, I love you.”
“Now that’s what I wanted to hear,” Adam said, and Zac felt satisfaction swell up inside him. This was so right for the other two, just like it was between him and Cassie.
Cassie!
He had to go to her.
He had to try and convince her of his love.
And he had to know if she loved him in return.
But as he left the others to themselves, he wondered if Cassie might tell him to go to hell. She’d be more than justified.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Inspired by Adam and Erin, Zac drove over to Cassie’s through the morning traffic, determined to tell her everything there was to tell. But when she opened the front door dressed in her bathrobe and with her wet hair wrapped in a towel, she looked so bloody gorgeous… so sweetly feminine… he knew he could look at her like this every day for the rest of his life and never be tired of her.
“Zac!” she began as he stepped inside, closed the door and pulled her into his arms. He lowered his head and kissed her. And he kept right on kissing her until he almost ran out of breath.
Long moments later when he lifted his head again, he watched as a flush spread up her neck to her face, making her even more beautiful.
“Zac?” she murmured, sounding both bewildered and thrilled.
“Ssh.” He eased her up against the wall and pressed his body against hers, kissing her again, his tongue exploring the recesses of her mouth as his hands slid inside her robe and explored the curve of her hips. Moaning, she wrapped her arms around his neck and ground herself against him.
And that was all he needed. He had to have her right now. He couldn’t wait a second longer. He broke off the kiss and reached for a condom in his wallet, quickly ripping the package open with his teeth.
Then he unzipped himself.
“Oh Zac,” she said huskily, her eyes feasting on him as he bared his erection to her eyes. She went to reach for him but he shook his head.
“No,” he rasped, knowing that one touch of her hand would be too much for him. “Keep your arms around my neck,” he ordered, then cupped her bottom and lifted her, positioning her over him.
For a split second he held her there… held her and looked deep into green eyes that were so filled with desire it made his heart lurch… then with one deep thrust he filled her. He groaned as her hot flesh enveloped him. She felt so good. So bloody good. He didn’t want to move. Otherwise it would be over too soon.
But his body had a mind of its own and he began to thrust, picking up speed, moving fast and furious as he slid up and down inside her, her body glazing his covered length with a silky sheen of moisture that assured him he was turning her on as well as himself.
Pleasure swelled inside him. He thought he could hold on a while longer but when she panted his name and came around him, pulsing him, squeezing him with her internal muscles, he let go and climaxed.
For a long moment they stayed tangled together, breathing heavily, her forehead buried against his neck, his arms still holding her in position until their waves of desire ebbed to a more calmer sea.
She gave a soft, self-conscious laugh. The sound of it shifted his heart inside his chest - where it had found its final resting place. “I need to tell you something while I’m inside you,” he murmured, knowing this was the right moment for him but hoping to God he wasn’t about to smother her. “I love you, darling. I’m not sure what that means to you, or even where we go from here. Maybe you’re not ready to hear the words, but I needed to say them. I love you and I’d like to make you a permanent fixture in my life.”
There was a stunned silence. Her shocked eyes were all over his face as if she were waiting for the punchline, as if a man saying he loved her had to be some kind of joke. His breath caught in his throat. God, he loved this woman. She’d been hurt, but his love would help to heal her. This deep, forever kind of love.
He pushed back strands of wet hair from her face. “And I’ll still love you, even when I’m not inside you,” he said, wanting her to know this wasn’t about the heat of the moment.
“Oh Zac,” she whispered, finally finding her voice, though she suspected her mind still hadn’t caught up.
He gave a slight smile. “Is that all you’ve got to say?”
She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I don’t know. I can’t think when you’re inside me.”
“That’s easy fixed.” He lifted her off him, but her knees buckled and he steadied her. “Can you think now?” he teased.
“Er… yes.” She tested her legs and finally stood without his help.
All at once he glanced down at himself and grimaced. “I really know how to pick my moment, don’t I?” Then he kissed her hard on the lips and adjusted his trousers. “Let me just go to the bathroom, then we can talk.”
> Cassie watched him walk away. She thought he’d picked his moment pretty well. And then she remembered what else he’d said and the breath caught in her lungs.
He loved her.
God, she’d dare not think about love. Sure, when she’d first gone out with him she’d suspected she’d end up getting hurt again, and she’d known she’d have to pick herself up and get on with her life once he left. But the chance of a real future with him? She hadn’t let herself think it would happen.
And now it had.
He loved her.
But what did she feel for him? He was a caring friend, yes. And a wonderful lover. But love? Whoa! That was a whole ‘nother ball game.
Just then someone buzzed the doorbell, making her jump because she was standing so close to it. What now? She quickly finger-combed her wet hair, checked to see her bathrobe was closed, then reached for the door handle and swung it open.
And there stood her ex-husband.
Somehow she held back a strangled moan. She didn’t need Steve coming here causing trouble right now, what with Zac in the bathroom and them having to be downtown in an hour for the charity show and her not even dressed. Not to mention a man had just told her he loved her.
“What are you doing here, Steve?” she demanded, growing tired of him turning up all the time. Heavens, she was seeing more of him now than during her marriage.
He boldly stepped past her into the apartment. “I’ve come to make a deal.”
That pulled her up short. “A deal?”
He stopped a few feet inside the hallway then turned to look at her, his eyes determined. “You give up your radio show right now… today… or I take custody of my dog until it’s settled in court.”
She blinked. “Your dog?”
“The mutt. She’s half mine. She wasn’t mentioned in our divorce.”
Her heart dropped to her feet. “Because you didn’t want her,” Cassie choked, so grateful she’d thought to put Mitzy in the kitchen and shut the door before answering the doorbell to Zac earlier.
“Who said I didn’t want her?”
He was frightening her. “Why are you doing this?”
Talking Sex Page 23
