Seth caught himself on the edge of the bed with both hands, and his expression turned calm and calculated. She hated when he looked like that. She hadn’t realized how much until just this moment.
“So that’s how you feel. You already want him. You’ve chosen him,” he said.
She nodded. “Yes.”
Inside, she wasn’t really sure, but for now, if it got Seth off of her, she’d say yes. Even if after that, she knew she’d still need time to decide whether to be with Jesse. If she just said yes right away to him, it would be just like things with Seth. Her just going along with what a man wanted for her life.
And she’d never do that again.
Seth sighed as if in defeat. “Fine. If that’s what you want. But I don’t get why you’re suddenly throwing everything away. Your duties, our relationship. Honestly, Bonnie, have you gone insane?”
She pulled on her hair in frustration. “The only insane thing I’ve ever done was think I could date you. I know now that you could never make me happy. Never give me everything I need.”
“Bonnie, with me you’d be a princess, practically royalty in our world,” Seth said. “How can you give that up for a stinky ranch?” He sniffed the air in disdain.
“Easy,” she said. “I love this stinky ranch. And I can serve horses here. And Jesse—”
“Jesse this, Jesse that,” Seth said, turning his head side to side. “This is the brother of the man that lured your friend out here to mate her to save his own property, right? Are you just a part of that?”
“No,” she said. She’d never be just a piece of property to Jesse. If that were all he wanted, he could have moved faster. Instead, he was taking it slow, letting her decide.
Seth shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know. Maybe he’s just good at hiding it.”
When Bonnie was quiet, Seth seemed to deflate somewhat, letting his shoulders sag as he stared at her in bewilderment.
“I don’t understand, Bon. I thought we were happy. As much as anyone in our species is, considering we’re matched from birth.”
Bonnie took a deep breath. What she was about to say was something that should have been brought up long ago, but she’d never known how. Perhaps, deep inside, she hadn’t wanted to acknowledge it. Because that would ruin the fairy tale she’d been trying to convince herself she could live.
It had been easier to live in the lie Seth was telling. That everything would be fine and they would have an ideal marriage and life if they just followed the rules their society had laid out for them.
There was just one problem. The mate they had picked for her didn’t want her that way. Never would.
She reached over, put a hand on Seth’s, and saw one well-groomed eyebrow shoot up in surprise. He didn’t like physical touch, and in the few perfunctory times they’d had it, he’d been the one to quickly initiate and pull back.
“Seth,” she said, not letting him retreat, though he looked a little green at the thought of staying. “I know… about you.”
He blinked. “You know what, exactly?”
“I know that… well… you don’t want me.”
He pulled his hand back but went totally silent. “I don’t understand.”
“I’ve always known,” she said solemnly. “I thought we could make it work, though. I thought if you just loved me enough… and I thought if you just told me one day, rather than acting like you were fooling me…”
Seth’s lips were drawn into a tight line. “What exactly is it you’re accusing me of?”
“You like men,” she said frankly, twisting her hands in her lap. “So you could never be happy with me. Not really.”
He stood abruptly, offended. “How dare you?”
She shrank back from the harsh anger burning in his eyes.
He leaned in over her, hands on either side as he stood in front of her on the bed. “How do you know I’m just not attracted to you? You little frump.”
The words hurt, but she knew Seth was hurting too. She had to think that. At times, he’d seemed like he really cared for her. But maybe that was all a mask too. Like his straightness.
“Seth, there are others like you. You don’t have to settle for this.”
Seth whipped away from her and put his hands on the dresser. His back was shaking as he took deep breaths, trying to calm himself. When he turned back to her, he was slightly red. “Bonnie, I… I can do this. I know it.”
She shook her head. “You can’t. You never have. You don’t want to. And that’s okay, really. It is.”
Seth’s expression gentled somewhat, and she saw the boy she’d grown up with. Before adulthood and pressure had gotten in the way.
“Bonnie, I know I can give you everything. I’ll try harder, do better.”
“You can’t even kiss me,” she replied softly.
He ruffled his hair with his hands, making it stand in all directions so he looked sort of like an angry leprechaun. His lips tightened. “I’ve kissed you. I have.”
“Not like Jesse can. Not like I need to be kissed.”
“Dammit,” he said. “You’re going to let hormones ruin a perfect bloodline? What are you going to tell our families? What are you going to do about forfeiting the contract?”
“Well, if you aren’t… able to consummate the marriage… that could be grounds for dissolving the union,” she said.
His eyes flashed, and she could tell he felt trapped. Maybe just as trapped as she did. She knew his family was harsh and cold, like hers. And rich, with high expectations. But maybe it was time both of them broke free.
“What do I have to do for you to give up?” she asked, throwing up her hands. “There’s nothing between us, Seth. Nothing but friendship. And maybe even that has been destroyed with everything that has happened.”
“You’re the one who had sex with a bear. I never did anything to ruin things,” Seth said.
“Except never look at me like you were in love. Never send me roses just because. Never kiss me like you wanted to get me naked.”
“I can do all of those things,” Seth said, turning around quickly and straddling her on the bed, pushing her back.
She sighed and lay still as his lips fell over hers. Perhaps the only way to truly show him just how wrong this all felt was to call his bluff and let him go for it.
His mouth swept over hers, and she felt his tongue try for entrance. She didn’t open, didn’t feel like it, and he growled in disapproval, licking her lips.
But his hands on her shoulders were clammy, and she could sense he wasn’t into it, despite desperately trying to be.
“Just stop it,” she said, pushing against his shoulders as he pulled back.
“One more,” he said, putting up a finger. “Let me try one more, and if you don’t feel anything, I’ll agree with dissolving the contract and make sure my family doesn’t bother you.”
“All right,” she said. That didn’t sound like too high of a price for being able to finally be free with Jesse.
One more horrible kiss and then all the rest of the kisses for the rest of her life could be nothing but amazing.
She yanked Seth down impatiently and kissed him hard. He recoiled, and she grinned because that proved her point better than she ever could. For once, with Seth, she was in control. For once, she knew better than he did.
“Stop it!” he said, pushing away from her and wiping his mouth. “Stop it. Ugh, you’ve made your point.”
“Not yet,” she said. She tried to pull him back, just so that he would pull away and she could make sure he knew for a good long while that he was the problem in this relationship. Not her. “Just one more.” She was about to put her lips on his, and then she heard a deep voice clear itself at the door.
When had that opened?
Glass shattered as a vase of roses fell to the floor. The next moment, Jesse disappeared from sight. The sound of his boots thundering down the hallway and the crushed roses on the ground were the only signs he’d been there.
“Damn it,” she said to Seth, who was looking pathetic as he tried to wipe off his mouth from the kiss. “Why did you have to come here? Why did you have to suddenly start trying?” She put her hands in her hair. “At least we’re done now, right?”
He nodded, wide-eyed.
“You stay here. I have to go after him.”
Seth just stared at her agape as she ran after her lover.
How would she fix everything now?
Chapter 7
Jesse walked away as quickly as he could from the lodge. He felt like he could kill something right at this moment.
When he’d gotten home to his cabin, seen the note on the counter, and gone running to find her, he’d never expected to discover her pulling Seth down to kiss her. Smiling against his lips, pulling him down for another kiss even as he pulled away.
Was she really so in love with the man that she didn’t care if Seth wanted her? That her want could be enough?
He’d been so stupid. He’d been her experiment. Nothing more. A notch in her bedpost before she could go back to her stupid, rich fiancé.
She’d never promised anything. She’d only said she wouldn’t go running back. And Jesse had been too sure that Seth wouldn’t come after her.
Well, he’d been wrong, and now he’d paid the ultimate price, because nothing was more painful than watching your mate with another male. Watching her happy with one. Pleased with one.
He let out a roar and tried not to shift as he ran down the steps that led out of the lodge.
“Jesse! Wait!” a feminine voice called after him.
The desperation in her voice almost made him pause, but he didn’t. He was too hurt. He’d spent the whole day trying to win her over, trying to show her what he could do. Trying to gently woo her. He was done with that.
And she was apparently done with him.
“Jesse! Stop! It’s not what you think.”
Oh, yes, it fucking was. It was exactly what he thought. And even if it wasn’t, the bear in him didn’t care. It was tearing out of his skin, feeling like it could kill him.
He heard her little footsteps running quickly, trying to catch up, and he slowed slightly just outside the lodge as he felt her slam into his back, wrapping her arms around his waist.
He pulled her off of him and held her out, staring down with angry eyes. “You are my mate. How could you?”
She blinked up at him, green eyes welling with tears. “What do you mean I’m your mate? We were taking it slow. You don’t own me. If you think you do, after just one night, you’re no better than him.”
His kept his touch gentle, but his tone was harsh, hard. He didn’t like it, but it was just how it was. After a day of trying harder than he ever had to win a woman, having her turn her back and go to another man…
He’d been thinking he’d have to rescue her. Rescue her. What a joke. The image of her pulling Seth’s head down to hers, smiling, went through his mind, and he let out another roar of anger as he pulled away and started walking.
Bonnie followed him, pleading, but he couldn’t listen to her. He needed space.
The next thing he knew, Shane was walking out, grabbing him by the arms, trying to hold him as Jesse thrashed, trying to get free.
“Calm down,” Shane said. “Just calm the fuck down. What the hell is going on?”
Jesse turned away from him, and Bonnie caught up, tears on her cheeks. Pain lashed through him at seeing her sad, but he couldn’t do anything about it right now.
“It was just a kiss,” she said. “I was just showing him he didn’t want me. I didn’t mean anything by it. Besides, we aren’t together. We aren’t official…” She trailed off as Shane and Jesse went strangely quiet.
She looked at their eyes, Shane’s solemn, Jesse’s fiery, and comprehension seemed to dawn as she put a slender hand over her mouth.
Her green eyes went impossibly wide and she opened her mouth and closed it, at a loss for words. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I… How do bears mate, exactly?”
“Sex, without protection,” Shane said bluntly. “So, yes, you were together. But this knucklehead should have told you. But right now, you have to let him go. His animal is going crazy.”
She took a step back, and Jesse hated the betrayal in her eyes. This wasn’t how he wanted to tell her.
He wanted to take her, slow and gentle, tell her about claiming, and make it the most romantic experience of her life.
Of course, that was before she was willing to kiss another man just to make a point. Whatever point that was.
“I… Fine,” she said, continuing to back up. “He can go wherever he wants. He might have claimed me, but I didn’t say I was his.” Her hands balled into tight, pale fists, and she almost seemed to glow in her anger in the moonlight. “No one gets to own me. Not ever again!”
“Bonnie, wait…” Jesse said, fighting his bear out of worry for her. “I—”
“No,” she said, putting up a hand. “You claim me without me knowing, and then you ply me with gifts all day, thinking that will make it okay? Then you have the nerve to get mad at me for dealing with my ex in a way I thought would help us move on, even though you had no right?” She closed her eyes in pain. “I said I loved you. I didn’t say we were together. So I’m not yours.”
“Yes you are,” he said, stepping forward. “Whether you like it or not.”
She stamped on his foot, and he yelped in pain. “No, you don’t, you big beast. And you’d do well to stay out of my way while I’m here. We’re done.”
Jesse felt horror shoot through him. The rational side of him warred with the wounded animal that just wanted to run around roaring its pain. He looked to his brother for help, but Shane just shook his head, as lost as Jesse.
“What a mess,” Shane muttered, putting up a hand to stop Jesse as he moved to follow Bonnie. “Let her go for now. She needs to calm down. You both do.”
Jesse made to follow her again, despite that, but Bonnie turned one last time and gave him the finger.
“I’m done with you, and Seth, and every other man who thinks he can make decisions for me,” she spat, turning on her heel. “Maybe I’ll go to town, find someone who can treat me as an equal.”
Fear shot through Jesse. He knew the men in town, and he didn’t want Bonnie anywhere near them. “Wait.”
“No,” she said. “I’m done waiting. I’m going to live, dammit. Whether anyone wants me to or not.”
He felt slightly proud of her, even as he felt like he was up to his neck in quicksand with no way out.
Instead, he had to stand there and watch as his angry mate stomped her way back to the lodge and went in the front door and up the steps.
Then a door slammed loudly.
She was gone.
He sank onto his knees, running his hands through his hair. Now that he was starting to calm, he could see it all more clearly. How ridiculous he’d been. The fact that Bonnie didn’t know they were mated because he hadn’t told her.
The kiss still didn’t make sense, but he should have waited and asked, not listened to the animal inside him.
Shane exhaled in disappointment. “I really don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing that she has such an effect on you. My calm little brother, going crazy over a she-cat.”
Jesse’s eyes snapped to his. “What do you mean? How do you know?”
“I guessed. She’s shifter and I can’t scent her. Only cats have that ability.”
“Then how can I scent her?” Jesse asked.
Shane shrugged. “That I don’t know. So what are you going to do?”
“Go after her?” he said. “Stop her from going to town?”
“You can try,” Shane said. “But she’ll just call you controlling. Might be best to just go keep an eye from a distance. Let her ask you for help if she wants it.”
“Yeah, but how do I keep from killing someone?”
Shane looked up at the lodge where Bonnie was coming out
, arm in arm with someone else. “Well, luckily, looks like she’s not going alone.”
Right, because she was going with Seth. To a bar, mostly likely.
Jesse shoved his face into his hands, utterly lost.
Before meeting her, things had been calm. Help with the ranch, run his restaurants. Now it felt like something traumatic every single day.
Yet he wouldn’t change a single thing about it even if he could.
“Look, I know she makes the bear in you wild,” Shane said. “And knowing how I feel about my mate, I know you’re going crazy inside. But you gotta calm down if you want to go after her. You gotta act like you don’t care. Which will be the hardest thing ever. But right now, the more you push, the more she’ll run. She’s been pushed around her whole life, if what I’ve heard about cat families is true. So be careful.”
Jesse nodded, rolling up his sleeves and taking deep breaths. The bear inside him was slowly calming, ready to go take back his mate.
Tonight, he would bring her home and claim her for real.
She’d admit she was his on her own first, though.
Chapter 8
Bonnie was still livid about how Jesse had acted. Angry that he'd claimed her without telling her. Even if a little part of her knew it was her who had climbed on top of him without protection. But shifters didn’t worry about human diseases, and she'd known she wasn’t in her fertile time.
But she was also angry that he'd misunderstood her intentions with Seth and immediately assumed the worst.
And maybe, lastly but most importantly, she was angry that still, deep inside of her, she knew it felt right but didn’t want to admit it.
Because Jesse was being so freaking controlling.
As they drove down the mountain in Seth’s rental car, her temper only calmed slightly. Probably sensing this, Seth didn’t say anything until they reached the bar in the center of town.
Rancher Bear: BBW Bear Shifter Romance (Bear Haven Book 2) Page 7
