“Open your eyes,” he whispers. “I need to see your eyes when you come baby. Open them” he pleads.
His lips press into mine and then he gently tugs, and then bites the lower half. Hell, that does it. My eyes flutter open. And yeah, he’s smiling down on me. He looks so…happy. And I feel myself grin like a fool. I put that smile on his face, and it looks so, so good on him. In my opinion one can never smile or laugh enough.
I untwine our hands and brush mine though his wavy locks. Holy crap it even turns me on when I do. I pull him down into me. And I kiss him. I mean really kiss him. When we pull apart we’re still grinning like idiots, very hot and horny idiots. I drag my hands from his hair, and then grip his fine ass. I tug him into me.
He gets the hint. He’s a smart boy, this one. I’ll have to keep him around for a while. He circles his hips and grinds into me. I moan.
“Is that what you need, baby? Like that?” he asks and pushes deeper into me.
“Yeah, just like that. Don’t stop. God please don’t stop.”
He chuckles. “Why the hell would I? I’d have to be one crazy-assed SOB.”
“Yes…No. Don’t be an SOB. Never stop.” I think that’s what I mumbled. Did you catch it? Do I really care? Hell, no. I’m floating between pleasure and pain—hell and nirvana. (And I’m not taking about the band from Seattle). I just wanted to make that clear, because I want you to get what’s happening here. I’m about to fucking come and I wouldn’t want you to miss it.
Jaxson picks up his pace. “Oh fuck,” he hisses. “Oh fuck, fuck.”
Yeah, that’s exactly what I was going to say. And now I don’t have to. I can just lay here and enjoy the ride. Yeah, I’m just going to ride it out.
And holy hell I do. “Oh. My. God! That feels so fucking good.”
He starts to pump into me at a near frantic pace. “Don’t stop. Jax. God, don’t stop.”
“Never babe, I’ll never stop loving you.”
And he had me at “never”. Because I came so long and hard it almost hurt—no, it did hurt. I moan, as I remain parked in-between pleasure and pain.
“That’s it baby. You’re so beautiful Lex, but when you come babe, it’s like watching someone touch heaven.”
I groan or moan. I think? God I really don’t give a shit. I just touched heaven.
“Again, babe. I need to see you touch heaven again.” He bites down hard on his lip. He’s delaying his own release—his own heaven-touching—until I do again.
Crap. Talk about performance pressure. So what is a girl to do? The only thing she can do. She’s going to come and come hard. But this girl wants her man to touch heaven first.
I pull him down to me and bite his shoulder. And, oh yeah, he lets go.
“Fuck me,” he hisses.
And I do. I take over. I lift my hips and grind into him. It’s hard—like trying to do sit-ups with a one hundred and seventy pound bag of sand pressing down on you. But fuck me, I do it— like my life depends on it. Like Jasxon’s life depends on it. And even when I come I don’t stop. I thrust up into him until he throws his head back and screams my name.
“Lexxx! You. Fucking. Rock. My. World!”
Okay maybe not heaven—close enough.
THE WET SPOT
One week later…
I should be spooning my sleeping lover, eating a bountiful breakfast from a silver tray whilst drinking tea—or smoking an after-orgasm cigarette. Okay, the last part is just plain fucking stupid—I don’t smoke. But I am going somewhere with this. I should be doing anything but what I’m doing. And what I’m I doing you ask? Care to guess? No? Okay. Well, I’m pondering the wet spot.
What the? Okay, I’m looking at the wet spot that has formed on the bed sheet. Why I’m I doing this? Because it’s not right, it’s too big—too wet.
I think I’m an average kind of girl—in a wet way. You know. When you get all hot and bothered and it pools into your undies. Yeah, that kind of wet—the fucking best kind. By average I mean, that I don’t overflow and it doesn’t drip down my legs. And I don’t make huge wet spots on the sheets. And before you go there—no, I’m not one of those girls who can ejaculate. What the fuck is that about anyway? It’s definitely not a good thing. Ask Martha S. she’ll tell ya, not a good thing.
So I’m asking myself. “Self. What the hell, self? What is running down your fucking legs?” Self thinks a minute—still thinking—still thinking—and yes, finally—self gets it. The asshat came inside me. Can you freaking believe it. He knows I’m not on the pill. We talked about it, and we agreed. Until further notice—condoms will be used at all times. I’m clean, he’s probably clean, but that’s not the deal. The deal is—you know it—say it with me. C.U.A.A.T.
I know what you’re thinking. What the hell, Lex? You’re twenty-seven years old. Shouldn’t you have a back–up plan? And, yes, I agree. I should—but in my defense, it was never my intent to start up a thing with Jaxson. Yeah, I knew it could happen—but I wanted to take care of some things before we started with our thing.
I shake my sleeping man. He doesn’t respond. I put more muscle into it. He stirs. “Jax, we need to talk.”
He opens one eye. “I’m sorry baby—I can’t. Give me a couple of hours and I’ll be good to go.”
I evil eye his one eye.
“Babe…just one. Just give me one hour.” He turns over.
Okay, I get it… he’s wiped, whipped, whacked—he’s worn out. He performed beyond my wildest (okay, not my wildest) expectations. But this is not the time for rest; it’s the time for talkin’.
I roll him over onto his back, and I straddle him.
He opens both eyes. At least I’m making progress.
“Baby” he whines. “Fifteen minutes please…fifteen.” He closes his eyes.
I lean over and whisper in his ear. “You’ll be lucky if we ever do it again, dickbrain.”
He opens his eyes.
Now I’ve got his attention.
“What’s going on?”
Now he looks worried. As he should—because I’m about to— rip him a new one.
“Jax, baby?” I faux purr, “Did you forget something?”
He raises a brow in confusion. “What? What are you talking about?”
I sit up on my knees and grab his hand and place it between my legs.
He smiles. The dumbass thinks I want to fuck. Geez Louise. Isn’t it obvious? Do I need to spell it out? Verbalize? What do you think? Yeah, you’re right— I’m going to have to use my words. Like a good little girl—good girls use words.
I push his hand further down my thigh. “Jaxson, what is this?”
He gives me the most bewildered look ever. “Lex, baby it’s okay, everything’s going to be okay. Do you know where you are baby?”
“What?”
“It’s okay baby. We all forget things. I’ve personally never forgotten a body part, but hey it’s going to be all right. You’re just tired.”
What the? I know you’re just dying to ‘what the?’ him too. Just hang in there. The way things are going—you’ll get plenty of chances.
I glide his hand back up my thigh, and plant it right over my seeping vagina. “Jax baby, I haven’t lost my mind. I know where I am, and I know the names of all my parts. The thing is Jax, baby. The thing is…I’m wet. Seeping—running down my legs—wet. You make me wet babe— but not this wet.”
The sun has risen—there is light––there is understanding—finally.
“Shit, Lex. I’m sorry. I just got caught up. I’m so, so sorry. You don’t have to worry, I’m good…I mean I’m clean.”
Why do men always say this after they fuck? Does it bug you like it bugs me?
I roll off him. “I know you are. But we talked about this Jax. I hop out of bed, grab my underwear off the floor, pull them up then walk to his closet and grab a T-shirt and pull it on. I walk back to the bed and sit next to him.
“It’s not very probable, but just in case, I think we need to get t
he ‘morning after pill.’”
“Okay,” he says, while pulling up his jeans.
“I’ll call my doctor, but you’ll have to go pick it up. Or I could go,” I say and raise a hopeful brow.
He walks toward the in-suite bathroom. I follow and silently beg for him to give me a get out of jail free card.
“That’s not going to happen babe. You can’t leave the estate.”
Dammit. I wasn’t even going to pass ‘go.’ “Okay,” I whine-pout. “I’m going to shower in my room. Meet you there in fifteen.”
He kisses me on the tip of my nose. Now how sweet is that? Very. Right?
I return the gesture. Yeah, I’m just as sweet.
EVEN GODS HAVE SECRETS
One of the greatest inventions known to man is the modern shower. I’m mean, really. Right? Hands down—top ten. Why? Because nothing can rejuvenate you like water—nothing. Take some hot water, add some steam, eight very precisely placed body massaging jets and voila—you’re a new person.
After my shower I do a quick dry of my hair and pull on some sweats. Yeah. It’s one of those days. No skinny jeans or thong for this girlfriend. What I wouldn’t give for some grannie panties right now. I’d give my left nut—if I had one.
I walk out of my closet and Jaxson is sitting on my bed. Crap, I’ve missed him. Yeah, I’m pathetic. He takes my breath away as always. His hair is wet and he sporting jeans—only jeans—oh my.
“Hey you, did you change your mind about letting me bust out of this place?”
I give him a quick kiss—well it started out to be a quick kiss, but those full lips and minty fresh breath—I had to linger awhile.
“God you taste good.” He moans.
“Ditto.” I moan back.
Our lips part—I groan. One thousand one, one thousand two, one thousand three—enough! My lips are back on his. Pathetic you say. I’d like to see you try to part from the most incredible lips ever.
He pulls away, and I moan-pout. “Babe, I could kiss you for days, but I need to talk to you.” His voice is pained. That can’t be good.
“Okay,” I say and pry myself away. “Jax, I’m not mad about the condom thing. We just…”
He places a finger over my lips. “I know you’re not. It’s…it’s just that…we don’t need to worry about it.”
“Jax, until I’m on…”
He silences me again.“Lex. Please…please let me finish. Stop thinking for a second and just let me talk.”
I don’t think that’s even possible. Believe me I’ve tried; it’s a fucking brain curse, a continuous brain fart. “I’ll try,” I puff out.
He sighs. “Lex, do you want children?”
Wow! Where the hell did that come from? Isn’t this a question you get when you’ve been in a serious committed relationship for…well, longer than a few weeks? I’m asking because I don’t really know the rules. I’ve only been in one serious relationship, and I was the only one that took it seriously. So, does that even count?
How do you answer such a question? It’s the ultimate trick question. Answer yes and he doesn’t? Then what? Answer no and he does? Then what? If you were to ask me I’d laugh it off, and say. “Are you fucking kidding me? Do I look like mom material?” But you’re not asking—Jax is. The man I just might love to the moon and back. So I’m going for it. I’m going to tell him the truth.
“Honestly—I don’t really know. I’m on the fence—I could lean either way. The thing is—I don’t think I’d be a good mom. I all but raised Sam, but that’s different. I don’t know if that’s the answer you’d hoped for, but there it is.”
He gives me a half smile. “The honest answer is always the best answer babe.”
He pulls me into him. We’re forehead to forehead. Then he presses his lips to mine and they’re trembling.
I pull away. “Jax. What’s wrong?”
He pulls me into his arms, and holds me tight. His whole body is shaking.
Shit—do I want to know? Yes, this is my man.
“Jax. Please” I whisper.
He pulls away and looks into my eyes. “Lex, you would be a wonderful mother, the best. God I love you so much.” He exhales.
God I wish I could tell him ditto. I just can’t. Not yet.
“I feel like the biggest fucker ever.” He sighs. “Babe, you are the most beautiful woman I’ve even seen—ever known—inside and out. Lex, you deserve the best—in every way.”
“Jax, you’re scaring the crap out of me. If you tell me you’re dying or something—I’ll…I’ll have to kill you.”
“Lex,” he says, this time with a full smile.
That’s a good sign. Right?
“I’m not dying. You think way too much. That brain of yours.” He put a finger to my forehead. “That brain of yours needs to chill out. You overthink everything.”
“I know” I breathe out.
“Babe, when I first met you, all I wanted was a good hard fuck. I lusted after you like a teenager on Viagra. I’d look at you and my dick would jump. And the more you rejected my advances, the more I wanted you. You’re the only woman that’s ever said ‘no’ to me. Then, one night, in Dublin, you said ‘yes.’ I’ll admit I kind of…”
“Tried to get me drunk and stole my room key.”
“You knew?”
“Of course.”
“Yeah, of course. But the thing is, once I’d fucked you…I craved you. You were my crack—my heroin, I’d never not want you or need you. And then I tried to push you into a relationship that you weren’t ready for. I still don’t understand why you freaked or what I did wrong. I just knew I’d screwed up. Then you wouldn’t let me fix it. You just put an end to it. No real explanation—nothing. You just ended it and it fucking killed me.”
“I tried like hell to hate you. I avoided you, I traveled more and stayed away longer than I needed to. I fucked more nameless-faceless women than…let’s just say I’m not proud of my behavior.”
“Jaxson you’ve told me all this before. You’re stalling babe, and I’m going crazy. So just tell me.”
“You know the Pearl Jam song—‘Better Man?’”
“Yeah.”
“The part—‘She lies and says she’s in love with him.’”
“Yeah. ‘Can’t find a better man.’”
“Babe, I don’t want you to feel that way about me. ”
I push away from him. “Okay. Enough! Just fucking tell me!”
“I fucking can’t have kids! he yells”
“Jesus, Jax! You fuckin’ scared me.”
“Lex. I’m not fuckin’ joking. This isn’t fuckin’ funny.”
Well, fuckin’ me. “I never said it was. I just don’t know why you’re so upset?”
“Did you not hear me? I’m sterile. I can’t father a child. No passing on the old DNA—no springing out the offspring.”
“I heard you. Compared to the things that were going on in my head—no passing on the old DNA is nothing. God damn you! You had me worried.”
“Babe, I just told you that I’m sterile and it doesn’t bother you?”
“It doesn’t seem to affect your… performance. So no.”
“Really? Lex, I’m not kidding here. I’ve seen all kinds of specialists. Ninety-five percent of my swimmers are doing the backstroke. The other five percent can’t make it upstream.”
“I’m sorry, Jax. I get the whole passing on your own DNA and stuff. But there are a lot of kids out there that could use a good home, and a great dad.
“You would consider adoption?”
“Yeah. Bypassing the whole diaper and throw up thing, I’m all over that. The diaper thing, I think I can do, but not the throw up thing. I throw up cleaning up throw up. So it would be like double throw up––clean up.”
He lifts a brow. “Okay, I think.”
“Jax we’re talking like way…way in the future. I think you’re jumping the gun a little…No a lot. You. Me. Us. We’re just getting started.”
“
Yeah, I get that. If not having your own kids is a deal breaker for you, then you have the right to know now.”
“It’s not a deal breaker.”
“Thank fuck. I don’t know what I would have done if it was.”
“I have one question.”
“Okay.”
“What was the deal with the Pearl Jam analogy? Do you think because you can’t have a kid, that you’re not the better man?”
“Yes…No. It’s just that I don’t know what I’d do if you changed your mind about me…if you look at me and only see regret.”
I pull him into my arms. “Babe. You think too much.”
NATURE CALLING
Six weeks, three days, ten hours and twenty minutes later…
“Where are you going?”
“For a run,” I say as I tie my Nikes.
“Came back to bed,” Jaxson purr-whines.
“You’re insatiable. How about you sleep for a bit then when I return we can play in the shower.”
“How about you just stay and we can play in the shower now.”
“Jax we’ve been doing the deed and other stuff for like…eight hours. Don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining. Okay, maybe a little. But If I don’t get up and move my ass it will be bigger than Pluto.”
“Your ass is perfect.”
“I’m glad you like it. But you won’t like it when it starts to jiggle.”
“I don’t know about that babe. I like when you jiggle.”
“I jiggle? Where?” I look at my ass. I didn’t think it had gotten that bad. Not yet anyway.
”You don’t jiggle. I’m just teasing.”
I stand and plant my hands on my hips. “Jaxson Chase Ryan, never tease a girl about jiggling. Ever.”
“Okay” he says and gets up and tugs on his boxers. “I’ll join you.”
“You’re going to run?”
“Yes. Why do you sound so surprised?”
“I don’t know. I’ve just never seen you run. Swimming is your thing.”
“Swimming is my thing, but I want to do your thing. Unless you don’t want me to join you.”
Layers Page 13
