by Tara Brown
“That's not what I’m saying.”
“I know. But let’s not break things off permanently because your sister got herself killed. Let’s not even bring her into the discussion. She has taken enough of my time. Neither of us is happy with how this is playing out and that is the issue here.” I hated the words I was going to say. “You don't want to be second fiddle. You want me to be upfront. I am being that right now. I’m sorry. I agree. We shouldn't do this anymore.”
His foot slammed on the gas. “Fine by me.” He drove like a madman, desperate to be away from me perhaps. When he got to the gate he punched in the code and drove in, not even waiting for the gates to open all the way. The car just missed hitting them. I sighed my exhale when he slammed on the brakes and jumped from the car. He leaned in, giving me a look. “But this is the last time we ever have this conversation.”
“Yes.” I hated myself for hurting him but he deserved the truth.
He stormed inside with me on his heels. He went up to his room as I strolled into the kitchen, desperate for a glass of wine or a scotch.
Hilda the cook grinned at me when I got in there. “You vant drink?” she asked as if she were psychic.
“Yes, please.”
“I get you drink.” She chuckled and pulled two shot glasses and a green bottle from the freezer, pouring amber liquid and passing me one. “Zum wohl!” she proclaimed loudly and clinked the glasses.
“Zum wohl!” I nodded and drank it back, shuddering from the unexpected Jägermeister shot. The green bottle should have been a dead giveaway, but this was a moonshine version of it. Like German shine.
She poured us a second one, clinking and shouting, “Prost!”
“Prost!”
We drank and the warmth of it filled my belly.
“Now you be better!” She took the glasses and walked back to the pot of whatever she was cooking. It smelled divine.
I turned and walked out into the living room, smiling at the window where I could see my kids in the pool again. This time Jack was in there too. Luce gave me a look from the chair where she was reading a book. “Hey, how’d it go?”
I opened my mouth but the words got a bit lost. It took a second to find them again. “Good and then not so good.”
She winced. “You finally kill things with Coop?”
“Yeah. Where’s my mom and Janice?”
She bit her lip. “Janice is locked in a room and your mom is sitting outside of said room, guarding it.”
“Oh.”
“She’s probably fine. How’d he take it?”
“He didn't. He’s pissed and hates me and we won’t ever be friends again.” I sat carefully, still favoring my ribs. I glanced at Jack staring at us through the window. “Why are you and Jack broken up?”
She sighed and gave him a long look with me. “You don't shit where you eat, Evie. Hasn't your mom ever told you that?”
I nodded, not saying anything. I didn't need to add anything to that. We had both learned that lesson the hard way.
Jack looked confused, like Luce had broken things off and he didn't understand why. Our little team, our little family, wasn't doing so hot. Pairing off as couples had been the worst thing we could have done. I saw that now. Clear as friggin’ day.
My mom had been right, all along. There was a life with a guy like Coop that was ideal and perfect, and it involved me not being a spy. She wanted me to retire again.
But I wanted this. The more I did it, the more I wanted it.
“So what’s the plan then?”
“I am going to the Schloss Eberstein and meeting Servario and he is going to give me what I want.”
She turned her head, her lips twisting into an evil grin. “And just what do you want, Miss Evie?”
I bit my lip and contemplated that myself.
Chapter Twenty
Estellaaaaaaaa
The castle on the far side of the valley was magnificent, but in a hospitable way that Jack’s wasn't. It glowed from the lights and lanterns and candles that were just being lit as the sun was starting its descent for the day. There was opulence at every turn. It was the kind of place I would take my kids, if I weren’t always trying to hide them.
But that wasn't in the cards. No. My cards were all bad ones, and I was playing them as I could.
I walked around the back of the hotel, smiling at the servers as they hurried a meal out to the patio. Inside I sighed; it was beautiful. The sort of place a girl got married when she was young and full of ideologies about how the world looked and who she would be in it.
I wished I could find that girl again, the one who was filled with foolish notions and naiveties. I took the grand staircase up, blending in with the guests as I pulled the key to the suite from my pocket.
One small whisper in my mind told me to be ready. This might be a trap. It always had that chance with him. It was part of his appeal. I enjoyed the way my muscles tightened and my senses heightened and everything felt like more.
An exhale was erotic, the way it echoed in the tense silence we always maintained. A touch meant a thousand different things. It could vary from an apology to a warning about the level of fucking I was about to endure. Sometimes when I was particularly lucky, it was him confessing his love for me, with a trembling grip and a gentle kiss.
I lifted the key, sliding it into the lock, letting one of those intense exhales out as I turned the handle. Inside, the room was stunning. Of course. But not nearly as stunning as my room at Jack’s. This was much more a hotel and much less a castle. Outside, it was entirely castle-like. Very fairytale themed.
But in here there was only one thing I saw that was nicer than my room. He lifted his gaze from the book he was reading. Great Expectations. Of course.
“Do you realize how alike we are to this book?” he asked as I closed the door.
“No.” I shook my head, leaning against the heavy wood and wondering where this would go.
“You are Estella, beautiful and full of life. When you were younger, your parents protected you from everything, and no matter how hard your mother tried to talk you out of this life, you chose it. Her training you to be something you would never be failed. Just like Miss Havisham did to Estella, always leading her away from what was best for her. Convincing her to hate men and not let her love Pip.”
“And let me guess, you were Abel Magwitch, the convict?”
“Hurtful, Evie.” He closed the book and chuckled. “No. I am Pip. But I am also glad to learn you have read the book. That is a nice surprise.”
“I’m not nearly as dumb as you give me credit for, and the movie had Ethan Hawke in it—so yeah, I saw the movie and read the book.”
“Of course. As I was saying, I am Pip. Not worthy of you but always striving for it. I have had to endure your marriage to James—obviously Bentley, that moron—and I have worked my entire life just desperately trying to be enough.”
I lifted a finger and pointed. “That is a lie. You asked my father to date me once and he said no. He knew what kind of life you would have. No parent would have said yes to you. But from that moment on, you have lived life exactly the way you wanted to. Pip did everything for Estella. His love for her never waned and he never fucked his way across Europe the way you have.”
“You forget the Americas. I frequently visit there.”
“Sorry, right. He never fucked his way across the world, the way you have.” I rolled my eyes.
“Don't roll your eyes at me, Evie. I frequent the US because I am watching you.” He got up, placing the book down on the coffee table, and strolled to me.
“That's even more creepy. You come to the States to watch me and happen to fuck some other women while you’re there because you’re a sex addict.”
“No.” He placed his hands on either side of my head and looked down, intently. “That's not how it happens. I never fuck other women. And it’s not what I want to talk about. I have decided something very important about us.”
“That you want me to consent this time when we have sex?”
“No. I mean, yes, of course. But that isn’t what I was trying to say.” He shook his head like he was fuddled. “I want to say I have decided that I deserve you, Evie. I have come to see this as a fact.” He nodded, his greenish eyes burning with passion.
“So you—”
“Don't. Don't you dare analyze a single moment of this.” He lowered his mouth on mine, brushing softly. “You have already talked enough.”
“Don't tell me not to talk. That's like shushing me, and girls don't like being shushed. It’s our eye roll.” I shoved him back, wincing as the pain in my ribs flared for a second. “I don't need to analyze anything. I have done that enough to actually drive a sane person to madness. What I do need is to tell you that if you think you deserve me then I deserve a commitment from you.”
He tilted his head.
“Don't look confused. You know what the word means. I want you to say you will not have sex, nor touch, nor escort, nor kiss, nor contemplate a single other female or male for the duration of this relationship. Or let them touch you.”
“You want to get married?”
I laughed in his face.
“That's married, Evie. Commitment is married in my books.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I don't want that. I was married—remember dear sweet James? You haven’t forgotten him already, have you?”
“That was no marriage. Let’s fuck and speak of this afterward.”
“No.” I shoved him back again. “I want you to show me you have the ability to be abstinent in my absence. You may not even touch yourself. I want a real commitment from you or absolutely nothing at all.”
He paused, clearly giving it some thought. I couldn't even pretend that I wasn't bothered by that.
“As I suspected. So, if you will be kind enough to get me that memory drug, I will be on my way.” My heart broke. I could swear I felt it slipping down broken ribs to my guts and then sliding down my leg to the floor, a useless ball of jelly. But I wouldn't let him see that. I offered a smug grin and held my hand out.
He clenched his jaw as fury filled his eyes and his breathing picked up.
“What are you going to do, Gustavo? Rape me? Force me to like it?” I rolled my eyes cruelly and shrugged. “Is that all you have in your bag of tricks? Sexual prowess? Nothing else?”
His nostrils flared but I didn’t move. I didn't back down. And I sure as fuck didn't lower my gaze.
“Want to fight again?” I offered cavalierly. “Fine, but until you can respect me enough for me to be the only woman in your life, apart from those nuns at the orphanage, don't bother me with your fancy words and comparing us to one of the greatest love stories ever written for complex people. When you can show me that you are the right man for me, then I will let you be the only man for me. That means no more sex slavery and no more human trafficking, and you will find the men who are running the child-grooming operation in Blackpool and give that to me.”
He remained frozen, agreeing to nothing while no doubt struggling to hold every bit of his temper in check.
“Goodbye, Gustavo.” I turned and opened the door, walking out into the hallway and leaving him there to steam like an angry bear.
He didn't follow me. He never really did. He liked being in charge, and he liked me being hung up on him. Desperate for him. And I was. But I wanted this to be more. I wanted to be hung up on him and maybe comfortable in the fact he was equally hung up on me. Enough that he didn't need other women and that he was honestly trying to be a man who could fit into my world.
It was akin to dressing a beast up for a ball, but I didn't care. I loved him, and I was willing to give it a chance if he could prove himself.
I walked through the orange glow of the lanterns on the cobblestone path between the castle wings and around the back of the building. I found a small alcove and sat down on the brick steps, sighing and staring at the beautiful scenery. It was more than I could really take in.
I leaned against the wall and imagined how it might have all been different. My father agreeing to Gustavo Servario asking me out. Me falling madly in love with him. Us having a life, maybe free of the Burrow.
None of it ever made my children possible so it wasn't even worth daydreaming about. James was the way it had to work out so I could have them. At least he was dead and I was free. That was one small thing in my corner.
Without the memory drug I didn't know what to do about Janice. She was a tricky situation.
I pulled off my ballet flats and looked at the bottoms of my feet, stunned by how much they had healed. I was ready to find some comfortable runners and finish off Drusack. That was one more piece of the puzzle solved.
Pushing on the wall, I got up like a geriatric might have and staggered away from it.
“Don't leave.”
I froze when I heard him. I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head. “I have to. If I don't make a stand and demand respect I won’t ever get it.”
“I respect you.”
“Liar.” I turned and smiled at the grin on his face. His eyes were filled with sadness. “I am going to kill him tomorrow. Just so you know.”
“I figured. I came here before you ever wrote the stupid ad in the newspaper. I actually paid them to cancel the ad. It was much too obvious.”
“You were here already?” My insides tightened.
“Yes. I wanted to be here in case you needed me. It won’t be easy, but I have Drusack’s entire mansion mapped out. I could send it to Jack.” He took a brave step toward me.
I stepped back. “Don't.”
“There is only you. There has been only you from the moment we met.”
“Don't.” I wrinkled my nose. “Don't lie to me.”
He paused. “I don't lie to you. There has not been one single woman in my company since the moment CI sent you as my prize. The rest has been an act.”
“You are lying. The hookers in the casino in Rome all told me they had fucked you, and I saw you at a gala not too long ago. You had a blonde on your arm. She was young and beautiful. She stayed with you the entire night.”
“The hookers—I forgot about them. You were dating young Cooper then.” He grinned. “You were watching me at the gala? I wondered if you had.” He paused and that weird look hit his eyes again. It was joy and it was strange to see it on his face. “That blonde girl is the daughter of a friend. She isn’t part of this world. She was my escort because she was desperate to see a young man that night and she is forbidden to see him. Call me a fool, but I can’t help but favor a plight such as that one.”
“Forbidden?”
“Yes. He is a young man who has not yet made his stars. Her father told her if she wanted to go to the party she could be my escort, knowing I wouldn't—” he flinched as if there were more to the story than he was telling me, “—I wouldn't try to seduce her. Her father was there the whole night so she stayed with me and made it look like she had left with me when I left early. But they actually took my car back to the hotel and I went to the airport. I caught a flight and came to see you. I watched you all the next day. You ran in the woods with young Cooper. You worked out like I have not seen you do in a very long time. You played with Jules at the park and played goalie for Mitch and his friend to take shots on. The friend hit you with a puck in the neck. I didn't like that part. I don't understand how your neck was visible. It pissed me off.”
A cheesy and ridiculous grin crossed my lips. “I was so mad at you for being with that blonde girl I almost told Coop I was cool with bootie calls.”
“It has been you and you alone for a very long time, minus the hookers in Rome and it was a blow job, the kind you don't like giving. So really, I did you a favor.” He laughed.
“That's not a favor.”
“It was a bad joke. I was with James and he was watching my every move.” He was serious again as he took a step closer and I didn't back away. I didn't want to fall for his lies
but I was. I knew they were lies, and yet I nodded along like a puppet. “Evie.” The way he whispered my name as he stroked the side of my face made my legs turn to jelly, but the reference brought back the look on his face when I had asked him for a commitment. I stepped back, exhaling one of those intense and awkward sounds that seem to own the moment.
“No.” I shook my head, gathering my wits. “You are lying. I know you have been with women, and I don't even care about them. I care that you’re lying. I was with Coop. I don't care about the girls—I care about the commitment. That's the only thing I really want from you. Not fancy words and definitely not lies.” I turned and ran, regardless of the fact that my feet begged me not to.
I hurried around the long side of the castle to the front where the hillside overlooked the town below.
I stopped, feeling like I might throw up. My ribs and feet were nowhere near where they needed to be to fight to the death tonight. And maybe not even tomorrow.
Hearing a sound, I turned to see him walking out the front door. He wasn’t winded or even breathing hard. He had apparently bounced back from being strangled like a champ, whereas I was still in agony a week later.
“You will wait and you will listen.” He pointed, making me freeze. I tried whispering I wasn't scared of him, but that was a lie. I was scared when he got that look in his eyes.
He marched to me, snatching my hand and shoving the most ridiculous ring onto my ring finger. He scraped the skin, making me wince.
“Are you happy? You ruined my fucking surprise—big shocker. You always have to go and be a regular girl and not the version I have of you in my head.”
“What is it?” Panic filled me a little.
“A ruby from Harry Winston.” He was still pissed off, but he was softening.
“Holy shit!” I looked down at the beautiful oval ring, slightly confused and extremely overwhelmed. “Why?”
