by Trudy Stiles
“Let’s get to our spot,” she says, grabbing my hand and jarring me from my worried thoughts.
We leave the deck and walk around the house to where all of the cars are parked in the street. We hear giggles and see Haley, flirting with one of the valets. He drops her keys into her outstretched hand, and she slides into her light blue Volkswagen Bug. She sees us turn the corner and waves goodbye.
“She’s going to get herself in trouble,” Noelle declares, shaking her head. “That guy must be at least ten years older than us. Doesn’t he realize she’s only seventeen?”
I chuckle. “I don’t think he cares.”
“Whatever. That’s gross.”
The sea of cars packed into our street provides the perfect viewing area for the show that’s about to start. We weave through them to where my pickup truck is parked at the far end of the cul-de-sac. I strategically placed it there, knowing we’d want the best spot on the street.
I help Noelle into the back of the truck and she gasps. “What have you done?”
The bed of the pickup is lined with soft blankets and pillows. There’s a cooler to the side that’s filled with bottled water and sliced watermelon. Last year, I snuck out some beer and had to listen to my father lecture me about how much trouble I would be in if a police officer searched my truck. He went on and on about underage drinking and being responsible. I decided not to chance bringing any kind of alcohol out here this year, it’s just not worth having to listen to my father rip into me again.
“I wanted it to be more comfortable than it was last year,” I say as she settles down against the pillows.
“You’ve outdone yourself.” Her eyes light up, and her lips curl into a sexy smile. Even though the sun has almost fully set, I can see the light in her eyes. She’s so beautiful.
I slide next to her on the makeshift bed, and she instinctively wraps her arms around my waist, draping her leg over mine. Fireflies are lighting up the street all around us, reflecting off of the car windows. Several fly over my head and I reach out, softly cradling two in my hand. “Quick, open your fairy house,” I direct and she reaches across me to grab it. I’m able to grab two more lightning bugs, and her house begins to glow.
“This weekend has been awesome,” she says as she nestles back into my chest. “Thank you.”
“No, thank you,” I say. “I love you, Noelle.”
She tips her head back so she’s looking up into my eyes, her lips part and I waste no time covering them with my own. She kisses me back urgently, her tongue diving into my mouth, soft moans escaping her lips. My fingers trace the bare spot on her belly where her tank top has ridden up, and I’m tempted to go further. As I push the shirt higher, so more of her abs are exposed, a loud boom sounds overhead. We both turn on our backs to see the fireworks show begin.
Her fingers intertwine with mine, and she rests her head back on my chest. Colorful lights explode above us, one after the other. Faint, patriotic music, plays from the Mason’s yard. Several other people have walked into the cul-de-sac, and I notice that others are perched on top of their own cars. It’s like a drive-up movie theater, except the theater is the sky. That’s when I realize we won’t have as much privacy as I had hoped.
The fireworks continue to blast above us, cheers echoing throughout the neighborhood. Noelle stays firmly pressed into my side, and I kiss the top of her head. “The Masons have outdone themselves so far,” I comment.
“Oh my God. It’s seriously incredible!” she practically shouts, trying to be heard over the loud thundering booms.
A colorful blast of hearts explodes above us, and then a flurry of fast white lights shoot through the sky.
Twenty minutes later, the finale of fireworks covers the sky, blanketing it in red, white, and blue.
“Wow,” Noelle murmurs, stretching out her legs next to mine.
“They get better every year,” I say, rolling onto my side so my forehead rests against hers.
A small smile plays on her lips. “I will remember this moment forever.”
“Me, too.”
“I don’t think my life could get any better than it is right now. This weekend has been perfect. This moment is perfect.” She kisses me lightly and leans back to look into my eyes.
“Every moment is going to be better than the last,” I say, kissing her.
“Get a room!” someone shouts from the yard, and Noelle giggles against my lips.
We both look up and see Chris and Dylan laughing from my front lawn.
“Oh God!” Noelle cowers. “I guess they can see us?”
“Shit,” I mutter.
“We should go someplace–more private.” Her eyes widen, and she scoots down toward the edge of the truck bed.
I quickly follow her, leaving everything in the back of my truck. “Do you want any watermelon?” I ask. I swiped a bunch of it earlier and put it in the cooler, remembering how much fun we had eating it and spitting out the seeds last year.
“No, that’s okay.”
I grab the firefly house and link my hand with hers as we weave our way through the cars parked in the street.
“I feel like we’re on a walk of shame,” she says, embarrassed.
I lead her around the left side of her house where nobody can see us. “Don’t ever be embarrassed,” I say, gently pushing her against the brick wall. “Do you hear me?”
She smiles. “Everyone was watching us.”
“It was only the guys, and they’re just poking fun.”
I kiss her quickly, pulling her chin up so she can look into my eyes. “Let’s go someplace where they can’t watch us.”
She nods quickly, and we walk through the gate, into her backyard. As we pass her bedroom window, I hang the firefly house on the hook.
We make our way inside, walking through the dark halls and into her room. “I want you to stay all night,” she says as she shuts the door.
With all of the party guests in and out of my house, I wonder if my parents would even notice if I didn’t come home tonight. I wonder if my father’s security detail will tip them off. I suddenly don’t care and plan to honor Noelle’s request.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
She falls onto her bed, her hair splayed out behind her and a smile spreads across her lips. “I was hoping you’d say that.”
I don’t waste any time and quickly remove every article of clothing from the two of us, throwing them on the floor in the middle of her room.
We spend hours making love, creating our own fireworks as the fireflies dance in the moonlight outside her window.
Heath
Present
“HEATH, ARE YOU BRINGING anyone to our party next weekend?” Garrett’s wife Sam asks.
I shift uncomfortably on my barstool. Garrett, Dax, and I have been working on music for our next album while Tristan is handling some personal things. I’ve had songs in my head since we got back from our tour and Garrett can’t ever sit idle. The three of us have been able to record basic melodies for at least six of the songs I’ve written.
“No, I don’t think so,” I respond.
“Well, if anything changes, just text me.”
She turns to Garrett and says, “Don’t be up too late tonight.” She kisses him, and an impish smile spreads across her face.
“Goodnight, guys,” she waves before heading upstairs.
“See ya, Sam,” I respond.
“Sweet dreams,” Dax says.
“Why aren’t you bringing Haley next week?” Garrett asks once Sam is out of earshot.
“Because I’m not.” It’s none of his damn business.
“You cut her loose, didn’t you?”
“Why does it matter?”
“You’re an idiot.”
“Excuse me?” What the fuck is his deal?
“You heard me. You’re a fucking idiot. Why would you toss aside a perfectly good thing?”
Here we go. As if my love life is any of Garrett’s business.
He reaches below the bar, opens the refrigerator, and places three more beers in front of us.
“Haley was good for you. No?” He pops the tops off and slides them toward us.
I take a long pull from the beer, hoping by the time I’m finished swallowing, he’ll drop his line of questioning. His intense stare tells me that he’s not relenting. Dax raises his eyebrows, encouraging me to answer.
“She was good. Until she wasn’t,” I admit.
“Holy shit. You’re more of a douchebag than I thought you were!” He laughs and clinks his beer against mine.
“Listen, I don’t need a lecture or anything. Things just didn’t work out.” She accused me of being in love with a dead girl, and she’s right. I can’t give myself to her or anyone until I properly put Noelle behind me. It’s been years since she died, and I’ve never stopped loving her.
“Dude. You aren’t going to get it any easier than Haley. You got to fuck her whenever you wanted. No strings. No heartache.”
What he doesn’t realize is Haley did get attached. There were strings. Strings I didn’t see.
“It’s not that simple. She wanted more than I could give her.”
“Will you let up a little, G?” Dax jumps in to defend me. “He doesn’t need to explain why he isn’t into a chick, to you, or anyone.”
I lift my chin at Dax and nod my head. At least he gets me.
“Seriously, though. Weren’t you cool with things?” Garrett asks, mellowing his tone a bit.
“Yes, I was. But she suddenly thought she loved me.” I instantly regret blurting this out.
“What’s wrong with that?” Dax asks. I thought he was on my side.
“Everything,” I mutter and take a swig of my beer.
“He was having a good time. I guess love isn’t part of the equation,” Garrett says, and now my head is spinning.
“Aren’t we supposed to be getting work done tonight?” I ask, desperately trying to change the subject.
“Maybe you and Haley need to go to Mexico. It worked wonders for Dax and Giselle.” Garrett tosses his empty bottle into the recycling container behind the bar.
Dax smiles and nods. “Mexico was perfect. And everything that happened after was, too.”
“Almost everything,” Garrett reminds him. “You can’t forget about the tabloid that almost destroyed it all.”
“But it didn’t, and that’s what matters,” Dax replies.
Dax and Giselle’s whirlwind romance took everyone by surprise, but mostly Garrett. “Stop being so cute,” Garrett laughs.
“Listen, if it didn’t feel right, don’t kill yourself,” Dax says.
The problem is, for a while, there was nothing wrong with Haley. But as soon as she wanted more from me, I choked. Maybe Garrett’s right. Maybe I am an idiot.
“I don’t know. I think there are things that I need to deal with before I can commit to anyone else.” I shrug my shoulders and shake my head.
“Does it have anything to do with the chick you wrote all of these songs for?” Garrett blurts out. I knew I shouldn’t have said anything at all to him that last night in Europe.
“What chick?” Dax asks.
“It’s nobody,” I state, not wanting to get into this any further. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m feeling anymore. There have been too many reminders just popping up here and there, drawing my memories of Noelle to the forefront. It’s almost like I can feel her near me. Maybe she’s trying to tell me something.
“Some girl he knew when he was younger. His ‘first love.’” Garrett uses air quotes. It pisses me off that he’s replaying our private conversation and making it seem trivial.
“Enough. Alright?” Anger boils inside me.
“Chill, dude,” Garrett instructs. “I’m just filling Dax in.”
“You don’t have to tell me anything,” Dax replies, once again trying to be the good guy.
“Thank you,” I reply.
We all sit in awkward silence for a few minutes. I finish my beer and stand up. “I gotta run.”
“Seriously?” Garrett asks. “I wasn’t trying to be an asshole. I’m sorry.” His demeanor changes drastically, and I believe him.
“It’s okay. Really. I’m just dealing with a lot of crap in my head, and I need to straighten some things out.”
“Just do what feels right,” Dax interjects. “If things with Haley didn’t gel, then you have to walk away before anyone gets hurt.”
That’s the problem. She’s already hurt. She fell in love with me when I hadn’t even considered love to be an option. Is it an option?
“Maybe you could just take a little time to figure it all out?” Garrett says, trying to redeem himself after the gossip he tried to start. “Who knows? By our party next week, you and Haley could be good as gold.”
Dax shakes his head, laughing. “The last thing he needs to do is force something that isn’t there. And I’m sure he won’t do it just to have a chick on his arm for your party.”
My mind is reeling. Is something there?
I’ve known Haley since kindergarten. We were friends long before Noelle moved next door. Our mothers are good friends, and I remember spending many summers with her family on vacation. When I was eight, our families went to Ireland together and I’m constantly reminded of photobombing Haley while she was kissing the Blarney Stone. There are years of memories. Years of friendship. I even remember Noelle telling me that she thought Haley had a huge crush on me, but I didn’t see it. We were close, but I never had any feelings for Haley. But do I have feelings for her now?
“You okay?” Garrett asks.
“I’m good. Like I said, I just need to figure out my shit.”
“Take your time,” Dax says.
“I’m sure Haley will accept your apology once you realize you fucked up,” Garrett chuckles. And the dick is back.
“Shut up, asshole,” I blurt out.
“Trust me, when you look back at what you just walked away from, you’re going to kick yourself in the ass. And then thank me for making you think about it.” Garrett swipes the rest of the empty bottles from the bar, tossing them in the recycling bin.
Dax turns to me. “Give me a call if you want to talk.”
I take a deep breath. “It’s all good. I’m going to take off.”
Garrett and Dax stretch out their arms, and I bump fists with them both. “Later,” Garrett says.
“Later,” I reply.
I try to keep my mind from racing as I walk up the stairs and through the quiet first floor toward the front door. Sam and Kai must be asleep–all of the lights are dimmed. Once outside, I inhale the warm July air. Dozens of fireflies flash their lights in and around the driveway and my heart pulls.
Noelle is here. She’s trying to tell me something. But what?
I slide into my car and immediately open the glove compartment. The light catcher that I gave Noelle for her fourteenth birthday is resting inside. I lightly swipe my fingers across the colorful crescent moon and so many wonderful memories flood my mind. She was so fragile, yet strong. She was so delicate and beautiful. She was tragic and perfect. My stomach lurches with the familiar feeling of regret. Why didn’t I do something to save her? Why didn’t I tell someone my suspicions of her abuse? I blame myself for so much. I should have done something. Anything. She might be alive today if I did.
After I leave Garrett’s driveway, I pull over so I can take out my cell phone. I find Haley’s number to send a text.
Me: Are you awake?
A few seconds go by before she responds.
Haley: Yes. Why?
I can hear her tone loud and clear.
Me: Can I come by?
Haley: OK.
Me: I’ll be there in twenty.
I drop my phone onto the passenger seat and pull back onto the road. It’s late, but I can’t go the night without talking to her.
“HEY,” HALEY SAYS, opening
her door. “I’m not sure why I agreed to let you come over.” Sadness fills her eyes, and my guilt grows.
“I’m glad you did.”
“Come in before my neighbors get too nosey. I haven’t seen Nina in a few days, but you never know who she has spying for her.” Her townhouse is the end unit and is somewhat private, but one of her older neighbors always seems to catch me coming and going, no matter what time of day. She’s told Haley that “her secret is safe with her.”
I step into her foyer, and she quickly shuts and locks the door behind us. Her Yorkshire Terrier, Keiko, rushes to greet me, bouncing up and down on his hind legs. He expects me to pick him up and carry him through the house like I usually do, so I oblige. His little dog grunts cause him to vibrate in my arms as we walk into Haley’s living room.
“So, what’s so urgent that you had to come here at almost midnight? Or are you here for a booty call?” she huffs, folding her arms over her chest.
I sit and place Keiko on my lap. He immediately rolls over onto his back, demanding a belly rub.
Her stance stresses me out. I want to have a relaxed conversation with her, without the attitude. Although, I honestly can’t blame her for how she’s feeling right now.
“Can you sit down?”
She drops her arms and reluctantly walks over to the couch, settling next to me. She pulls her knees up in front of her and turns sideways, her feet touching my thigh. “I’m all ears.”
“I’m really sorry,” I say, the words getting stuck in my throat.
“That’s it?” she asks, annoyed.
She’s glaring at me, and I realize I started off all wrong.
“I wasn’t prepared to come home and hear that you’re in love with me.”
“I wasn’t prepared to fall in love with you. But I did.” She looks away, locking her eyes on something outside the window.
“You said something the other night that really stuck with me. Something that I haven’t been able to get out of my head.”
“I said a lot of things the other night.”
“I’m not trying to get you any more upset than you already are,” I implore.
“You’re perceptive,” she snaps. “How could I not be upset?”
